Thom and Jonny In Rainbows

A short story based on quotations from In Rainbows :

Thom :
"Jonny, I don't want to be your friend
I just want to be your lover
No matter how it ends
No matter how it starts..."

Jonny :
" Don't get any
big ideas
they're not gonna happen"

After some convincing words from Thom :

Jonny, talking to his penis :
"wakey wakey
rise and shine
it's on again, off again, on again"

After Thom gave him some magic pills :

Jonny, talking to Thom :
"take a bow take a bow take a bow !
I'm trapped in this body and can't get out"

Thom :
" im stuffed, stuffed, stuffed"

Jonny :
"yeah I
I hit the bottom
hit the bottom "

Thom :
"enough, is enough
i love you but enough is enough, enough"

Jonny :
"You used to be alright
What happened?
I do not
understand
what it is
I've done wrong

Now paint yourself white with my sperm !"

Come on

Phil :
Come on
Come on
You think you drive me crazy, well...
Have ourselves a good time !
Cheap sex
helps me get back to your arms...
We ride tonight !

Colin :
keep your toys in my basement !
Hey, you get too far inside !

Phil :
I will stop at nothing,
when I go forwards, you go backwards,
I am the key to the lock in your house !
I am the pick in the ice !
I'm your superhero !

Colin :
Start again begin again !
Drill holes !
And now we are one
You can try the best you can,
The best you can is good enough

Phil :
I'll give all I can if
It's not enough !
you will be first against the wall

Colin :
Hey man, slow down
Slow down
Sometimes I get overcharged
For a minute there
I lost myself
I lost myself
Phew, for a minute there
I lost myself

Phil :
Breathe, keep breathing
You haven't seen enough
You haven't seen it
This is really happening !

Colin :
Please
Release me
Turn it off!

Phil :
Ok,
I slipped away
Now, Open up and let me in
Shove it in your mouth

Colin :
I love
Howling down the chimney
Scrolling up and down

Phil :
I hope that you choke, that you choke !
Swallow till I burst
Until I burst

Colin :
Come on rain down
On me
In an interstellar burst

Phil :
Juices flowing
flashed before your eyes, you realize
This is what you get
When you mess with me

Colin :
I could have sworn I saw a light coming on
And when it comes its so so disappointing

Ed masturbates

Ed is very excited to hear his voice while listening to Arpeggi... He starts talking to his penis :

Shit I still love you, still see you in bed ! (Thinking About You)
You are the sun and moon and stars (You)
my friend, the good angel (Nice Dream)
you're driving me away, (My Iron Lung)
You do it everyday,
Destiny, hold my hand, (Anyone Can Play Guitar)
I'm playing with myself (Thinking About You)
I don't care if it hurts, (Creep)
I want to have control.
run, run, run, run, run
A thousand miles an hour (Ripcord)
When the power runs out (My Iron Lung)
We'll just hum
You're free until you drop, (Ripcord)
you're free until you've had enough
If you think that you're strong enough (Nice Dream)
If you think you belong enough
Prove yourself ! (Prove yourself)
It's like the world is going to end so soon, (You)
Oh it's inevitable, inevitable (Ripcord)
And there's nothing to say, and there's nothing to do. (Stop Whispering)
Stop whispering, start shouting !!! (Stop Whispering)
Oh yeah, (Ripcord)
Oh, it's the best thing that you ever had, (High and Dry)
the best thing that you ever, ever had !
I could burst a million bubbles (Bulletproof... I Wish I Was)
spit on your son some more. (Stop Whispering)
I'm not a veg'table, (Vegetable)
I will not control myself.
I spit on the hand that feeds me,
Cos I'd be scared that there's nothing underneath (The Bends)
I will not control myself (Vegetable)
To blow me away, to blow me sky high (The Bends)
Comes like a comet ! (Just)
Blow out ! (Blow Out)
Wax me, mould me (Bulletproof... I Wish I Was)
Oh Yeah, (Ripcord)
I am Jim Morrison !!!! (Anyone Can Play Guitar) [that's what Ed always says when he's in that situation...]
The waters break, the waters run all over me !!! (Vegetable)

He suddenly feels guilty :

Am I really sinking this low ? (The Bends)
Each time it comes it eats me alive (Sulk)
I am glued just because I cracked out... (Blow Out)
Can't get the stink off (Just)
And the feeling is that there's something wrong, (Stop Whispering)
What the hell am I doing here?. (Creep)
A total waste of time (My Iron Lung)
you (I) just sit there wishing you (I) could still make love (High and Dry)
you're (I'm) turning into something you are (I'm) not (High and Dry)
Soul destroyed with clever toys for little boys. (Ripcord)
It's inevitable, inevitable, it's a soul destroyed. (Ripcord)
And it wears me out, it wears me out (Fake Plastic Trees)
I need to wash myself again to hide all the dirt (The Bends)

B-side story, starring Phil and Jonny

Jonny :
What do you want from me ? (Inside my Head)
I know what you're thinking, (Gagging Order)
But I'm not your property,
No matter what you say,
No matter what you say,
Seen all : good things and bad... (How Can You Be Sure?)
Terrifies me still. (Bishop's Robes)
I'm not going back,
Save yourself the pain, you'll never get there, (Lewis Mistreated)
'cause no-one can touch me ! (Punchdrunk Lovesick Singalong)

Phil :
How Can You Be Sure? (How Can You Be Sure?)
I am hungry again,
I wanted you so bad... (The Trickster)

Jonny :
You want me ? Well, fucking well, come and find me ! (Talk Show Host)
You want me ? Fucking come on and break the door down !
You won't come to harm ? (Melatonin)
I'm ready, (Talk Show Host)
I'm ready,
Now you tie me up to your feather bed.(Inside my Head)
I supplicate myself (India Rubber)
Into your hands...

Phil :
There is no significant risk to your health ! (Polyethylene)
I cannot see the road (Stupid Car)
and i can't put the needle in, (Faithless, the Wonderboy)
Take your armor off, you're not under attack ! (Paperbag Writer)
I think i've been here before... (Yes I Am)
Yes, i've been here before !

Jonny :
If you don't get into it, no one will ! (Polyethylene)
Remind me of this, (A Reminder)
That night we kissed...
Remind me that,
Knock me out !
Smash out my brains !

Phil :
The last time you locked all the doors, (Yes I Am)
but this time I kick down your door !
Bummed out again by your only business friend... (Lewis Mistreated)
Earthquake zone !!! (Molasses)

Jonny :
When the first bullet was shot, (Punchdrunk Lovesick Singalong)
I didn't feel pain,
How I was to know that (India Rubber)
You practised it beforehand?

Phil :
Hey, hey, hey, this is only halfway, (The Trickster)
Hey, hey, hey, this is only halfway,
It is difficult to find a space , (Palo Alto)
But I'm okay, how are you?
I hope you're okay too...

Jonny :
Thanks for asking, thanks for asking, (Palo Alto)
You possess me, (Inside My Head)
now you're going, how inside you please... (Polyethylene)

Phil :
Anything you want it can be done ! (Cuttooth)

Jonny :
Hurts me ! (Pearly)
Everything's underground, (Banana Co)
Everything's burning down...

Phil :
I'm sorry that I lost control, (Lull)
crawling through the keyhole.
I throw myself into my work (Palo Alto)
Until you cannot feel it any more, (Cuttooth)
You're being took for a ride, (Kinetic)
Please keep moving !
Better keep moving...
So glad you're mine ! (The Amazing Sounds of Orgy)

Jonny :
Just don't leave, (True Love Waits)
Don't leave...
Darling use me, (Pearly)
Darling use me !
I'm instantly your biggest fan ! (India Rubber)

Phil :
Here it comes, here it comes ! (Maquiladora)
I can feel the hills exploding,
Exploding gracefully,
Burning up the freeway,
Here it comes !
And the fog comes up from the sewers ! (Cuttooth)

Jonny :
Send baby Jesus ! (I am a Wicked Child)
Come on, come on ! (Paperbag Writer)
let it fall (How I Made My Millions)
let it fall
let it fall
let it fall
Oh baby, burn !(Maquiladora)

Phil :
Well it seems to fall out of the sky and come down on you, (Maquiladora)

Jonny :
You Never Wash Up After Yourself... (You Never Wash Up After Yourself)

Phil :
Just swallow ! (Maquiladora)