Jonny’s hand was playing lightly on his knuckles – circling them tenderly, tracing their sharp outlines with the gentle fingertips, covering them with the softness of his palm, drumming subtly on the milky skin. Thom smiled and thought that he couldn’t recall a better breakfast than this in a long time – true, every morning with Jonny was splendid, but something that roughly linear, something that simple was easier to understand, because it was not covered by other tastes: it was pure affection. There was no lust behind it (and if there was – it was well-covered), no desperate pleas or drama. It was as easy as saying, “I’m in love with you. There, I am handing my heart to you on a silver platter.”
Colin was talking. At least, his lips were moving – Thom couldn’t really tell if there was sound coming out of his mouth. He thought that today’s sounds were drowning hopelessly in the feeling of sun on his cheek and a soft palm on his hand – and he couldn’t really tell which one was the warmer. He was smiling again, and it almost caused him to choke with laughing – when was the last time he was that happy? He watched the years roll back in his head as he tried to recall. Nope, nah…it was probably the most divine feeling so far.
He thought that he had to wake up from this daze, to snap back to reality before it was too late – because surely the feeling wouldn’t last long and he had to be prepared if he didn’t want to be in the ditch again. This last thought caused him to lower his head and stare at the black coffee in front of him – it seemed a little foggy after the bright sun in his eyes. Jonny didn’t notice – he was still talking to Colin, and his hand was still stroking Thom’s, but it was obvious that he paid more attention to the last thing – because the strokes weren’t mechanical, there was a persistent melody to the rhythm.
Thom sighed, putting his elbow on the table and lowering his head on it, so what to people across it seemed like he was napping, and so what Jonny would be able to see that he was looking at him. Thom answered to Jonny’s touch and their fingers entwined, lacing through each other endlessly, admiring the feel of sun-bathed skin. Thom felt how Jonny’s fingers marched past his wrist and up, living a faint feeling of warmness behind. He chuckled when they slid under the cuff of his shirt, eager to claim more with the touch. Raising his hand and catching Jonny’s fingers in his, Thom caught his mid-look and mid-smile before the conversation carried on. Jonny gently slipped from Thom’s fingers and began his quest in conquering Thom’s skin again, trying to escape Thom’s now enthusiastic attempts to catch him.
“What are you guys doing in there?” Colin was curiously straining upwards, trying to see what was happening behind the table.
“Nothing, nothing,” their hands fell next to each other in one instant and they both shared an embarrassed smile.
Friday, November 23, 2007
Sketch #1
“So…,” Ed’s lips curved in inquisitive ‘O’, “When is our Thom coming back?”
“In 2 days,” Jonny snapped automatically, gazing at his arms stretched on the table, “Wednesday,” he rolled if off his tongue, feeling the “ay” flicker at the tip.
“Nice…how long has he been away?” Ed looked around at the others, but Jonny cut them short before either of them could open their mouth.
“18 days,” Jonny rubbed his eyebrow, sighing and looking sideways. They were sitting at the booth in the pub, fumbling with their pints and folding the napkins, drumming their fingers on the table and humming occasional tunes. Phil and Colin stared grimly at the table, Jonny was squirming and shifting restless, unable to find a comfortable spot, and Ed…well, Ed was not catching the mood at all.
Thomas Edward Yorke was finishing the last leg of his prolonged vacation, staring through the dusty train window at the endless meadows of northern France enveloping in front him. He was completely oblivious of one particular dark-haired gentleman ravishing his house – digging in his closet to find clothes that still smelled like him, smoking his (long-abandoned) cigarettes (coughing, cursing, but hanging on desperately to that little tingle of the familiarity in the smoke), curling up on his couch wrapped in his duvet, ruthlessly stealing his shaving cream and shower gel.
“That’s great, we should all pick him up at the station,” Ed’s eyes twinkled with an opportunity of shaking the gloominess off his friends, “Shall we make a big huge poster with hearts and “Omigod we missed you so much!” in sweet bubbly letters?”
“There’s no point. Jonny probably made like a thousand of those already,” Colin mumbled, staring at his brother sideways, his eyes still downcast. Phil snorted and Ed just stared with an amused smile.
“Okay then…what about us all dressing provocatively and acting like we are the local gay club welcoming our new member?” Ed chuckled at himself.
“Stop stealing Jonny’s ideas!” Colin smiled and picked his head up for the first time in the whole evening, “Tell me, Jon Jon, what kind of preparations have you been making? Hmmm? Because you are never at your house, always hanging around Thom’s dingy place…Did you write love poetry all over his walls? Cover every inch of his house in rose petals? Not red ones of course, because we all know that red is soooo overrated,” Colin snorted.
“He is probably finishing his solo album of love ballads that has Thom’s naked pictures as its artwork…and “I Heart TY” as a title,” Phil chipped in, laughing and taking a first sip of his beer.
Jonny blushed and slouched on his seat at this. No, of course he didn’t have an album…but on the certain evening couple of days ago he wrote something a little more sugary than, well, his original work.
“Hold on, hold on…,” Ed scratched his chin, “Where’s this “Jonny loves Thom” concept coming from? When did this start?”
“1985?” Colin gazed at the ceiling, musing, “Maybe 1986-ish…”
“Oh,” Ed blushed.
“Okay, you done now?” Jonny crossed his arms on his chest, “You wankers can just take a piss, I don’t care,” he mused for a second, “And I’m going to pick Thom up alone.”
“Right,” Colin gazed around the table, making eye contact with his friends on the verge of bursting, “Just don’t forget handcuffs and plenty of strong ropes.”
The table exploded in the fit of laughter, Colin smacking the table with his fist, Ed throwing his head back and Phil narrowing his eyes and grinning widely. Jonny, bewildered at first, joined in, brushing his hair back and rubbing his eyes.
“Track 3, track 3,” Jonny fumbled with a little piece of paper in his long fingers, nearly jumping with impatience, “Where the hell is track 3?”
He was meeting Thom on the train platform. He was meeting the love of his life on the train platform. He was wearing a fancy jumper and a white shirt with stiff collar. His shoes were impeccably polished.
“Excuse me, where is track 3?” he asked a middle-aged woman passing by. She gave him the look that you usually get when you’ve just recited a poem in school while wearing clean uniform. Adoration.
“You’ve passed it, dear, you have to go back a bit and then you’ll se a sign,” she smiled at him and he didn’t know how to respond other than blush and retreat. Damn jumper. Now he is definitely shoving his tongue in Thom’s mouth in front of everybody – his image of being innocent and pretty had to be erased.
Track 3. He speeded up the stairs and reached the already-crowded platform with his eyes wide open and blood thumping in his temples. He was early, of course; several people eyed him before setting their eyes back on the point there the rails met. Jonny leaned against the wall and tapped his foot, letting his imagination play with the whole situation. Say, he and Thom are dating already (he hoped they will in the near future), and now Thom is coming home from a long vacation (because they got into a fight and now he was rushing back home for the rebound activities), and so that totally entitled Jonny to take him by the tie (of course Thom is going to wear one for Jonny’s pleasure) and drag him from the station and into the small nifty cottage (location of which was unknown to anybody except for him, and of course there were no telephones at all)…but surely it all would happen after a good long snog on the platform and a quickie in the station’s restroom.
He saw the general shift on the platform and his eyes dreamily skimmed to check if the train was coming; first he saw a small dot, but in a few moment he could make out that the dot was moving and getting bigger. Holding his breath, he mused absently why there was no smoke and a cliché whistle blow, before realizing that the train was electric. Dumb-dumb-dumb.
Thom told him abruptly on the phone that his car was number 16 and Jonny found himself staring at the numbers flicking in front of him as the train was slowing down. 16 appeared to be in the very end, so he had to run to the end of the platform, eager to be there before Thom would get off.
And there he was.
Disheveled and unkempt, a half-scowl settled on his face. He almost fell while stumbling down the stairs with his luggage, but Jonny was already there and held him before Thom noticed. Their eyes met and they froze in the mid-air – Thom glancing down startled and Jonny looking up, feeling his heart beating wildly.
“Jo…” Thom cleared his throat, “Jonny…”
They were now standing in front of each other and Jonny reached up to seize a button on Thom’s shirt between his fingers. His fingertips then flickered over Thom’s sharp collarbones, admiring the tout skin, tight as a drum, before moving on the rough stumble of the neck and finally winding on the back of Thom’s skull. Jonny leaned down and tilted his head a little, admiring Thom’s face from the new angle, loving the way the sun rays tangled with Thom’s light eyelashes. He licked his lips and stroked Thom’s skin with his thumb before moving on and tasting his lover’s lips. Feeling the emotion wash over his chest, he let out a nervous breath and captured Thom’s lip between his teeth possessively, biting a little and feeling the small hands creeping up his hips and under the jumper, stroking his polished skin.
Jonny sighed and whispered “Mine” before closing his eyes and giving in to Thom.
“In 2 days,” Jonny snapped automatically, gazing at his arms stretched on the table, “Wednesday,” he rolled if off his tongue, feeling the “ay” flicker at the tip.
“Nice…how long has he been away?” Ed looked around at the others, but Jonny cut them short before either of them could open their mouth.
“18 days,” Jonny rubbed his eyebrow, sighing and looking sideways. They were sitting at the booth in the pub, fumbling with their pints and folding the napkins, drumming their fingers on the table and humming occasional tunes. Phil and Colin stared grimly at the table, Jonny was squirming and shifting restless, unable to find a comfortable spot, and Ed…well, Ed was not catching the mood at all.
Thomas Edward Yorke was finishing the last leg of his prolonged vacation, staring through the dusty train window at the endless meadows of northern France enveloping in front him. He was completely oblivious of one particular dark-haired gentleman ravishing his house – digging in his closet to find clothes that still smelled like him, smoking his (long-abandoned) cigarettes (coughing, cursing, but hanging on desperately to that little tingle of the familiarity in the smoke), curling up on his couch wrapped in his duvet, ruthlessly stealing his shaving cream and shower gel.
“That’s great, we should all pick him up at the station,” Ed’s eyes twinkled with an opportunity of shaking the gloominess off his friends, “Shall we make a big huge poster with hearts and “Omigod we missed you so much!” in sweet bubbly letters?”
“There’s no point. Jonny probably made like a thousand of those already,” Colin mumbled, staring at his brother sideways, his eyes still downcast. Phil snorted and Ed just stared with an amused smile.
“Okay then…what about us all dressing provocatively and acting like we are the local gay club welcoming our new member?” Ed chuckled at himself.
“Stop stealing Jonny’s ideas!” Colin smiled and picked his head up for the first time in the whole evening, “Tell me, Jon Jon, what kind of preparations have you been making? Hmmm? Because you are never at your house, always hanging around Thom’s dingy place…Did you write love poetry all over his walls? Cover every inch of his house in rose petals? Not red ones of course, because we all know that red is soooo overrated,” Colin snorted.
“He is probably finishing his solo album of love ballads that has Thom’s naked pictures as its artwork…and “I Heart TY” as a title,” Phil chipped in, laughing and taking a first sip of his beer.
Jonny blushed and slouched on his seat at this. No, of course he didn’t have an album…but on the certain evening couple of days ago he wrote something a little more sugary than, well, his original work.
“Hold on, hold on…,” Ed scratched his chin, “Where’s this “Jonny loves Thom” concept coming from? When did this start?”
“1985?” Colin gazed at the ceiling, musing, “Maybe 1986-ish…”
“Oh,” Ed blushed.
“Okay, you done now?” Jonny crossed his arms on his chest, “You wankers can just take a piss, I don’t care,” he mused for a second, “And I’m going to pick Thom up alone.”
“Right,” Colin gazed around the table, making eye contact with his friends on the verge of bursting, “Just don’t forget handcuffs and plenty of strong ropes.”
The table exploded in the fit of laughter, Colin smacking the table with his fist, Ed throwing his head back and Phil narrowing his eyes and grinning widely. Jonny, bewildered at first, joined in, brushing his hair back and rubbing his eyes.
..::..
“Track 3, track 3,” Jonny fumbled with a little piece of paper in his long fingers, nearly jumping with impatience, “Where the hell is track 3?”
He was meeting Thom on the train platform. He was meeting the love of his life on the train platform. He was wearing a fancy jumper and a white shirt with stiff collar. His shoes were impeccably polished.
“Excuse me, where is track 3?” he asked a middle-aged woman passing by. She gave him the look that you usually get when you’ve just recited a poem in school while wearing clean uniform. Adoration.
“You’ve passed it, dear, you have to go back a bit and then you’ll se a sign,” she smiled at him and he didn’t know how to respond other than blush and retreat. Damn jumper. Now he is definitely shoving his tongue in Thom’s mouth in front of everybody – his image of being innocent and pretty had to be erased.
Track 3. He speeded up the stairs and reached the already-crowded platform with his eyes wide open and blood thumping in his temples. He was early, of course; several people eyed him before setting their eyes back on the point there the rails met. Jonny leaned against the wall and tapped his foot, letting his imagination play with the whole situation. Say, he and Thom are dating already (he hoped they will in the near future), and now Thom is coming home from a long vacation (because they got into a fight and now he was rushing back home for the rebound activities), and so that totally entitled Jonny to take him by the tie (of course Thom is going to wear one for Jonny’s pleasure) and drag him from the station and into the small nifty cottage (location of which was unknown to anybody except for him, and of course there were no telephones at all)…but surely it all would happen after a good long snog on the platform and a quickie in the station’s restroom.
He saw the general shift on the platform and his eyes dreamily skimmed to check if the train was coming; first he saw a small dot, but in a few moment he could make out that the dot was moving and getting bigger. Holding his breath, he mused absently why there was no smoke and a cliché whistle blow, before realizing that the train was electric. Dumb-dumb-dumb.
Thom told him abruptly on the phone that his car was number 16 and Jonny found himself staring at the numbers flicking in front of him as the train was slowing down. 16 appeared to be in the very end, so he had to run to the end of the platform, eager to be there before Thom would get off.
And there he was.
Disheveled and unkempt, a half-scowl settled on his face. He almost fell while stumbling down the stairs with his luggage, but Jonny was already there and held him before Thom noticed. Their eyes met and they froze in the mid-air – Thom glancing down startled and Jonny looking up, feeling his heart beating wildly.
“Jo…” Thom cleared his throat, “Jonny…”
They were now standing in front of each other and Jonny reached up to seize a button on Thom’s shirt between his fingers. His fingertips then flickered over Thom’s sharp collarbones, admiring the tout skin, tight as a drum, before moving on the rough stumble of the neck and finally winding on the back of Thom’s skull. Jonny leaned down and tilted his head a little, admiring Thom’s face from the new angle, loving the way the sun rays tangled with Thom’s light eyelashes. He licked his lips and stroked Thom’s skin with his thumb before moving on and tasting his lover’s lips. Feeling the emotion wash over his chest, he let out a nervous breath and captured Thom’s lip between his teeth possessively, biting a little and feeling the small hands creeping up his hips and under the jumper, stroking his polished skin.
Jonny sighed and whispered “Mine” before closing his eyes and giving in to Thom.
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Sleep
Thom Yorke is always never still. He’s a fidgeter, always has been. Even as a boy, he remembers being constantly scolded for it, teachers forever telling him to sit still. Even now, as an adult, he hasn’t managed to stop this habit. He squirms in interviews, perhaps perpetuating the myth of the neurotic tortured artist, when all he really wants to do is move. At least on stage he’s free to stretch his muscles, to take the energy the music gives him and translate it into frantic headbobs and flailing limbs.
Even when he’s trying to get to sleep he’s restless. Finding it impossible to stay lying in the one pace for any length of time, he has to toss and turn, forever searching for that elusive position where he’ll finally be comfortable enough to fall asleep. He needs space to stretch his legs out or they begin to ache, perhaps that’s part of the reason he’s never liked airplanes. The heat radiating from the body pressed against his back stifles him, and he’s constantly kicking the covers from his legs, desperate to cool down but reluctant to move away from his sleeping companion.
Jonny’s long become used to being woken. The first few times they shared a bed, many years ago now, they had struggled to find a position where they could both sleep comfortably. Now Jonny finds he can’t fall asleep without Thom’s skin against his. Even when Thom overheats and begins wriggling away from him, Jonny always ends up moving closer to him without even realising he’s doing it. Many’s the night Thom has to ask a half asleep Jonny to move over as he’s pushed Thom out to the edge of the bed, on the verge of falling off.
Even in sleep, Thom’s never quite still. Jonny often feels him twitching in his arms, lost in a dream which must be so vivid at the time, though he claims he never remembers them in the morning. His eyes dart under his closed eyelids, and occasionally his hand tightens where it’s gripping Jonny’s wrist.
Thom Yorke is almost never still. About as close as he ever gets is in the few minutes after he and Jonny make love. Those few minutes after the moment of release, where his limbs are heavy and his mind is for once calm. Lying with his leg draped over Jonny’s and his head on his chest, he is almost still. Still, except for the slight trembling through his body and the heave of his ribcage as he struggles to catch his breath.
Even when he’s trying to get to sleep he’s restless. Finding it impossible to stay lying in the one pace for any length of time, he has to toss and turn, forever searching for that elusive position where he’ll finally be comfortable enough to fall asleep. He needs space to stretch his legs out or they begin to ache, perhaps that’s part of the reason he’s never liked airplanes. The heat radiating from the body pressed against his back stifles him, and he’s constantly kicking the covers from his legs, desperate to cool down but reluctant to move away from his sleeping companion.
Jonny’s long become used to being woken. The first few times they shared a bed, many years ago now, they had struggled to find a position where they could both sleep comfortably. Now Jonny finds he can’t fall asleep without Thom’s skin against his. Even when Thom overheats and begins wriggling away from him, Jonny always ends up moving closer to him without even realising he’s doing it. Many’s the night Thom has to ask a half asleep Jonny to move over as he’s pushed Thom out to the edge of the bed, on the verge of falling off.
Even in sleep, Thom’s never quite still. Jonny often feels him twitching in his arms, lost in a dream which must be so vivid at the time, though he claims he never remembers them in the morning. His eyes dart under his closed eyelids, and occasionally his hand tightens where it’s gripping Jonny’s wrist.
Thom Yorke is almost never still. About as close as he ever gets is in the few minutes after he and Jonny make love. Those few minutes after the moment of release, where his limbs are heavy and his mind is for once calm. Lying with his leg draped over Jonny’s and his head on his chest, he is almost still. Still, except for the slight trembling through his body and the heave of his ribcage as he struggles to catch his breath.
Stone (Jonny/Andy)
The sun was setting over Didcot, casting long shadows over the village, the power station, and over the two boys who were trudging up the nearby hill. The shorter of the two boys led, clutching a battered carrier bag, whilst the slightly taller one dawdled slightly behind, his gangly frame hunched against the wind. They reached the top of the hill, and settled down on the grass, facing the cloud streaked sunset. It had been raining earlier on that day and the grass was still damp, causing the skinnier one to shiver with cold.
A gloomy foreboding seemed to be hanging in the air, and neither boy seemed to want to break the silence. Instead the first boy took a half empty bottle of cider from his carrier bag and wordlessly passed it to his skinny dark haired companion who took a small sip from the bottle and, wrinkling his nose at the taste of the cheap alcohol, handed it back. The first boy took a deep swig from the bottle, clearly past the point of caring about the taste, and leaned back against the hillside with his arms behind his head. His friend sat beside him, long limbs that he hadn’t quite grown into wrapped awkwardly around his body.
“I’m dropping out”
At the dark haired boys words, his friend sat suddenly bolt upright, pushing his glasses which had been unsettled by the sudden movement back onto the bridge of his nose.
“You’re what?”
“I’m going to drop out of college”
“What the fuck Jonny!” The first boy’s face was full of fury.
“Don’t pretend like you didn’t see this coming Andy. You know the band just got signed, you must have known I was going to have to leave.” Jonny’s words were defiant but the slight tremble in his voice gave away his shock at his sudden outburst. Andy usually had a pretty long fuse, longer than the other members of his family at least, but Jonny knew there was a temper lurking under the normally placid façade. The fact that he had clearly been drinking before they met clearly wasn’t going to help either.
“Doesn’t mean you have to go though.” Andy’s voice was pleading, almost sulky. “Wasn’t that part of the reason we both decided to stay in Oxford, so we could still hang out, still play together”
Jonny felt a pang of guilt, but quickly pushed it to the back of his mind. “I can’t believe you actually want to stand in my way. This is a huge opportunity for me, for all of us.”
“Thom. Of course, you and Thom are going to fuck off being big important rock stars, and screw everyone else” Andy’s blue eyes were dark, hidden in the fast gathering shadows.
Jonny was starting to get really annoyed. “Well what the fuck do you want from me?” he hissed, truly defiant this time, giving Andy a little shove on the shoulder. Andy paused and for a second Jonny was sure he was going to hit him. Then suddenly he lunged towards him, but instead of punching him, he caught Jonny’s face roughly in his hands, pinning him down with his much broader frame, and kissed him. Jonny took a second to register what Andy had just done, to take in the feel of Andy’s tongue pressing insistently against his lips, then with a surge of strength he pushed him off him and scrambled to his feet, pushing his dark hair out of his face. Their eyes met for the space of a heartbeat before Jonny took off running at full speed down the dark hill.
A gloomy foreboding seemed to be hanging in the air, and neither boy seemed to want to break the silence. Instead the first boy took a half empty bottle of cider from his carrier bag and wordlessly passed it to his skinny dark haired companion who took a small sip from the bottle and, wrinkling his nose at the taste of the cheap alcohol, handed it back. The first boy took a deep swig from the bottle, clearly past the point of caring about the taste, and leaned back against the hillside with his arms behind his head. His friend sat beside him, long limbs that he hadn’t quite grown into wrapped awkwardly around his body.
“I’m dropping out”
At the dark haired boys words, his friend sat suddenly bolt upright, pushing his glasses which had been unsettled by the sudden movement back onto the bridge of his nose.
“You’re what?”
“I’m going to drop out of college”
“What the fuck Jonny!” The first boy’s face was full of fury.
“Don’t pretend like you didn’t see this coming Andy. You know the band just got signed, you must have known I was going to have to leave.” Jonny’s words were defiant but the slight tremble in his voice gave away his shock at his sudden outburst. Andy usually had a pretty long fuse, longer than the other members of his family at least, but Jonny knew there was a temper lurking under the normally placid façade. The fact that he had clearly been drinking before they met clearly wasn’t going to help either.
“Doesn’t mean you have to go though.” Andy’s voice was pleading, almost sulky. “Wasn’t that part of the reason we both decided to stay in Oxford, so we could still hang out, still play together”
Jonny felt a pang of guilt, but quickly pushed it to the back of his mind. “I can’t believe you actually want to stand in my way. This is a huge opportunity for me, for all of us.”
“Thom. Of course, you and Thom are going to fuck off being big important rock stars, and screw everyone else” Andy’s blue eyes were dark, hidden in the fast gathering shadows.
Jonny was starting to get really annoyed. “Well what the fuck do you want from me?” he hissed, truly defiant this time, giving Andy a little shove on the shoulder. Andy paused and for a second Jonny was sure he was going to hit him. Then suddenly he lunged towards him, but instead of punching him, he caught Jonny’s face roughly in his hands, pinning him down with his much broader frame, and kissed him. Jonny took a second to register what Andy had just done, to take in the feel of Andy’s tongue pressing insistently against his lips, then with a surge of strength he pushed him off him and scrambled to his feet, pushing his dark hair out of his face. Their eyes met for the space of a heartbeat before Jonny took off running at full speed down the dark hill.
Sunday, November 11, 2007
27th Birthday
Part One
Ten past nine.
I hadn’t washed, hadn’t shaved, hadn’t put on some nice clothes. I hadn’t prepared. Because I wasn’t. In fact, the only thing I had done was changing from the nice clothes I had put on to visit Mum back to my jeans, T-shirt and sweater. I had ordered Indian take-away, which was still damping in the bag in the kitchen. I had known I wasn’t hungry even before I ordered, but I had still been convinced I should eat something.
Now the thought of food alone made me ill. I was too proud to blame it on the nerves. Now I know there wasn’t any other explanation. Silly me. I just love surprises.
Thirteen past nine.
I grabbed a plate from the cupboard with the intention of smearing some spaghetti leftovers all over it, so Sharona wouldn’t have to think I couldn’t take care of myself and have a decent meal while she was gone. Especially on my birthday. I placed the finished work of art well in sight on the dishwasher. Holding the bag of Indian over the bin, I stopped and reconsidered. I turned around and put it in the fridge, thinking that maybe I’d be more hungry when I got home.
Home from what? I felt a tinge of excitement filling up my belly and grabbed my phone to read the message again. Again. Just making sure I hadn’t missed something.
come to the studio on thursday.
10 pm.
not a minute later.
no dress code.
no questions.
youll regret it forever if you dont.
thm
I smiled. A million situations had crossed my mind since I had received this and two days later I still didn’t have a clue.
Ten twenty-nine.
Time to go. It usually took me exactly twenty-four minutes to get to the studio, but I needed some time to compose myself before... before whatever you had in mind for me.
I thought back to Tuesday.
You stepped into the room that had been prepared for another meeting. Late, as usual. The thing was, you practically beamed. You had been so very miserable these past weeks, months. Quietly wasting away. Now you were smiling – and I mean truly smiling. You were trying to hide it, too, which was a silly sight. You kept pulling down the corners of your mouth, which made me grin involuntarily. You caught my eye and straightened your face, caughing a bit to compose yourself.
During the meeting, I felt your eyes trailing off towards me every now and then. Burning my skin. It made me feel self-conscious. Every time I looked in your direction you quickly averted your eyes, trying to look very busy and concentrated. I had no idea what was going on, and obviously something was. But I was certain about two things: it had something to do with me and it made you happy. A flash of heat leapt through my body and though I wasn’t smiling, I knew my eyes were.
After the meeting I couldn’t find you. I wanted to ask what was so funny all of a sudden, but when I walked to the parking lot your car was already gone. As I pulled out of the parking lot myself, I noticed that I had a message.
Seven to ten.
I had reached the studio. Too early, of course. Mine was the only car in front of it. There wasn’t a single light on. I started wondering if I made a mistake and grabbed my mobile again. You’d think that after the twentieth time I had read it enough to say it backwards. But I had to be sure. 10 pm. It’s Thursday. It’s four to ten. I’m at the studio. So what’s wrong? Should I just go in? Or maybe ‘not a minute later’ also meant ‘not a minute early’.
I decided to wait the last four minutes in the car. Eating my fingernails.
Maybe you forgot. My heart leapt into my stomach. No, you wouldn’t do that to me, would you? Maybe something happened. I rolled my eyes. Enough, Jonny. Jesus. Just wait and see.
One to ten. I slowly got out of the car and walked up to the front door.
I had no idea what to do. Let myself in? Knock? Knocking would be kind of ridiculous, I figured. We always let ourselves in.
Lost in thoughts, I didn’t notice you until your voice filled my ears, soft but neutral.
“Don’t move and close your eyes.”
You were standing right behind me. Your warm breath tickled my right ear. I shivered and closed my eyes. A piece of cloth covered them and you tied it tightly at the back of my head.
“Now follow me.”
You grabbed my hand and led me. Its warmth enveloped the icy flesh of mine and I shivered again. We were going around the building to the back door.
“Threshold.”
I lifted my foot a good ten inches and heard you giggle silently. I grinned, feeling rather stupid. Suddenly a new heatwave radiated through me. Did you just...? I thought I felt your thumb caressing my palm for a moment. Probably my imagination. Like it always was, I thought bitterly.
Abruptly, you stopped in your tracks. I couldn’t help but bump into you.
“Sorry,” I mumbled.
You chuckled. God, I hope I’ll never forget that beautiful sound.
Busy analysing, I hadn’t been paying attention to where we were going. I figured we were probably standing in one of the recording rooms. The lights were still off. I could hear my heart beating in my ears. I want to say I was just very curious, but childishly excited would be a more accurate description. You let go of my hand and grabbed my shoulders from behind.
Guiding me in the right direction, I felt your body heat radiating on my back.
You turned me a good 90 degrees before letting go. I heard you stepping back, away from me.
Though you had said ‘no questions’, I started to get confused. You were not going to leave me here, were you? I know you had said ‘no questions’, but I tried anyway.
“...Thom?”
“No.”
“Thom!”
“Shut up, Jonny.”
Suddenly, the lights went on. I could partly see through the blindfold, but attempts to make out what part of the room was in front of me were futile.
I felt you removing the blindfold, and just when it was about to fall off, you spoke.
“Now please don’t get a heart attack, Jonjon.”
Part Two
The lights brutally attacked my fragile eyes and I couldn’t see for a moment. I blinked a few times and they slowly adjusted. The next moment, I felt myself going numb with disbelief. My mouth fell open and I couldn’t think. I even forgot to cover it with my hand. I was just standing there, gawping like an idiot, not believing what it was that was in front of me. I had to be sure. Approaching it, I stuck out my hand and let my fingertips slide lightly over its surface, almost caressing it tenderly. When I found the authenticity label, I let out a choked sob. My eyes filled with tears I couldn’t possibly hold back any longer. Standing in front of me was a real ondes martenot.
My vision blurred and I would’ve fallen if you hadn’t caught me. I grabbed you in a hug, which was probably more like a headlock, and cried in your neck like a child. I was crying so hard I didn’t make any noise. You were laughing quietly, caressing my head.
“Jonny.”
I let out a whimper. You removed my arms and stepped back.
“Let me get you a tissue.”
I grinned and you left the room. I turned back to the instrument and covered my mouth. I couldn’t believe it. I still couldn’t. Letting my index finger slide over the keys, a shiver ran up my spine.
You returned with a tissue, two glasses and a bottle of champagne. You put them on the table and walked back up to me. I tried to speak.
“Thom... you... this is... I don’t... how did you... is this for me?”
Tears kept streaming down my cheeks. I didn’t bother wiping them away.
“It’s for you. For you alone. I hope you like it.”
I had never seen you like this before. You were so calm. Smiling warmly and truly calm. It felt like we had changed positions. I was the immature prat here.
“It’s the best present ever ever ever ever.”
I hugged you again and kissed you on the cheek. There are only a few moments in my life that can compete with this one on the happiness scale. One of them is the moment that came right after this one. Because just when I was about to pull away, I felt your hand creeping up my spine and softly burying itself in my neck. You turned your head slightly so my lips were touching yours instead of your stubbly cheek. You smiled and mumbled a soft ‘happy birthday’ against them.
The euphorious daze I was in made me shut out all reason, and instead of pulling away, confused and demanding an explanation, I gave in to the moment and let you.
You gave me the softest, slowest, sweetest kiss. For the second time in ten minutes, time stood still. I was aware of your fingers, moving slightly in my hair, of your left hand, resting on my hip, of your lips, softly covering my lower lip, and then of your tongue, running past it for less than a second. Another one of those heatwaves coursed through my body and I involuntarily let out a whimper. Your lips formed a smile and you did it again. I didn’t think anymore and just cradled your face in my hands, finally kissing you back. We kissed with tongues and it was nothing like those drunken encounters of before. I was completely overwhelmed. This was slowly becoming too much. I couldn’t possibly deserve all this.
I pulled away with the utmost of reluctance and tried to give you a puzzled look, though I was sure my eyes were heart-shaped with ‘J+T 4ever’ all over them.
The only thing you did was staring back, a stare that was dripping of confidence, challenge and some ‘I know you better than you know yourself’.
“What... why... are you... what is this?”
I must’ve lisped, because your eyes were crumpling at the corners like they always do when you find something incredibly cute. Like lisping. When I kept staring, maintaining a straight face, you spoke.
“It’s Michael.”
My eyes grew large and I started to back away. I couldn’t believe it. I didn’t need to know what exactly Michael had to do with this. How could you possibly do this to me? You might as well have kicked me into a coma. I turned around and headed for the door.
Part Three
You grabbed my arm violently and swung me around.
“No no no, Jonny! This has nothing to do with Michael and me! I mean, not Michael and me! Dammit, Thom!”
You hit yourself on the forehead and looked me in the eyes, desperately, pleadingly.
“Jonny, calm down, just let me finish! Please. Will you let me finish?”
I considered for a moment, but I must admit that giving me an ondes martenot for my birthday provided you with some credit.
I crossed my arms and nodded shortly.
“Look, Michael and me, it’s over, I already told you that months ago. Hell, it even seems like years ago. Jonny, I have a confession to make. Promise me that you’ll let me finish my rant before reacting to it.”
“Thom, I-”
“Just promise me. Please.”
“I promise.”
“Good. Ok. Um... Look. The thing is... I don’t... I love you, okay? I love you. Like, really love you. I’ve been in love with you for a while now, and I think even for longer than I initially thought I was.”
My face softened. I needed some time to let this sink in. Could this night get any more surreal?
“I never told anyone, except Michael.”
I managed to at least stay inaffected on the outside.
“I had to tell someone, you know. But his reaction wasn’t quite what I had expected it to be. It was more or less like this:
“You’re in love with Jonny.”
“Yeah, I think so.”
“What kind of bullshit is that? Do you think you’re in love or are you in love, Yorke?”
“I er... I am.”
“For how long?”
“Long. I’m sorry Michael, I know this isn’t-“
Here he burst out in laughter.
“Then why the hell aren’t you guys going at it like rabbits at this very moment?”
“... Excuse me?”
“Thommy, Thommy, Thommy. Blind as a bat, aren’t you? Hah!”
“What in the world are you getting at, Michael?”
“I can’t believe I have to tell you this. Jonny’s been after you since the fucking Big Bang. He practically comes when you bat your eyelashes in his direction. Seriously, Thom, that’s the cutest thing I’ve heard all month.”
“Are you serious? Michael, please don’t mess around here, this is serious. Do you really think so?”
More laughter.
“Thom, if you don’t get your ass back to Oxford this instant and go and get him, I will personally drop you off on his doorstep. You guys were made for each other. I could never believe I even had the slightest chance with you with that darkhaired genius fluttering around you 24/7. Now go!”
And I did. But not before I had found you a suiting birthday present. It’s from ’83, by the way. Made by Mr. Martenot’s son himself, Morris or something...”
“Maurice,” I corrected. You came closer and whispered,
“Say that again. Or just say something in French. Please. I don’t care if you insult my mother or say that you’d rather make love to your gift than look at me ever again. It’s so damn sexy. You’re so sexy, Jonny.”
Your mouth was next to my ear, hot and wet, and I thought my trousers would just about burst. You kissed and licked my neck before sucking the sensitive skin right in between my jawbone and my ear. I felt my knees bucking and had the hardest time to compose myself.
“Well?” you asked.
“Tu es l’homme le plus gentil, le plus sexy, le plus attentionné que cette Terre ait porté; je suis tellement amoureux de toi.”
"Oh God oh God."
You were practically pressed against me, your erection hard against my inner thigh, your hands wandering all over my body, under my T-shirt, in my hair. I thought I was going insane. Your mouth finally found mine again and we practically devoured each other.
I broke away, panting heavily, staring at you in utter disbelief.
You looked up at me, lips full and rosy but an innocent look in your eyes.
“What?”
“I’m sorry I acted so childish about Michael. I should thank him for kicking your arse in gear, really. I had no idea I was this obvious.”
“He’s a good guy, but he’s nothing compared to you. I want you to just forget about Michael and take a glass of champagne. We have a lot to talk about. I need to calm down myself, I think,” you laughed, staring down at the bulge in your jeans.
“Not to mention your condition,” you added with a low voice, fingertips quickly running over the tight fabric hiding my own arousal, before casually turning around and fiddling with the champagne bottle.
I swallowed. Watching you expertly removing the cork, I slumped down on the couch, trying not to think too much. Especially not about the future. Nope, Jonny, not going there right now. Watch Thom opening that bottle. Watch his muscles move under that ratty T-shirt. Whoops. Watch him spill aaall that precious champagne all over his hands and... Watch him cover the top with his mouth to... lick it up...
You caught me staring and did an extra effort, licking your fingers clean one by one, eyeing me sensually. I couldn’t think of any other person doing this for seduction purposes without me bursting out in laughter. But this was the sexiest sight ever and there was no way I was going to calm down or whatever it was you had in mind for me. Actally, what did you have in mind for me?
You approached me slowly and sat down on my lap, carefully placing your knees at both sides of my hips.
“Want some, birthday bunny?”
The bottle was already at my lips. I tried to cover the top as much as possible, but it still foamed, champagne dripping all over my face, down to my neck and into my T-shirt.
You didn’t waste a second and began licking it all off, humming happily. You stopped at my mouth and dipped your tongue in again. I still couldn’t believe this was happening. I smiled and grabbed your hips, our erections grinding against each other, eliciting moans from both our mouths.
When we pulled away again, I looked at you studyingly.
You licked your lips.
“Who paid for it? The ondes, I mean.”
“Your ondes, you mean,” you grinned.
“I took three quarters from the Radiohead bank account and did the rest myself.”
“What? What did the others say?”
“I promised you’d be using this for the new record. They don’t know it actually cost a third more.”
“Thom, I don’t even know how to play it yet.”
“I’m sure you will soon, you brilliant piece of genius.”
I blushed. I couldn’t believe the amount of confidence they all had in me. This was an instrument only a few people on earth could play. But I would definitely give it my best shot. I’d been practically in love with this thing since what? Sixteen? Hmm, of course this could also apply to the thing sitting on my lap at the moment. The thing that had started rubbing my nipple as it scooted back on my legs to use its mouth on my stomach. As you undid my zipper, I understood there was even more you were planning to use your mouth on.
We both jumped at the sound of the back door opening and slamming against the wall. We looked at each other blankly. You jumped up and I zipped up my jeans just in time before three rather drunk men stumbled in, slurring an incoherent mess of congratulations.
Ten past nine.
I hadn’t washed, hadn’t shaved, hadn’t put on some nice clothes. I hadn’t prepared. Because I wasn’t. In fact, the only thing I had done was changing from the nice clothes I had put on to visit Mum back to my jeans, T-shirt and sweater. I had ordered Indian take-away, which was still damping in the bag in the kitchen. I had known I wasn’t hungry even before I ordered, but I had still been convinced I should eat something.
Now the thought of food alone made me ill. I was too proud to blame it on the nerves. Now I know there wasn’t any other explanation. Silly me. I just love surprises.
Thirteen past nine.
I grabbed a plate from the cupboard with the intention of smearing some spaghetti leftovers all over it, so Sharona wouldn’t have to think I couldn’t take care of myself and have a decent meal while she was gone. Especially on my birthday. I placed the finished work of art well in sight on the dishwasher. Holding the bag of Indian over the bin, I stopped and reconsidered. I turned around and put it in the fridge, thinking that maybe I’d be more hungry when I got home.
Home from what? I felt a tinge of excitement filling up my belly and grabbed my phone to read the message again. Again. Just making sure I hadn’t missed something.
come to the studio on thursday.
10 pm.
not a minute later.
no dress code.
no questions.
youll regret it forever if you dont.
thm
I smiled. A million situations had crossed my mind since I had received this and two days later I still didn’t have a clue.
Ten twenty-nine.
Time to go. It usually took me exactly twenty-four minutes to get to the studio, but I needed some time to compose myself before... before whatever you had in mind for me.
I thought back to Tuesday.
You stepped into the room that had been prepared for another meeting. Late, as usual. The thing was, you practically beamed. You had been so very miserable these past weeks, months. Quietly wasting away. Now you were smiling – and I mean truly smiling. You were trying to hide it, too, which was a silly sight. You kept pulling down the corners of your mouth, which made me grin involuntarily. You caught my eye and straightened your face, caughing a bit to compose yourself.
During the meeting, I felt your eyes trailing off towards me every now and then. Burning my skin. It made me feel self-conscious. Every time I looked in your direction you quickly averted your eyes, trying to look very busy and concentrated. I had no idea what was going on, and obviously something was. But I was certain about two things: it had something to do with me and it made you happy. A flash of heat leapt through my body and though I wasn’t smiling, I knew my eyes were.
After the meeting I couldn’t find you. I wanted to ask what was so funny all of a sudden, but when I walked to the parking lot your car was already gone. As I pulled out of the parking lot myself, I noticed that I had a message.
Seven to ten.
I had reached the studio. Too early, of course. Mine was the only car in front of it. There wasn’t a single light on. I started wondering if I made a mistake and grabbed my mobile again. You’d think that after the twentieth time I had read it enough to say it backwards. But I had to be sure. 10 pm. It’s Thursday. It’s four to ten. I’m at the studio. So what’s wrong? Should I just go in? Or maybe ‘not a minute later’ also meant ‘not a minute early’.
I decided to wait the last four minutes in the car. Eating my fingernails.
Maybe you forgot. My heart leapt into my stomach. No, you wouldn’t do that to me, would you? Maybe something happened. I rolled my eyes. Enough, Jonny. Jesus. Just wait and see.
One to ten. I slowly got out of the car and walked up to the front door.
I had no idea what to do. Let myself in? Knock? Knocking would be kind of ridiculous, I figured. We always let ourselves in.
Lost in thoughts, I didn’t notice you until your voice filled my ears, soft but neutral.
“Don’t move and close your eyes.”
You were standing right behind me. Your warm breath tickled my right ear. I shivered and closed my eyes. A piece of cloth covered them and you tied it tightly at the back of my head.
“Now follow me.”
You grabbed my hand and led me. Its warmth enveloped the icy flesh of mine and I shivered again. We were going around the building to the back door.
“Threshold.”
I lifted my foot a good ten inches and heard you giggle silently. I grinned, feeling rather stupid. Suddenly a new heatwave radiated through me. Did you just...? I thought I felt your thumb caressing my palm for a moment. Probably my imagination. Like it always was, I thought bitterly.
Abruptly, you stopped in your tracks. I couldn’t help but bump into you.
“Sorry,” I mumbled.
You chuckled. God, I hope I’ll never forget that beautiful sound.
Busy analysing, I hadn’t been paying attention to where we were going. I figured we were probably standing in one of the recording rooms. The lights were still off. I could hear my heart beating in my ears. I want to say I was just very curious, but childishly excited would be a more accurate description. You let go of my hand and grabbed my shoulders from behind.
Guiding me in the right direction, I felt your body heat radiating on my back.
You turned me a good 90 degrees before letting go. I heard you stepping back, away from me.
Though you had said ‘no questions’, I started to get confused. You were not going to leave me here, were you? I know you had said ‘no questions’, but I tried anyway.
“...Thom?”
“No.”
“Thom!”
“Shut up, Jonny.”
Suddenly, the lights went on. I could partly see through the blindfold, but attempts to make out what part of the room was in front of me were futile.
I felt you removing the blindfold, and just when it was about to fall off, you spoke.
“Now please don’t get a heart attack, Jonjon.”
Part Two
The lights brutally attacked my fragile eyes and I couldn’t see for a moment. I blinked a few times and they slowly adjusted. The next moment, I felt myself going numb with disbelief. My mouth fell open and I couldn’t think. I even forgot to cover it with my hand. I was just standing there, gawping like an idiot, not believing what it was that was in front of me. I had to be sure. Approaching it, I stuck out my hand and let my fingertips slide lightly over its surface, almost caressing it tenderly. When I found the authenticity label, I let out a choked sob. My eyes filled with tears I couldn’t possibly hold back any longer. Standing in front of me was a real ondes martenot.
My vision blurred and I would’ve fallen if you hadn’t caught me. I grabbed you in a hug, which was probably more like a headlock, and cried in your neck like a child. I was crying so hard I didn’t make any noise. You were laughing quietly, caressing my head.
“Jonny.”
I let out a whimper. You removed my arms and stepped back.
“Let me get you a tissue.”
I grinned and you left the room. I turned back to the instrument and covered my mouth. I couldn’t believe it. I still couldn’t. Letting my index finger slide over the keys, a shiver ran up my spine.
You returned with a tissue, two glasses and a bottle of champagne. You put them on the table and walked back up to me. I tried to speak.
“Thom... you... this is... I don’t... how did you... is this for me?”
Tears kept streaming down my cheeks. I didn’t bother wiping them away.
“It’s for you. For you alone. I hope you like it.”
I had never seen you like this before. You were so calm. Smiling warmly and truly calm. It felt like we had changed positions. I was the immature prat here.
“It’s the best present ever ever ever ever.”
I hugged you again and kissed you on the cheek. There are only a few moments in my life that can compete with this one on the happiness scale. One of them is the moment that came right after this one. Because just when I was about to pull away, I felt your hand creeping up my spine and softly burying itself in my neck. You turned your head slightly so my lips were touching yours instead of your stubbly cheek. You smiled and mumbled a soft ‘happy birthday’ against them.
The euphorious daze I was in made me shut out all reason, and instead of pulling away, confused and demanding an explanation, I gave in to the moment and let you.
You gave me the softest, slowest, sweetest kiss. For the second time in ten minutes, time stood still. I was aware of your fingers, moving slightly in my hair, of your left hand, resting on my hip, of your lips, softly covering my lower lip, and then of your tongue, running past it for less than a second. Another one of those heatwaves coursed through my body and I involuntarily let out a whimper. Your lips formed a smile and you did it again. I didn’t think anymore and just cradled your face in my hands, finally kissing you back. We kissed with tongues and it was nothing like those drunken encounters of before. I was completely overwhelmed. This was slowly becoming too much. I couldn’t possibly deserve all this.
I pulled away with the utmost of reluctance and tried to give you a puzzled look, though I was sure my eyes were heart-shaped with ‘J+T 4ever’ all over them.
The only thing you did was staring back, a stare that was dripping of confidence, challenge and some ‘I know you better than you know yourself’.
“What... why... are you... what is this?”
I must’ve lisped, because your eyes were crumpling at the corners like they always do when you find something incredibly cute. Like lisping. When I kept staring, maintaining a straight face, you spoke.
“It’s Michael.”
My eyes grew large and I started to back away. I couldn’t believe it. I didn’t need to know what exactly Michael had to do with this. How could you possibly do this to me? You might as well have kicked me into a coma. I turned around and headed for the door.
Part Three
You grabbed my arm violently and swung me around.
“No no no, Jonny! This has nothing to do with Michael and me! I mean, not Michael and me! Dammit, Thom!”
You hit yourself on the forehead and looked me in the eyes, desperately, pleadingly.
“Jonny, calm down, just let me finish! Please. Will you let me finish?”
I considered for a moment, but I must admit that giving me an ondes martenot for my birthday provided you with some credit.
I crossed my arms and nodded shortly.
“Look, Michael and me, it’s over, I already told you that months ago. Hell, it even seems like years ago. Jonny, I have a confession to make. Promise me that you’ll let me finish my rant before reacting to it.”
“Thom, I-”
“Just promise me. Please.”
“I promise.”
“Good. Ok. Um... Look. The thing is... I don’t... I love you, okay? I love you. Like, really love you. I’ve been in love with you for a while now, and I think even for longer than I initially thought I was.”
My face softened. I needed some time to let this sink in. Could this night get any more surreal?
“I never told anyone, except Michael.”
I managed to at least stay inaffected on the outside.
“I had to tell someone, you know. But his reaction wasn’t quite what I had expected it to be. It was more or less like this:
“You’re in love with Jonny.”
“Yeah, I think so.”
“What kind of bullshit is that? Do you think you’re in love or are you in love, Yorke?”
“I er... I am.”
“For how long?”
“Long. I’m sorry Michael, I know this isn’t-“
Here he burst out in laughter.
“Then why the hell aren’t you guys going at it like rabbits at this very moment?”
“... Excuse me?”
“Thommy, Thommy, Thommy. Blind as a bat, aren’t you? Hah!”
“What in the world are you getting at, Michael?”
“I can’t believe I have to tell you this. Jonny’s been after you since the fucking Big Bang. He practically comes when you bat your eyelashes in his direction. Seriously, Thom, that’s the cutest thing I’ve heard all month.”
“Are you serious? Michael, please don’t mess around here, this is serious. Do you really think so?”
More laughter.
“Thom, if you don’t get your ass back to Oxford this instant and go and get him, I will personally drop you off on his doorstep. You guys were made for each other. I could never believe I even had the slightest chance with you with that darkhaired genius fluttering around you 24/7. Now go!”
And I did. But not before I had found you a suiting birthday present. It’s from ’83, by the way. Made by Mr. Martenot’s son himself, Morris or something...”
“Maurice,” I corrected. You came closer and whispered,
“Say that again. Or just say something in French. Please. I don’t care if you insult my mother or say that you’d rather make love to your gift than look at me ever again. It’s so damn sexy. You’re so sexy, Jonny.”
Your mouth was next to my ear, hot and wet, and I thought my trousers would just about burst. You kissed and licked my neck before sucking the sensitive skin right in between my jawbone and my ear. I felt my knees bucking and had the hardest time to compose myself.
“Well?” you asked.
“Tu es l’homme le plus gentil, le plus sexy, le plus attentionné que cette Terre ait porté; je suis tellement amoureux de toi.”
"Oh God oh God."
You were practically pressed against me, your erection hard against my inner thigh, your hands wandering all over my body, under my T-shirt, in my hair. I thought I was going insane. Your mouth finally found mine again and we practically devoured each other.
I broke away, panting heavily, staring at you in utter disbelief.
You looked up at me, lips full and rosy but an innocent look in your eyes.
“What?”
“I’m sorry I acted so childish about Michael. I should thank him for kicking your arse in gear, really. I had no idea I was this obvious.”
“He’s a good guy, but he’s nothing compared to you. I want you to just forget about Michael and take a glass of champagne. We have a lot to talk about. I need to calm down myself, I think,” you laughed, staring down at the bulge in your jeans.
“Not to mention your condition,” you added with a low voice, fingertips quickly running over the tight fabric hiding my own arousal, before casually turning around and fiddling with the champagne bottle.
I swallowed. Watching you expertly removing the cork, I slumped down on the couch, trying not to think too much. Especially not about the future. Nope, Jonny, not going there right now. Watch Thom opening that bottle. Watch his muscles move under that ratty T-shirt. Whoops. Watch him spill aaall that precious champagne all over his hands and... Watch him cover the top with his mouth to... lick it up...
You caught me staring and did an extra effort, licking your fingers clean one by one, eyeing me sensually. I couldn’t think of any other person doing this for seduction purposes without me bursting out in laughter. But this was the sexiest sight ever and there was no way I was going to calm down or whatever it was you had in mind for me. Actally, what did you have in mind for me?
You approached me slowly and sat down on my lap, carefully placing your knees at both sides of my hips.
“Want some, birthday bunny?”
The bottle was already at my lips. I tried to cover the top as much as possible, but it still foamed, champagne dripping all over my face, down to my neck and into my T-shirt.
You didn’t waste a second and began licking it all off, humming happily. You stopped at my mouth and dipped your tongue in again. I still couldn’t believe this was happening. I smiled and grabbed your hips, our erections grinding against each other, eliciting moans from both our mouths.
When we pulled away again, I looked at you studyingly.
You licked your lips.
“Who paid for it? The ondes, I mean.”
“Your ondes, you mean,” you grinned.
“I took three quarters from the Radiohead bank account and did the rest myself.”
“What? What did the others say?”
“I promised you’d be using this for the new record. They don’t know it actually cost a third more.”
“Thom, I don’t even know how to play it yet.”
“I’m sure you will soon, you brilliant piece of genius.”
I blushed. I couldn’t believe the amount of confidence they all had in me. This was an instrument only a few people on earth could play. But I would definitely give it my best shot. I’d been practically in love with this thing since what? Sixteen? Hmm, of course this could also apply to the thing sitting on my lap at the moment. The thing that had started rubbing my nipple as it scooted back on my legs to use its mouth on my stomach. As you undid my zipper, I understood there was even more you were planning to use your mouth on.
We both jumped at the sound of the back door opening and slamming against the wall. We looked at each other blankly. You jumped up and I zipped up my jeans just in time before three rather drunk men stumbled in, slurring an incoherent mess of congratulations.
Kettles
____________________________________________
Part 1.
Thom raised his head and glanced in the direction of his friends, who exploded in laughter on the opposite side of the room. Nigel, who was still talking to him, followed his gaze and stopped his monologue, annoyed by the distraction.
“Oi! What’s up?” Thom was grinning slightly, his eyes darting from Phil to Colin and staying on Jonny’s face for a prolonged moment.
“Nothing Thom, nothing,” Colin giggled, covering his mouth with his hand, “It’s just that my little brother was showing off and stuck his own finger in his eye, the stupid arse.”
“Who thought that playing air guitar could be so dangerous?” Ed smiled, appearing in the doorway with his usual cup of tea, its fruity scent feeling the room.
“Shut up, it really hurts,” Jonny was grinning madly and rubbing his eye with the side of his hand, “Dammit, it won’t go away.”
“I’ve got one word for you: goggles,” Phil stretched and put his hands behind his head.
“Oh, I get it all the time, Jonny,” Thom was the only one apathetic, “Just rinse it for a bit with cold water, the itch would go away soon.”
“Right,” Jonny got up clumsily, stumbling a little for his vision was blurred. He jerked slightly as he felt a hand on his elbow, gently guiding him.
“There, mate, I’ll help you,” he heard Thom’s voice behind him and then he was pulled to the door and into the hallway.
“Does it still hurt?” Thom was leaning against the tiles, looking at the taller man bent over the sink.
“Mmmmmragh,” Jonny sniffed and turned the water off, his eye still red. Thom noticed that the ends of his hair were wet, forming dark cones that stuck to his forehead. Jonny shook his head, sending the tiny drops of water flying everywhere.
“Stop it, what are you, a sprinkler?” Thom laughed and turned his face away from his friend, shielding himself with his palms.
“Yes!” Jonny launched on Thom, pinning him to the tiles, shaking his head and showering Thom with water, both of them laughing.
“Get off! Get fucking off!” Thom put his hands on Jonny’s chest and pushed him away, but not too strongly; Jonny laughed and leaned closer to Thom, licking the drop of water off his cheek.
“Ugh, disgusting,” Thom rubbed his cheek as Jonny leaned back, feeling satisfied and completely dominant, “Someday, when I’m big and muscular…”
“What?” Jonny was giggling and wiping his hair with a towel.
“I said, someday when I will acquire enough brawn…ooh, Jonny, you better watch out,” Thom was fumbling with the button on his shirt and grinning at his friend.
“Hah, Thom, you are very cute when you are dreaming of impossible,” Jonny put the towel on the rack and turned to face the blonde man, a predator smile playing on his lips, “Until then though,” he made a step closer and Thom’s breathing hitched, “I can do whatever,” Jonny’s body was so close that Thom felt his warmness, “I can do whatever I want with you,” Thom shivered slightly, concentrating on the cold tiles against his back.
They stood like that for sometime, breathing in each other’s scent and enjoying that rare moment of being so close. Thom fought the urge to close his eyes and fully immerse in the atmosphere around Jonny. His head was swimming, but he steadied his thoughts and gathered enough strength to continue the game.
“And what it is you want to do to me?” he asked, his voice containing more hope than mischievousness.
“Lots of things, Thommy,” Jonny’s voice was sad and serene for a second before turning sly again, “Tickle you to agony, for example.”
Jonny’s hands snaked to Thom’s sides and started tickling the smaller man. Thom writhed and laughed, bucking and trying to kick Jonny.
“Everything alright up there?” they stopped abruptly, hearing Nigel’s voice in the end of the hallway.
“Yeah, Jonny’s just being a maniac and trying to grope me here,” Thom answered, his eyes laughed when he saw Jon looking sharply at him, whispering “You naughty little minx.”
“Oh, alright,” Nigel’s voice sounded a little amused, but he gave up on his attempts to understand that pair long time ago, “Thom, there’s a phone call for you…it’s your brother.”
“I’ll be right out,” Thom ruffled his hair while Jonny watched him, still gripping to his sides tightly.
“Jonny,” Thom smiled, looking at his friend.
“Thom?” Jonny returned the grin, his eyes narrowing a little.
“Jonny,” Thom wriggled a little in his grasp, indicating that he would like to be released.
“Yes, Thom?”
Thom sighed and grinned wider, “Would you mind letting me go?”
“Oh, you mean that.”
“Yes, that.”
“You should’ve asked first, I mean, I would let you go immediately,” his hands were still clutched to his band mate.
“You brother says…and I’m quoting…'Tell him he’s got to get his pale arse to answer the bleeding phone and if he doesn’t fucking pick it up in fucking 20 seconds I’m going to bloody drive up there and fucking kill him',” Nigel sounded a little shocked.
Thom chuckled and looked at Jonny with pleading eyes.
“And if I release you…is there some kind of award coming?” Jonny’s gaze flickered to Thom’s lips before setting back on the blue eyes.
“Oh, yes,” Thom stated matter-of-factly, nodding vigorously.
“Well then,” Jonny let go of Thom gently and gave the smaller man some space.
The singer smiled at him playfully and started for the door.
“What about the award?”
“Your order is pending. We value your custom,” Thom wriggled his arse and stuck his tongue out before disappearing around the corner.
____________________________________________
Part 2:
“So?”
“Crazy, eh?”
“Well I like the technique.”
“What about all these little thingies running up and down the stairs endlessly because all the stairs loop?”
“Well, ‘tis a great…great idea,” Jonny rocked on his feet and looked at the “little thingie”, trying to fall in love with the picture for Thom’s sake.
“Jonny!” Thom looked at his friend’s profile, amused and slightly curious.
“Hold on, Thommy. Two more minutes of intense autohypnosis and I will smother my opinion with yours and we could both whine in pleasure,” Jonny was staring intently at the picture now, a slight smile forming on his lips.
“Okay,” Thom grinned and looked down at his watch, “Two minutes exactly.”
They stood motionless like that, holding back giggles and trying to imagine how stupid they looked to others. Thom bit his tongue and felt his stomach flutter in sudden excitement as the 2 minutes passed.
“Weeeeell?” he purred, looking up at Jonny.
“Thom, I see it now. It’s pure genius. I’ve been enlightened and now I’m going to Tibet to start a new philosophical school. Want to be my first pupil?”
“Does it mean I have to shave my head and wear orange robe?”
“Erm…surely I can shave your head, but you’d have to fight Dalai Lama for the robe,” Jonny pushed his eyebrows together and inspected Thom’s hair, “And…um…I don’t really want you to shave your hair off. I like it very much.”
“You do?”
“Yes, from where I’m standing, it looks gorgeous.”
“What if I move closer so you could see it better? Just for hair inspection purposes, of course.”
“That would be lovely,” Jonny held his breathe and kept a modest smile on while Thom tiptoed closer to him, smiling timidly and looking down.
“Thom, like a professional critic, I just have to,” Jonny ran his hand through Thom’s spiky hair, enjoying its softness, “…perform couple of tests,” he sighed and circled the smaller man’s shoulders with his arm, rubbing his cheek against the ginger locks and closing his eyes.
“Do I get a good review?” Thom giggled, while arguing if he should embrace Jonny or not, “Or is it overrated? Too conservative? Too mainstream? ‘Charming, but utterly hideous’?”
“It’s perfect,” Jonny smiled and let his fingers brush Thom’s neck while he slowly brought back the distance between them.
“Why, thank you. You’ve been nothing but nice today.”
“Yeah, well…I still hate the picture,” Jonny’s eyes glittered with mischief, as he turned away and glanced over his shoulder at Thom. Taking in the surprised reaction for a few brief moments, he marched on to the next exhibition, knowing that his friend would launch a new arguing attack in three, two, one…
“Jonny! It’s genius! It represents how small and blind we are in the labyrinth of…”
____________________________________________
Part 3:
Thom was slouched in the club on the soft sofa, smiling and beyond tipsy; even his inner dialogue was somewhat slurred, never mind the broken phrases that exited his mouth. Nothing mattered though; the show was done and they had couple days of relaxing and…well, what the hell they usually did during those days?
Ed was sitting close to him, on the floor, and if one would look closer into his eyes, he would see smoke in his stoned pupils; Colin was stretching on the same sofa, his state not clear at all – he would fall asleep for a few minutes, then wake up and continue with his mumbling, his sentences messing up the whole conversation even more. Usually Thom would explode in laughter, but he was tired and intoxicated, so all he could do was smile.
‘Twas unclear, though, whether he smiled at the whole situation or at the fact that Jonny was sitting across of him, just two empty tables away, talking with the blonde girl and sending pert glances in his direction.
“Minx,” Thom mumbled, stretching and yawning, his button-up shirt raising a little to reveal his milky stomach. Returning his eyes to Jonny, he saw the curious gaze rise from his belly button to his face.
Jonny continued talking to the girl, and Thom saw that she was laughing and flirting ruthlessly. A thick blush was playing on her cheeks for an hour now, and Thom rolled his eyes, causing Jonny to chuckle into his hand.
“So do you guys,” Ed rubbed his eyes with the tips of his fingers, “Do you guys…think that…oh, here’s a question. Where do parrots live in wilderness?”
“The jungle,” Colin kicked Thom, trying to stretch his legs and occupy the rest of the sofa, “Move!”
“Coz, really, ow,” Thom scowled and rubbed his tummy.
“No, I mean, do they have nests? ‘Cause there are no cages…and I can’t really imagine a parrot in the nest,” Ed concentrated on his thoughts for a while, “Yeah, it’s too weird.”
Thom noticed the blonde scribbling something on the napkin and giving it to Jonny. She twisted a lock of her hair around her finger as he looked at it for a moment before grinning and blushing. “Somebody’s going go score tonight,” Thom smiled even broader and thought of ways to spoil the utopia across the room somehow.
“Yeah, you are right, Ed. I think they just…oh Christ, I don’t know,” Colin scratched his head and kicked Thom again.
“Colin, you prick,” Thom narrowed his eyes, contemplating his evil plan. Noticing the napkin on his own table, he giggled maniacally and rolled it into a tight ball before throwing it at the blonde and jumping on top of Colin so what the table would hide him.
“Erm, Thom, you are touching my private areas and I’m too drunk to decide if I like it or not,” Colin closed his eyes, “Oh, whatever. I love snuggling while pissed. Come ‘ere, you,” he squeezed Thom in his arms and planted a gentle kiss on his head.
“I want a cuddle too!” Ed stood up clumsily, gazing at his two tiny band mates on the sofa, who were gazing back at him with a look of utter terror.
“No no no no no,” Colin’s eyes were wide and scared, “You’ll crush us both!”
“Here I come!” Ed crushed on both of them, throwing his arms around both of the men and rubbing his cheek on Thom’s back. Colin released a hip of air, his face reddening and Thom laughing into his chin.
Meanwhile the blonde looked back to give the evil eye to the person who was attacking her; all she did see though was three apparently gay men hugging each other on the sofa. Jonny was red with giggles, covering his face with his hands, his shoulders shaking.
“My life is 10 more years shorter,” Colin sighed as Ed rolled over and settled on his side, pushing him and Thom to the edge of the sofa. Thom sighed and raised his head, peeking from behind the table at the couple. Jonny shook his head at him and they exchanged a warm smile.
“I’ve got to… fix my eyeliner, boys,” Thom stood up and giggled, stumbling to the bathroom.
“Wha? When was the last time that man used mascara?” Coz picked his head up and stared at Thom’s descending back.
“When uh…when he was asleep and we put it on him, remember? Poor fellow was getting phone numbers from all the indie boys around,” Ed snorted and hugged Colin casually, snuggling close and shutting his eyes.
“Yeah, I remember now,” Colin closed his eyes, slowly drifting to sleep, “I think Jonny was one of those indie boys.”
Once Thom disappeared behind the bathroom door, Jonny stood up and rushed after him, dropping a faint “Excuse me”. He stopped before the door, fixing his hair and making sure that his breathing was normal. Closing his eyes for a second, he opened the door and walked in, noticing Thom washing his hands and humming a familiar tune.
“How do you do, Jonny?” Thom’s reflection smiled in the mirror and Jonny promised himself that he was going to keep cool and make Thom lose this round.
“Quite well, thank you,” Jonny occupied the adjacent sink, splashing his face with cold water and rubbing his eyes with his hands, “How was that little orgy on the sofa?”
“My back still hurts,” Thom chuckled, turning off the water and leaning against the sink, “And it was a little boring without you.”
“I didn’t get an invitation,” Jonny wiped his hands with a paper towel, glancing at Thom abruptly.
“You’re always invited to my orgies,” Thom walked over to him and stood close, tucking the loose lock of Jonny’s hair behind his ear.
“I’m sure I’ll use that opportunity,” Jonny whispered, staring at Thom and feeling his heart jumping with excitement, “In fact I think I’ll use it right now.”
Thom raised his eyebrow, looking curiously at Jon for a few seconds; then he was grabbed by the hand roughly and yanked away from the bathroom and across the club; then – pushed forward to Coz and Ed. Thom looked back and saw Jonny saying something to the girl, who was first gazing at him with pure astonishment, soon replaced by anger.
As Jonny waved her off and approached Thom (half-embracing him before pushing down on the sofa and jumping right at him), she took her purse and exited the club hastily.
“Arrrrgh! Me stomach!” Colin was red once again, huffing and puffing, trying to push Thom and Jonny off of him.
“Coz? Wanna switch sides? I can take more, I’m bigger,” Ed was looking at him with concern.
Meanwhile, Jonny was embracing Thom tightly and running his lips across his jaw line, with Thom fighting to get away playfully.
“What about your girlfriend?” the singer giggled into Jonny’s dark hair, pushing him away.
“She’s not my girlfriend. I told her that we are a clan of homosexuals that practice free love and live together,” Jonny smiled and stroked Thom’s cheek.
“Nice one, Jonny. Now, if you could just…,” Ed tried to squeeze his way through, but he ended up pushing Colin off the sofa and falling next to him on the floor.
“Mmmmh, we are alone now,” Jonny smiled and snuggled close to Thom, holding him in his arms.
“Yes, but that’s not an orgy anymore…I said you were invited only to orgies.”
“It’s a rape then,” Jonny growled before catching Thom’s lip between his own, his hand caressing the smaller man’s back.
“Our first kiss,” Thom smiled against Jonny’s lips with his eyes closed, “Drunken too.”
“Thus starts our major headfuck with friendship, love, priorities, jealousy,” Jonny kissed Thom rapidly before continuing, “All the good stuff.”
“Mmmmhm…can’t wait.”
____________________________________________
Part 4:
“What’s this now?”
“What does it look like to you? ‘Tis a bloody kettle.”
“I’ve got a kettle.”
“Yours is small and puny. And we have to heat it up at least 3 times to have enough tea for everybody. Now take it and jump with excitement.”
“Is it some kind of holiday today? ‘Cause I can’t think of a crappy enough holiday that would be suitable for that as a present.”
“You know what? I completely missed that and I won’t even ask you to repeat it. Just take it and let me in for Christ sakes,” Colin shoved the kettle in Thom’s arms and pushed past him roughly, taking off his jacket.
“Why’s this thing red?” Thom mused, holding the enormous kettle and studying it, his reflection twisting in the smooth surface. Sighing, he slowly followed Coz to the living room.
“Nice kettle, Thom,” Ed smiled and stretched his long arms above his head, “Better than your little fucker,” his friendly expression changed as Thom scowled at him.
“Jonny, go make tea for everybody,” Colin settled in close to Ed, punching him playfully, “And use the new kettle.”
“I don’t like this thing,” Jonny gazed at the monstrosity in Thom’s hands with disgust.
“Fine,” Colin groaned, “You two…” he struggled for the word, “lovebirds…can drink out of that rusty steamer.”
“Suits me,” Jonny shrugged, walking to the kitchen, “By the way, Thom, where do you keep the cups?”
“I’ll show you,” Thom speeded up after him, leaving the rest of the band behind.
They were standing in a shadowy kitchen without turning the lights on, the snow outside the windows providing enough light for them to see each other’s silhouettes. Jonny was serving up five cups, supplying each with different combinations of teabags, milk, sugar, and honey.
“I love making tea in your kitchen,” he smiled, his long fingers moving quickly above the cups.
“Why?” Thom was holding his palms over the kettle, enjoying the heat it radiated.
“It’s just that I imagine that I’m making tea for you only, while you are cuddled up on the couch under a duvet and waiting for me,” Jonny closed his eyes and brushed his hair from his face with a longer finger, still smiling toothily, “Or it’s morning and we are having breakfast together,” he rubbed his forehead, “Sorry, I’m being ludicrous.”
“No, go on. I love hearing your fantasies,” Thom smiled at him in the dark.
“I have lots of these, really. When I’m riding a train I think about your cheek pressed against my chest and you holding on to me tightly so you wouldn’t fall. Every time I am at the card isle in a store I stop by and read all these cheesy lines and try to think of a message I would add to them and your face once I give it to you,” he chuckled, “I know, I know, I sound like a teenage girl.”
“I like having tea with all the guys with you sitting next to me,” Thom turned off the boiling kettle and poured water into his and Jonny’s cup, “It’s almost like you and I are having a conversation with random contributions from others.”
Thom put the kettle down and looked warmly at Jonny, noticing that he was wearing only a thin t-shirt, despite the chilliness in the kitchen. He thought about Jonny’s skin being probably smoother because of cold; as if to prove his musing, Thom reached his hand across to stroke Jonny’s arm.
“Thom…” Jonny sighed subtly, bringing his arms to wrap around the smaller man, pulling him closer. They stood embracing, their bodies illuminated by the blue light reflected off the snowflakes outside, their skin glowing and hearts beating quietly so as not to disturb these moments. Jonny was aware of Thom’s stubble brushing his neck, his opened palms resting flatly on his back and he sighed again, enjoying the smell of fresh tea and Thom’s hair.
“We have to make tea for the others,” Thom whispered under his breath, not moving a muscle and afraid to change his position.
“Couple more minutes,” Jonny lowered his head, letting Thom’s hair brush his lips, “Promise that you’ll sit next to me.”
“I will.”
____________________________________________
Part 5:
“Who’s that bloke up there?” Jonny was stiff and tense, standing almost on his toes to make out someone in the far corner of the party.
“Who?” Colin finished his cocktail and slurped, obviously tipsy and happy.
“The one molesting Thom.”
Colin turned around, his eyebrows shooting upwards, the expression of utter confusion forming on his face. He spent good two minutes trying to locate either Thom or the bloke, both unsuccessful.
“Jonny, damn you, you are taller than me. Lift me up so I could see.”
“I’m not going to lift you up, what are you, nuts?” Jonny pushed his eyebrows together, annoyed.
“Well Jonny-baby, I guess I shall climb something to help you mate,” Colin giggled and spotted an almost empty coffee table. Seeing his opportunity, he shooed away few girls standing around it and raised his leg to mount it, but he was stopped by a strong arm circling his waist and pulling him away.
“Colin, seriously, what was that you were drinking?” Jonny took the empty glass from Colin’s hands and put it on the table.
“A Flirtini!” Coz giggled and hugged his little brother, “Jonny, your sweater is sooo soft. We should go shopping someday. Or we should swap clothes.”
“Right,” Jonny looked around and noticed that Thom and the bloke were now closer, obviously enjoying each other’s company, “Colin, Colin, look, there they are. Who’s he?”
“Meh?” Colin turned around, finally spotting his target, “Oh, alright…That would be Chris Fielding. He was Thom’s friend in college. Whoa, look at him,” Colin was obviously checking the guy out, “Forget about my offer, Jonny. I’m going shopping with him.”
“Ed! Colin says he wants to have sex with you,” Jonny tugged at Ed’s sleeve and pushed Colin into him. Checking his hair and clearing his throat, he made his way to the pair across.
“Well hello,” Ed threw on his best seductive smile and smiled down at Colin, “I hear you want me.”
“Fancy a Flirtini?” Colin’s eyes were half-closed and he was grinning drunkenly.
..::..
“Thom!” Jonny tried to sound breezy and casual, but it turned out desperate and pleading.
“Jonny,” Thom spun around and smiled at him before taking his hand and pulling him forward to face the guy, “Chris, this is Jonny, he’s my friend.”
“His best friend,” Jonny put his arm around Thom’s neck and pulled him closer possessively.
“And he’s my band mate.”
“His favourite band mate,” Jonny nodded a couple of times, still holding Thom’s tightly, “In fact, 80% of fan fiction about our band involves Thom and I having sex.”
“Never mind him, he’s always weird at this time of the day,” Thom looked at his friend with a confused grin, “Anyway, Jonny, this is Chris, he’s my old college buddy.”
“Might I add, his best old college buddy,” Chris’ voice turned out to be soft and his eyes twinkled with an adorable smile. Jonny was ready to punch him in the face.
Thom chuckled and continued, “Chris and I were just catching up. We had some crazy times at school,” Thom smiled his far-away smile, “…aaaaand now he’s a sculptor,” he added after a few moments.
“Oh, great, interesting. It’s strange I never heard of you, since Thom and I go waaaay back,” Jonny finally released Thom and the smaller man rubbed his neck with an inaudible sigh. He wasn’t free for long though – Jonny was now putting a hand on his back, a little lower than usual.
“Well,” Chris chuckled, “I don’t really now what to say in this situation,” he scratched his head, “Anyway, Thom, do you want to get a drink after this? I mean, there are drinks here, but it’s a bit noisy and I really want to talk to you after all these years.”
“Oh, surely, of course,” Thom gazed at Jonny as if asking him for a permission.
Jonny bit his lip and cursed in his head. Surely it was going to be only a buddy chat, nothing more, he’s just being paranoid. On the other hand though, he still felt extremely possessive and it seemed so much easier to act like a prick and snatch Thom from this bloke.
“Of course Jonny can come with us,” Chris stated politely.
Jonny gazed at him, his head boiling with thoughts. Right. He had to get a grip on himself.
“Oh, no, no, I mean I don’t want to be a splinter…I won’t get inside jokes and all,” he smiled weakly, “I guess I’ll see you later, Thom.”
Their eyes met and Thom smiled at him reassuringly, as if saying that he won’t be long, and that it’s nothing really. Jonny returned the smile, showing that he understood.
..::..
He was sitting Indian style on Thom’s bed for the past hour, running his hand on the sheets, smoothing out the wrinkles. An open book was lying in front of him, but he hasn’t turned a single page; the tellie was on, volume on low, and old melodrama was unfolding with the same crispy enthusiasm.
Jonny heard faint footsteps approaching the door and held his breath for the tenth time. These were quite close to those of Thom. Light, quick, and…they stopped opposite the door and soon he heard someone fumbling with the lock. Jonny picked up a book and leaned back against the bed frame, pretending to be reading.
“Heya,” Thom smiled at him and Jonny sighed with relief – he wasn’t half-pissed.
“Hullo. How was it?”
“Oh, great. He’s been always a great guy,” Thom sat on the bed close to Jonny.
“Did you get a number for Colin? He was drooling at him,” Jonny put the book away and scooted over even closer to Thom.
“Was he really? I though Colin liked Ed,” they were both smiling and leaning closer with each phrase, Jonny’s eyes locked on Thom’s lips.
“That he does,” Jonny smiled and pecked Thom lightly, “And I like you,” he whispered softly before catching Thom’s lips between his own.
“Mmmmhm,” Thom smiled, his eyes half-closed, “Let’s get piss drunk and celebrate New Year’s Eve.”
“It’s October, Thommy. And it’s way past the midnight.”
“Who cares? I’ll get Champagne and you better kiss me and wish me a happy new year when I’m back.”
____________________________________________
Part 6:
“And that’s how it’s done!” Thom brought his deadly pen down and covered the improvised grid with his proud X’s, “27 X’s for me, 12 ‘O’s’ for you, loser,” he giggled maniacally.
“Ah, you prick,” Jonny groaned, hitting himself on the forehead, “How did you do that? How did I not see that? Stop gloating you wicked gloating man!”
“Can’t beat years of practice, mate,” Thom smiled, “This game was basically the highlight of my school time.”
“Alright then, I’m done with this. Plus, I don’t want to draw the grid again,” Jonny pouted, crossed his arms on his chest and stared out the window at the quickly passing landscape.
“We can play thumb war,” Thom suggested meekly.
“Okay,” Jonny sat up and brushed hair from his eyes, “You’re hopeless though. I’ve got longer fingers. Prepare to die.”
“Whoa, I love the attitude,” Thom rubbed his palms together, grinning wildly, “Bring it on.”
They moved closer together, sitting Indian style, their limbs drowning in the cushiony seats of the bus. Jonny bit his lip and grabbed Thom’s hand, placing his finger inside the smaller ones.
“Okay, ready? One, two, three, four, five,” Jonny couldn’t utter the last digit before Thom launched himself on him, raising off his seat and trying to catch his thumb. Overwhelmed, Jonny almost lost it on the spot, but quickly regained composure and dodged Thom’s sly attempts.
“Maybe you have a chance,” Thom blurted, licking his lower lip in an extreme concentration. Suddenly he stopped his moves, keeping his thumb as far from Jonny as possible.
“Wha? What? Why did you stop?” Jonny looked up in confusion just to be met with lips setting firmly against his own. This time he reacted quickly, looking around the bus and seeing no one in particular interest – Ed was in his bunk, Phil was in the front chatting with the driver, and Colin was nowhere to be seen, although his steady snoring indicated that he wasn’t that far. Sighing and closing his eyes, Jonny gave in to the kiss, bringing his free hand to caress Thom’s cheek and massage his neck, pulling them closer together.
“Ah, Jonny,” Thom pulled back with a loud smooch, looking at the taller man still with his eyes closed and waiting for him to continue; he chuckled and reveled at the sight as Jonny fumbled with the hair on his neck impatiently before tugging him gently buy firmly so they would touch again.
Feeling that Jonny had relaxed his hand, Thom gently pinned his thumb with his own, grinning broadly.
“You lost again. Even with your long fingers. Size doesn’t matter,” Thom giggled.
“Oh yeah?” Jonny opened his eyes finally and pushed Thom down on the seats, straddling his hips and pinning his arms down, “Let’s see how you will deal with that situation.”
“Who says I want to deal with it? I’m quite comfy and at ease, while you are the one who has make sure that I don’t escape.”
“God, no matter what I do you always seem to…” Jonny hissed through his teeth as he felt a severe blow in his spine – that bloody minx raised his hips and hit him with his knee. In a couple of moments Thom slid away from Jonny’s weakened grasp and stood on his feet proudly.
“DIE!” Jonny yelled, jumping at Thom and throwing him at the floor with a loud thump.
“Jonny, Jonny, whatcha doin’, come on, lemme go!” Thom was giggling and struggling, trying to kick Jonny, aiming for the crotch.
“Oh cheeky-cheeky… oh naughty-sneaky,” Jonny licked his lips and stopped for a second, holding Thom in his grasp. His eyes darted from the man underneath him to his bunk, the wicked calculations occupying his mind.
“What’s with Brian Eno? Are you going glam? I can sooo imagine you in a boa,” Thom didn’t really catch the change in Jonny’s intentions.
“Okay, Yorke,” Jonny shook his head a little, as if checking if he was serious himself, “Pants off.”
“What?” Thom threw his head back and laughed, but he was stop short by the hand pressing down on his mouth.
“Shut up,” Jonny hissed at him, ducking and looking around. No one noticed them.
“No other sound,” Jonny looked him seriously in the eye before getting up and trying to pick Thom up.
“Wha? Are you gonna shag me?” Thom’s eyes were still twinkling with laughter, curves forming at the corners of his lips.
“Precisely,” Jonny muttered, reaching down to pick his friend up, “Don’t you think it’s time? I think it’s time,” his tone was determined and business-like.
“Ooh but it would screw up everything, Jonny love,” Thom dodged his hands, writhing on the floor.
“Don’t care,” Jonny finally grabbed Thom by the belt and jerked him up, scooping his waist.
“…and there are people here…what are you, an exhibitionist?” Thom poked him playfully in the ribs.
“Well I can’t bloody wait ‘til we reach the hotel,” Jonny sighed and tugged on Thom impatiently, “Come on, we don’t have much time.”
“I’ve got a headache,” Thom put his hands on Jonny’s chest, pushing him away slightly, his ears red and burning.
“Good, I’ll make you forget about it.”
“No, Jonny, I’m not ready,” Thom was now serious, struggling to break free.
“Thom, please,” he was now becoming angry, “Come on, come on,” adrenaline rushing through his blood, Jon was now pulling on Thom quite aggressively.
“Is it really how you want to do this? A quick fuck, biting our wrists to stay quiet? A complete fuck up to relationship, just because of this bleeding lust, huh?” Thom jerked away violently, finally breaking free and stepping behind, “God, Jonny, we are so fucking not ready.”
Jonny stared at him blankly, Thom’s words slowly reaching his consciousness, the need crushing them in senseless bits of sounds.
“Don’t you dare coming close to me before taming your headless libido,” Thom spat out, heading to his bunk and shutting the door behind him. Jonny heard a faint click of the lock and then there was silence.
“Hey,” arms wrapping around him, lips resting on the back of his neck.
“Hey,” Jonny swallowed his tears and let out a shaky sigh, his head swimming, “Thom…I am sorry. You are right,” he watched the shadows slide through the walls in the dark space.
“It’s okay. It’s just, you know, hard to resist you when you are all ready. But it’s too soon,” Thom kissed his neck slightly, just a faint brush of the lips against skin.
“I’ll try to contain myself.”
“Good,” Thom whispered, closing his eyes and inhaling the smell of Jonny’s hair, “Let’s sleep now.”
____________________________________________
Part 7:
“Whatcha making there?” Jonny rubbed his stubbly neck and smiled at Thom good morning.
“Hot cocoa,” Thom grinned at him childishly, licking the brown liquid of the spoon, his tongue darting to collect the drops around his lips.
“Mmmhm…Questionable brown powder full of chemicals, synthetic growth hormone…speaking of hormone,” Jonny picked up the milk carton and smelled it, wrinkling his nose, “ Sure the milk is not sour?”
“Nope, ‘tis good.”
“How do you know?”
“If you boil sour milk it turns into a weird liquid with solid crumpled stuff floating around.”
“What, like cheese?”
“No! I thought it was cheese…and it wasn’t,” Thom mused, an expression of utter disgust covering his face, “Anyway, I made a cup for you, like the good friend I am.”
“You might be a good friend, but you surely are a crappy boyfriend,” Jonny leaned on the counter, picking up his cup and taking a sip, “This is not half bad.”
“Haha, erm, well, I didn’t know I was your boyfriend,” Thom traced his fingertip on the edge of his half-empty cup, gazing at it thoughtfully, “Well if you think about it really…for how have we been staying over each others houses every night?”
“Ah,” Jonny narrowed his eyes, deep in thought, “Couple of months?”
“Yeah I guess that makes us quite close. And why am I a crappy boyfriend, might I ask? I even did your laundry once.”
“That’s why my boxers are pink suddenly,” Jonny chuckled.
“Pink suits you. Back to the topic though. I think I am fucking perfect.”
“Well you haven’t given me my good-morning kiss, like a good boyfriend would,” Jonny raised his eyebrows taking a sip and gazing at bewildered Thom. His expression changed to pure smugness though, and Jonny thought he almost heard him purr.
“Alright,” Thom moved closer to Jonny, reaching up and taking his cup, placing it on the countertop with a quiet click.
Jonny put his hands on Thom’s waist, encouraging him to go on, loving the feel of rough-with-cold fingers gently stroking his cheek, flipping a lock of hair back, the warm palm sliding down to settle on his neck, a thumb brushing the lobe of his ear. Jonny’s lips parted, subtle sighs escaping them, and Thom found himself wanting to breathe the same oxygen with his friend; slowly closing his eyes and reaching upward, Thom almost caught the last sigh before feeling the ripe lips against his own. Putting his second palm on Jonny’s neck, he pressed himself harder against the other man, feeling their hearts beating fast and with different rhythms, creating a strange pulsating beat going through them both.
Jonny pressed closer and tightened his grip on Thom’s waist, and before he knew his hands were picking the smaller man up and resting him on the counter. Thinking he’d gone too far, Jonny stopped for a second, his eyes closed and lips still lingering on Thom’s. Once he felt legs encircling his body and hanging loosely on his hips, he moaned and put his hand on the back of Thom’s head, crushing their mouths together.
They stopped in a little while. Actually, Thom pulled away with a heavy pant and Jonny rested his forehead against his shoulder, his pulse beating a crazy rhythm in his temples. His eyes weren’t close and he could see Thom’s chest heaving up and down and smiled, not quite sure why.
“Listen, um,” Thom was running his hands through Jonny’s hair, messing them up completely, but nobody really cared, “I think that…I think that we don’t need to use two rooms when we sleep at each other’s houses, yeah?”
“Yeah,” Jonny raised his head and Thom’s hands froze in his hair as their eyes met, “Don’t you dare pull the blanket to your side though,” he smiled, but Thom was still looking at him in hopeless amusement.
“Jon, I,” he trailed off, fumbling with the button on his shirt, looking down, “Jonny I’m afraid,” he whispered, then jerked as if ashamed of himself, rubbing his face and looking sideways, “I mean it’s bloody overwhelming,” he was slowly returning to his normal state.
“Thom, I think we can handle it. There are two of us, I think we would escape all the major breakdowns.”
“Yes, yes,” Thom nodded, “But it’s like there’s two sides to me, one is screaming on top of his lungs to be with you, the other one saying quietly that friendship outlasts love,” he looked at Jonny again, “I really cherish you,” he added, his hands now resting on Jonny’s cheeks and lips sucking out the dear life out of his friend’s mouth in a rapid kiss.
“I cherish you, too. I think we have enough common sense to hold on to each other no matter what.”
They looked at each other before exploding in giggles and hugging tightly, closing their eyes.
“Jonny, you are a dumb arse. We have no common sense what so ever,” Thom laughed, “Especially when things come to our relationship.”
“Well I had to support that drama you were throwing around,” as if on a cue, they reached simultaneously for each other and shared a quick kiss.
“We are sleeping together tonight then,” Thom grew serious instantly, resting his cheek against Jonny’s.
“Yay. I’ll wear my new pink boxers to bed.”
____________________________________________
Part 8:
“Thom!” Jonny tried to catch his hand, but it snaked quickly and disappeared behind the bodies. He cursed under his breath and was ready to start after his friend when he saw a pair of blue eyes facing him.
“Jonny, Jonny, Jonny!” Thom chanted, grinning from ear-to-ear, “You disappear at the entrance and I don’t see you for three hours, tsk tsk tsk…how many people have you flirted with, you naughty minx?”
“None. But I got a couple of interesting offers,” Jonny smiled and took Thom by the sleeve of his blazer, pulling him closer, “Let’s see if your offer would beat them,” he whispered in his ear, smiling.
“Who said I was offering you anything?” Thom smirked at him with mischief, “In fact, I had a couple of opportunities of my own.”
“Mmmm-well why are you not taking them?” Jonny closed his eyes and nuzzled his hair slightly, making it seem like he was leaning in because of all of the noise around.
“Becaaaaaause,” Thom giggled, looking down, “Well you know.”
“No, Thommy, you have to say it,” Jonny smiled a toothy smile and pulled him into a relatively quiet corner, “Tell me the thing you told everyone who tried to come on to you,” he was still smiling, his fingertips sliding under the blazer and in between the buttons on the shirt to tentatively touch the soft skin underneath.
“I told them that my wife beats me with the saucer pan anytime she suspects me cheating on her,” Thom smiled and held Jonny’s gaze.
“Well, darling, when we are finally married, I’ll make sure to buy a couple of hard pans for you,” Jonny smiled pinching Thom slightly, “Only you are gonna be the wife… size-wise, role wise…”
“Somebody is going to sleep on the couch tonight,” Thom pushed Jonny’s hand away playfully.
“Oh, but honey, I’m the boss in this family,” Jonny put his elbows on the wall on the either side of Thom’s head, pinning him and smiling at his prey, “And if I’m sleeping on the couch, you are sleeping next to me. Wait a second, do we even own a couch?”
“Well I do. Officially we still live in the separate houses, remember?” Thom looked up and smiled at him innocently, careful not to touch Jonny.
“Yes, but we are going to stay at my house for a while, hmm?”
“Oh, you know, I think I miss my bed,” Thom yawned and covered his moth with the back of his hand.
“Ah, Yorke, quit playing such hard to get,” Jonny frowned and released him.
“Quit being a dominatrix,” Thom smiled, adjusting his hair.
“Whatever,” Jonny watched him start to walk away, “Where are you going now?”
“Back to the party,” Thom looked over his shoulder.
“But it’s boring and crowded,” Jonny caught his hand and spun him around, “And what if it takes another three hours for us to find each other again?”
“Well, what do you suggest?”
“Let’s play a game.”
Thom groaned, rolling his eyes.
“Truth or dare?”
“Truth.”
“Do you love me?” Jonny looked at him searchingly.
“Get out!”
“Okay, okay then,” Jonny sighed, rubbing his forehead, “Hide and seek then?”
“Right,” Thom smiled, “But to make it less G-rated, each of us downs four shots of vodka.”
“I won’t be able to walk!”
“That’s the point.”
..::..
Thom watched Jonny gulp down the fiery liquid, his face turning red with burning and disgust. Laughing and tapping him on the back, he insisted on hiding first, knowing Jonny’s habit of falling asleep soon after drinking. “Now you count to 15 and go looking for me,” he whispered in his hair, his alcohol breath tickling Jonny’s hair and dived into the crowd, disappearing immediately. Jonny shook his head and tried to put together the digits, realizing it was hard to count in his condition.
“Are you Jonny Greenwood?” a young girl approached him, wearing the infamous “little black dress” and smiling charmingly.
“Six…seven…eight,” Jonny nodded in between the numbers, concentrating hard.
“How splendid! I’m a personal fan of yours,” she tried to look into his eyes, but they were settled on the floor, “I loved your ‘Bodysong’…In fact, that was the only reason I watched the whole movie.”
“What comes after eleven?” Jonny raised his head and met her eyes for the first time.
“Why, twelve,” she looked at him in sweet confusion.
“Thanks…twelve…thirteen…” he was tapping his foot impatiently.
“…I’ve always wanted to attend your solo concert, but I get it you don’t give those. I think you are a modern genius in music….”
“…fifteen. THOM YOU BLOODY WANKER, I’M COMING! AND AFTER ALL THE TODAY’S NONSENCE, YOU ARE SHOWING ME THE BLOODY STRIP-TEASE, AND IT DOESN’T MEAN JUST TAKING OFF YOUR CLOTHES A LITTLE BIT SLOWER,” Jonny growled, pushing past the girl and stumbling into the people.
Thom knew that intoxicated Jonny would be horrid at finding him, so he didn’t even think about hiding. Instead he strolled to the adjacent room and joined a group of people, hiding behind the tall ones and slurping his drink, gazing at the doorframe once in a while. Seeing Jonny walk in clumsily and giving the room a good drunken look, he giggled into his palm and ducked a slightly.
But Jonny was smarter than that. And a little more romantic. Reaching for his wallet, he leaned against the first vertical surface that was close to him, that turned to be a huge bloke with his back to him. The guy turned around stunned, but his frown softened when he saw Jonny smile dumbly at the picture in his wallet.
“May I help you?”
Jonny looked around to find the source of the voice, but didn’t see anybody looking at him. Finally he looked up.
“Oh, right, hiya. Have you seen him?” Jonny meant to show the picture, but instead he shoved it in the guy’s face, “Whoops, sorry. Bloody gorgeous, isn’t he? I’m his boyfriend. Well not a boyfriend, I mean…we just mess about…but! But someday I’ll marry him. And he is defiantly going to be the wife. I mean, come on…”
“Erm, yeah, I think I saw him here couple of minutes ago,” the bloke looked around, “Oh yeah, there he is, just next to that girl in pink.”
“Right, thanks…come to our wedding, you’ll be very much welcome. Ugh I can’t wait to get my hands on him…” Jonny giggled evilly and ducked his head so that Thom wouldn’t see him coming. He scurried across the room, stopping once in a while to see if Thom was still there.
“Gotha!” Jonny seized him by the shoulders and bit his shoulder playfully. Thom stopped mid-sentence shocked, looking up at the people who were watching the scene curiously.
“Whoa, I didn’t know you’d find me that quick, mate,” Thom laughed, reaching back and tapping Jonny on the shoulder, “That’s my friend Jonny.”
“To hell with the politeness, it’s my turn to hide,” Jonny slurred, leaning heavily on Thom.
“Okay, go ahead,” Thom turned his head and smiled at him, “You’ve got 30 seconds.”
“Why 30? You had…ugh….15.”
“Well you are more…disoriented…”
“I’m not disoriented…I’m well oriented…I’m oriented toward men! You in particular,” Jonny growled into his ear.
“Excuse him,” Thom smiled and blushed.
“Don’t excuse me! I lllllo…like…no, that’s right, I love this man! And I’m gonna marry him!” Jonny said it loudly, looking at the people in front of him, embracing Thom by the shoulders with one arm and pointing at him with his finger.
“Jon-ny, go hi-ide,” Thom bit his lip.
“Okay,” Jonny, feeling accomplished, backed away; noticing Thom smile and continue on talking to some guy, he pushed his eyebrows together and decided that it was better to give that bloke an evil eye in case he was coming on to Thom. But the bloke didn’t even look at him, and so Jonny frowned even more and was ready to go in for the kill, but luckily Thom sensed him coming and turned around, holding him in place.
“Jonny, Jonny, Jonny,” Thom smiled against his mouth, with Jonny still looking at the bloke, “I’ve never thought that you become so possessive when drunk,” the smaller man complimented this with a short kiss, their dry lips moving lazily against each other, almost as if they were talking.
“Nobody can look at you that way. No one but me,” Jonny licked his lips and finally looked at Thom, “Thom…”
“Mmmhm?” Thom closed his eyes, his Cheshire cat grin glowing and mesmerizing Jonny. They kissed for a short moment before Jonny pulled away.
“Okay, I’ll hide and we are going home after this. MY home.”
“As you wish,” Thom nipped his chin and Jonny giggled before disappearing.
..::..
And hour and 7 minutes later, disheveled, tired and desperate, Thom was stumbling through empty bottles of booze and passed away people, cursing under his breath and gathering all strength left in him to finish his quest of finding Jonny. He’s been everywhere; in the kitchen with its tight cabinets full of glassware and weird porcelain figures; in the bathroom there a couple was sleeping in the tub; in all the rooms upstairs – seeing something he didn’t want to in one; and finally he was opening the back door and walking into the small indoor garden – the only place that seemed to be untouched by the party. It was a bit colder and the fresh air made him a little light-headed. It was long after midnight, and judging by the bluish glow in the sky it was about 4 o’clock in the morning. He sighed and made his way through the rows of lush leaves, stuffing his hands in his pockets and cursing for even letting Jonny hide in such state. Lost in his thoughts, he didn’t even notice a person curled in the old sofa in the dark corner. Recognizing the mane of ebony hair he smiled and almost skipped to Jonny, his heart fluttering in his chest.
”Jonny, Jonny, Jonny,” he moaned for the third time this night, settling on his knees in front of the sofa and nuzzling the back of his friend’s neck, “Wakey, wakey.”
“Thom?” Jonny turned around slightly, his eyes still closed, “Come here.”
Thom smiled and crawled onto the sofa and into Jonny’s warm embrace, welcomed by the soft lips on his. Usually Jonny was a heavy sleeper, but now he was used to Thom sleeping beside him and would wake up every night to embrace him and pull him closer.
“We are still not home, you know,” Thom giggled while Jonny was placing small kisses on his face without opening his eyes.
“Well we are together on something soft and horizontal. That’s enough home for me.”
“Jonny?”
“Mmmhm?”
“I love you,” Thom was looking at his half-sleeping face.
“I love you too, Thomas,” Jonny kissed him on the chin, “Edward,” a peck in the corner of the lips, “Yorke,” followed by the soft kiss on the lips.
Part 1.
Thom raised his head and glanced in the direction of his friends, who exploded in laughter on the opposite side of the room. Nigel, who was still talking to him, followed his gaze and stopped his monologue, annoyed by the distraction.
“Oi! What’s up?” Thom was grinning slightly, his eyes darting from Phil to Colin and staying on Jonny’s face for a prolonged moment.
“Nothing Thom, nothing,” Colin giggled, covering his mouth with his hand, “It’s just that my little brother was showing off and stuck his own finger in his eye, the stupid arse.”
“Who thought that playing air guitar could be so dangerous?” Ed smiled, appearing in the doorway with his usual cup of tea, its fruity scent feeling the room.
“Shut up, it really hurts,” Jonny was grinning madly and rubbing his eye with the side of his hand, “Dammit, it won’t go away.”
“I’ve got one word for you: goggles,” Phil stretched and put his hands behind his head.
“Oh, I get it all the time, Jonny,” Thom was the only one apathetic, “Just rinse it for a bit with cold water, the itch would go away soon.”
“Right,” Jonny got up clumsily, stumbling a little for his vision was blurred. He jerked slightly as he felt a hand on his elbow, gently guiding him.
“There, mate, I’ll help you,” he heard Thom’s voice behind him and then he was pulled to the door and into the hallway.
“Does it still hurt?” Thom was leaning against the tiles, looking at the taller man bent over the sink.
“Mmmmmragh,” Jonny sniffed and turned the water off, his eye still red. Thom noticed that the ends of his hair were wet, forming dark cones that stuck to his forehead. Jonny shook his head, sending the tiny drops of water flying everywhere.
“Stop it, what are you, a sprinkler?” Thom laughed and turned his face away from his friend, shielding himself with his palms.
“Yes!” Jonny launched on Thom, pinning him to the tiles, shaking his head and showering Thom with water, both of them laughing.
“Get off! Get fucking off!” Thom put his hands on Jonny’s chest and pushed him away, but not too strongly; Jonny laughed and leaned closer to Thom, licking the drop of water off his cheek.
“Ugh, disgusting,” Thom rubbed his cheek as Jonny leaned back, feeling satisfied and completely dominant, “Someday, when I’m big and muscular…”
“What?” Jonny was giggling and wiping his hair with a towel.
“I said, someday when I will acquire enough brawn…ooh, Jonny, you better watch out,” Thom was fumbling with the button on his shirt and grinning at his friend.
“Hah, Thom, you are very cute when you are dreaming of impossible,” Jonny put the towel on the rack and turned to face the blonde man, a predator smile playing on his lips, “Until then though,” he made a step closer and Thom’s breathing hitched, “I can do whatever,” Jonny’s body was so close that Thom felt his warmness, “I can do whatever I want with you,” Thom shivered slightly, concentrating on the cold tiles against his back.
They stood like that for sometime, breathing in each other’s scent and enjoying that rare moment of being so close. Thom fought the urge to close his eyes and fully immerse in the atmosphere around Jonny. His head was swimming, but he steadied his thoughts and gathered enough strength to continue the game.
“And what it is you want to do to me?” he asked, his voice containing more hope than mischievousness.
“Lots of things, Thommy,” Jonny’s voice was sad and serene for a second before turning sly again, “Tickle you to agony, for example.”
Jonny’s hands snaked to Thom’s sides and started tickling the smaller man. Thom writhed and laughed, bucking and trying to kick Jonny.
“Everything alright up there?” they stopped abruptly, hearing Nigel’s voice in the end of the hallway.
“Yeah, Jonny’s just being a maniac and trying to grope me here,” Thom answered, his eyes laughed when he saw Jon looking sharply at him, whispering “You naughty little minx.”
“Oh, alright,” Nigel’s voice sounded a little amused, but he gave up on his attempts to understand that pair long time ago, “Thom, there’s a phone call for you…it’s your brother.”
“I’ll be right out,” Thom ruffled his hair while Jonny watched him, still gripping to his sides tightly.
“Jonny,” Thom smiled, looking at his friend.
“Thom?” Jonny returned the grin, his eyes narrowing a little.
“Jonny,” Thom wriggled a little in his grasp, indicating that he would like to be released.
“Yes, Thom?”
Thom sighed and grinned wider, “Would you mind letting me go?”
“Oh, you mean that.”
“Yes, that.”
“You should’ve asked first, I mean, I would let you go immediately,” his hands were still clutched to his band mate.
“You brother says…and I’m quoting…'Tell him he’s got to get his pale arse to answer the bleeding phone and if he doesn’t fucking pick it up in fucking 20 seconds I’m going to bloody drive up there and fucking kill him',” Nigel sounded a little shocked.
Thom chuckled and looked at Jonny with pleading eyes.
“And if I release you…is there some kind of award coming?” Jonny’s gaze flickered to Thom’s lips before setting back on the blue eyes.
“Oh, yes,” Thom stated matter-of-factly, nodding vigorously.
“Well then,” Jonny let go of Thom gently and gave the smaller man some space.
The singer smiled at him playfully and started for the door.
“What about the award?”
“Your order is pending. We value your custom,” Thom wriggled his arse and stuck his tongue out before disappearing around the corner.
____________________________________________
Part 2:
“So?”
“Crazy, eh?”
“Well I like the technique.”
“What about all these little thingies running up and down the stairs endlessly because all the stairs loop?”
“Well, ‘tis a great…great idea,” Jonny rocked on his feet and looked at the “little thingie”, trying to fall in love with the picture for Thom’s sake.
“Jonny!” Thom looked at his friend’s profile, amused and slightly curious.
“Hold on, Thommy. Two more minutes of intense autohypnosis and I will smother my opinion with yours and we could both whine in pleasure,” Jonny was staring intently at the picture now, a slight smile forming on his lips.
“Okay,” Thom grinned and looked down at his watch, “Two minutes exactly.”
They stood motionless like that, holding back giggles and trying to imagine how stupid they looked to others. Thom bit his tongue and felt his stomach flutter in sudden excitement as the 2 minutes passed.
“Weeeeell?” he purred, looking up at Jonny.
“Thom, I see it now. It’s pure genius. I’ve been enlightened and now I’m going to Tibet to start a new philosophical school. Want to be my first pupil?”
“Does it mean I have to shave my head and wear orange robe?”
“Erm…surely I can shave your head, but you’d have to fight Dalai Lama for the robe,” Jonny pushed his eyebrows together and inspected Thom’s hair, “And…um…I don’t really want you to shave your hair off. I like it very much.”
“You do?”
“Yes, from where I’m standing, it looks gorgeous.”
“What if I move closer so you could see it better? Just for hair inspection purposes, of course.”
“That would be lovely,” Jonny held his breathe and kept a modest smile on while Thom tiptoed closer to him, smiling timidly and looking down.
“Thom, like a professional critic, I just have to,” Jonny ran his hand through Thom’s spiky hair, enjoying its softness, “…perform couple of tests,” he sighed and circled the smaller man’s shoulders with his arm, rubbing his cheek against the ginger locks and closing his eyes.
“Do I get a good review?” Thom giggled, while arguing if he should embrace Jonny or not, “Or is it overrated? Too conservative? Too mainstream? ‘Charming, but utterly hideous’?”
“It’s perfect,” Jonny smiled and let his fingers brush Thom’s neck while he slowly brought back the distance between them.
“Why, thank you. You’ve been nothing but nice today.”
“Yeah, well…I still hate the picture,” Jonny’s eyes glittered with mischief, as he turned away and glanced over his shoulder at Thom. Taking in the surprised reaction for a few brief moments, he marched on to the next exhibition, knowing that his friend would launch a new arguing attack in three, two, one…
“Jonny! It’s genius! It represents how small and blind we are in the labyrinth of…”
____________________________________________
Part 3:
Thom was slouched in the club on the soft sofa, smiling and beyond tipsy; even his inner dialogue was somewhat slurred, never mind the broken phrases that exited his mouth. Nothing mattered though; the show was done and they had couple days of relaxing and…well, what the hell they usually did during those days?
Ed was sitting close to him, on the floor, and if one would look closer into his eyes, he would see smoke in his stoned pupils; Colin was stretching on the same sofa, his state not clear at all – he would fall asleep for a few minutes, then wake up and continue with his mumbling, his sentences messing up the whole conversation even more. Usually Thom would explode in laughter, but he was tired and intoxicated, so all he could do was smile.
‘Twas unclear, though, whether he smiled at the whole situation or at the fact that Jonny was sitting across of him, just two empty tables away, talking with the blonde girl and sending pert glances in his direction.
“Minx,” Thom mumbled, stretching and yawning, his button-up shirt raising a little to reveal his milky stomach. Returning his eyes to Jonny, he saw the curious gaze rise from his belly button to his face.
Jonny continued talking to the girl, and Thom saw that she was laughing and flirting ruthlessly. A thick blush was playing on her cheeks for an hour now, and Thom rolled his eyes, causing Jonny to chuckle into his hand.
“So do you guys,” Ed rubbed his eyes with the tips of his fingers, “Do you guys…think that…oh, here’s a question. Where do parrots live in wilderness?”
“The jungle,” Colin kicked Thom, trying to stretch his legs and occupy the rest of the sofa, “Move!”
“Coz, really, ow,” Thom scowled and rubbed his tummy.
“No, I mean, do they have nests? ‘Cause there are no cages…and I can’t really imagine a parrot in the nest,” Ed concentrated on his thoughts for a while, “Yeah, it’s too weird.”
Thom noticed the blonde scribbling something on the napkin and giving it to Jonny. She twisted a lock of her hair around her finger as he looked at it for a moment before grinning and blushing. “Somebody’s going go score tonight,” Thom smiled even broader and thought of ways to spoil the utopia across the room somehow.
“Yeah, you are right, Ed. I think they just…oh Christ, I don’t know,” Colin scratched his head and kicked Thom again.
“Colin, you prick,” Thom narrowed his eyes, contemplating his evil plan. Noticing the napkin on his own table, he giggled maniacally and rolled it into a tight ball before throwing it at the blonde and jumping on top of Colin so what the table would hide him.
“Erm, Thom, you are touching my private areas and I’m too drunk to decide if I like it or not,” Colin closed his eyes, “Oh, whatever. I love snuggling while pissed. Come ‘ere, you,” he squeezed Thom in his arms and planted a gentle kiss on his head.
“I want a cuddle too!” Ed stood up clumsily, gazing at his two tiny band mates on the sofa, who were gazing back at him with a look of utter terror.
“No no no no no,” Colin’s eyes were wide and scared, “You’ll crush us both!”
“Here I come!” Ed crushed on both of them, throwing his arms around both of the men and rubbing his cheek on Thom’s back. Colin released a hip of air, his face reddening and Thom laughing into his chin.
Meanwhile the blonde looked back to give the evil eye to the person who was attacking her; all she did see though was three apparently gay men hugging each other on the sofa. Jonny was red with giggles, covering his face with his hands, his shoulders shaking.
“My life is 10 more years shorter,” Colin sighed as Ed rolled over and settled on his side, pushing him and Thom to the edge of the sofa. Thom sighed and raised his head, peeking from behind the table at the couple. Jonny shook his head at him and they exchanged a warm smile.
“I’ve got to… fix my eyeliner, boys,” Thom stood up and giggled, stumbling to the bathroom.
“Wha? When was the last time that man used mascara?” Coz picked his head up and stared at Thom’s descending back.
“When uh…when he was asleep and we put it on him, remember? Poor fellow was getting phone numbers from all the indie boys around,” Ed snorted and hugged Colin casually, snuggling close and shutting his eyes.
“Yeah, I remember now,” Colin closed his eyes, slowly drifting to sleep, “I think Jonny was one of those indie boys.”
Once Thom disappeared behind the bathroom door, Jonny stood up and rushed after him, dropping a faint “Excuse me”. He stopped before the door, fixing his hair and making sure that his breathing was normal. Closing his eyes for a second, he opened the door and walked in, noticing Thom washing his hands and humming a familiar tune.
“How do you do, Jonny?” Thom’s reflection smiled in the mirror and Jonny promised himself that he was going to keep cool and make Thom lose this round.
“Quite well, thank you,” Jonny occupied the adjacent sink, splashing his face with cold water and rubbing his eyes with his hands, “How was that little orgy on the sofa?”
“My back still hurts,” Thom chuckled, turning off the water and leaning against the sink, “And it was a little boring without you.”
“I didn’t get an invitation,” Jonny wiped his hands with a paper towel, glancing at Thom abruptly.
“You’re always invited to my orgies,” Thom walked over to him and stood close, tucking the loose lock of Jonny’s hair behind his ear.
“I’m sure I’ll use that opportunity,” Jonny whispered, staring at Thom and feeling his heart jumping with excitement, “In fact I think I’ll use it right now.”
Thom raised his eyebrow, looking curiously at Jon for a few seconds; then he was grabbed by the hand roughly and yanked away from the bathroom and across the club; then – pushed forward to Coz and Ed. Thom looked back and saw Jonny saying something to the girl, who was first gazing at him with pure astonishment, soon replaced by anger.
As Jonny waved her off and approached Thom (half-embracing him before pushing down on the sofa and jumping right at him), she took her purse and exited the club hastily.
“Arrrrgh! Me stomach!” Colin was red once again, huffing and puffing, trying to push Thom and Jonny off of him.
“Coz? Wanna switch sides? I can take more, I’m bigger,” Ed was looking at him with concern.
Meanwhile, Jonny was embracing Thom tightly and running his lips across his jaw line, with Thom fighting to get away playfully.
“What about your girlfriend?” the singer giggled into Jonny’s dark hair, pushing him away.
“She’s not my girlfriend. I told her that we are a clan of homosexuals that practice free love and live together,” Jonny smiled and stroked Thom’s cheek.
“Nice one, Jonny. Now, if you could just…,” Ed tried to squeeze his way through, but he ended up pushing Colin off the sofa and falling next to him on the floor.
“Mmmmh, we are alone now,” Jonny smiled and snuggled close to Thom, holding him in his arms.
“Yes, but that’s not an orgy anymore…I said you were invited only to orgies.”
“It’s a rape then,” Jonny growled before catching Thom’s lip between his own, his hand caressing the smaller man’s back.
“Our first kiss,” Thom smiled against Jonny’s lips with his eyes closed, “Drunken too.”
“Thus starts our major headfuck with friendship, love, priorities, jealousy,” Jonny kissed Thom rapidly before continuing, “All the good stuff.”
“Mmmmhm…can’t wait.”
____________________________________________
Part 4:
“What’s this now?”
“What does it look like to you? ‘Tis a bloody kettle.”
“I’ve got a kettle.”
“Yours is small and puny. And we have to heat it up at least 3 times to have enough tea for everybody. Now take it and jump with excitement.”
“Is it some kind of holiday today? ‘Cause I can’t think of a crappy enough holiday that would be suitable for that as a present.”
“You know what? I completely missed that and I won’t even ask you to repeat it. Just take it and let me in for Christ sakes,” Colin shoved the kettle in Thom’s arms and pushed past him roughly, taking off his jacket.
“Why’s this thing red?” Thom mused, holding the enormous kettle and studying it, his reflection twisting in the smooth surface. Sighing, he slowly followed Coz to the living room.
“Nice kettle, Thom,” Ed smiled and stretched his long arms above his head, “Better than your little fucker,” his friendly expression changed as Thom scowled at him.
“Jonny, go make tea for everybody,” Colin settled in close to Ed, punching him playfully, “And use the new kettle.”
“I don’t like this thing,” Jonny gazed at the monstrosity in Thom’s hands with disgust.
“Fine,” Colin groaned, “You two…” he struggled for the word, “lovebirds…can drink out of that rusty steamer.”
“Suits me,” Jonny shrugged, walking to the kitchen, “By the way, Thom, where do you keep the cups?”
“I’ll show you,” Thom speeded up after him, leaving the rest of the band behind.
They were standing in a shadowy kitchen without turning the lights on, the snow outside the windows providing enough light for them to see each other’s silhouettes. Jonny was serving up five cups, supplying each with different combinations of teabags, milk, sugar, and honey.
“I love making tea in your kitchen,” he smiled, his long fingers moving quickly above the cups.
“Why?” Thom was holding his palms over the kettle, enjoying the heat it radiated.
“It’s just that I imagine that I’m making tea for you only, while you are cuddled up on the couch under a duvet and waiting for me,” Jonny closed his eyes and brushed his hair from his face with a longer finger, still smiling toothily, “Or it’s morning and we are having breakfast together,” he rubbed his forehead, “Sorry, I’m being ludicrous.”
“No, go on. I love hearing your fantasies,” Thom smiled at him in the dark.
“I have lots of these, really. When I’m riding a train I think about your cheek pressed against my chest and you holding on to me tightly so you wouldn’t fall. Every time I am at the card isle in a store I stop by and read all these cheesy lines and try to think of a message I would add to them and your face once I give it to you,” he chuckled, “I know, I know, I sound like a teenage girl.”
“I like having tea with all the guys with you sitting next to me,” Thom turned off the boiling kettle and poured water into his and Jonny’s cup, “It’s almost like you and I are having a conversation with random contributions from others.”
Thom put the kettle down and looked warmly at Jonny, noticing that he was wearing only a thin t-shirt, despite the chilliness in the kitchen. He thought about Jonny’s skin being probably smoother because of cold; as if to prove his musing, Thom reached his hand across to stroke Jonny’s arm.
“Thom…” Jonny sighed subtly, bringing his arms to wrap around the smaller man, pulling him closer. They stood embracing, their bodies illuminated by the blue light reflected off the snowflakes outside, their skin glowing and hearts beating quietly so as not to disturb these moments. Jonny was aware of Thom’s stubble brushing his neck, his opened palms resting flatly on his back and he sighed again, enjoying the smell of fresh tea and Thom’s hair.
“We have to make tea for the others,” Thom whispered under his breath, not moving a muscle and afraid to change his position.
“Couple more minutes,” Jonny lowered his head, letting Thom’s hair brush his lips, “Promise that you’ll sit next to me.”
“I will.”
____________________________________________
Part 5:
“Who’s that bloke up there?” Jonny was stiff and tense, standing almost on his toes to make out someone in the far corner of the party.
“Who?” Colin finished his cocktail and slurped, obviously tipsy and happy.
“The one molesting Thom.”
Colin turned around, his eyebrows shooting upwards, the expression of utter confusion forming on his face. He spent good two minutes trying to locate either Thom or the bloke, both unsuccessful.
“Jonny, damn you, you are taller than me. Lift me up so I could see.”
“I’m not going to lift you up, what are you, nuts?” Jonny pushed his eyebrows together, annoyed.
“Well Jonny-baby, I guess I shall climb something to help you mate,” Colin giggled and spotted an almost empty coffee table. Seeing his opportunity, he shooed away few girls standing around it and raised his leg to mount it, but he was stopped by a strong arm circling his waist and pulling him away.
“Colin, seriously, what was that you were drinking?” Jonny took the empty glass from Colin’s hands and put it on the table.
“A Flirtini!” Coz giggled and hugged his little brother, “Jonny, your sweater is sooo soft. We should go shopping someday. Or we should swap clothes.”
“Right,” Jonny looked around and noticed that Thom and the bloke were now closer, obviously enjoying each other’s company, “Colin, Colin, look, there they are. Who’s he?”
“Meh?” Colin turned around, finally spotting his target, “Oh, alright…That would be Chris Fielding. He was Thom’s friend in college. Whoa, look at him,” Colin was obviously checking the guy out, “Forget about my offer, Jonny. I’m going shopping with him.”
“Ed! Colin says he wants to have sex with you,” Jonny tugged at Ed’s sleeve and pushed Colin into him. Checking his hair and clearing his throat, he made his way to the pair across.
“Well hello,” Ed threw on his best seductive smile and smiled down at Colin, “I hear you want me.”
“Fancy a Flirtini?” Colin’s eyes were half-closed and he was grinning drunkenly.
..::..
“Thom!” Jonny tried to sound breezy and casual, but it turned out desperate and pleading.
“Jonny,” Thom spun around and smiled at him before taking his hand and pulling him forward to face the guy, “Chris, this is Jonny, he’s my friend.”
“His best friend,” Jonny put his arm around Thom’s neck and pulled him closer possessively.
“And he’s my band mate.”
“His favourite band mate,” Jonny nodded a couple of times, still holding Thom’s tightly, “In fact, 80% of fan fiction about our band involves Thom and I having sex.”
“Never mind him, he’s always weird at this time of the day,” Thom looked at his friend with a confused grin, “Anyway, Jonny, this is Chris, he’s my old college buddy.”
“Might I add, his best old college buddy,” Chris’ voice turned out to be soft and his eyes twinkled with an adorable smile. Jonny was ready to punch him in the face.
Thom chuckled and continued, “Chris and I were just catching up. We had some crazy times at school,” Thom smiled his far-away smile, “…aaaaand now he’s a sculptor,” he added after a few moments.
“Oh, great, interesting. It’s strange I never heard of you, since Thom and I go waaaay back,” Jonny finally released Thom and the smaller man rubbed his neck with an inaudible sigh. He wasn’t free for long though – Jonny was now putting a hand on his back, a little lower than usual.
“Well,” Chris chuckled, “I don’t really now what to say in this situation,” he scratched his head, “Anyway, Thom, do you want to get a drink after this? I mean, there are drinks here, but it’s a bit noisy and I really want to talk to you after all these years.”
“Oh, surely, of course,” Thom gazed at Jonny as if asking him for a permission.
Jonny bit his lip and cursed in his head. Surely it was going to be only a buddy chat, nothing more, he’s just being paranoid. On the other hand though, he still felt extremely possessive and it seemed so much easier to act like a prick and snatch Thom from this bloke.
“Of course Jonny can come with us,” Chris stated politely.
Jonny gazed at him, his head boiling with thoughts. Right. He had to get a grip on himself.
“Oh, no, no, I mean I don’t want to be a splinter…I won’t get inside jokes and all,” he smiled weakly, “I guess I’ll see you later, Thom.”
Their eyes met and Thom smiled at him reassuringly, as if saying that he won’t be long, and that it’s nothing really. Jonny returned the smile, showing that he understood.
..::..
He was sitting Indian style on Thom’s bed for the past hour, running his hand on the sheets, smoothing out the wrinkles. An open book was lying in front of him, but he hasn’t turned a single page; the tellie was on, volume on low, and old melodrama was unfolding with the same crispy enthusiasm.
Jonny heard faint footsteps approaching the door and held his breath for the tenth time. These were quite close to those of Thom. Light, quick, and…they stopped opposite the door and soon he heard someone fumbling with the lock. Jonny picked up a book and leaned back against the bed frame, pretending to be reading.
“Heya,” Thom smiled at him and Jonny sighed with relief – he wasn’t half-pissed.
“Hullo. How was it?”
“Oh, great. He’s been always a great guy,” Thom sat on the bed close to Jonny.
“Did you get a number for Colin? He was drooling at him,” Jonny put the book away and scooted over even closer to Thom.
“Was he really? I though Colin liked Ed,” they were both smiling and leaning closer with each phrase, Jonny’s eyes locked on Thom’s lips.
“That he does,” Jonny smiled and pecked Thom lightly, “And I like you,” he whispered softly before catching Thom’s lips between his own.
“Mmmmhm,” Thom smiled, his eyes half-closed, “Let’s get piss drunk and celebrate New Year’s Eve.”
“It’s October, Thommy. And it’s way past the midnight.”
“Who cares? I’ll get Champagne and you better kiss me and wish me a happy new year when I’m back.”
____________________________________________
Part 6:
“And that’s how it’s done!” Thom brought his deadly pen down and covered the improvised grid with his proud X’s, “27 X’s for me, 12 ‘O’s’ for you, loser,” he giggled maniacally.
“Ah, you prick,” Jonny groaned, hitting himself on the forehead, “How did you do that? How did I not see that? Stop gloating you wicked gloating man!”
“Can’t beat years of practice, mate,” Thom smiled, “This game was basically the highlight of my school time.”
“Alright then, I’m done with this. Plus, I don’t want to draw the grid again,” Jonny pouted, crossed his arms on his chest and stared out the window at the quickly passing landscape.
“We can play thumb war,” Thom suggested meekly.
“Okay,” Jonny sat up and brushed hair from his eyes, “You’re hopeless though. I’ve got longer fingers. Prepare to die.”
“Whoa, I love the attitude,” Thom rubbed his palms together, grinning wildly, “Bring it on.”
They moved closer together, sitting Indian style, their limbs drowning in the cushiony seats of the bus. Jonny bit his lip and grabbed Thom’s hand, placing his finger inside the smaller ones.
“Okay, ready? One, two, three, four, five,” Jonny couldn’t utter the last digit before Thom launched himself on him, raising off his seat and trying to catch his thumb. Overwhelmed, Jonny almost lost it on the spot, but quickly regained composure and dodged Thom’s sly attempts.
“Maybe you have a chance,” Thom blurted, licking his lower lip in an extreme concentration. Suddenly he stopped his moves, keeping his thumb as far from Jonny as possible.
“Wha? What? Why did you stop?” Jonny looked up in confusion just to be met with lips setting firmly against his own. This time he reacted quickly, looking around the bus and seeing no one in particular interest – Ed was in his bunk, Phil was in the front chatting with the driver, and Colin was nowhere to be seen, although his steady snoring indicated that he wasn’t that far. Sighing and closing his eyes, Jonny gave in to the kiss, bringing his free hand to caress Thom’s cheek and massage his neck, pulling them closer together.
“Ah, Jonny,” Thom pulled back with a loud smooch, looking at the taller man still with his eyes closed and waiting for him to continue; he chuckled and reveled at the sight as Jonny fumbled with the hair on his neck impatiently before tugging him gently buy firmly so they would touch again.
Feeling that Jonny had relaxed his hand, Thom gently pinned his thumb with his own, grinning broadly.
“You lost again. Even with your long fingers. Size doesn’t matter,” Thom giggled.
“Oh yeah?” Jonny opened his eyes finally and pushed Thom down on the seats, straddling his hips and pinning his arms down, “Let’s see how you will deal with that situation.”
“Who says I want to deal with it? I’m quite comfy and at ease, while you are the one who has make sure that I don’t escape.”
“God, no matter what I do you always seem to…” Jonny hissed through his teeth as he felt a severe blow in his spine – that bloody minx raised his hips and hit him with his knee. In a couple of moments Thom slid away from Jonny’s weakened grasp and stood on his feet proudly.
“DIE!” Jonny yelled, jumping at Thom and throwing him at the floor with a loud thump.
“Jonny, Jonny, whatcha doin’, come on, lemme go!” Thom was giggling and struggling, trying to kick Jonny, aiming for the crotch.
“Oh cheeky-cheeky… oh naughty-sneaky,” Jonny licked his lips and stopped for a second, holding Thom in his grasp. His eyes darted from the man underneath him to his bunk, the wicked calculations occupying his mind.
“What’s with Brian Eno? Are you going glam? I can sooo imagine you in a boa,” Thom didn’t really catch the change in Jonny’s intentions.
“Okay, Yorke,” Jonny shook his head a little, as if checking if he was serious himself, “Pants off.”
“What?” Thom threw his head back and laughed, but he was stop short by the hand pressing down on his mouth.
“Shut up,” Jonny hissed at him, ducking and looking around. No one noticed them.
“No other sound,” Jonny looked him seriously in the eye before getting up and trying to pick Thom up.
“Wha? Are you gonna shag me?” Thom’s eyes were still twinkling with laughter, curves forming at the corners of his lips.
“Precisely,” Jonny muttered, reaching down to pick his friend up, “Don’t you think it’s time? I think it’s time,” his tone was determined and business-like.
“Ooh but it would screw up everything, Jonny love,” Thom dodged his hands, writhing on the floor.
“Don’t care,” Jonny finally grabbed Thom by the belt and jerked him up, scooping his waist.
“…and there are people here…what are you, an exhibitionist?” Thom poked him playfully in the ribs.
“Well I can’t bloody wait ‘til we reach the hotel,” Jonny sighed and tugged on Thom impatiently, “Come on, we don’t have much time.”
“I’ve got a headache,” Thom put his hands on Jonny’s chest, pushing him away slightly, his ears red and burning.
“Good, I’ll make you forget about it.”
“No, Jonny, I’m not ready,” Thom was now serious, struggling to break free.
“Thom, please,” he was now becoming angry, “Come on, come on,” adrenaline rushing through his blood, Jon was now pulling on Thom quite aggressively.
“Is it really how you want to do this? A quick fuck, biting our wrists to stay quiet? A complete fuck up to relationship, just because of this bleeding lust, huh?” Thom jerked away violently, finally breaking free and stepping behind, “God, Jonny, we are so fucking not ready.”
Jonny stared at him blankly, Thom’s words slowly reaching his consciousness, the need crushing them in senseless bits of sounds.
“Don’t you dare coming close to me before taming your headless libido,” Thom spat out, heading to his bunk and shutting the door behind him. Jonny heard a faint click of the lock and then there was silence.
..::..
“Hey,” arms wrapping around him, lips resting on the back of his neck.
“Hey,” Jonny swallowed his tears and let out a shaky sigh, his head swimming, “Thom…I am sorry. You are right,” he watched the shadows slide through the walls in the dark space.
“It’s okay. It’s just, you know, hard to resist you when you are all ready. But it’s too soon,” Thom kissed his neck slightly, just a faint brush of the lips against skin.
“I’ll try to contain myself.”
“Good,” Thom whispered, closing his eyes and inhaling the smell of Jonny’s hair, “Let’s sleep now.”
____________________________________________
Part 7:
“Whatcha making there?” Jonny rubbed his stubbly neck and smiled at Thom good morning.
“Hot cocoa,” Thom grinned at him childishly, licking the brown liquid of the spoon, his tongue darting to collect the drops around his lips.
“Mmmhm…Questionable brown powder full of chemicals, synthetic growth hormone…speaking of hormone,” Jonny picked up the milk carton and smelled it, wrinkling his nose, “ Sure the milk is not sour?”
“Nope, ‘tis good.”
“How do you know?”
“If you boil sour milk it turns into a weird liquid with solid crumpled stuff floating around.”
“What, like cheese?”
“No! I thought it was cheese…and it wasn’t,” Thom mused, an expression of utter disgust covering his face, “Anyway, I made a cup for you, like the good friend I am.”
“You might be a good friend, but you surely are a crappy boyfriend,” Jonny leaned on the counter, picking up his cup and taking a sip, “This is not half bad.”
“Haha, erm, well, I didn’t know I was your boyfriend,” Thom traced his fingertip on the edge of his half-empty cup, gazing at it thoughtfully, “Well if you think about it really…for how have we been staying over each others houses every night?”
“Ah,” Jonny narrowed his eyes, deep in thought, “Couple of months?”
“Yeah I guess that makes us quite close. And why am I a crappy boyfriend, might I ask? I even did your laundry once.”
“That’s why my boxers are pink suddenly,” Jonny chuckled.
“Pink suits you. Back to the topic though. I think I am fucking perfect.”
“Well you haven’t given me my good-morning kiss, like a good boyfriend would,” Jonny raised his eyebrows taking a sip and gazing at bewildered Thom. His expression changed to pure smugness though, and Jonny thought he almost heard him purr.
“Alright,” Thom moved closer to Jonny, reaching up and taking his cup, placing it on the countertop with a quiet click.
Jonny put his hands on Thom’s waist, encouraging him to go on, loving the feel of rough-with-cold fingers gently stroking his cheek, flipping a lock of hair back, the warm palm sliding down to settle on his neck, a thumb brushing the lobe of his ear. Jonny’s lips parted, subtle sighs escaping them, and Thom found himself wanting to breathe the same oxygen with his friend; slowly closing his eyes and reaching upward, Thom almost caught the last sigh before feeling the ripe lips against his own. Putting his second palm on Jonny’s neck, he pressed himself harder against the other man, feeling their hearts beating fast and with different rhythms, creating a strange pulsating beat going through them both.
Jonny pressed closer and tightened his grip on Thom’s waist, and before he knew his hands were picking the smaller man up and resting him on the counter. Thinking he’d gone too far, Jonny stopped for a second, his eyes closed and lips still lingering on Thom’s. Once he felt legs encircling his body and hanging loosely on his hips, he moaned and put his hand on the back of Thom’s head, crushing their mouths together.
They stopped in a little while. Actually, Thom pulled away with a heavy pant and Jonny rested his forehead against his shoulder, his pulse beating a crazy rhythm in his temples. His eyes weren’t close and he could see Thom’s chest heaving up and down and smiled, not quite sure why.
“Listen, um,” Thom was running his hands through Jonny’s hair, messing them up completely, but nobody really cared, “I think that…I think that we don’t need to use two rooms when we sleep at each other’s houses, yeah?”
“Yeah,” Jonny raised his head and Thom’s hands froze in his hair as their eyes met, “Don’t you dare pull the blanket to your side though,” he smiled, but Thom was still looking at him in hopeless amusement.
“Jon, I,” he trailed off, fumbling with the button on his shirt, looking down, “Jonny I’m afraid,” he whispered, then jerked as if ashamed of himself, rubbing his face and looking sideways, “I mean it’s bloody overwhelming,” he was slowly returning to his normal state.
“Thom, I think we can handle it. There are two of us, I think we would escape all the major breakdowns.”
“Yes, yes,” Thom nodded, “But it’s like there’s two sides to me, one is screaming on top of his lungs to be with you, the other one saying quietly that friendship outlasts love,” he looked at Jonny again, “I really cherish you,” he added, his hands now resting on Jonny’s cheeks and lips sucking out the dear life out of his friend’s mouth in a rapid kiss.
“I cherish you, too. I think we have enough common sense to hold on to each other no matter what.”
They looked at each other before exploding in giggles and hugging tightly, closing their eyes.
“Jonny, you are a dumb arse. We have no common sense what so ever,” Thom laughed, “Especially when things come to our relationship.”
“Well I had to support that drama you were throwing around,” as if on a cue, they reached simultaneously for each other and shared a quick kiss.
“We are sleeping together tonight then,” Thom grew serious instantly, resting his cheek against Jonny’s.
“Yay. I’ll wear my new pink boxers to bed.”
____________________________________________
Part 8:
“Thom!” Jonny tried to catch his hand, but it snaked quickly and disappeared behind the bodies. He cursed under his breath and was ready to start after his friend when he saw a pair of blue eyes facing him.
“Jonny, Jonny, Jonny!” Thom chanted, grinning from ear-to-ear, “You disappear at the entrance and I don’t see you for three hours, tsk tsk tsk…how many people have you flirted with, you naughty minx?”
“None. But I got a couple of interesting offers,” Jonny smiled and took Thom by the sleeve of his blazer, pulling him closer, “Let’s see if your offer would beat them,” he whispered in his ear, smiling.
“Who said I was offering you anything?” Thom smirked at him with mischief, “In fact, I had a couple of opportunities of my own.”
“Mmmm-well why are you not taking them?” Jonny closed his eyes and nuzzled his hair slightly, making it seem like he was leaning in because of all of the noise around.
“Becaaaaaause,” Thom giggled, looking down, “Well you know.”
“No, Thommy, you have to say it,” Jonny smiled a toothy smile and pulled him into a relatively quiet corner, “Tell me the thing you told everyone who tried to come on to you,” he was still smiling, his fingertips sliding under the blazer and in between the buttons on the shirt to tentatively touch the soft skin underneath.
“I told them that my wife beats me with the saucer pan anytime she suspects me cheating on her,” Thom smiled and held Jonny’s gaze.
“Well, darling, when we are finally married, I’ll make sure to buy a couple of hard pans for you,” Jonny smiled pinching Thom slightly, “Only you are gonna be the wife… size-wise, role wise…”
“Somebody is going to sleep on the couch tonight,” Thom pushed Jonny’s hand away playfully.
“Oh, but honey, I’m the boss in this family,” Jonny put his elbows on the wall on the either side of Thom’s head, pinning him and smiling at his prey, “And if I’m sleeping on the couch, you are sleeping next to me. Wait a second, do we even own a couch?”
“Well I do. Officially we still live in the separate houses, remember?” Thom looked up and smiled at him innocently, careful not to touch Jonny.
“Yes, but we are going to stay at my house for a while, hmm?”
“Oh, you know, I think I miss my bed,” Thom yawned and covered his moth with the back of his hand.
“Ah, Yorke, quit playing such hard to get,” Jonny frowned and released him.
“Quit being a dominatrix,” Thom smiled, adjusting his hair.
“Whatever,” Jonny watched him start to walk away, “Where are you going now?”
“Back to the party,” Thom looked over his shoulder.
“But it’s boring and crowded,” Jonny caught his hand and spun him around, “And what if it takes another three hours for us to find each other again?”
“Well, what do you suggest?”
“Let’s play a game.”
Thom groaned, rolling his eyes.
“Truth or dare?”
“Truth.”
“Do you love me?” Jonny looked at him searchingly.
“Get out!”
“Okay, okay then,” Jonny sighed, rubbing his forehead, “Hide and seek then?”
“Right,” Thom smiled, “But to make it less G-rated, each of us downs four shots of vodka.”
“I won’t be able to walk!”
“That’s the point.”
..::..
Thom watched Jonny gulp down the fiery liquid, his face turning red with burning and disgust. Laughing and tapping him on the back, he insisted on hiding first, knowing Jonny’s habit of falling asleep soon after drinking. “Now you count to 15 and go looking for me,” he whispered in his hair, his alcohol breath tickling Jonny’s hair and dived into the crowd, disappearing immediately. Jonny shook his head and tried to put together the digits, realizing it was hard to count in his condition.
“Are you Jonny Greenwood?” a young girl approached him, wearing the infamous “little black dress” and smiling charmingly.
“Six…seven…eight,” Jonny nodded in between the numbers, concentrating hard.
“How splendid! I’m a personal fan of yours,” she tried to look into his eyes, but they were settled on the floor, “I loved your ‘Bodysong’…In fact, that was the only reason I watched the whole movie.”
“What comes after eleven?” Jonny raised his head and met her eyes for the first time.
“Why, twelve,” she looked at him in sweet confusion.
“Thanks…twelve…thirteen…” he was tapping his foot impatiently.
“…I’ve always wanted to attend your solo concert, but I get it you don’t give those. I think you are a modern genius in music….”
“…fifteen. THOM YOU BLOODY WANKER, I’M COMING! AND AFTER ALL THE TODAY’S NONSENCE, YOU ARE SHOWING ME THE BLOODY STRIP-TEASE, AND IT DOESN’T MEAN JUST TAKING OFF YOUR CLOTHES A LITTLE BIT SLOWER,” Jonny growled, pushing past the girl and stumbling into the people.
Thom knew that intoxicated Jonny would be horrid at finding him, so he didn’t even think about hiding. Instead he strolled to the adjacent room and joined a group of people, hiding behind the tall ones and slurping his drink, gazing at the doorframe once in a while. Seeing Jonny walk in clumsily and giving the room a good drunken look, he giggled into his palm and ducked a slightly.
But Jonny was smarter than that. And a little more romantic. Reaching for his wallet, he leaned against the first vertical surface that was close to him, that turned to be a huge bloke with his back to him. The guy turned around stunned, but his frown softened when he saw Jonny smile dumbly at the picture in his wallet.
“May I help you?”
Jonny looked around to find the source of the voice, but didn’t see anybody looking at him. Finally he looked up.
“Oh, right, hiya. Have you seen him?” Jonny meant to show the picture, but instead he shoved it in the guy’s face, “Whoops, sorry. Bloody gorgeous, isn’t he? I’m his boyfriend. Well not a boyfriend, I mean…we just mess about…but! But someday I’ll marry him. And he is defiantly going to be the wife. I mean, come on…”
“Erm, yeah, I think I saw him here couple of minutes ago,” the bloke looked around, “Oh yeah, there he is, just next to that girl in pink.”
“Right, thanks…come to our wedding, you’ll be very much welcome. Ugh I can’t wait to get my hands on him…” Jonny giggled evilly and ducked his head so that Thom wouldn’t see him coming. He scurried across the room, stopping once in a while to see if Thom was still there.
“Gotha!” Jonny seized him by the shoulders and bit his shoulder playfully. Thom stopped mid-sentence shocked, looking up at the people who were watching the scene curiously.
“Whoa, I didn’t know you’d find me that quick, mate,” Thom laughed, reaching back and tapping Jonny on the shoulder, “That’s my friend Jonny.”
“To hell with the politeness, it’s my turn to hide,” Jonny slurred, leaning heavily on Thom.
“Okay, go ahead,” Thom turned his head and smiled at him, “You’ve got 30 seconds.”
“Why 30? You had…ugh….15.”
“Well you are more…disoriented…”
“I’m not disoriented…I’m well oriented…I’m oriented toward men! You in particular,” Jonny growled into his ear.
“Excuse him,” Thom smiled and blushed.
“Don’t excuse me! I lllllo…like…no, that’s right, I love this man! And I’m gonna marry him!” Jonny said it loudly, looking at the people in front of him, embracing Thom by the shoulders with one arm and pointing at him with his finger.
“Jon-ny, go hi-ide,” Thom bit his lip.
“Okay,” Jonny, feeling accomplished, backed away; noticing Thom smile and continue on talking to some guy, he pushed his eyebrows together and decided that it was better to give that bloke an evil eye in case he was coming on to Thom. But the bloke didn’t even look at him, and so Jonny frowned even more and was ready to go in for the kill, but luckily Thom sensed him coming and turned around, holding him in place.
“Jonny, Jonny, Jonny,” Thom smiled against his mouth, with Jonny still looking at the bloke, “I’ve never thought that you become so possessive when drunk,” the smaller man complimented this with a short kiss, their dry lips moving lazily against each other, almost as if they were talking.
“Nobody can look at you that way. No one but me,” Jonny licked his lips and finally looked at Thom, “Thom…”
“Mmmhm?” Thom closed his eyes, his Cheshire cat grin glowing and mesmerizing Jonny. They kissed for a short moment before Jonny pulled away.
“Okay, I’ll hide and we are going home after this. MY home.”
“As you wish,” Thom nipped his chin and Jonny giggled before disappearing.
..::..
And hour and 7 minutes later, disheveled, tired and desperate, Thom was stumbling through empty bottles of booze and passed away people, cursing under his breath and gathering all strength left in him to finish his quest of finding Jonny. He’s been everywhere; in the kitchen with its tight cabinets full of glassware and weird porcelain figures; in the bathroom there a couple was sleeping in the tub; in all the rooms upstairs – seeing something he didn’t want to in one; and finally he was opening the back door and walking into the small indoor garden – the only place that seemed to be untouched by the party. It was a bit colder and the fresh air made him a little light-headed. It was long after midnight, and judging by the bluish glow in the sky it was about 4 o’clock in the morning. He sighed and made his way through the rows of lush leaves, stuffing his hands in his pockets and cursing for even letting Jonny hide in such state. Lost in his thoughts, he didn’t even notice a person curled in the old sofa in the dark corner. Recognizing the mane of ebony hair he smiled and almost skipped to Jonny, his heart fluttering in his chest.
”Jonny, Jonny, Jonny,” he moaned for the third time this night, settling on his knees in front of the sofa and nuzzling the back of his friend’s neck, “Wakey, wakey.”
“Thom?” Jonny turned around slightly, his eyes still closed, “Come here.”
Thom smiled and crawled onto the sofa and into Jonny’s warm embrace, welcomed by the soft lips on his. Usually Jonny was a heavy sleeper, but now he was used to Thom sleeping beside him and would wake up every night to embrace him and pull him closer.
“We are still not home, you know,” Thom giggled while Jonny was placing small kisses on his face without opening his eyes.
“Well we are together on something soft and horizontal. That’s enough home for me.”
“Jonny?”
“Mmmhm?”
“I love you,” Thom was looking at his half-sleeping face.
“I love you too, Thomas,” Jonny kissed him on the chin, “Edward,” a peck in the corner of the lips, “Yorke,” followed by the soft kiss on the lips.
Thursday, November 1, 2007
Treefingers, pt 2
He pointed at somewhere in the distance and slowly made his way into that direction without looking back at Ed. Curiously Ed followed his steps and only stopped when Colin came to a halt in front of a tall tree, an old willow that seemed to have existed long before. Colin ran a hand along its bark and reached out for Ed’s to do the same.
“It’s an old tree. It has been here long before us.”
He pulled Ed’s hand close and didn’t let go as he moved it along the trunk, slowly and carefully, as if to remember that moment for later. His breath was deep and steady and could be heard through the quiet noises of the forest they were standing in. Ed stepped closer behind Colin and rested his chin on Colin’s shoulder, slowly stroking along his arm with his left hand and mumbled quietly.
“How much time do we have left?”
“It depends… It depends on you.”
Ed nodded slowly and his breath was resting on the side of Colin’s face until his lips brushed it lightly, causing Colin to shiver lightly.
“Even if it was a dream…”
“I told you, it is…”
“Even if it was a dream… Does it have any significance for… the real life…”
“It depends on what you feel and whether there is a real life at all.”
Ed paused for a moment, taking up all the words that Colin had said, his breath shaking slightly, and then he freed his hand from Colin’s, carefully sneaking out of his grasp.
“So… Even if THIS is a dream, it means…”
“It means just as much as you want it to…”
For another moment they stood still, bodies close and cheeks touching, not a word passed between the two of them, and taking in the sounds of the forest around them. For a moment nothing seemed to change, everything seemed to last forever, until Colin took Eds hand in his again and dragged him away from the willow tree. They headed for a place unknown to Ed, but he didn’t care where they went anyway, as long as he could be with Colin.
The minutes passed and Ed wanted to know where Colin was leading him by then. While they kept walking, the fresh air stroked across their bare skin, and the sun was setting, setting a reddish glow onto everything. It soon would be dark and where would they go then? What would they do?
“I take it you want to know where we’re going.”
Ed nodded slowly and glanced over at Colin by his side.
“Well, I think you should know, otherwise we’ll be walking forever…”
“OK…”
Ed tried to think hard of somewhere to go and all that came to his mind was water, water running swiftly over rocks and making those little noises that it always made, cool fresh water, wet water, water running over his skin and dropping of it in droplets. And then he saw a river running just in front of them, flowing quickly and the sounds it made sounded so beautiful and calmed him down completely.
They walked another few steps towards the water and then Ed pulled Colin down and settled on top of him, pushing him deep into the mossy floor and touched his soft beautiful face with his fingers, slowly running them up and down his features. He ran it across his cheek and felt his heart tighten as a smile formed around the edges of Colin’s face.
“Ed.”
This one sound, this word, his name, it sounded like the most beautiful thing coming out of this mouth, it sounded like something absolutely wonderful, like nothing he could ever be. Ed lowered his mouth onto those red lips, slowly running his tongue over it until he let it slip inside Colin’s mouth and teased it lightly. After seconds of perfection, Ed withdrew again and looked into Colin’s eyes.
“Ed, you’re a fool. This is not real and it will never be…”
“But you said that there might be no…”
“I never said that it was definite and you should know what’s real or not yourself anyway.”
“I don’t care whether it’s a dream,” Ed whispered. “I don’t care what it is right now. All I know is that if it IS a dream, it is the most wonderful dream I’ve ever had.”
He ran his lips along Colin’s neck as if to strengthen his point.
“And I want it to last forever.”
Colin answered nothing as he felt quiet tears falling onto his skin, slowly running down his body and fading away. He said nothing as Ed resumed to kissing him, this time more forcefully, and hands clasping onto Colin as if to keep him where he was.
“You can’t always make things the way you want them to be…”
Ed’s grip around Colin’s hips tightened.
“You can’t always want things to stay the way they are and you have to accept it.”
Ed trailed a line of kisses down Colin’s body while more tears fell, faster than before. He held onto Colin tightly, placing soft kisses onto his chest and stomach, but his shivering hands couldn’t hide his desperation any longer.
“C-colin,” Ed sobbed and lost himself completely, resting his head on Colin’s stomach as he was weeping quietly, slowly stroking along Colin’s sides and wishing for it to not be over, hoping that he wouldn’t find himself in bed, awake, with no Colin in front of him.
Colin wriggled out from under Ed and flipped him onto his back, his eyes poring into Ed’s as he spoke softly to him.
“But you can enjoy the moment as it is now…”
And with that, Colin pushed inside of Ed, his legs by his side, and murmured quietly into his ears.
“Stop crying Ed, it’s no use…”
“But I won’t… I won’t… This is not real… When I wake up, there’ll be nothing…”
Ed gasped with every thrust and clutched onto Colin’s hips to force him even deeper down. He had his eyes closed so that he didn’t have to face Colin, see his glance, maybe pitying, maybe sad, maybe hopeless.
“Ed… Sometimes you just have to let go, even if you know that it will be gone. Especially if you think that it will be over any second. Just stop thinking and…”
“Oh God, Colin… I don’t want to wake up any longer, I want to stay here and feel you…”
“Shh, it’s okay,” Colin cooed and stroked some hair out of Ed’s face as he made his final thrusts before he shot all inside of Ed, feeling the other’s shivers below him.
“Could you please stay a bit longer?” Ed begged quietly and opened his eyes.
“I can stay as long as you want…”
“I love you, Colin.”
Colin chuckled and withdrew from Ed completely.
“I hope this is also just something that is temporarily and will fade away when you wake up.”
Ed shook his head wildly and gazed into Colin’s eyes, expressing devotion and fear of loss.
“No, Colin…” he breathed. “No Colin, it’s not. It’s something I’ve been thinking about for a long time.”
Colin didn’t answer and just kissed Ed. His forehead, his nose, his cheeks and chin, his neck, his chest, his stomach, and as he moved further down, he felt Ed’s shivers becoming more and more desperate, needy, if not even there could be a smile seen on his face. A delirious smile, a smile that expressed more than what Ed had thought it could ever do.
Colin wrapped his lips around Ed’s erection and pushed further down, forcing everything of Ed inside of him, and then there were Ed’s hands in his hair, moving with his head and guiding his every movement. And he chanted his name over and over again.
“Colin…”
He knew that Ed was close, he knew that he wouldn’t be able to keep it away any longer, he knew that he was close, so close. And as he withdrew, having swallowed everything of what Ed had emptied inside of him, he heard Ed saying his name again, this time more desperate than ever.
They stumbled back onto their feet again and helped each other standing up. Ed’s hands around Colin’s arms, Colin looking up into those loving eyes that didn’t want to lose him, Ed looking back and almost falling to pieces as he thought of the time he would wake up.
“Ed… I told you…”
“I know it is a dream, Colin… But it won’t change…”
“Shh…” Colin shushed before Ed could say anything stupid.
Ed’s eyes were sore, his body weak, his throat was dry, he couldn’t speak. All he did was staring at the person in front of him, taking in this most beautiful sight, and he held onto him tightly. And then they were kissing again, lips running softly over each other, and Ed ran a finger along Colin’s beautiful face, his cheeks and down to his neck, and he kissed him so passionately, the way he had always wanted to do.
They didn’t speak for an eternity and Ed repeated the movement of his fingers across Colin’s face, tears still dripping down his face. He caught a tear and ran his wet finger across Colin’s skin, feeling the smile forming below on Colin’s lips.
“Ed…”
He was laughing, lightly and free, without any fear or grief, and Ed’s heart felt so tight, it was about to burst from all the pain that the situation gave him, and he crashed his lips against Colin’s again to stop him from laughing, why wouldn’t he stop laughing?
“Ed… You don’t mean that…”
“Oh Colin… Please shut up…”
And then there was an awkward pause between the two of them during which Ed was just staring at the smiling man before him who didn’t seem to know anything about the agony he was experiencing. He was staring and staring and staring as if it would change anything about the fact that Colin wouldn’t be there with him when he woke up. And then he spoke again, voice shaking and eyes never leaving Colin’s face.
“You showed me things I’ve never seen…”
Fingers stroking along Colin’s face again, the movement would never cease to fill him with joy.
“You make my life a waking dream.”
The words spoken, Ed saw the trees reaching out for Colin, wrapping their twigs and branches around him, tightening their grip on Colin, raking around his arms and legs, reaching out for his face, and Ed cupped his face in his hands and whispered to Colin to never leave him. He planted kisses onto his face and fresh tears sprung to his eyes and he was sobbing relentlessly, holding onto Colin’s face so tightly that he feared he would break him.
But the branches shoved his hands away, leaving him standing alone in front of Colin and all that was left of him was his face and he spoke again.
“You are very very lucky.”
Ed didn’t want to lose him, he didn’t want Colin to leave, but the trees were taking him away from him, and before Colin disappeared in the depths of the night, he smiled at him again. That smile that turned his whole world upside down.
And then Ed’s vision blurred and he adjusted his eyes to his new surroundings and he found himself to be in his bedroom, no Colin by his side. The alarmclock was ticking on the bedside table and its ugly fingers were shining with their fluorescent glow. It was in the middle of the night and Ed couldn’t remember when he had gone to sleep at all, but everything he knew was that the dream was over. It was over, finally over, and he wouldn’t be able to return. His life would continue just the way it had always done and there was nothing he could do about it.
He rolled over onto his side with a moan and mentally prepared himself for the long night he would have to endure sleepless in his bed.
“It’s an old tree. It has been here long before us.”
He pulled Ed’s hand close and didn’t let go as he moved it along the trunk, slowly and carefully, as if to remember that moment for later. His breath was deep and steady and could be heard through the quiet noises of the forest they were standing in. Ed stepped closer behind Colin and rested his chin on Colin’s shoulder, slowly stroking along his arm with his left hand and mumbled quietly.
“How much time do we have left?”
“It depends… It depends on you.”
Ed nodded slowly and his breath was resting on the side of Colin’s face until his lips brushed it lightly, causing Colin to shiver lightly.
“Even if it was a dream…”
“I told you, it is…”
“Even if it was a dream… Does it have any significance for… the real life…”
“It depends on what you feel and whether there is a real life at all.”
Ed paused for a moment, taking up all the words that Colin had said, his breath shaking slightly, and then he freed his hand from Colin’s, carefully sneaking out of his grasp.
“So… Even if THIS is a dream, it means…”
“It means just as much as you want it to…”
For another moment they stood still, bodies close and cheeks touching, not a word passed between the two of them, and taking in the sounds of the forest around them. For a moment nothing seemed to change, everything seemed to last forever, until Colin took Eds hand in his again and dragged him away from the willow tree. They headed for a place unknown to Ed, but he didn’t care where they went anyway, as long as he could be with Colin.
The minutes passed and Ed wanted to know where Colin was leading him by then. While they kept walking, the fresh air stroked across their bare skin, and the sun was setting, setting a reddish glow onto everything. It soon would be dark and where would they go then? What would they do?
“I take it you want to know where we’re going.”
Ed nodded slowly and glanced over at Colin by his side.
“Well, I think you should know, otherwise we’ll be walking forever…”
“OK…”
Ed tried to think hard of somewhere to go and all that came to his mind was water, water running swiftly over rocks and making those little noises that it always made, cool fresh water, wet water, water running over his skin and dropping of it in droplets. And then he saw a river running just in front of them, flowing quickly and the sounds it made sounded so beautiful and calmed him down completely.
They walked another few steps towards the water and then Ed pulled Colin down and settled on top of him, pushing him deep into the mossy floor and touched his soft beautiful face with his fingers, slowly running them up and down his features. He ran it across his cheek and felt his heart tighten as a smile formed around the edges of Colin’s face.
“Ed.”
This one sound, this word, his name, it sounded like the most beautiful thing coming out of this mouth, it sounded like something absolutely wonderful, like nothing he could ever be. Ed lowered his mouth onto those red lips, slowly running his tongue over it until he let it slip inside Colin’s mouth and teased it lightly. After seconds of perfection, Ed withdrew again and looked into Colin’s eyes.
“Ed, you’re a fool. This is not real and it will never be…”
“But you said that there might be no…”
“I never said that it was definite and you should know what’s real or not yourself anyway.”
“I don’t care whether it’s a dream,” Ed whispered. “I don’t care what it is right now. All I know is that if it IS a dream, it is the most wonderful dream I’ve ever had.”
He ran his lips along Colin’s neck as if to strengthen his point.
“And I want it to last forever.”
Colin answered nothing as he felt quiet tears falling onto his skin, slowly running down his body and fading away. He said nothing as Ed resumed to kissing him, this time more forcefully, and hands clasping onto Colin as if to keep him where he was.
“You can’t always make things the way you want them to be…”
Ed’s grip around Colin’s hips tightened.
“You can’t always want things to stay the way they are and you have to accept it.”
Ed trailed a line of kisses down Colin’s body while more tears fell, faster than before. He held onto Colin tightly, placing soft kisses onto his chest and stomach, but his shivering hands couldn’t hide his desperation any longer.
“C-colin,” Ed sobbed and lost himself completely, resting his head on Colin’s stomach as he was weeping quietly, slowly stroking along Colin’s sides and wishing for it to not be over, hoping that he wouldn’t find himself in bed, awake, with no Colin in front of him.
Colin wriggled out from under Ed and flipped him onto his back, his eyes poring into Ed’s as he spoke softly to him.
“But you can enjoy the moment as it is now…”
And with that, Colin pushed inside of Ed, his legs by his side, and murmured quietly into his ears.
“Stop crying Ed, it’s no use…”
“But I won’t… I won’t… This is not real… When I wake up, there’ll be nothing…”
Ed gasped with every thrust and clutched onto Colin’s hips to force him even deeper down. He had his eyes closed so that he didn’t have to face Colin, see his glance, maybe pitying, maybe sad, maybe hopeless.
“Ed… Sometimes you just have to let go, even if you know that it will be gone. Especially if you think that it will be over any second. Just stop thinking and…”
“Oh God, Colin… I don’t want to wake up any longer, I want to stay here and feel you…”
“Shh, it’s okay,” Colin cooed and stroked some hair out of Ed’s face as he made his final thrusts before he shot all inside of Ed, feeling the other’s shivers below him.
“Could you please stay a bit longer?” Ed begged quietly and opened his eyes.
“I can stay as long as you want…”
“I love you, Colin.”
Colin chuckled and withdrew from Ed completely.
“I hope this is also just something that is temporarily and will fade away when you wake up.”
Ed shook his head wildly and gazed into Colin’s eyes, expressing devotion and fear of loss.
“No, Colin…” he breathed. “No Colin, it’s not. It’s something I’ve been thinking about for a long time.”
Colin didn’t answer and just kissed Ed. His forehead, his nose, his cheeks and chin, his neck, his chest, his stomach, and as he moved further down, he felt Ed’s shivers becoming more and more desperate, needy, if not even there could be a smile seen on his face. A delirious smile, a smile that expressed more than what Ed had thought it could ever do.
Colin wrapped his lips around Ed’s erection and pushed further down, forcing everything of Ed inside of him, and then there were Ed’s hands in his hair, moving with his head and guiding his every movement. And he chanted his name over and over again.
“Colin…”
He knew that Ed was close, he knew that he wouldn’t be able to keep it away any longer, he knew that he was close, so close. And as he withdrew, having swallowed everything of what Ed had emptied inside of him, he heard Ed saying his name again, this time more desperate than ever.
They stumbled back onto their feet again and helped each other standing up. Ed’s hands around Colin’s arms, Colin looking up into those loving eyes that didn’t want to lose him, Ed looking back and almost falling to pieces as he thought of the time he would wake up.
“Ed… I told you…”
“I know it is a dream, Colin… But it won’t change…”
“Shh…” Colin shushed before Ed could say anything stupid.
Ed’s eyes were sore, his body weak, his throat was dry, he couldn’t speak. All he did was staring at the person in front of him, taking in this most beautiful sight, and he held onto him tightly. And then they were kissing again, lips running softly over each other, and Ed ran a finger along Colin’s beautiful face, his cheeks and down to his neck, and he kissed him so passionately, the way he had always wanted to do.
They didn’t speak for an eternity and Ed repeated the movement of his fingers across Colin’s face, tears still dripping down his face. He caught a tear and ran his wet finger across Colin’s skin, feeling the smile forming below on Colin’s lips.
“Ed…”
He was laughing, lightly and free, without any fear or grief, and Ed’s heart felt so tight, it was about to burst from all the pain that the situation gave him, and he crashed his lips against Colin’s again to stop him from laughing, why wouldn’t he stop laughing?
“Ed… You don’t mean that…”
“Oh Colin… Please shut up…”
And then there was an awkward pause between the two of them during which Ed was just staring at the smiling man before him who didn’t seem to know anything about the agony he was experiencing. He was staring and staring and staring as if it would change anything about the fact that Colin wouldn’t be there with him when he woke up. And then he spoke again, voice shaking and eyes never leaving Colin’s face.
“You showed me things I’ve never seen…”
Fingers stroking along Colin’s face again, the movement would never cease to fill him with joy.
“You make my life a waking dream.”
The words spoken, Ed saw the trees reaching out for Colin, wrapping their twigs and branches around him, tightening their grip on Colin, raking around his arms and legs, reaching out for his face, and Ed cupped his face in his hands and whispered to Colin to never leave him. He planted kisses onto his face and fresh tears sprung to his eyes and he was sobbing relentlessly, holding onto Colin’s face so tightly that he feared he would break him.
But the branches shoved his hands away, leaving him standing alone in front of Colin and all that was left of him was his face and he spoke again.
“You are very very lucky.”
Ed didn’t want to lose him, he didn’t want Colin to leave, but the trees were taking him away from him, and before Colin disappeared in the depths of the night, he smiled at him again. That smile that turned his whole world upside down.
And then Ed’s vision blurred and he adjusted his eyes to his new surroundings and he found himself to be in his bedroom, no Colin by his side. The alarmclock was ticking on the bedside table and its ugly fingers were shining with their fluorescent glow. It was in the middle of the night and Ed couldn’t remember when he had gone to sleep at all, but everything he knew was that the dream was over. It was over, finally over, and he wouldn’t be able to return. His life would continue just the way it had always done and there was nothing he could do about it.
He rolled over onto his side with a moan and mentally prepared himself for the long night he would have to endure sleepless in his bed.
Cold
I haven't smoked in years. If anyone found me out here with a cigarette between my lips, I'd have broken arms, but on a night like this, a cigarette is a perfect thing to have. I needed to chill out, I've been in a terrible mood all day. Ive been picking fights and being hostile towards everyone all day, so Ive been isolating myself wherever I can, for a few hours I've been outside in the backyard. i can't place anything in the dark except the railing infront of me, illuminated by the dull, red, glow of my unnecessary indulgence. I bend down and rest my chin on the wood railing of the balcony, letting my arms dangle uselessly at my sides. It has gotten increasingly cold since I've been out here, which is making me tired. My eyes have closed on their own accord, and the cool air messing my hair around was lulling me into a sweet place I never deny entering. I let my guard down entirely, nothing is bad right now, nothing even exists, simply because it feels that way.
It was the insignificant click of the back door opening that prematurely launched me back into reality. I'm too physically out of it to turn around and see which band member it was that came out to disturb me, so I stay put but listen very carefully.
Behind me I hear a "Tsk" and an sigh and oh its only Jonny.
I feel a gentle but serious bop to the back of my head, which annoys me, and I allow the cigarette to drop from my mouth over the side of the balcony before I turn around innocently. Jonny runs a hand through his hair and rubs the back of his neck.
"Why are you smoking?"
"Hm? Me?"
"Yes, Thom. Why?"
"I wasn't smoking, Jonny."
I literally spit those words at him. I don't feel like explaining myself to him at all, and I feel a lispy-lecture coming on. Sometimes I like them, sometimes I don't, and this is one of those times that I certainly don't.
"Then why do I smell smoke?" Jonny puts his hands on his hips.
"Because you're flaming," I sing out and turn around, assuming the chin-on-railing-position once again.
This time Jonny actually punches me in the head, which actually hurts alot. It always shocks me when Jonny inflicts pain or doesn't control his temper. He never looks like he could hurt anything ever, and he is always so calm and nice, but he is also amazingly strong and apparently in a worse mood that I am in. I feel him burning holes in the back of my head before I hear movement.
My eyes move from my dangling arms to Jonny's as he too rests his chin on the rail. I strain to see him through the blackness and briefly laugh at him, as he looks much sillier having to bend down so much more to reach the railing with his face. He had a moody look about his face from what I could see, which also annoyed me right now. We don't say anything for a while, we just sit their and dangle pointlessly in the dark, observing nothing and feeling anger and cold. After a few minutes I notice that absolutely no light is penetrating the night, and I freak myself out with paranoid, darting thoughts, then get annoyed that Jonny won't leave me alone.
"Its...really fucking dark out here. If something bad happened to us, no one would see or be able to help us...i mean...well, wanna go in? You I mean, since you don't seem to get the hint that I want you...you know...gone?"
"Hm...I can so smell the cigarette on your breath, liar." Jonny moves his arm, scratches something and sighs. "Really Thom, its just sad. Your exceedingly more pathetic than I've ever realised. Its disgusting." I hear the tone in Jonny's voice and I wont stand for it.
I lift up my chin, which is now sore from pressing into wood, and i try to find Jonny's arm with my fist, muttering 'Fag', swinging one step at a time until my fist roughly strikes a body part. I got him in the ribs, my bad. He coughs and I hear him moving towards me. "Fuckin-!" he hisses and I feel an arm grab mine. I slap it away with my other hand and bounce back a few steps.
Im giggling to piss Jonny off, and its working. Im also laughing because Im more or less playing around, unable to take Jonny seriously. But If there is one thing Jonny can't do, its play-fight. He has told me that there is nothing playful about hurting someone you care about, and yet I promote the violence. I know he is angry with me, for smoking and for hitting him too hard and simply just because, and I know Im about to be beaten by a skinny, girly, man. I feel his arm brush past my face, and suddenly he has a handful of my hair.
"Oh shi!-" And then Im in a head lock. I feel Jonny rear his arm, and a fist strikes me in the ribs with the same force as I inflicted Jonny with.
He lets me go. "There, now we're even, lets st-" But I'm not done fucking with Jonny yet.
I wrap my arms around his neck and let my bodyweight akwardly pull us down to the floor. He really is getting frustrated, I can hear him breathing between clenched teeth. I have him pulled down but now im afraid to let go. He isn't holding back now, and digs his fingers into my sides painfully. My reaction to this is a knee to his gut, and his is to slap me across the face.
And now Im pissed. I slap Jonny even harder and attempt shoving him off, but the stinging on his face made him more angry than before.
A fist to my temple. I get him on the lip. A blow to my eye, I wrack his jaw. He's pinning me down, Im pushing him up. We even go for the hair like two drunken whores, scratching and pulling, and punching and forcing. Finally Jonny punches me straight in the mouth and gets my tooth. I whimper out and let go, very willing to end this now. But Jonny isn't. He takes me arms and pins them above my head, I feel splinters being launched into my skin everywhere now, and blood is pooling in my mouth. He has my arms with one hand. The other one has grabbed my face forcefully. It's amazing how strong Jonny is.
"Thom."
He jerks my face sharply left and right to gain my full attention.
"Thomas."
"What?" I sound like I'm about to cry, which I am, because my mouth hurts, and my eye hurts.
"Stop. Fucking. With. Me."
Sometimes I dont know what wrong with me, I can be a really fucked up person, and this is one of those moments where I could care less about self control or Jonny's stupid feelings. We do this all the time, I push him as far as I can and he takes it, the same as always. I smile big and chuckle, blood all in my teeth and on my lips. "Ooh, Jonny. Threatening me? Hm, oh no, Im fucked. Jonny, really now. Im only pretending to be weaker than you to make you feel better about yourself."
"Really?"
"Oh, yes." Its not true.
"Your stronger than me?"
"Fuck yeah." Nope, just not true.
"You really think so?" His voice sends a chill up my spine.
"Jonny, any one is stronger that you." Oh God I hope I come out of this alive.
"Then get me off of you, Thomas." Im about to piss my pants. He sounds evil right now. His grip on my wrists tightens, and they grind against each other painfully. He also plants his knee into my stomach, causing a sound to wheeze out from my throat.
"Oh, wow, J-Jonny. Is that all you've got? Hnnn-Your pathetic. What a puss-Ah! Oh Fuck!" Jonny presses his knee into my stomach very hard, and with a fistful of hair, pulls my head back further than it should go.
I can't breath in this position, just little huffs can escape my throat. He really was hurting me, but I dug my hole too deep, and said too much to back away now. "F-fffckn pssszz," I hissed out, words not fully formed due to the angle of my throat. He yanks my hair harder and my head goes back even more. I start gagging, no air this time. I try to use my legs to kick him away or to just wriggle around enough for him to let go. But Jonny moves his knee from my stomach and pins my legs down with his. This time the pain is excruciating. I pull my head up, feeling some hair being pulled out completely, and I moan as loud as I can to hint to Jonny that he is going to break my legs. He lets up on my head, but keeps a handful of hair just incase. "Oh fuck Jonny, my legs! Get off! Oh my God!" My kneecaps where sliding to the sides with his bodyweight and bony legs.
"IM NOT FUCKING PLAYING AROUND! GET THE FUCK OFF!"
"Im not playing either, Thom, do something about it."
I start mad-wiggling, and I flail my body up at his, though not very far. If it wasn't dark this would look very wrong, Im literally trying to hump Jonny off of me, but moving to harshly and my knees would pop for sure. He finally moves one leg off, I a sigh with relief, tears streaming my face. "Please move the other one, pleasepleaseplase." Im begging now, dammit. Jonny moves his other leg and pain shoots up my body. Im crying like a girl and whimpering, but the pain subsides. Jonny never let go of my arms or my hair. He is still very angry. "Still think your stronger than me?"
I could have said no. I could have told Jonny that, yes, he was indeed much stronger than I, and that would be that. I could cause the pain to stop now and never again would I be inflicted with it.
"No, your still a weak, girly, bitch." In that moment when Jonny's eyes sparked red with anger, I try to free my arms and lift my body up, and it seems like it is going to work, too. But Jonny slammed me back down effortlessly. It took me a second to realise that I was even back on the ground.
"Im gonna fucking kill you!" Jonny's face was so close to mine that I had nothing to focus on. "What is your problem? Why are you fucking with me? You know I hate fighting-" Jonny is actually really upset, but I dont at all feel sorry, I feel shocked, that something like this would become so serious to him when I was just playing around. I am still playing around and he doesn't see that. "-and I hate when you call me names and tell me I'm weak, when I'm not!" This sounded more childish than the previous sentence. "Just say that Im not weak! say that I am strong for once! Im not a Fag! Say it!!!"
"No."
"All you have to do is say that Im not weak."
"Nope."
"WHY?!" Jonny raises his voice alarmingly.
"Because, Im not giving up so fast. You'll have to get it out of me first. I have alot of tolerance for pain and force. And like I said, you're a fa-"
Suddenly I see a bright color and my head flies to the side. My cheek hurts and Ive concluded that I was just backhanded. Then Im flipped over on my stomach with my arms behind my back. The air is knocked from my lungs and my lips were still bleeding lot. Jonny sits on my ass and squeezes his legs together to restrain my legs. "Hhnnn...Jnn," I can't talk because he is pressing down on my upper back with all his strength. He lets up a bit. "What that Thom?"
"Geh...the-fuck-off....meeeee....queehr."
"Queer?! You-" I feel force and then I see stars again. He's punched my in the head in the same place as before, which hurt twice as much. I want to tell him to lay off the face and focus elsewhere, but I don't think thats how it works. "Your the queer one! No, your a faggot! Flirting with men openly in front of everyone! I never do that! I dont even flirt with men at all!" Jonny lets off of my back even more, I guess to allow me to explain myself. I have to catch my breath. "Well, atvleast i know I'm not gay...and thats better...than being locked in the closet like you..." Why was I doing this? Its not called for. I could stop any minute now. I could feel Jonny's pulse radiating throughout his body, anger filling every inch of him.
He Gets up, I twirl around and suddenly im on my back face to face with Jonny. He grabs my shoulders forcefully and jerks me back and forth. "Im not in the closet!" I push my face up towards him as far as I can. "Oh, so you have come out, then?-"
And then there is a moment of nothingness.
I feel nothing and see nothing and am nothing.
When I come to my senses, Jonny is straddling me, my arms are pinned above my head, and Jonny is kissing me so deeply and violently that I squirm in delightful discomfort. Any kissing is good to me, whether I asked for it or not. Somewhere in there, he worked my shirt up and my pants down, without it even occurring to me. It's so cold outside. Under any other circumstances, this is the worst weather to be in with your pants down, but it isn't long before Jonny's warm body crashes into mine, sending my physical state into a completely different direction. The feeling of hot, angry skin coming in contact with bruised and frozen flesh borders close to being burned with hot water after being in the snow all day. It is both comforting and torturous, mixing effectively with my wrists being twisted above my head and Jonny sucking blood from my swollen, busted lip. Everytime he runs his tongue across my open wound and draws blood from me to forfill his unnatural hunger, pangs of pain show colored lights inside my eyes, which blinds me even more in the dark. He pulls away and his face is hovering so close to mine that I swear I can almost see his eyes, coruscating with ill intent, displaying the true animosity that emits from his being. His mouth opens and his breathing is shakey.
While he tries to find the perfect words, he lets go of my numb yet stinging wrists, sending a pulsing shock of pain to shoot down my arms. His hands slide down to my thighs, where he slowly and forcefully spreads them apart. I know he can see my eyes and I know he is forcing himself inside me this way, molesting my mind and making me scream on the inside.
"You..." Jonny hisses at my face.
He lifts me up by my legs and gets underneath me, leaving my lower body in an awkward place. I could either hang my legs over his shoulders or I could plant them on either side of him, but he impatiently makes my mind up for me and over his shoulders they go.
"You..."
Is Jonny smiling? Is Jonny...Jonny? It's so dark and so afflicting cold. My face is buzzing, my lip is stinging, my arms are sore, my head is aching, I can't see what is going on.
Jonny's body is hovering over me, my knees are almost touching my forehead, and he is pushing me even more. My back is telling me that a man is not supposed to be in this position by straining and resisting. It takes me only a split second to conclude that my ass is bare. I should be cold there but I am not. Jonny is pressed up against me and then it dawns on me.
I don't even try to play coy with this, I flail and whimper, I use all of my last attempts. He tricked me into this position! This is wrong and fucked up and I won't let it happen. I even start screaming in hopes that anyone in the house would here me. My arms are no longer pinned, and I pull at his hair and push his face away, but he is too close to punch or strangle. Is he serious? He can't be, he's only pushing the limits. Crossing the line. Showing me how fucked up he could be. Thats all.
Jonny spits. I hear it. Then I hear the sound of rubbing and he shifts his body above me. With one hand my arms are pinned again, and the other is below me.
"You deserve this."
I feel myself being pushed into the air in an awkward thrust, cold air rolling over my stomach, and there is a pain inside me unlike anything I have ever, ever felt. Never in my life have I been so desperate to get away, never in my life have I felt so ruined and small. I hear my voice hitch in fear, I scream and he covers my mouth with his. He bites as hard as he can on the cut in my lip to distract me with a worse pain, blood spills down my chin and on his face, and he pushes himself all the way in. Im crying like a baby at this point, choking on tears and holding my breath.
This is not a good feeling it's wrong it's backwards I can't handle it I never asked for this I dont deserve this it's too much.
I hear Jonny try to speak, or maybe laugh, or something. I can hear how shaky his voice is.
"Awe, Thom. This hurts me more than it hurts you."
It's getting way too cold for anybody to be outside, let alone to be doing this. We are both shivering violently and struggling to use our bodies at all, and yet Jonny is numb with the desire to hurt me the way everyone hurts him. The only thing I can see in the dark are his eyes. He slowly pulls out of me, then slams into me again. When he pulls out again, it feels like I could actually jump up and run away, but when he fills me up again I'm pinned to the spot. All the while I feel violated and exposed and embarrassed. I wanted him to stop, I wanted to run and never come back, but he has me down, Jonny is so much stronger than me.
"Its not fun is it? This is what your words do to me! Does it hurt, Thom? I hope you suffer the way I do!"
Im suddenly overwhelmed with the feeling of wanting to die. This is too wrong and tortuous to inflict on one man out of no where. Desperate sounds were emitting from my throat and suddenly I am struck blind with sorrow. Why did it take this for it to occur to me? I have never felt so overwhelmingly sorry for saying what I've been saying all these years to Jonny. He is only doing this because of me, he was driven to this point. I feel terrible. Between uncontrollable sobs, I try to speak.
"Jonny! I- ," its quiet and strained and Im shivering too hard but he manages to hear it. He stops in mid-thrust, interested in what I am going to him in my situation. I can't help the tears freezing on my face so I just ignore them. "Jonny, I-I'm s-s-so sorry. Im so s-sorry. I didn't thi-ink, It nev-ver occured to m-me. P-please...please....forgive..." it is just too cold to speak. The wind has started up again. I feel like Im going to pass out and hope I do. Jonny hasn't moved yet, his eyes off somewhere else, his body is shivering and he is breathing deeply. When we do make eye contact I see in him utter depression. I see confusion and bitterness and sadness. But then I see relief and gratification. Im not at all sure what Jonny's next move is going to be, and it sems he is going stay this way forever.
"Thom-" Jonny lowers his face and kisses me. It's soft and nice, and mostly its warm which is fantastic right now. I way too cold and way to confused to allow or prevent anything from happening at this point. He is kissing me everywhere, all of the cold being canceled out by his lips and Im covered in goosebumps. He brings his face back up to mine.
"That's all I wanted to hear. I just wanted you to realise what you've done."
He is kissing me again, deeper and hotter than before. We are both crying. He is wrapping his arms around me and Im doing the same, particularly because we are going into hypothermia, and partly because we both need it. I snuggle as tightly to him as possible, which means I have to push myself down on his erection again. I briefly feel grateful to be underneath Jonny Jonny with a warm dick in my ass. I bury my face into his neck and push myself all the way down until Im fully impaled onto Jonny. His face is now buried into my neck, and he is moaning. I just can't do anything wrong when it comes to sex, not even this. Then it isn't so cold anymore, and our bodies are moving against eachother. This doesn't feel right in general, but at the moment its the perfect thing.
It has started to snow. When it falls on our bodies, it melts instantly. For a while, Jonny is moving in and out of me very slowly. I don't feel any pain but it doesn't feel good either,it's just awkward. Then I feel a cold hand reach down between us and grab me. I didn't realise that I even had an erection, but when Jonny matches the movement of his hand to that of our bodies, I feel blissfully inhuman. Suddenly I understand how two men can do this, because I've never felt anything like it. The awkward feeling of being so full and taken becomes a luxury. As he strokes me I arch my back and I want him deeper and I want to feel it more. Jonny is biting my neck and trying to remain quiet, but Im not. It feels so good. I can't believe it. I gasp and moan and hiss and I don't care who finds out. I pull up when he pulls out, I push down on him when thrusts into me. I try to push him inside me as far as I can each time, almost desperate for the pain I had felt earlier. Im rolling in ecstasy and so is Jonny, whispering my name and hugging me tightly. I can feel both of us building and I know Im close.
"Please Jonny, faster." Jonny increases his hand speed, but I reach down and stop him. "No, I mean...fuck me...faster..." I remove his hand from my cock, and cold air laps at me uncomfortably. He is looking at me now, wondering if I mean it or if I'm just saying it. "Please...fuck me as hard as you can, even if it hurts, just do it." Jonny hesitates still.
"Jonny, I deserve this, remember? Tear me up, teach me a lesson." Looking grateful, and not wasting anymore time, Jonny begins pumping into me harder. He presses his forehead into mine and our bodies are pounding into eachother. That beautiful pain returns and Im screaming out. It is so dark and cold. Jonny is pulling my head back and biting me, leaving marks all over my neck and chest and its so good I want it so bad. I can only see Jonny's eyes and hear our bodies slapping together violently, and I can't control it anymore. A burning sensation is engulfing me, swelling inside and growing wildly. Jonny tries to grab my dick again but I won't let him. I want to finish without being touched. With a few more violent thrusts, I cum all over Jonny's stomach and mine, which instantly freezes, but we dont care. I reach up and grab his a fistful of his hair. He crashes his mouth into mine while my body uncontrollably writhes and thrusts upward. This has to be the longest lasting orgasm I have ever had, and I'm grateful. Jonny is moaning in my mouth and shuttering and I know he is close, too. I stop his thrusting by pushing him back, because I want to ride him into an orgasm. I move myself up and down as hard as I can, and it doesn't take long. Right when I feel hot fluids shoot out into me and his body starts to jerk, I reach up and bite Jonny's lip, drawing blood. Pain mixes with pleasure as Jonny cries out, rolling into me and losing himself the way I did.
We lay there numb and ruined. The snow melting on Jonny is dripping onto me. Neither of us try to move or speak. The wind plows into us and Im sure it's dangerously cold. A light in the house flicks on and I know someone is about to walk outside.
"Jonny..." I hear a muffled groan in my neck. Oh well, if anyone finds us I'll just deal with it. He moves his lips to my ear and whispers, "So, Thomas, have you learned your lesson?" I can't help but smile, which rips my lip open again. "Yeah, Jonny, Ive learned." He lifts his head and there are his eyes again. "Well?"
"I learned Jonny, that we are both fagots." We both hear the back door creak open and we have a hell of a night ahead of us.
ENDINGZ.
It was the insignificant click of the back door opening that prematurely launched me back into reality. I'm too physically out of it to turn around and see which band member it was that came out to disturb me, so I stay put but listen very carefully.
Behind me I hear a "Tsk" and an sigh and oh its only Jonny.
I feel a gentle but serious bop to the back of my head, which annoys me, and I allow the cigarette to drop from my mouth over the side of the balcony before I turn around innocently. Jonny runs a hand through his hair and rubs the back of his neck.
"Why are you smoking?"
"Hm? Me?"
"Yes, Thom. Why?"
"I wasn't smoking, Jonny."
I literally spit those words at him. I don't feel like explaining myself to him at all, and I feel a lispy-lecture coming on. Sometimes I like them, sometimes I don't, and this is one of those times that I certainly don't.
"Then why do I smell smoke?" Jonny puts his hands on his hips.
"Because you're flaming," I sing out and turn around, assuming the chin-on-railing-position once again.
This time Jonny actually punches me in the head, which actually hurts alot. It always shocks me when Jonny inflicts pain or doesn't control his temper. He never looks like he could hurt anything ever, and he is always so calm and nice, but he is also amazingly strong and apparently in a worse mood that I am in. I feel him burning holes in the back of my head before I hear movement.
My eyes move from my dangling arms to Jonny's as he too rests his chin on the rail. I strain to see him through the blackness and briefly laugh at him, as he looks much sillier having to bend down so much more to reach the railing with his face. He had a moody look about his face from what I could see, which also annoyed me right now. We don't say anything for a while, we just sit their and dangle pointlessly in the dark, observing nothing and feeling anger and cold. After a few minutes I notice that absolutely no light is penetrating the night, and I freak myself out with paranoid, darting thoughts, then get annoyed that Jonny won't leave me alone.
"Its...really fucking dark out here. If something bad happened to us, no one would see or be able to help us...i mean...well, wanna go in? You I mean, since you don't seem to get the hint that I want you...you know...gone?"
"Hm...I can so smell the cigarette on your breath, liar." Jonny moves his arm, scratches something and sighs. "Really Thom, its just sad. Your exceedingly more pathetic than I've ever realised. Its disgusting." I hear the tone in Jonny's voice and I wont stand for it.
I lift up my chin, which is now sore from pressing into wood, and i try to find Jonny's arm with my fist, muttering 'Fag', swinging one step at a time until my fist roughly strikes a body part. I got him in the ribs, my bad. He coughs and I hear him moving towards me. "Fuckin-!" he hisses and I feel an arm grab mine. I slap it away with my other hand and bounce back a few steps.
Im giggling to piss Jonny off, and its working. Im also laughing because Im more or less playing around, unable to take Jonny seriously. But If there is one thing Jonny can't do, its play-fight. He has told me that there is nothing playful about hurting someone you care about, and yet I promote the violence. I know he is angry with me, for smoking and for hitting him too hard and simply just because, and I know Im about to be beaten by a skinny, girly, man. I feel his arm brush past my face, and suddenly he has a handful of my hair.
"Oh shi!-" And then Im in a head lock. I feel Jonny rear his arm, and a fist strikes me in the ribs with the same force as I inflicted Jonny with.
He lets me go. "There, now we're even, lets st-" But I'm not done fucking with Jonny yet.
I wrap my arms around his neck and let my bodyweight akwardly pull us down to the floor. He really is getting frustrated, I can hear him breathing between clenched teeth. I have him pulled down but now im afraid to let go. He isn't holding back now, and digs his fingers into my sides painfully. My reaction to this is a knee to his gut, and his is to slap me across the face.
And now Im pissed. I slap Jonny even harder and attempt shoving him off, but the stinging on his face made him more angry than before.
A fist to my temple. I get him on the lip. A blow to my eye, I wrack his jaw. He's pinning me down, Im pushing him up. We even go for the hair like two drunken whores, scratching and pulling, and punching and forcing. Finally Jonny punches me straight in the mouth and gets my tooth. I whimper out and let go, very willing to end this now. But Jonny isn't. He takes me arms and pins them above my head, I feel splinters being launched into my skin everywhere now, and blood is pooling in my mouth. He has my arms with one hand. The other one has grabbed my face forcefully. It's amazing how strong Jonny is.
"Thom."
He jerks my face sharply left and right to gain my full attention.
"Thomas."
"What?" I sound like I'm about to cry, which I am, because my mouth hurts, and my eye hurts.
"Stop. Fucking. With. Me."
Sometimes I dont know what wrong with me, I can be a really fucked up person, and this is one of those moments where I could care less about self control or Jonny's stupid feelings. We do this all the time, I push him as far as I can and he takes it, the same as always. I smile big and chuckle, blood all in my teeth and on my lips. "Ooh, Jonny. Threatening me? Hm, oh no, Im fucked. Jonny, really now. Im only pretending to be weaker than you to make you feel better about yourself."
"Really?"
"Oh, yes." Its not true.
"Your stronger than me?"
"Fuck yeah." Nope, just not true.
"You really think so?" His voice sends a chill up my spine.
"Jonny, any one is stronger that you." Oh God I hope I come out of this alive.
"Then get me off of you, Thomas." Im about to piss my pants. He sounds evil right now. His grip on my wrists tightens, and they grind against each other painfully. He also plants his knee into my stomach, causing a sound to wheeze out from my throat.
"Oh, wow, J-Jonny. Is that all you've got? Hnnn-Your pathetic. What a puss-Ah! Oh Fuck!" Jonny presses his knee into my stomach very hard, and with a fistful of hair, pulls my head back further than it should go.
I can't breath in this position, just little huffs can escape my throat. He really was hurting me, but I dug my hole too deep, and said too much to back away now. "F-fffckn pssszz," I hissed out, words not fully formed due to the angle of my throat. He yanks my hair harder and my head goes back even more. I start gagging, no air this time. I try to use my legs to kick him away or to just wriggle around enough for him to let go. But Jonny moves his knee from my stomach and pins my legs down with his. This time the pain is excruciating. I pull my head up, feeling some hair being pulled out completely, and I moan as loud as I can to hint to Jonny that he is going to break my legs. He lets up on my head, but keeps a handful of hair just incase. "Oh fuck Jonny, my legs! Get off! Oh my God!" My kneecaps where sliding to the sides with his bodyweight and bony legs.
"IM NOT FUCKING PLAYING AROUND! GET THE FUCK OFF!"
"Im not playing either, Thom, do something about it."
I start mad-wiggling, and I flail my body up at his, though not very far. If it wasn't dark this would look very wrong, Im literally trying to hump Jonny off of me, but moving to harshly and my knees would pop for sure. He finally moves one leg off, I a sigh with relief, tears streaming my face. "Please move the other one, pleasepleaseplase." Im begging now, dammit. Jonny moves his other leg and pain shoots up my body. Im crying like a girl and whimpering, but the pain subsides. Jonny never let go of my arms or my hair. He is still very angry. "Still think your stronger than me?"
I could have said no. I could have told Jonny that, yes, he was indeed much stronger than I, and that would be that. I could cause the pain to stop now and never again would I be inflicted with it.
"No, your still a weak, girly, bitch." In that moment when Jonny's eyes sparked red with anger, I try to free my arms and lift my body up, and it seems like it is going to work, too. But Jonny slammed me back down effortlessly. It took me a second to realise that I was even back on the ground.
"Im gonna fucking kill you!" Jonny's face was so close to mine that I had nothing to focus on. "What is your problem? Why are you fucking with me? You know I hate fighting-" Jonny is actually really upset, but I dont at all feel sorry, I feel shocked, that something like this would become so serious to him when I was just playing around. I am still playing around and he doesn't see that. "-and I hate when you call me names and tell me I'm weak, when I'm not!" This sounded more childish than the previous sentence. "Just say that Im not weak! say that I am strong for once! Im not a Fag! Say it!!!"
"No."
"All you have to do is say that Im not weak."
"Nope."
"WHY?!" Jonny raises his voice alarmingly.
"Because, Im not giving up so fast. You'll have to get it out of me first. I have alot of tolerance for pain and force. And like I said, you're a fa-"
Suddenly I see a bright color and my head flies to the side. My cheek hurts and Ive concluded that I was just backhanded. Then Im flipped over on my stomach with my arms behind my back. The air is knocked from my lungs and my lips were still bleeding lot. Jonny sits on my ass and squeezes his legs together to restrain my legs. "Hhnnn...Jnn," I can't talk because he is pressing down on my upper back with all his strength. He lets up a bit. "What that Thom?"
"Geh...the-fuck-off....meeeee....queehr."
"Queer?! You-" I feel force and then I see stars again. He's punched my in the head in the same place as before, which hurt twice as much. I want to tell him to lay off the face and focus elsewhere, but I don't think thats how it works. "Your the queer one! No, your a faggot! Flirting with men openly in front of everyone! I never do that! I dont even flirt with men at all!" Jonny lets off of my back even more, I guess to allow me to explain myself. I have to catch my breath. "Well, atvleast i know I'm not gay...and thats better...than being locked in the closet like you..." Why was I doing this? Its not called for. I could stop any minute now. I could feel Jonny's pulse radiating throughout his body, anger filling every inch of him.
He Gets up, I twirl around and suddenly im on my back face to face with Jonny. He grabs my shoulders forcefully and jerks me back and forth. "Im not in the closet!" I push my face up towards him as far as I can. "Oh, so you have come out, then?-"
And then there is a moment of nothingness.
I feel nothing and see nothing and am nothing.
When I come to my senses, Jonny is straddling me, my arms are pinned above my head, and Jonny is kissing me so deeply and violently that I squirm in delightful discomfort. Any kissing is good to me, whether I asked for it or not. Somewhere in there, he worked my shirt up and my pants down, without it even occurring to me. It's so cold outside. Under any other circumstances, this is the worst weather to be in with your pants down, but it isn't long before Jonny's warm body crashes into mine, sending my physical state into a completely different direction. The feeling of hot, angry skin coming in contact with bruised and frozen flesh borders close to being burned with hot water after being in the snow all day. It is both comforting and torturous, mixing effectively with my wrists being twisted above my head and Jonny sucking blood from my swollen, busted lip. Everytime he runs his tongue across my open wound and draws blood from me to forfill his unnatural hunger, pangs of pain show colored lights inside my eyes, which blinds me even more in the dark. He pulls away and his face is hovering so close to mine that I swear I can almost see his eyes, coruscating with ill intent, displaying the true animosity that emits from his being. His mouth opens and his breathing is shakey.
While he tries to find the perfect words, he lets go of my numb yet stinging wrists, sending a pulsing shock of pain to shoot down my arms. His hands slide down to my thighs, where he slowly and forcefully spreads them apart. I know he can see my eyes and I know he is forcing himself inside me this way, molesting my mind and making me scream on the inside.
"You..." Jonny hisses at my face.
He lifts me up by my legs and gets underneath me, leaving my lower body in an awkward place. I could either hang my legs over his shoulders or I could plant them on either side of him, but he impatiently makes my mind up for me and over his shoulders they go.
"You..."
Is Jonny smiling? Is Jonny...Jonny? It's so dark and so afflicting cold. My face is buzzing, my lip is stinging, my arms are sore, my head is aching, I can't see what is going on.
Jonny's body is hovering over me, my knees are almost touching my forehead, and he is pushing me even more. My back is telling me that a man is not supposed to be in this position by straining and resisting. It takes me only a split second to conclude that my ass is bare. I should be cold there but I am not. Jonny is pressed up against me and then it dawns on me.
I don't even try to play coy with this, I flail and whimper, I use all of my last attempts. He tricked me into this position! This is wrong and fucked up and I won't let it happen. I even start screaming in hopes that anyone in the house would here me. My arms are no longer pinned, and I pull at his hair and push his face away, but he is too close to punch or strangle. Is he serious? He can't be, he's only pushing the limits. Crossing the line. Showing me how fucked up he could be. Thats all.
Jonny spits. I hear it. Then I hear the sound of rubbing and he shifts his body above me. With one hand my arms are pinned again, and the other is below me.
"You deserve this."
I feel myself being pushed into the air in an awkward thrust, cold air rolling over my stomach, and there is a pain inside me unlike anything I have ever, ever felt. Never in my life have I been so desperate to get away, never in my life have I felt so ruined and small. I hear my voice hitch in fear, I scream and he covers my mouth with his. He bites as hard as he can on the cut in my lip to distract me with a worse pain, blood spills down my chin and on his face, and he pushes himself all the way in. Im crying like a baby at this point, choking on tears and holding my breath.
This is not a good feeling it's wrong it's backwards I can't handle it I never asked for this I dont deserve this it's too much.
I hear Jonny try to speak, or maybe laugh, or something. I can hear how shaky his voice is.
"Awe, Thom. This hurts me more than it hurts you."
It's getting way too cold for anybody to be outside, let alone to be doing this. We are both shivering violently and struggling to use our bodies at all, and yet Jonny is numb with the desire to hurt me the way everyone hurts him. The only thing I can see in the dark are his eyes. He slowly pulls out of me, then slams into me again. When he pulls out again, it feels like I could actually jump up and run away, but when he fills me up again I'm pinned to the spot. All the while I feel violated and exposed and embarrassed. I wanted him to stop, I wanted to run and never come back, but he has me down, Jonny is so much stronger than me.
"Its not fun is it? This is what your words do to me! Does it hurt, Thom? I hope you suffer the way I do!"
Im suddenly overwhelmed with the feeling of wanting to die. This is too wrong and tortuous to inflict on one man out of no where. Desperate sounds were emitting from my throat and suddenly I am struck blind with sorrow. Why did it take this for it to occur to me? I have never felt so overwhelmingly sorry for saying what I've been saying all these years to Jonny. He is only doing this because of me, he was driven to this point. I feel terrible. Between uncontrollable sobs, I try to speak.
"Jonny! I- ," its quiet and strained and Im shivering too hard but he manages to hear it. He stops in mid-thrust, interested in what I am going to him in my situation. I can't help the tears freezing on my face so I just ignore them. "Jonny, I-I'm s-s-so sorry. Im so s-sorry. I didn't thi-ink, It nev-ver occured to m-me. P-please...please....forgive..." it is just too cold to speak. The wind has started up again. I feel like Im going to pass out and hope I do. Jonny hasn't moved yet, his eyes off somewhere else, his body is shivering and he is breathing deeply. When we do make eye contact I see in him utter depression. I see confusion and bitterness and sadness. But then I see relief and gratification. Im not at all sure what Jonny's next move is going to be, and it sems he is going stay this way forever.
"Thom-" Jonny lowers his face and kisses me. It's soft and nice, and mostly its warm which is fantastic right now. I way too cold and way to confused to allow or prevent anything from happening at this point. He is kissing me everywhere, all of the cold being canceled out by his lips and Im covered in goosebumps. He brings his face back up to mine.
"That's all I wanted to hear. I just wanted you to realise what you've done."
He is kissing me again, deeper and hotter than before. We are both crying. He is wrapping his arms around me and Im doing the same, particularly because we are going into hypothermia, and partly because we both need it. I snuggle as tightly to him as possible, which means I have to push myself down on his erection again. I briefly feel grateful to be underneath Jonny Jonny with a warm dick in my ass. I bury my face into his neck and push myself all the way down until Im fully impaled onto Jonny. His face is now buried into my neck, and he is moaning. I just can't do anything wrong when it comes to sex, not even this. Then it isn't so cold anymore, and our bodies are moving against eachother. This doesn't feel right in general, but at the moment its the perfect thing.
It has started to snow. When it falls on our bodies, it melts instantly. For a while, Jonny is moving in and out of me very slowly. I don't feel any pain but it doesn't feel good either,it's just awkward. Then I feel a cold hand reach down between us and grab me. I didn't realise that I even had an erection, but when Jonny matches the movement of his hand to that of our bodies, I feel blissfully inhuman. Suddenly I understand how two men can do this, because I've never felt anything like it. The awkward feeling of being so full and taken becomes a luxury. As he strokes me I arch my back and I want him deeper and I want to feel it more. Jonny is biting my neck and trying to remain quiet, but Im not. It feels so good. I can't believe it. I gasp and moan and hiss and I don't care who finds out. I pull up when he pulls out, I push down on him when thrusts into me. I try to push him inside me as far as I can each time, almost desperate for the pain I had felt earlier. Im rolling in ecstasy and so is Jonny, whispering my name and hugging me tightly. I can feel both of us building and I know Im close.
"Please Jonny, faster." Jonny increases his hand speed, but I reach down and stop him. "No, I mean...fuck me...faster..." I remove his hand from my cock, and cold air laps at me uncomfortably. He is looking at me now, wondering if I mean it or if I'm just saying it. "Please...fuck me as hard as you can, even if it hurts, just do it." Jonny hesitates still.
"Jonny, I deserve this, remember? Tear me up, teach me a lesson." Looking grateful, and not wasting anymore time, Jonny begins pumping into me harder. He presses his forehead into mine and our bodies are pounding into eachother. That beautiful pain returns and Im screaming out. It is so dark and cold. Jonny is pulling my head back and biting me, leaving marks all over my neck and chest and its so good I want it so bad. I can only see Jonny's eyes and hear our bodies slapping together violently, and I can't control it anymore. A burning sensation is engulfing me, swelling inside and growing wildly. Jonny tries to grab my dick again but I won't let him. I want to finish without being touched. With a few more violent thrusts, I cum all over Jonny's stomach and mine, which instantly freezes, but we dont care. I reach up and grab his a fistful of his hair. He crashes his mouth into mine while my body uncontrollably writhes and thrusts upward. This has to be the longest lasting orgasm I have ever had, and I'm grateful. Jonny is moaning in my mouth and shuttering and I know he is close, too. I stop his thrusting by pushing him back, because I want to ride him into an orgasm. I move myself up and down as hard as I can, and it doesn't take long. Right when I feel hot fluids shoot out into me and his body starts to jerk, I reach up and bite Jonny's lip, drawing blood. Pain mixes with pleasure as Jonny cries out, rolling into me and losing himself the way I did.
We lay there numb and ruined. The snow melting on Jonny is dripping onto me. Neither of us try to move or speak. The wind plows into us and Im sure it's dangerously cold. A light in the house flicks on and I know someone is about to walk outside.
"Jonny..." I hear a muffled groan in my neck. Oh well, if anyone finds us I'll just deal with it. He moves his lips to my ear and whispers, "So, Thomas, have you learned your lesson?" I can't help but smile, which rips my lip open again. "Yeah, Jonny, Ive learned." He lifts his head and there are his eyes again. "Well?"
"I learned Jonny, that we are both fagots." We both hear the back door creak open and we have a hell of a night ahead of us.
ENDINGZ.
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