Yesterday, Thom was walking to Oxfam to see if Hildur was there as she usually was, volunteering. There on the way he met LIZ who was eating chocolate and thinking about spleens
" Hi" Thom said,
" I was just on my way to see Hildur"
You know what, me too!" said LIZ, so they went to Oxfam together.
-------
"Could you walk a little faster, Elizabeth?" Thom says as he walks across the street, without even looking to his sides to notice the green Toyota on his left. He's wearing poop brown leather loafers.
"My name is LIZ!" she snaps at him just before she notices the small vehicle driving in Thom's direction.
"WATCH OUT"
"Huh!" Thom does exactly what he shouldn't have done. He stops in his steps and looks at Liz with a baffled face.
The car is just a few meters away. It looks like Thom is doomed to be mutilated by the small Toyota when a creature appears from behind a large bush. This must have been someone stalking Thom.
-------
Thom was thrown to the ground by the creature just in time
"JULIAN!! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING??????!!!!!!!!!!"
"You were.......the car................."
"Fucking hell," said Thom and laughed it off
"I'd better get to Oxfam though, I don't want to miss Hildur. Coming julian?"
"Sure, but remember, I'm gay"
"Yes Julian, we know. Just cause you saved my life doesn't mean you can be annoying"
"Sorry anyway, if Beck's mum's there don't tell her about my homosexual practices"
"Sure, whatever."
LIZ had stopped to examine a daisy on the floor
"Thom, this daisy looks like a spleen"
"No it doesn't LIZ it's .........hang on........ AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
----------
"IT IS A SPLEEN!" Thom yells and starts running frantically in circles, banging his head with his hands.
"Are you sure you worked in the psycho house, Thom?"
Thom doesn't hear Liz's sarcastic comment because then he started singing to himself in strange tounges.
"You know how much he hates meat, Liz. Oh, and that's not a spleen, it's a kidney" Julian says while ripping the stick of Liz that she had just grabbed to poke the organ.
"That's mine!! Oh... it's not a spleen? How disappointing. I don't want to stay here anymore. Let's go!"
Liz pulls on Thom's shirtsleeve. "C'mon loon"
Thom stops and looks at Liz and then Julian while drying the sweat off his forehead.
"Fuck off!! Come along then. I don't want you dragging me down"
He keeps on walking and Liz follows. Julian's still standing there, looking at the kidney.
"I'll catch up with you guys in a minute" he says just before he pulls a traveler's surgery kit out of his pocket.
Showing posts with label Hildur (author). Show all posts
Showing posts with label Hildur (author). Show all posts
Sunday, October 28, 2007
Sunday, August 5, 2007
International sex day
Jonny's fallen asleep to some jazz
Coming down from a Skittles sugar rush
He slowly slips into a sleep
He turns over in his bed cuddling his ondes martenot
Jonny's dream begins:
He's sitting in the grass and the sun is shining brightly.
His bellybutton itches so he tries to scratch it, but it's really soft.
As he looks down at his bellybutton he sees that it's become a huge spot of chocolate
He feels his face.
Chocolate chips there also
He looks around for Colin in hope of reassurance but can't see him anywhere.
Instead he notices a panda bear of gigantic proportion.
"Panda bear, is it true that I am made of chocolate or is it only a personal illusion?"
Jonny asks.
The panda bear sits down and talks incoherently in Chinese.
Jonny starts to get a bit frightened, so he decides he wants the panda bear to leave and calls for Phil.
A door opens from a large birch tree and out comes Phil who shoos the panda out of Jonny's horizon.
Jonny calls
“Phil! Whats wrong with me? I feel funny.”
Phil replies coolly, wearing a monacle (He looks good in a monacle)
“Jonny my dear boy, you are a cookie”
"Oy, golly"
Jonny cries
"Am I like the gingerbread man in the story?"
He then asks
“No you just look like a chocolate chip cookie”
Phil tells him
Phil then disappears and Jonny finds himself a package of cookies
All the cookies are chatting happily
As Jonny finds there to be less and less cookies in the packet he's holding he starts wondering how he himself tastes like
He starts thinking about which bodyparts are essential to him
and makes a list
"Of course!"
Jonny thinks to himself
"I'll eat the bellybutton. It had started melting anyway”
He proudly tells himself as he reaches into his back pocket and grabs a spoon.
Digging into his own bellybutton with the spoon he eats a big mouthful of chocolate a la jonny
"Mmm... Jonny. You sure are delicious. No wonder everybody loves you so much…"
Jonny praises himself
Just then another cookie walks up to Jonny and stares at the gaping hole where his bellybutton used to be
"...and your friends want to lick you so much"
Jonny keeps talking to himself
The cookie looks shocked
“Do you need some help?”
The cookie moves closer
Jonny stares at it , transfixed
“Here, let me help you”
The cookie smiles as it reaches for Jonny’s hand
Jonny lunges forth and takes a huge bite out of the cookie’s shoulder
The cookie runs off screaming
“MAN EATER !!!!!!!!!! MAN EATER!!!!!!! CANNIBAL!!!”
Jonny senses this would be a good time to stand up and hide somewhere but before he has a chance to find a good spot an army of cookies march toward him
Jonny starts to cry
The cookies have surrounded him with spears
“I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY! I JUST WANTED TO SEE WHAT HE TASTED LIKE!”
Jonny wakes up flailing in his bed wailing
He calms down and looks at the clock
It’s 6:46 am
Suddenly Jonny hears screams of terror from outside his bedroom door.
It’s Colin!
“The cookies must have caught him”
Jonny thinks as he stands up to save him.
But after opening the door he notices that Colin’s not being chased by cookies but by Thom.
“What’s going on?”
Jonny wonders in shock
Then he looks at the calendar and releases a sigh of relief.
“Oh, right it’s just May 1st. International sex day”
He slowly closes the door and goes back to bed, nibbling on a box of melted cookies that he had been hidding under his mattress.
Coming down from a Skittles sugar rush
He slowly slips into a sleep
He turns over in his bed cuddling his ondes martenot
Jonny's dream begins:
He's sitting in the grass and the sun is shining brightly.
His bellybutton itches so he tries to scratch it, but it's really soft.
As he looks down at his bellybutton he sees that it's become a huge spot of chocolate
He feels his face.
Chocolate chips there also
He looks around for Colin in hope of reassurance but can't see him anywhere.
Instead he notices a panda bear of gigantic proportion.
"Panda bear, is it true that I am made of chocolate or is it only a personal illusion?"
Jonny asks.
The panda bear sits down and talks incoherently in Chinese.
Jonny starts to get a bit frightened, so he decides he wants the panda bear to leave and calls for Phil.
A door opens from a large birch tree and out comes Phil who shoos the panda out of Jonny's horizon.
Jonny calls
“Phil! Whats wrong with me? I feel funny.”
Phil replies coolly, wearing a monacle (He looks good in a monacle)
“Jonny my dear boy, you are a cookie”
"Oy, golly"
Jonny cries
"Am I like the gingerbread man in the story?"
He then asks
“No you just look like a chocolate chip cookie”
Phil tells him
Phil then disappears and Jonny finds himself a package of cookies
All the cookies are chatting happily
As Jonny finds there to be less and less cookies in the packet he's holding he starts wondering how he himself tastes like
He starts thinking about which bodyparts are essential to him
and makes a list
- 1. My hair
- 2. My hands
- 3. My tele
- 4. My face
"Of course!"
Jonny thinks to himself
"I'll eat the bellybutton. It had started melting anyway”
He proudly tells himself as he reaches into his back pocket and grabs a spoon.
Digging into his own bellybutton with the spoon he eats a big mouthful of chocolate a la jonny
"Mmm... Jonny. You sure are delicious. No wonder everybody loves you so much…"
Jonny praises himself
Just then another cookie walks up to Jonny and stares at the gaping hole where his bellybutton used to be
"...and your friends want to lick you so much"
Jonny keeps talking to himself
The cookie looks shocked
“Do you need some help?”
The cookie moves closer
Jonny stares at it , transfixed
“Here, let me help you”
The cookie smiles as it reaches for Jonny’s hand
Jonny lunges forth and takes a huge bite out of the cookie’s shoulder
The cookie runs off screaming
“MAN EATER !!!!!!!!!! MAN EATER!!!!!!! CANNIBAL!!!”
Jonny senses this would be a good time to stand up and hide somewhere but before he has a chance to find a good spot an army of cookies march toward him
Jonny starts to cry
The cookies have surrounded him with spears
“I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY! I JUST WANTED TO SEE WHAT HE TASTED LIKE!”
Jonny wakes up flailing in his bed wailing
He calms down and looks at the clock
It’s 6:46 am
Suddenly Jonny hears screams of terror from outside his bedroom door.
It’s Colin!
“The cookies must have caught him”
Jonny thinks as he stands up to save him.
But after opening the door he notices that Colin’s not being chased by cookies but by Thom.
“What’s going on?”
Jonny wonders in shock
Then he looks at the calendar and releases a sigh of relief.
“Oh, right it’s just May 1st. International sex day”
He slowly closes the door and goes back to bed, nibbling on a box of melted cookies that he had been hidding under his mattress.
Young Radiohead pt 3
Colin's been going to drama class for a week now and Jonny has come with him every time to watch his brother. Thom and Martin have been watching them rehearse every now and then for inspiration and today they are going to try out their music. Thom's carrying a guitar in his right hand martin and colin walk beside him.
Thom looks at colin
"So are you liking the Joy Division record I lent you?"
Colin smiles
"Yes and Jonny likes it too"
Thom turns back to look at jonny whos lagging behind carrying two backpacks
Colin seems slightly concerned
"Jon, why don't you just let me carry my own backpack?"
Jonny looks up
"Its ok, Coz, I've got it"
Jonny’s sneaker falls off and he awkwardly tries to put it back on while still holding the bags
Colin grabs Jonny's foot and puts the sneaker back on him
“Want me to tie them for you?”
Jonny whispers "Please no" while looking in the direction of Thom and Martin who are a few meters ahead of the two brothers.
Jonny struggles with the laces for a while and ends up shoving them on the inside of his shoe.
Colin takes his backpack from Jonny
“It's ok. You can keep my jacket in your bag if you want, though”
“No, it's ok. Mum doesn't want you to take it off outside”
“Yeah, you're right”
They catch up with martin and Thom
Thom looks at Jonny’s shoes
“Yeah those laces can be tricky”
He then points at his own shoes which are unlaced and slightly frayed
They all walk silently until they get to drama class and Thom pokes Jonny gently in the arm.
“Jon, you can come with me and Martin to the balcony today. We're going to try out some music for the play”
“But I didn't bring my violin…”
Colin runs off in the direction of the stage
“See you after practice, Jon. Don't get in Thom or Martin’s way
“Ok, Coz”
Jonny throws their back packs in an audience seat and walks with Thom and Martin up the broken stairs to the balcony where they’ll be playing the score for the play.
Jonny turns back to look at Colin but he’s not looking back.
He can see Colin walk up to the tallest boy and start talking to him.
Jonny giggles on the inside at Cozzie's manic hand gestures.
He then trips a bit on the stair because he’s not paying attention but Thom grabs his hand and pulls him back up before any damage is done.
Thom smiles and Jonny looks embarrassed.
They open the door and walk on to the cramped balcony. There are a lot of stray wires from the lighting equipment.
Martin doesn’t hide his dislike for Jonny
“How come we have to have the baby with us all the time, Thom?”
“He can play with us” Thom says, trying to free his foot from a knot of wires.
Then he adds “Can't you, Jonny? Just for today”
Jonny stutters
Thom interrupts
"He can play the bass or my electric guitar"
“Coz told me you wanted to buy a guitar, Jonny”
Jonny mutter “yes…”, still recovering from Martin’s mean comment
Then he decides to ignore it
“Yes! I wanted to buy a guitar because I really like how it sounds”
“That kid's such a retard. Let's just play”
Martin spins his drumsticks around, thinking about how cool he must look.
“Ignore him”
Thom hands Jonny a red bass
------------
The teacher has arrived downstairs and is now telling some girls to get off the stage so they can rehearse a scene between Ed and Colin.
“I was thinking if my character should have an accent...” Ed suggests
“No, no, no. Your voice is far too beautiful, Edward. You should just let it flow.
The teacher waves her hands around, artistically around Ed
“We could however use the idea for someone else.”
She starts spinning her hands some and they end up flying in front of Colin’s eyes
“Colin, you can do accents, right?”
Colin shrugs
“I don't know”
Jonny cries from upstairs “COZ, DO THE MONTY PYTHON ACCENT
YOU KNOW”
“YOUR MOTHER SMELLS OF ELDERBERRIES!”
The teacher stops the hand-waving and puts her hands on her hips
“How's it going up there?”
Colin smiles, Jonny could always make him smile.
Thom shouts back
“WE'RE JUST PLUGGING THIS STUFF. I CAN'T SEE ANYTHING UP HERE”
“Well, alright. There's no rush”
The teacher then turns back to the young actors
“Can you boys make your own costumes?”
“Can't we just wear our fancy suits or something?”
The teacher gasps
“No, no, no, no, no, no, no!! Never ever use your own clothes in a play!”
“But isn't that more practical...?” Colin suggests
“Colin, dear... if we were going to be practical we would just make the costumes out of leaves”
She lights up
“What if we made this into an original version of the play and made it happen in Eden. You know. Like in the bible”
She gets no response
“Hmm, kids?”
Ed’s lip curls
“But Adam and Eve were the only inhabitants in Eden and there are eight of us in the play”
“Nice observation... Well, it doesn't hurt bringing up new ideas. I encourage you all to bring out your freshest ideas, children”
Colin raises a finger
“Hey, I have an idea”
“Errr... actually it can wait until the end of rehearsal”
The teacher pretends to look at her watch
“Now let's start the scene from when Edward says ‘In the autumn...’”
Ed starts a monologue and Colin makes dramatic faces while Ed speaks
Upstairs Thom starts getting his guitar out of its case.
“Can you hold this, Jon, while I get my wires out?”
Jonny smiles and gladly holds the guitar in his lap.
He looks it over, touches the strings and turns the volume knob a bit.
He strokes the neck and tries to play a chord but no sound comes from the guitar
“You need to press harder, Jon-Jon”
Thom playfully giggles
“Oops”
“Hehe, you're alright”
Martin mimics what Thom just said in a funny voice.
Thom punches martin in the shoulder.
“Shall we play or not?”
Martin sits down at the drums and Jonny hands the guitar to Thom.
He picks up a bright red bass on the floor.
Downstairs Colin and Ed have started screaming
Jonny thinks how that scene used to scare him until Thom explained to him that they were only playing.
Jonny didn't think it was a nice game at all but Colin said their mum wanted him to do it and their mum was always right.
The teacher stops Colin and Ed.
“That was marvellous, Edward.” Then she adds “Colin, I think you should rehearse in front of the mirror a little. Your face seems to react strangely to the words sometimes”
She giggles.
Suddenly screeching and all kinds of noises can be heard from upstairs along with loud buzzing noises.
“WHATS GOING ON UP THERE?!” the teacher screeches
“WHAT DO YOU MEAN?” Thom asks “WE’RE MAKING MUSIC FOR THE PLAY”
“THAT’S NOT THE KIND OF MUSIC I WANT FOR THE PLAY, THOM!”
“THEN I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK I'M SUPPOSED TO BE PLAYING!!”
Jonny looks shocked
Ed starts to laugh. He’s never heard anyone talk to a teacher like that.
The teacher looks like she’s going to break down and cry for a bit but after a few moments of silence she shakes it off.
“Well, children, I think we’ve had enough for today. I’ll see you tomorrow. You've done well. I want you all to practise very well at home.”
Then she turns to Ed
“Edward, do you have any comments?”
Ed stands awkwardly for a few moments thinking about something to say
“Uh... I like what Tara and Jamie have done with the set”
All the girls in the room blush
The teacher blushes too
“Oh, Edward you're always such a sweetheart”
Ed walks off stage, feeling everyone's eyes on him.
Thom, Jonny and Martin come walking down the stairs.
Jonny trips over a bag of light bulbs on his way down and they break to pieces.
“Be careful!” the teacher shouts
“I’ll need my tea after today”
“Thom that was awesome”
Martin pats him on the back
Thom looks a bit ashamed
“Whatever, man”
Ed walks up to them.
Coz grabs his back pack out off the chair.
Ed smiles at Thom
“Are you the one who yelled at the teacher before?”
“uh-huh”
“Wow, you're like my hero now. I really admire how you did that. That woman's...”
“She’s a total whack” Martin interrupts
“I hate getting all the stupid attention” Ed continues “My mum’s just making me do this”
Colin laughs
“Same here!”
A pretty girl with glasses walks up to Ed
“Thank you for complimenting the set, Ed. I really appreciate it. “
She starts wrapping a lock of hair around her finger.
“No problem, Tara”
Her friend pulls her to the front door and the boys can hear her whispering to Tara about how Ed has a crush on her and they'll be the most popular couple in school.
Thom looks confused
Ed changes the conversation
“So… I liked what you were playing up there”
Colin quickly runs upstairs and comes back holding Jonny’s backpack.
“Here, you forgot this”
He hands Jonny his backpack, who whispers a "Thank you" but doesn’t take his eyes from Thom’s guitar case. He’s been staring at it for a while
“Do you think she'll let you keep making music for the play?” Colin asks Thom
“I don't really care... I have no idea what that woman wants from us. I just want to play my music”
“That's admirable” Ed says
“Well, most people seem to think you’re the admirable one”
Thom looks at Ed from head to toe.
“Hey... you know.... do you know how to play anything... err... Luke, was it?”
“His name's Ed. He's cool”
“Thanks, Coz”
“Sorry, Ed” Thom continues “Can you play anything?”
“I can play guitar alright”
“Want to join our band?”
Then Thom runs his hand through his hair “Just so you know I'm singing. But you can be almost at front”
“Uh...”
Thom tries to reassure him
"We are going to practice Wednesday in the band room, you know because my garage is full of crap and Colin's mum is a bit of a loony"
Ed's convinced
"Sure"
Jonny stops staring at Thom’s guitar case to look at all his older friends
“I think mum would like Ed. He dresses nice and talks posh”
Jonny puts his hand over his mouth
Thom laughs
Coz looks at Thom sympathetically “Heh, sorry, Thom. You know how mum is.”
“Yeah”
Colin looks at his watch "Eh, sorry guys but I guess we should get going"
Ed responds "Alright. Cool! I can come on Wednesday then?"
Colin smiles
"Of course"
"Me too!" Jonny chirps
Colin rolls his eyes
Martin looks at Thom “I'm coming too, right?”
“Ehh… Martin you can sit this one out. You're not in this band. Sorry”
Jonny looks at martin triumphantly
Martin tries to seem like he doesn't care
"Whatever"
Colin looks at Jonny
"Ok, we really should go"
Ed puts his script back into his backpack
"Uh, Colin do you mind if I walk home with you guys? I think we live only a few meters away from each other"
Colin and Jonny both respond "Sure"
They all wave bye to Thom and then Martin who is pretending to be extremely occupied by a small zipper on his coat pocket
Ed, Colin and Jonny all walk out the school gates and head down the side of the road
Ed looks at the brothers
"My mum's not getting home till late tonight so I guess I'm going to be having saltines for dinner again"
Jonny looks up
“chocolate chip?”
“…No, salty”
jonny looks sour
They walk through the front gate to the Greenwoods house but Ed stops to turn home and waves goodbye
Colin turns around
"Ed, would you like to come and stay for dinner? It's my turn to cook and maybe I can make your favourite food if it's no too complicated"
“Colin can cook almost anything. Once he made me a pizza and it was shaped like fish. But it didn't have fish on the pizza, it had mincemeat and bacon and cheese and stuff”
Jonny chuckles at the thought of his pizza
Ed accepts the offer
“That would be awesome”
They walk into the house. Colin’s excited by the fact he’s going to impress his mum by bringing Ed home
Jonny steps inside and takes his shoes off
“MUM, WE'RE HOME AND COZZIE BROUGHT HOME HIS FRIEND ED”
Mrs. Greenwood almost runs to the coatroom.
She looks at Ed and smiles
“It's wonderful to meet you, Ed. Colin's told me a bit about you and you sound like the friend I want him to have. I'm so glad he's hanging out with normal people now”
She kisses Jonny and Colin on the cheeks
She continues, “Much better than that wrinkly Thom”
Ed laughs and feels bad for Thom
Colin hurries to change the subject
“I told Ed it was my night to cook and he's hungry so I was wondering if we should just go to the kitchen”
“All right but don't turn on the radio because I'll be watching the news in the next room and I want to be able to hear them properly”
She heads to the living room and the boys walk into the kitchen
Colin opens some cupboards
“so what's your favourite food?”
Jonny bounces around a little
“Cookies and spaghetti!”
“Not you, Jon”
Ed puts his hands into his pockets
“Eh... sure, I like spaghetti”
jonny looks up into ed's face
“I'm glad we both like spaghetti”
Ed seems almost scared
“Heh, yeah”
He looks away
Colin picks of a packet of noodles
“Spaghetti it is. Jonny will you get something for us to drink?”
Jonny opens the fridge and looks around
“Ooh, cranberry juice”
He picks up the cranberry juice and is going to turn and get some glasses when he sees a carton of chocolate milk
“Ooh, chocolate milk”
He picks up the chocolate milk
He peaks over top of the refrigerator door
“Cozzie, can we have both chocolate milk and cranberry juice to drink?”
“No, just choose one”
“Oh...”
Jonny opens the refrigerator again and pretends to put the cranberry juice away but then hides it under his shirt
Colin and Ed are turning their backs on him, talking about Fender guitars
Jonny takes three glasses from a cupboard and pours some chocolate milk into them
“I really like the telecaster”
Jonny takes mental notes of what Ed's saying. ‘Everyone likes Ed’ he thinks
Jonny adds cranberry juice to the chocolate milk
“Mmmm...”
Colin hands a knife and a tomato to Ed for slicing
“What was that you said, Jonny?”
“Nothing! I like spaghetti”
“Oh, ok”
Ed starts slicing the tomato
“Ed, no! You don’t slice a tomato like that”
Colin shakes his head and takes the knife from Ed’s hands
“You can just put some plates on the table. They're in the top left cupboard”
Jonny stares at the glasses of chocolate cranberry juice
He picks up a banana and breaks it in three pieces
He shoves each piece of banana on the edge of one of the glasses, takes a step back and mutters to himself “pretty”
Colin puts the spaghetti in a blue bowl decorated with flowers. The bowl suits Mrs. Greenwood’s taste perfectly
“Hey, Ed do you like cheese with your pasta
Ed’s zipper has been caught in the tablecloth and he quietly struggles with getting loose
“Eh... sure”
Jonny inspects his drinks of art some more
“Do we have any whipped cream?”
Colin tastes the spaghetti sauce, frowns a bit and adds more salt
“No. Why?”
“No reason”
He looks around for more ingredients
“Just help Ed with the table, will you?”
“But I'm pouring us drinks”
Jonny picks up a pen and some post-its and starts scraping their names on them
Colin picks the pot of spaghetti sauce up and turns around
“How long can it take to pour three glasses of chocolate milk?”
Jonny stutters and mumbles. He puts the post-its on the glasses so that each one their name on it. Jonny gives himself the glass with the biggest banana piece.
Colin notices the glasses Jonny has so proudly put together
“EW, JONNY”
“You don't think it looks nice?”
Jonny smiles but stops when he meets Colin's gaze of madness
“You ruined the food!!”
Colin's voice breaks
Ed stares at them. He doesn't know which is weirder, Jonny's drinks or Colin's strange passion for food
“Don't you even want a taste, Cozzie?
Colin shrugs
“What did you put in it? It looks like mouldy ketchup”
“YES! KETCHUP”
Jonny opens up a drawer, picks up a bottle of ketchup and attempts to squirt some in the glasses but Colin stops him before he does
“Let's just drink water Jon-Jon”
“But I want to drink my drink”
“Fine, take a sip and see what it tastes like”
Jonny picks up his glass and takes a big gulp
He looks like he wants to spit it out but he swallows
Colin can’t resist smirking a bit so he turns away for a while and then looks back at Jonny
“Are you alright?”
Jonny nods and coughs sickly
Colin rolls his eyes
“Sit down. The spaghetti's ready”
Jonny puts the drinks back in the fridge
“I'll save this for later” Then he adds “Because it’s so good”
He pours himself a glass of water and sits down at the table
Ed examines his drink
“Do you have a lemon I can put in my water?”
Jonny examines his glass too but really is just looking through the water at Ed
“No, but we have oranges”
“No, thanks. Plain water’s fine then”
Colin brings a large bowl full of spaghetti to the table.
“Help yourself, Ed”
“MUM! DINNER'S READY!”
Mrs. Greenwood comes in wearing pearls and high heels. She sits down at the end of the table
“Mum, why are you so fancy fancy?” Jonny asks
“What do you mean, dear? We always look our best here at the Greenwood house
She smiles a slightly pretentious smile at Ed
Ed ignores her and puts pesto on his plate
Mrs. Greenwood notices that Jonny’s face is already red with pasta sauce “Jon, wipe your face off”
She picks up a napkin and attempts to get to Jonny’s face but he struggles
“Jonny, what have I told you about getting food in your hair. We're going to have to use the bad smelling shampoo”
Jonny dodges some more while trying to put more spaghetti in his mouth
Ed and Colin start giggling
Ed tries to keep his cool in front of Mrs. Greenwood
“This is really good, Colin”
Mrs. Greenwood finally gets the tissue to Jonny’s face and she wipes most of it off, licking the napkin to get the already dry spots out
“I'm glad Colin can cook. He may not be the best looking of the bunch…”
She looks to Colin
“Don't get me wrong, dear. You're beautiful but boys nowadays are starting to look like beauty queens. Of course most of them are gays and perverts in the end...”
Colin interrupts “Mum...”
Jonny has managed to get more sauce in his face and there’s even a bit running out of his nose
“Mum, am I pretty?”
“Yes, you're very pretty, Jonny”
She turns back to Colin
“Oh, yes I meant to say that you being able to cook will lure a lot of these generation x ladies in the future that can't cook and are lawyers...”
Jonny smiles, spreading more spaghetti over his face
Mrs. Greenwood’s rant does not stop
“Of course I'd love it if you'd end up with an old fashioned woman...”
Colin sinks in his seat
“Mum, can we talk about something else?”
“Sure, dear. I wouldn't want to embarrass you in front of your friend.”
She turns to Ed
“I heard you got the lead”
Ed looks up from his plate
"Huh?"
“Probably because you're really tall the lead always goes to the tallest boy. You've got a nice haircut too”
Mrs. Greenwood nods her head and puts some more spaghetti on her plate.
Ed looks scared
Jonny opens his mouth, spitting spaghetti sauce in Ed’s eye
“Thom said you look like Morrissey, Ed”
Ed dries his eye and thinks fond thoughts of his home
“He said that? Cool! I love the smiths”
Colin looks up from his plate
“Me too”
Jonny joins
“Me too”
Colin laughs
Mrs. Greenwood’s voice grows cold
“You're not talking about music are you?”
Somehow the way Mrs. Greenwood is holding her silverware frightens Colin
“Eh... no, mum they're a theatre group”
“Do they do comedy?” she asks
“No. Drama”
“Oh, then I should see them sometime”
Jonny’s plate is empty so he starts eating the food on his face
“I hope they come to Oxfrordshire. Then we can all go”
“Mum, can I have milk?”
“Sure, dear”
Mrs. Greenwood gets up and opens the refrigerator to get Jonny some milk but discovers the drinks he made earlier that evening
“WHAT IS THIS?”
She holds the glass that was meant for Colin. There’s a bite mark on the banana.
“I made you a drink, mummy”
Mrs. Greenwoods sighs
“How nice of you. I'll drink it in the morning. I'm sure it will be good cold.”
She gags a bit but so that Jonny doesn't hear
She places the glass delicately in the back of the fridge
“Can ed stay a bit after dinner?” Colin asks his mum
“Does his mother know that he’s here?
“No, she's working late. She'll be home soon” Ed explains
“I think you should be home before she gets home herself. You can just visit us another time. You're always welcome. You've behaved very well tonight”
Ed gulps
Mrs. Greenwood picks up a small pad of paper and scribbles something down
“Mum? Uh, what are you doing?”
“......SHOPPING LIST, DEAR! Hahaha”
She looks around awkwardly
“Can I have a cookie?” Jonny asks “I've finished my plate”
“Jon you have sauce on your eyelashes”
“Colin, will you clean your brother’s face and show Ed the door so he can get himself home before dark?”
Ed gets up
“Thanks for letting me stay for dinner, Mrs. Greenwood”
She hugs Ed
“I hope you two stay friends forever”
Colin looks at his mom petrified
Ed forces out a smile
“I'd better get home then”
Colin follows Ed to the door and whispers quietly “Sorry about that”
“It’s ok”
“See you at practice Wednesday then”
“Yeah, I'm really looking forward to it”
Colin’s eyes light up
“Me too. I have a really good feeling about this band. The last one me and Thom were in wasn't very good.”
“I love Thom's ideas... the other guys wouldn't let him use them... they just wanted to play covers and bad music so me and Thom decided to form our own band”
“That's really neat”
Ed walks out the door
“See you later, Coz”
Colin closes the door after Ed
“JONNY, IT'S BATHTIME!”
Thom looks at colin
"So are you liking the Joy Division record I lent you?"
Colin smiles
"Yes and Jonny likes it too"
Thom turns back to look at jonny whos lagging behind carrying two backpacks
Colin seems slightly concerned
"Jon, why don't you just let me carry my own backpack?"
Jonny looks up
"Its ok, Coz, I've got it"
Jonny’s sneaker falls off and he awkwardly tries to put it back on while still holding the bags
Colin grabs Jonny's foot and puts the sneaker back on him
“Want me to tie them for you?”
Jonny whispers "Please no" while looking in the direction of Thom and Martin who are a few meters ahead of the two brothers.
Jonny struggles with the laces for a while and ends up shoving them on the inside of his shoe.
Colin takes his backpack from Jonny
“It's ok. You can keep my jacket in your bag if you want, though”
“No, it's ok. Mum doesn't want you to take it off outside”
“Yeah, you're right”
They catch up with martin and Thom
Thom looks at Jonny’s shoes
“Yeah those laces can be tricky”
He then points at his own shoes which are unlaced and slightly frayed
They all walk silently until they get to drama class and Thom pokes Jonny gently in the arm.
“Jon, you can come with me and Martin to the balcony today. We're going to try out some music for the play”
“But I didn't bring my violin…”
Colin runs off in the direction of the stage
“See you after practice, Jon. Don't get in Thom or Martin’s way
“Ok, Coz”
Jonny throws their back packs in an audience seat and walks with Thom and Martin up the broken stairs to the balcony where they’ll be playing the score for the play.
Jonny turns back to look at Colin but he’s not looking back.
He can see Colin walk up to the tallest boy and start talking to him.
Jonny giggles on the inside at Cozzie's manic hand gestures.
He then trips a bit on the stair because he’s not paying attention but Thom grabs his hand and pulls him back up before any damage is done.
Thom smiles and Jonny looks embarrassed.
They open the door and walk on to the cramped balcony. There are a lot of stray wires from the lighting equipment.
Martin doesn’t hide his dislike for Jonny
“How come we have to have the baby with us all the time, Thom?”
“He can play with us” Thom says, trying to free his foot from a knot of wires.
Then he adds “Can't you, Jonny? Just for today”
Jonny stutters
Thom interrupts
"He can play the bass or my electric guitar"
“Coz told me you wanted to buy a guitar, Jonny”
Jonny mutter “yes…”, still recovering from Martin’s mean comment
Then he decides to ignore it
“Yes! I wanted to buy a guitar because I really like how it sounds”
“That kid's such a retard. Let's just play”
Martin spins his drumsticks around, thinking about how cool he must look.
“Ignore him”
Thom hands Jonny a red bass
------------
The teacher has arrived downstairs and is now telling some girls to get off the stage so they can rehearse a scene between Ed and Colin.
“I was thinking if my character should have an accent...” Ed suggests
“No, no, no. Your voice is far too beautiful, Edward. You should just let it flow.
The teacher waves her hands around, artistically around Ed
“We could however use the idea for someone else.”
She starts spinning her hands some and they end up flying in front of Colin’s eyes
“Colin, you can do accents, right?”
Colin shrugs
“I don't know”
Jonny cries from upstairs “COZ, DO THE MONTY PYTHON ACCENT
YOU KNOW”
“YOUR MOTHER SMELLS OF ELDERBERRIES!”
The teacher stops the hand-waving and puts her hands on her hips
“How's it going up there?”
Colin smiles, Jonny could always make him smile.
Thom shouts back
“WE'RE JUST PLUGGING THIS STUFF. I CAN'T SEE ANYTHING UP HERE”
“Well, alright. There's no rush”
The teacher then turns back to the young actors
“Can you boys make your own costumes?”
“Can't we just wear our fancy suits or something?”
The teacher gasps
“No, no, no, no, no, no, no!! Never ever use your own clothes in a play!”
“But isn't that more practical...?” Colin suggests
“Colin, dear... if we were going to be practical we would just make the costumes out of leaves”
She lights up
“What if we made this into an original version of the play and made it happen in Eden. You know. Like in the bible”
She gets no response
“Hmm, kids?”
Ed’s lip curls
“But Adam and Eve were the only inhabitants in Eden and there are eight of us in the play”
“Nice observation... Well, it doesn't hurt bringing up new ideas. I encourage you all to bring out your freshest ideas, children”
Colin raises a finger
“Hey, I have an idea”
“Errr... actually it can wait until the end of rehearsal”
The teacher pretends to look at her watch
“Now let's start the scene from when Edward says ‘In the autumn...’”
Ed starts a monologue and Colin makes dramatic faces while Ed speaks
Upstairs Thom starts getting his guitar out of its case.
“Can you hold this, Jon, while I get my wires out?”
Jonny smiles and gladly holds the guitar in his lap.
He looks it over, touches the strings and turns the volume knob a bit.
He strokes the neck and tries to play a chord but no sound comes from the guitar
“You need to press harder, Jon-Jon”
Thom playfully giggles
“Oops”
“Hehe, you're alright”
Martin mimics what Thom just said in a funny voice.
Thom punches martin in the shoulder.
“Shall we play or not?”
Martin sits down at the drums and Jonny hands the guitar to Thom.
He picks up a bright red bass on the floor.
Downstairs Colin and Ed have started screaming
Jonny thinks how that scene used to scare him until Thom explained to him that they were only playing.
Jonny didn't think it was a nice game at all but Colin said their mum wanted him to do it and their mum was always right.
The teacher stops Colin and Ed.
“That was marvellous, Edward.” Then she adds “Colin, I think you should rehearse in front of the mirror a little. Your face seems to react strangely to the words sometimes”
She giggles.
Suddenly screeching and all kinds of noises can be heard from upstairs along with loud buzzing noises.
“WHATS GOING ON UP THERE?!” the teacher screeches
“WHAT DO YOU MEAN?” Thom asks “WE’RE MAKING MUSIC FOR THE PLAY”
“THAT’S NOT THE KIND OF MUSIC I WANT FOR THE PLAY, THOM!”
“THEN I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK I'M SUPPOSED TO BE PLAYING!!”
Jonny looks shocked
Ed starts to laugh. He’s never heard anyone talk to a teacher like that.
The teacher looks like she’s going to break down and cry for a bit but after a few moments of silence she shakes it off.
“Well, children, I think we’ve had enough for today. I’ll see you tomorrow. You've done well. I want you all to practise very well at home.”
Then she turns to Ed
“Edward, do you have any comments?”
Ed stands awkwardly for a few moments thinking about something to say
“Uh... I like what Tara and Jamie have done with the set”
All the girls in the room blush
The teacher blushes too
“Oh, Edward you're always such a sweetheart”
Ed walks off stage, feeling everyone's eyes on him.
Thom, Jonny and Martin come walking down the stairs.
Jonny trips over a bag of light bulbs on his way down and they break to pieces.
“Be careful!” the teacher shouts
“I’ll need my tea after today”
“Thom that was awesome”
Martin pats him on the back
Thom looks a bit ashamed
“Whatever, man”
Ed walks up to them.
Coz grabs his back pack out off the chair.
Ed smiles at Thom
“Are you the one who yelled at the teacher before?”
“uh-huh”
“Wow, you're like my hero now. I really admire how you did that. That woman's...”
“She’s a total whack” Martin interrupts
“I hate getting all the stupid attention” Ed continues “My mum’s just making me do this”
Colin laughs
“Same here!”
A pretty girl with glasses walks up to Ed
“Thank you for complimenting the set, Ed. I really appreciate it. “
She starts wrapping a lock of hair around her finger.
“No problem, Tara”
Her friend pulls her to the front door and the boys can hear her whispering to Tara about how Ed has a crush on her and they'll be the most popular couple in school.
Thom looks confused
Ed changes the conversation
“So… I liked what you were playing up there”
Colin quickly runs upstairs and comes back holding Jonny’s backpack.
“Here, you forgot this”
He hands Jonny his backpack, who whispers a "Thank you" but doesn’t take his eyes from Thom’s guitar case. He’s been staring at it for a while
“Do you think she'll let you keep making music for the play?” Colin asks Thom
“I don't really care... I have no idea what that woman wants from us. I just want to play my music”
“That's admirable” Ed says
“Well, most people seem to think you’re the admirable one”
Thom looks at Ed from head to toe.
“Hey... you know.... do you know how to play anything... err... Luke, was it?”
“His name's Ed. He's cool”
“Thanks, Coz”
“Sorry, Ed” Thom continues “Can you play anything?”
“I can play guitar alright”
“Want to join our band?”
Then Thom runs his hand through his hair “Just so you know I'm singing. But you can be almost at front”
“Uh...”
Thom tries to reassure him
"We are going to practice Wednesday in the band room, you know because my garage is full of crap and Colin's mum is a bit of a loony"
Ed's convinced
"Sure"
Jonny stops staring at Thom’s guitar case to look at all his older friends
“I think mum would like Ed. He dresses nice and talks posh”
Jonny puts his hand over his mouth
Thom laughs
Coz looks at Thom sympathetically “Heh, sorry, Thom. You know how mum is.”
“Yeah”
Colin looks at his watch "Eh, sorry guys but I guess we should get going"
Ed responds "Alright. Cool! I can come on Wednesday then?"
Colin smiles
"Of course"
"Me too!" Jonny chirps
Colin rolls his eyes
Martin looks at Thom “I'm coming too, right?”
“Ehh… Martin you can sit this one out. You're not in this band. Sorry”
Jonny looks at martin triumphantly
Martin tries to seem like he doesn't care
"Whatever"
Colin looks at Jonny
"Ok, we really should go"
Ed puts his script back into his backpack
"Uh, Colin do you mind if I walk home with you guys? I think we live only a few meters away from each other"
Colin and Jonny both respond "Sure"
They all wave bye to Thom and then Martin who is pretending to be extremely occupied by a small zipper on his coat pocket
Ed, Colin and Jonny all walk out the school gates and head down the side of the road
Ed looks at the brothers
"My mum's not getting home till late tonight so I guess I'm going to be having saltines for dinner again"
Jonny looks up
“chocolate chip?”
“…No, salty”
jonny looks sour
They walk through the front gate to the Greenwoods house but Ed stops to turn home and waves goodbye
Colin turns around
"Ed, would you like to come and stay for dinner? It's my turn to cook and maybe I can make your favourite food if it's no too complicated"
“Colin can cook almost anything. Once he made me a pizza and it was shaped like fish. But it didn't have fish on the pizza, it had mincemeat and bacon and cheese and stuff”
Jonny chuckles at the thought of his pizza
Ed accepts the offer
“That would be awesome”
They walk into the house. Colin’s excited by the fact he’s going to impress his mum by bringing Ed home
Jonny steps inside and takes his shoes off
“MUM, WE'RE HOME AND COZZIE BROUGHT HOME HIS FRIEND ED”
Mrs. Greenwood almost runs to the coatroom.
She looks at Ed and smiles
“It's wonderful to meet you, Ed. Colin's told me a bit about you and you sound like the friend I want him to have. I'm so glad he's hanging out with normal people now”
She kisses Jonny and Colin on the cheeks
She continues, “Much better than that wrinkly Thom”
Ed laughs and feels bad for Thom
Colin hurries to change the subject
“I told Ed it was my night to cook and he's hungry so I was wondering if we should just go to the kitchen”
“All right but don't turn on the radio because I'll be watching the news in the next room and I want to be able to hear them properly”
She heads to the living room and the boys walk into the kitchen
Colin opens some cupboards
“so what's your favourite food?”
Jonny bounces around a little
“Cookies and spaghetti!”
“Not you, Jon”
Ed puts his hands into his pockets
“Eh... sure, I like spaghetti”
jonny looks up into ed's face
“I'm glad we both like spaghetti”
Ed seems almost scared
“Heh, yeah”
He looks away
Colin picks of a packet of noodles
“Spaghetti it is. Jonny will you get something for us to drink?”
Jonny opens the fridge and looks around
“Ooh, cranberry juice”
He picks up the cranberry juice and is going to turn and get some glasses when he sees a carton of chocolate milk
“Ooh, chocolate milk”
He picks up the chocolate milk
He peaks over top of the refrigerator door
“Cozzie, can we have both chocolate milk and cranberry juice to drink?”
“No, just choose one”
“Oh...”
Jonny opens the refrigerator again and pretends to put the cranberry juice away but then hides it under his shirt
Colin and Ed are turning their backs on him, talking about Fender guitars
Jonny takes three glasses from a cupboard and pours some chocolate milk into them
“I really like the telecaster”
Jonny takes mental notes of what Ed's saying. ‘Everyone likes Ed’ he thinks
Jonny adds cranberry juice to the chocolate milk
“Mmmm...”
Colin hands a knife and a tomato to Ed for slicing
“What was that you said, Jonny?”
“Nothing! I like spaghetti”
“Oh, ok”
Ed starts slicing the tomato
“Ed, no! You don’t slice a tomato like that”
Colin shakes his head and takes the knife from Ed’s hands
“You can just put some plates on the table. They're in the top left cupboard”
Jonny stares at the glasses of chocolate cranberry juice
He picks up a banana and breaks it in three pieces
He shoves each piece of banana on the edge of one of the glasses, takes a step back and mutters to himself “pretty”
Colin puts the spaghetti in a blue bowl decorated with flowers. The bowl suits Mrs. Greenwood’s taste perfectly
“Hey, Ed do you like cheese with your pasta
Ed’s zipper has been caught in the tablecloth and he quietly struggles with getting loose
“Eh... sure”
Jonny inspects his drinks of art some more
“Do we have any whipped cream?”
Colin tastes the spaghetti sauce, frowns a bit and adds more salt
“No. Why?”
“No reason”
He looks around for more ingredients
“Just help Ed with the table, will you?”
“But I'm pouring us drinks”
Jonny picks up a pen and some post-its and starts scraping their names on them
Colin picks the pot of spaghetti sauce up and turns around
“How long can it take to pour three glasses of chocolate milk?”
Jonny stutters and mumbles. He puts the post-its on the glasses so that each one their name on it. Jonny gives himself the glass with the biggest banana piece.
Colin notices the glasses Jonny has so proudly put together
“EW, JONNY”
“You don't think it looks nice?”
Jonny smiles but stops when he meets Colin's gaze of madness
“You ruined the food!!”
Colin's voice breaks
Ed stares at them. He doesn't know which is weirder, Jonny's drinks or Colin's strange passion for food
“Don't you even want a taste, Cozzie?
Colin shrugs
“What did you put in it? It looks like mouldy ketchup”
“YES! KETCHUP”
Jonny opens up a drawer, picks up a bottle of ketchup and attempts to squirt some in the glasses but Colin stops him before he does
“Let's just drink water Jon-Jon”
“But I want to drink my drink”
“Fine, take a sip and see what it tastes like”
Jonny picks up his glass and takes a big gulp
He looks like he wants to spit it out but he swallows
Colin can’t resist smirking a bit so he turns away for a while and then looks back at Jonny
“Are you alright?”
Jonny nods and coughs sickly
Colin rolls his eyes
“Sit down. The spaghetti's ready”
Jonny puts the drinks back in the fridge
“I'll save this for later” Then he adds “Because it’s so good”
He pours himself a glass of water and sits down at the table
Ed examines his drink
“Do you have a lemon I can put in my water?”
Jonny examines his glass too but really is just looking through the water at Ed
“No, but we have oranges”
“No, thanks. Plain water’s fine then”
Colin brings a large bowl full of spaghetti to the table.
“Help yourself, Ed”
“MUM! DINNER'S READY!”
Mrs. Greenwood comes in wearing pearls and high heels. She sits down at the end of the table
“Mum, why are you so fancy fancy?” Jonny asks
“What do you mean, dear? We always look our best here at the Greenwood house
She smiles a slightly pretentious smile at Ed
Ed ignores her and puts pesto on his plate
Mrs. Greenwood notices that Jonny’s face is already red with pasta sauce “Jon, wipe your face off”
She picks up a napkin and attempts to get to Jonny’s face but he struggles
“Jonny, what have I told you about getting food in your hair. We're going to have to use the bad smelling shampoo”
Jonny dodges some more while trying to put more spaghetti in his mouth
Ed and Colin start giggling
Ed tries to keep his cool in front of Mrs. Greenwood
“This is really good, Colin”
Mrs. Greenwood finally gets the tissue to Jonny’s face and she wipes most of it off, licking the napkin to get the already dry spots out
“I'm glad Colin can cook. He may not be the best looking of the bunch…”
She looks to Colin
“Don't get me wrong, dear. You're beautiful but boys nowadays are starting to look like beauty queens. Of course most of them are gays and perverts in the end...”
Colin interrupts “Mum...”
Jonny has managed to get more sauce in his face and there’s even a bit running out of his nose
“Mum, am I pretty?”
“Yes, you're very pretty, Jonny”
She turns back to Colin
“Oh, yes I meant to say that you being able to cook will lure a lot of these generation x ladies in the future that can't cook and are lawyers...”
Jonny smiles, spreading more spaghetti over his face
Mrs. Greenwood’s rant does not stop
“Of course I'd love it if you'd end up with an old fashioned woman...”
Colin sinks in his seat
“Mum, can we talk about something else?”
“Sure, dear. I wouldn't want to embarrass you in front of your friend.”
She turns to Ed
“I heard you got the lead”
Ed looks up from his plate
"Huh?"
“Probably because you're really tall the lead always goes to the tallest boy. You've got a nice haircut too”
Mrs. Greenwood nods her head and puts some more spaghetti on her plate.
Ed looks scared
Jonny opens his mouth, spitting spaghetti sauce in Ed’s eye
“Thom said you look like Morrissey, Ed”
Ed dries his eye and thinks fond thoughts of his home
“He said that? Cool! I love the smiths”
Colin looks up from his plate
“Me too”
Jonny joins
“Me too”
Colin laughs
Mrs. Greenwood’s voice grows cold
“You're not talking about music are you?”
Somehow the way Mrs. Greenwood is holding her silverware frightens Colin
“Eh... no, mum they're a theatre group”
“Do they do comedy?” she asks
“No. Drama”
“Oh, then I should see them sometime”
Jonny’s plate is empty so he starts eating the food on his face
“I hope they come to Oxfrordshire. Then we can all go”
“Mum, can I have milk?”
“Sure, dear”
Mrs. Greenwood gets up and opens the refrigerator to get Jonny some milk but discovers the drinks he made earlier that evening
“WHAT IS THIS?”
She holds the glass that was meant for Colin. There’s a bite mark on the banana.
“I made you a drink, mummy”
Mrs. Greenwoods sighs
“How nice of you. I'll drink it in the morning. I'm sure it will be good cold.”
She gags a bit but so that Jonny doesn't hear
She places the glass delicately in the back of the fridge
“Can ed stay a bit after dinner?” Colin asks his mum
“Does his mother know that he’s here?
“No, she's working late. She'll be home soon” Ed explains
“I think you should be home before she gets home herself. You can just visit us another time. You're always welcome. You've behaved very well tonight”
Ed gulps
Mrs. Greenwood picks up a small pad of paper and scribbles something down
“Mum? Uh, what are you doing?”
“......SHOPPING LIST, DEAR! Hahaha”
She looks around awkwardly
“Can I have a cookie?” Jonny asks “I've finished my plate”
“Jon you have sauce on your eyelashes”
“Colin, will you clean your brother’s face and show Ed the door so he can get himself home before dark?”
Ed gets up
“Thanks for letting me stay for dinner, Mrs. Greenwood”
She hugs Ed
“I hope you two stay friends forever”
Colin looks at his mom petrified
Ed forces out a smile
“I'd better get home then”
Colin follows Ed to the door and whispers quietly “Sorry about that”
“It’s ok”
“See you at practice Wednesday then”
“Yeah, I'm really looking forward to it”
Colin’s eyes light up
“Me too. I have a really good feeling about this band. The last one me and Thom were in wasn't very good.”
“I love Thom's ideas... the other guys wouldn't let him use them... they just wanted to play covers and bad music so me and Thom decided to form our own band”
“That's really neat”
Ed walks out the door
“See you later, Coz”
Colin closes the door after Ed
“JONNY, IT'S BATHTIME!”
Abducting Radiohead ep. 3 aka. Colin's 37th birthday pt. 1
Hildur and Janeen are standing in the kitchen. Jonny and Colin have been missing in action for the last hour or so.
Hildur stares out the window "Did Jonny and Colin run away or something? I haven't seen them in a while"
She turns to janeen "do you know where they are?"
Janeen taps her fingers on table "Jonny was in the backyard a second ago picking dandelions"
Hildur stares blankly at janeen "since when do we have dandelions?"
"I told him he could pick them since there’s a surplus this year"
Hildur thinks of Jonny plucking flowers in the backyard "Awww he was probably picking them for his mama"
Janeen smirks "or Cozzie"
Hildur adds "or a crush..."
They both look at each other “Yeah Cozzie"
They look out the door to see Jonathan laying in the lawn and his pants are all grass stained
Hildur bends down to talk to him " Jonny what are you doing out here? Do you know where Cozzie is?"
Jonny picks a dandelion thoughtfully from the grass" I know dandelions aren't Cozzie's favourite flowers but I'm picking dandelions and giving them to Cozzie"
Hildur smiles " that's nice, Jonny"
"I only like the brown ones because when they open and the flowers come out the bees come too and I don't like the bees"
"Yeah, that's nice, Jonny. Where's Cozzie?"
Jonny continues to ramble about bees
"One time the bee hurt me and my mom had to take care of me"
"If I get hurt Cozzie will have to take care of me"
"Is Cozzie missing is that why you're asking me? "
Hildur looks back at Jonny slightly annoyed "Well I don't know where he is, Jonathan"
Jonny jumps up and screams "HIDE AND GO SEEEEK!!!!"
Jonny runs into the house yelling "COZZIE, COZZIE, COZZIE... ONE TWO THREE..."
Cozzie walks out of the bathroom
Coz looks at Jonny sort of surprised " sorry just using the bathroom"
Jonny runs into the bathroom
"COZZIE IT'S POINTY!!"
Colin turns around "What?"
Jonny yells " YOU FORGOT TO FLUSH!"
"FOR CHRISTS SAKE FLUSH FOR ME, JONNY"
A flushing noise is heard
Janeen laughs
Muffled through the floor Thom says "Ha, Coz could never remember to flush the toilet"
Once again through the muffled floor Thom yells "EW! SICK! THERES A LEAK. ITS DRIPPING ALL OVER ME AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"
Jonny walks out of the bathroom and stops in front of Hildur and Janeen
He says casually " Cozzie had corn last night"
Janeen stares at Hildur
Hildur says coolly "That's nice, Jonny."
Jonny turns away " I want to be a scientist"
He picks up his tele
Janeen looks confused at him "Jonny do you know what a scientist is?"
Jonny sits down cross legged on the floor " Yes... That singer in Guided by Voices sung that song "I am a scientist"
"and he understood very well"
"and played his guitar"
Janeen smiles and pats Jonny on the head "Yes you will be a very good scientist"
Jonny smiles and stares up at Janeen and Hildur with his huge eyes
Coz walks into the room with his hands stuffed in his pockets
Jonny stands up "Oh, coz I got you these"
He pulls a bunch of dandelions out of his pockets
Jonny looks hopefully at Coz "Do you like them? I know they're not your favourite"
Cozzie smiles " I like them a lot, Jonny"
Colin puts one of the flowers in his jacket pocket so it sticks out all weedy
Jonny smiles and gives coz a hug
The flower gets a bit flattened
"Thank you for the flowers, Jonny. I have to go now and practise my tambourine playing"
Hildur looks to Coz "But we were going to go out to eat tonight, remember?"
Colin is upset by the possibility of him not getting in his full tambourine practise " uh... no"
"Yes, we have your late birthday dinner"
"We have a reservation at a four star place"
Colin raises an eyebrow
He asks " and jonny's coming with?"
Hildur stares at Colin "Yes of course"
Colin seems amused "Apparently you've never taken Jonny out to eat, have you?"
Jonny looks up by the mentioning of his name "Yay! I like going out to eat!"
Janeen smirks "What does he need a bib or something?"
Colin looks to us "Can't Thom watch over him?"
Hildur smiles "Oh, Thom's is coming with"
Muffled cheering can be heard from the basement
Janeen mumbles "We'll have to dry him off and get him a bath first though"
Hildur says to janeen "Oh, yeah... that's something we have to do"
Colin looks pleased "Okay you do that now. I can practise playing my tambourines while you're at it"
While Colin's walking away he says "Very important for me"
After Colin's gone Jonny asks suddenly "Can I take a bath with Thom?"
Janeen looks surprised by his question "Jonny uh we're probably going to have to hand wash Thom for he's rather disagreeable"
And then she adds "You don't want us seeing you nakey do you?"
Jonny blushes “I....."
And then unfortunately changes his mind "I want to help clean Thom"
Hildur and janeen both smile
"Okay let's go get Thom from the basement"
Janeen hits the lights before they go down the stairs to get Thom
Thom yells "AAAAAH IT BURNS MY EYES"
"Sweet, sweet light!"
Hildur unhinges his chains "Shut up, Thom"
Thom sings as the girls unchain him
Jonny stands at the top of the stairs, afraid to come down
Jonny calls down the stairs " are you comiiing? I... I don't want to be alone"
Janeen yells back "We'll be right there, Jonny. Just wait outside. You wouldn't like it down here"
Weakly Jonny calls "Can I have a cookie?"
Hildur yells "There are no left. We're not letting you have any cookies until Saturday"
"We're going to a restaurant tonight"
"Then you'll be getting nice things to eat"
Hildur and Janeen drag Thom up the stairs
Janeen looks at Thom "Come on, Thomas. Bath time"
Thom’s eyes widen and he yells frantically " WHAT WHY?!"
Janeen laughs "You've been in the dungeon for days and the toilets been dripping on you"
Thom stares at the floor " oh, bugger"
He looks back up at us with his hands clasped like a beggar "Can't I just bathe myself?"
Hildur stares at Thom unmoved "No, you'd just end up listening to Linkin Park and cutting yourself with shattered glass. I saw you the other day, you know"
Thom looks away " ... I just like Linkin Park, that's all"
They all move into the bathroom
Janeen looks at Thom "and Jonny’s going to help"
Jonny walks in "Hi, Thom!"
Jonny goes over and immediately starts undressing Thom
Jonny unbuckles Thom's belt
Thom's sweat leaks down his forehead
Hildur sits in the bathtub to watch. Janeen sits up on the sink edge
Jonny pulls Thoms belt out of the loops and places it on the sink counter
Jonny stares at him "Thom you smell weird"
Thom adds a distracted "yeah"
Thom starts to whistle
Without removing her eyes janeen says like a zombie "Hildur, run the water"
Hildur turns the knob for the water not looking away from Thom and Jonny or stepping out of the tub
Hildur says quietly " Jonny, take Thom's underwear off"
Thom interrupts "WAIT let me take my shirt and socks off first"
He does this
Then Jonny gets down on his knees slowly
Jonny looks at janeen like he's asking her what he should really do
She looks back " go ahead"
Hildur drools into the bathtub
Jonny puts his index fingers inside Thom's underwear
Thom gulps
He slowly pulls it down
Hildur leans closer, now completely soaked.
Janeen sits mouth agape
Hildur stares "Now lean forward and..." she stops abruptly
"Eh... "
Hildur steps out of the bathtub
There are a few moments of silence
Thom looks around annoyed "Bloody hell! What’s wrong with you? Never seen a penis before?
Then he jumps in the tub
Janeen looks to Jonny "Haha! Jonny go get the washcloths"
Jonny says proudly " I've seen Thom's penis lots of times"
Thom looks at us nervously "Haha that Jonny… He doesn't know what he’s talking about…"
Jonny interjects "No, Thom. Remember that time! At the hotel! On the first tour in France! You and Colin had bathrobes and I couldn't find mine"
Hildur looks interested "What happened next?"
Thom scowls at Jonny "Just get the bloody washcloths"
Jonny continues "Thom gave me his and he..."
He looks at Thom quickly, hesitates, and then leaves to get the washcloths
Thom gives a sigh of relief
Thom looks around "So... upstairs is nice"
"Can I stay here?" Then he quickly looks away.
Hildur remarks "But Fraulein Helga loves you"
Thom lightens up "Does she?"
Jonny comes back with an arm full of washcloths.
Jonny looks to Thom questioningly "Thom do you want us to use the yellow ones or the pink ones?"
Thom says roughly "Just give me one"
Hildur looks to Jonny "Oh, and hand one to me and janeen, please"
Thom grabs a washcloth from Jonny's hand "I can do this myself..."
Hildur places a wash cloth on Thom's head "Just do what we say and you might get a dessert tonight"
Janeen adds "Thom go under to get your hair wet so we can shampoo it"
Thom takes a deep breath and goes underwater
He stays there for an awfully long time
He stays
Everything’s silent
And he stays...
Jonny breaks the silence “He’s not going to drown is he?”
He stares at Janeen, Hildur and then the bathtub “OH NO!”
Hildur mumbles “I think it's just his yoga lungs”
She pokes him with a hairbrush handle
Thom sits up
Jonny gives out a relieved “phew”
Hildur picks up a strawberry scented shampoo bottle
“Can I have the coconut one?” Thom casually asks and points towards a coconut shampoo bottle that’s lying up on a shelf.
“Sure...”
Hildur reaches to pick up the coconut shampoo bottle and then squirts some shampoo in her hand.
“That looks just like the stains on your pants in the Australian tour” Jonny says
“HAHAHA, JONNY!” Janeen bursts
Thom just shakes his head “Jonny… enough talk about touring”
Jonny apologises, squirts some shampoo in his hand and works it through Thom’s hair.
“Thom you've got a lot of knots”
“It's all the shit that's been leaking on me”
Hildur slaps Thom’s shoulder “Don't swear in front of Jonathan”
“I can say SHIT because there was SHIT fucking leaking on my FUCKING HAIR”
Jonny panics and puts soap in Thom's eyes before he says more curse words.
Thom squirms in the tub “Jonny! What the hell man?”
He dunks his head underwater
Jonny pouts “I'm sorry, Thom”
Hildur picks up the showerhead “Okay Thom it's time to hose you”
A jingling can be heard in the background
Hildur get confused whether to go watch Colin play or keep starting at Thom's naked body.
Jonny looks at her “I like it too when Cozzie plays tambourine”
Jonny and Hildur’s gazes meet and they feel like they understand each other completely at this one little moment.
Janeen runs to the doorway “Hey, Colin come here for a second”
Colin walks in with a tambourine on his head and 2 in his hands
“yes?”
Colin nods to Thom
“Thom”
Thom nods back
“Hey…Coz”
“I see you're naked...again”
Thom giggles ”JONNY undressed ME this time. Think about that”
Colin looks at the two girls as if to see their reactions.
Then he looks back at Thom
“Ha, uh, so Thom I made this new beat on tambourine. I was wondering if we could use it in a song”
Hildur takes a washcloth off Thom and puts it on her chin to dry the drool.
“I'm so glad you listened to my advice, Coz, and started playing tambourines.”
“I had been planning this for year now” Colin replies
“I really liked that movie Hunchback in Notre Dame... that Esmeralda girl could really work her tambourine”
Hildur stares confused at the tambourine man
“Colin have you been drinking the red in the fridge?”
“What can I say, I like red...”
“You mean green?” Jonny interrupts, smiling proudly
Colin ignores Jonny’s words
“Anyway, Thom, check this out. I have some lyrics too”
Colin starts shaking his tambourine and doing a very elaborate dance
“One nighttttttt I was all alone “
He shake, shake, shakes the tambourines.
“…and there was a tambourine in the corner”
He bends down and shakes the tambourines some more
“…and I shook the tambourine!
He starts shaking rapidly and dancing in circles.
“SHAKE, SHAKE, SHAKE”
He gets down on his knees
“TAMBOURINE QUEEN!!”
He stops and gets up, dusting his trousers “Eh? Eh? You like?
Jonny claps and laughs
“I like it but don't you think it's too similar to what beck is doing?” Thom suggests
Then he continues “Let me sing my song for you all… it's a new sonnet about the environment and dolphins”
“Thom, we're in a rush”
Hildur reaches to help Thom out of the tub.
“BUT COZ GOT TO SING HIS SONG!!”
Thom starts fighting and twitching.
“It's his birthday dinner!”
Hildur pulls harder and Thom falls out of the tub, ass first on the bathmat.
After a lot of thinking Jonny shouts “COZ TOOK ME TO SEA WORLD WE GOT TO SEE DOLPHINS”
“That's nice Jonny” Hildur mumbles
Colin explains “He was scared of all the other animals but he really liked those dolphins”
“I want to make a song out of a dolphin loop” Jonny says starry eyed
“MY GOD HE’S GENIUS” Thom shouts still struggling on the bathmat.
“Jonny those aren't sounds. Those are plastic rings that the dolphins jump through”
Collin giggles
Thom stops squirming “Fuck...“
Hildur rolls her eyes
“Jonny will you find clothes for Thom?”
“I've got some nice ones, Thom!”
Jonny runs out of the bathroom after sliding on the wet floor.
Thom is sitting, naked on the bathmat, tapping his fingers
“Thank god you brought my clothes here... clean clothes”
Hildur mumbles awkwardly “About that... we didn't bother getting your clothes. We were so focused on making Jonny feel comfortable”
Thom puts his head into the tub in an attempt to drown himself.
The girls pull him out of the water
“Jeez, you’re such an emo bastard, Thom”
Jonny returns
“Thom I got you some clothes!”
“Ah, not the pink pants” Thom shrieks
Jonny’s face looks like a question mark “pink…?”
he looks to his brother
“Wh... I don't have anything pink”
“Come on, Thom. We need to dry your hair”
Hildur picks up a huge yellow towel.
Jonny keeps looking puzzled
“But Coz got rid of all my pink clothes after what happened at that bar”
Coz points at the pants “These are salmon”
Hildur hands Thom the towel and he dries himself up
“What about underwear? I’m getting cold”
“You can have these”
Colin hands Thom bright red tighties
Thom giddily snatches them off him
“Haha, Coz I thought you threw these out”
“Nah... Too many memories”
“From touring?” Hildur casually asks
“Yeah” Thom and Colin both say
Thom gets dressed
He starts putting on Jonny’s pants. They’re about 6 inches too long.
“You need platforms”
Colin turns around to go to his room and get platforms
“Please don't make me look like more of an idiot than I do now”
Thom puts on an ‘I love the ondes martenot’ shirt
Jonny gets a comb and starts combing Thom’s hair
“My mom just used to roll my pants up, Thom. We can do that with yours”
“Sure...”
Thom rolls up the pants. Colin tries to help but Thom slaps him away
“I can do this myself”
“Are you all ready?” Hildur asks
“No, wait”
Colin picks up a clip on bow-tie from his pocket and puts it on Jonny
“My mum once let me have her clip on earrings for a whole day” Jonny says to Colin
“No, she didn't” Colin says, not fond of Jonny lying
“She would never”
Jonny looks embarrassed
to be continued...
part two
Hildur hastily hands Thom a t shirt to put on and says "Come on hurry up lets get to the car"
Jonny smiles at Thom
"Thom, that’s my favourite shirt. I hope you like it a lot"
Colin holds up a suit jacket and Jonny puts it on
Hildur looks at them
"You look dashing, Jonny"
Jonny giggles "Hehe,that was funny"
Colin looks at Hildur in a way that tells her to ignore Jonny
He straightens Jonny’s bow tie.
Thom pulls his pants up
"Can we go? I want to get this over with"
Hildur shushes Thom and then heads out the door
"Okay let's go"
"Jonny, you sit in front with Janeen"
Janeen stares blankly "God I'm like the chauffer now"
Hildur looks at her "Haha that’s what you get for being the only one who can drive"
Janeen takes Jonny by the hand
"Well come on, Jon, we better get you buckled in"
Colin and Hildur sit in the back and Thom stubbornly climbs in the trunk
Colin looks around
"So where are you taking me"
Jonny turns around to look at Coz "We're going to get ice cream”
Hildur responds "No, we're going to a fancy restaurant
Jonny fusses with his seatbelt
Colin unbuckles his seatbelt so he can help Jonny with his
Thom moans in the back seat
We pull into the parking lot. It wasn't that far away
Jonny and Colin walk through the door together
Janeen walks in and looks back. Hildur seems to be trying to pull Thom through the door
Janeen skips towards them "Come on, Thom, stop being so fussy"
Thom whines "No, I don't want to go in. I look like a fucking idiot"
Hildur looks at him
"You don't think Jonny is an idiot"
"You're wearing his clothes"
thom snaps "Well his clothes fit him"
"and he gets to wear a suit now!"
The girls finally manage him into the restaurant waiting area.
One of the waiters scans Thom noticing he's wearing pink pants and an i <3 ondes martenot tshirt
The waiter tries to hide a smile
Colin walks up to a pretty lady who's standing at the reception table
Very politely he says "I believe we have a reservation for five"
The lady looks at the bunch of them and when she sees Thom she can't help releasing a little chuckle.
The reception lady says to them "I'm sorry but he has to wear a tie at least. This is a four star restaurant"
Colin looks at the lady "Oh... wait a minute"
Colin walks up to the rest of them
He looks at janeen "I have to run to the car for a second, can I have the keys, Janeen?"
Janeen nods and hands him the keys
Colin runs out and in 30 seconds he returns with a bright red and neon green polka dotted tie with Christmas pictures on it
Colin says slightly winded "I noticed that when you… errr… abducted us"
Jonny looks up" I'm adopted?"
"No, abducted"
"Oh..."
"Can we sit down now? I want to sit"
Colin holds the tie out to Thom
Thom snatches it and emotionlessly puts it on
Then he mumbles "The food better be fucking good"
Janeen turns to him "Thom, try to keep the swearing under control"
Jonny adds "This is a four star restaurant. "
Janeen and Hildur laugh
The waiter shows up and takes the bunch to a table in the far back (Probably to hide Thom from the well paying customers).
We all sit down and pick up our menu but Jonny who's squirming in his seat
He turns to the waiter
Do you have a kids menu?
The waiter looks down at Jonny
"Eh... I think there might be a section for children at the back of the menu"
Jonny smiles "I hope you have ice cream"
His eyes widen "and cookies"
Colin turns the waiter "We're going to decide what to order now. You can leave for a while, thank you"
…and he leaves
Thom is annoyingly turning the pages of the menu muttering "Wine, wine, wine... I need wine"
Jonny starts digging through Colin’s pockets.
Colin just keeps looking at the menu and takes a small box of crayons form his suit jacket and hands them to Jon.
Jonny starts colouring the other side of his placemat
Hildur watches Jonny" I don't think you're supposed to do that, Jon"
Jonny looks up
"Its ok they're just paper"
He puts down a brown crayon and picks up a green one
He looks back up
"I do this at happy fun kid restaurant all the time"
Jonny starts squirming again
Jonny looks at us pleadingly
"I have to go to the bathroom"
Hildur doesn't look up from her menu
"Thom, take Jonny to the toilets"
Thom sighs
"But I want to orderrrrrrr"
Hildur takes down her menu
"We'll just order something for you. Colin knows what you like...now go"
Thom takes Jonny's hand, roughly
A waiter intersects them 10 feet from the table
The waiter whispers to Thom
"Uh, I can take him to the bathroom sir”
“You can sit back down”
“In the corner over there"
Jonny smiles at the waiter (He's dangerously friendly with strangers).
Thom uses the opportunity to run outside for a smoke
Inside the restaurant Janeen is staring blankly at the plastic plant nearby.
"You think they have Dr.Pepper here? Or root beer?"
Hildur also stares at the plant
"Nah... probably just fancy stuff"
Colin looks at them
"Girls, I'm grateful for this but we really should have taken Jonny to some other place"
Hildur takes her eyes off the plant
"But this night's for you"
Janeen tears her eyes away from the plant
"Like happy fun kid restaurant?"
Colin smirks
"I could have also just cooked something nice"
The waiter comes back holding Jonny’s hand.
Jonny sits back down
Colin looks around
"Where's Thom?"
Thom stumbles by the window outside
Janeen smiles
"He must be on his way in"
Thom walks in. There’s a leaf in his hair.
He sits back down at the table
A second later the light above their table dims.
The waiter seems to have dimmed the light to hide the visibility of their table.
Hildur looks to Thom
"We ordered while you were gone. The food should be here any minute"
Thom adjusts his shirt which is falling off partly
"What'd you get me?"
Janeen looks at him
"Uh, we got you some wine"
"Oh, ok"
He settles down
Jonny's got his face very close to the placemat. It looks like he’s trying to hide something with his hands.
Coz notices
"Jonny... What are you doing?"
Jonny freezes up
"nufin, coth"
Jonny looks up. He seems to be eating a crayon.
Coz gasps
"Jonny!"
Jonny looks at coz with huge eyeballs
"I'm phowwy, cothie"
Colin puts his hand in front of Jonny's mouth
"Spit!"
Jonny pouts
Then he spits some nasty chewed green crayon into Coz's hand.
Coz wipes it in his napkin
"Good. You want to have an appetite when you get your food, don't you?"
A waiter walks to the table bearing bottles of wine and one glass of milk
Thom looks up at the waiter
"Ah, finally.”
“Leave the bottle"
Thom snatches the bottle from the waiter's plate
He precedes to drink it straight from the bottle
Coz glares at him
"THOM! What's wrong with you tonight? You know better!
Then he adds quietly so only Thom can hear
“You're not jonny”
Jonny sips his milk and looks up. He has a milk mustache and proclaims
"Yeah, Thom this is a 4 star restaurant"
The waiter stands idly
"Err... the food is on its way"
The waiter walks out of sight and soon the lights above them are dimmed even more
Jonny smiles at coz
"Coz, can I try some of your juice?"
Coz picks up his wine glass
"Eh, ok Jonny just a sip though"
Jonny sips Coz's glass and then makes a sour face
He motions like he wants to spit it out
Colin picks up the glass that was meant for Thom and hands it to Jonny
"Here. Spit it there"
Jonny spits
He hands Cozzie back the glass
Pieces of crayon are in it
Colin drinks what Jonny spat
Janeen gives Coz a weird look
Coz notices Janeen’s stare
"What? This stuff is expensive."
A good sized amount of wine spills on Thom’s shirt
jonny shrieks in protest
"COZ! THOM GOT WINE ON MY FAVORITE SHIRT!!"
Jonny starts to whimper
Coz puts a hand on Jonny shoulder
"Don't worry, Jon. We can get the stain out later"
The waiter comes back with everyone’s food
He sets down some very fancy looking plates in front of everyone and then lastly sets down Jonny's which has a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on it with a piece of parsley as garnish.
Jonny picks up the parsley
He holds it in front of his nose examining it very closely
"What's this, Cozzie?"
Coz looks at it
"Oh, it’s just a decoration"
Jonny smiles
"It’s pretty"
He puts it in his pocket
He looks back at coz
"Am I getting a dessert, coz? I haven't eaten more colours"
"Yes, Jonny"
"Will there be cookies? And ice cream?"
“Cookie ice cream?”
Jonny sits up straight
"Can I have a cookie ice cream???"
Coz is no longer paying attention
"Eat your sandwich and we'll see"
Thom pours some wine over his chicken
Jonny stares
"That's not the way to eat chicken"
Colin pats Jonny on the head
Jonny looks at Coz
"Cozzie, can you cut off my crusts?"
Coz smiles and picks up a knife
He cuts of Jonny’s crusts
Jonny rolls the crust up into a ball and shoves it in his mouth
Thom starts a drunken speech
His eye floats
"I remember when I used to be the famous one, you know. I didn't have to sit in the dimly lit corner to hide me from society"
Colin sticks a fork filled with salad in his mouth
Then he picks up a napkin and wipes Jonny's mouth
"We're still famous, Thom."
Thom drinks a bit more from his bottle
"Yeah, but all the girls… they just want you and Jonny now. No more poor Thom
He hicks before continuing
“The girls they don't like me anymore"
Hildur interjects
"They do. It's just because you've been in that darn dungeon for so long that you think that. We've got lots of fan mail to you."
Thom scoffs
"I don't get any fan mail"
Hildur blinks
"Yes, you do.... we just use it to wipe Jonny’s nose"
Jonny sniffs a dripping booger back up his nose and then blows it into a piece of folded paper from his pocket.
Thom tips in his chair
"Haha yeah, the groupies"
Jonny looks confused and then says "Thom but you never wanted groupies you just wanted…"
Thom snaps to attention
"Yeah, I only had eyes for Rachel, I remember, Jon. I remember very well"
He kicks Jonny under the table
Jonny whimpers
Colin giggles
Hildur looks at Jonny
"Jonny, did you get many groupies?"
Jonny stuffs some sandwich into his mouth
"Huh?"
Colin pokes Jonny in the ribs
"Tell her about the naked lady"
Jonny blushes
"I once found a naked lady in my bed"
"She wanted to take off my clothes but I told her that Cozzie had just put them on me so I didn’t need to change"
"I don't know why she was there but I remember that soon Ed and Phil took her away"
Jonny stares blankly out the window
"Maybe she was a thief"
He says quieter "I was wearing my Astro boy pyjamas…"
Then he stares back at everyone else
"Stealing isn't nice."
Hildur makes a confused face
"Riiiight..."
She quicly turns to Colin
"How about you?"
Coz looks up while slurping some spaghetti
"Nah... I was too busy trying to get the groupies to stay away from Jonny"
Coz looks slightly saddened
"Don't know why. They just wanted him… or Thom… or Ed"
"Phil and I would just hang with the roadies, playing cards"
Jonny seems to have gotten confused
"Yeah, the cookies liked me"
"Can I have ice cream now?"
Coz looks around
"I'll just have to call the waiter"
Thom almost falls over getting up
"No, wait let me do that "
Thom calls out over the restaurant
"WAITER WE NEED SOME COOKIES AND WINE!"
The waiter rushes over
"Quiet down sir."
Then he adds
“Please…”
He puts his hands on Thoms shoulders and tries to force him into his seat
"Try not to draw so much attention to yourself, sir"
Thom yells
"I'M A CELEBRITY"
"THE CELEBRITY WOULD LIKE SOME COOKIES"
The waiter says quietly "We don't have cookies, sir"
Jonny starts crying
"Why… why are there no cookies, nice waiter man?"
Hildur and Janeen stare
The waiter looks torch red
"I'm sorry... it's just not the style of the restaurant.“
“We do have flans..."
Jonny cries out
"WHATS A FLAN?”
He sobs
“I HATE FLANS!!"
The waiter nervously stares around the restaurant
"A flan is almost like cake.”
“I'm very sorry, sir"
Thom looks up
"Do you have cheesecake?"
Thom bursts out laughing
He rolls on the floor and then underneath the table
Cozzie holds Jonny as he cries into his shirt.
Muffled sobs can be heard
"Cozzie you said if I was a good boy and ate the sandwich I'd get a cookie!"
Thom shouts from underneath the table
"I like this place. We should come here more often!"
The waiter looks petrified
Hildur stands up and places her napkin on the table
"Maybe we should go"
Colin attempts to stand up but Jonny is hugging him around the waist
"BUT I WANT COOKIES!!!"
Colin tries to unhinge Jonny's arms
"Jonny, don't shout"
Janeen tries to help
"Jon we can go to the bakery"
Jonny turns his face out of Coz's jacket
"And get cookies?”
He sniffs
“With sprinkles?"
Thom seems to have found his way out from underneath the table
"Who makes cocks with sprinkles?"
He balances himself on the table
"Heh I mean... you know"
Colin turns to the waiter who's frozen stuck
He smiles at the waiter tiredly
"Check, please"
The waiter runs away
Thom drunkly looks himself over
"I do fancy myself in these pink pants"
Jonny seems to have settled down a bit
"I knew you'd like them"
"…And they're not pink"
Colin pats Jonny on the head
Colin and Jon then simultaneously say
"They're salmon"
The waiter hurries back with the check
Thom stumbles up to waiter and hugs him
"Thanks for the lovely evening man"
The waiter awkwardly pats Thom on the back
"Erm… thank you"
Colin turns to the girls
"We're off"
The waiter sort of rushes them out the door
Everyone exits and the waiter gives a sigh of relief
Thom stumbles back in
He looks at the waiter
"Sorry man, I forgot my umbrella"
He walks over and takes a random umbrella out of the umbrella holder and then leaves
the end!!
Hildur stares out the window "Did Jonny and Colin run away or something? I haven't seen them in a while"
She turns to janeen "do you know where they are?"
Janeen taps her fingers on table "Jonny was in the backyard a second ago picking dandelions"
Hildur stares blankly at janeen "since when do we have dandelions?"
"I told him he could pick them since there’s a surplus this year"
Hildur thinks of Jonny plucking flowers in the backyard "Awww he was probably picking them for his mama"
Janeen smirks "or Cozzie"
Hildur adds "or a crush..."
They both look at each other “Yeah Cozzie"
They look out the door to see Jonathan laying in the lawn and his pants are all grass stained
Hildur bends down to talk to him " Jonny what are you doing out here? Do you know where Cozzie is?"
Jonny picks a dandelion thoughtfully from the grass" I know dandelions aren't Cozzie's favourite flowers but I'm picking dandelions and giving them to Cozzie"
Hildur smiles " that's nice, Jonny"
"I only like the brown ones because when they open and the flowers come out the bees come too and I don't like the bees"
"Yeah, that's nice, Jonny. Where's Cozzie?"
Jonny continues to ramble about bees
"One time the bee hurt me and my mom had to take care of me"
"If I get hurt Cozzie will have to take care of me"
"Is Cozzie missing is that why you're asking me? "
Hildur looks back at Jonny slightly annoyed "Well I don't know where he is, Jonathan"
Jonny jumps up and screams "HIDE AND GO SEEEEK!!!!"
Jonny runs into the house yelling "COZZIE, COZZIE, COZZIE... ONE TWO THREE..."
Cozzie walks out of the bathroom
Coz looks at Jonny sort of surprised " sorry just using the bathroom"
Jonny runs into the bathroom
"COZZIE IT'S POINTY!!"
Colin turns around "What?"
Jonny yells " YOU FORGOT TO FLUSH!"
"FOR CHRISTS SAKE FLUSH FOR ME, JONNY"
A flushing noise is heard
Janeen laughs
Muffled through the floor Thom says "Ha, Coz could never remember to flush the toilet"
Once again through the muffled floor Thom yells "EW! SICK! THERES A LEAK. ITS DRIPPING ALL OVER ME AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"
Jonny walks out of the bathroom and stops in front of Hildur and Janeen
He says casually " Cozzie had corn last night"
Janeen stares at Hildur
Hildur says coolly "That's nice, Jonny."
Jonny turns away " I want to be a scientist"
He picks up his tele
Janeen looks confused at him "Jonny do you know what a scientist is?"
Jonny sits down cross legged on the floor " Yes... That singer in Guided by Voices sung that song "I am a scientist"
"and he understood very well"
"and played his guitar"
Janeen smiles and pats Jonny on the head "Yes you will be a very good scientist"
Jonny smiles and stares up at Janeen and Hildur with his huge eyes
Coz walks into the room with his hands stuffed in his pockets
Jonny stands up "Oh, coz I got you these"
He pulls a bunch of dandelions out of his pockets
Jonny looks hopefully at Coz "Do you like them? I know they're not your favourite"
Cozzie smiles " I like them a lot, Jonny"
Colin puts one of the flowers in his jacket pocket so it sticks out all weedy
Jonny smiles and gives coz a hug
The flower gets a bit flattened
"Thank you for the flowers, Jonny. I have to go now and practise my tambourine playing"
Hildur looks to Coz "But we were going to go out to eat tonight, remember?"
Colin is upset by the possibility of him not getting in his full tambourine practise " uh... no"
"Yes, we have your late birthday dinner"
"We have a reservation at a four star place"
Colin raises an eyebrow
He asks " and jonny's coming with?"
Hildur stares at Colin "Yes of course"
Colin seems amused "Apparently you've never taken Jonny out to eat, have you?"
Jonny looks up by the mentioning of his name "Yay! I like going out to eat!"
Janeen smirks "What does he need a bib or something?"
Colin looks to us "Can't Thom watch over him?"
Hildur smiles "Oh, Thom's is coming with"
Muffled cheering can be heard from the basement
Janeen mumbles "We'll have to dry him off and get him a bath first though"
Hildur says to janeen "Oh, yeah... that's something we have to do"
Colin looks pleased "Okay you do that now. I can practise playing my tambourines while you're at it"
While Colin's walking away he says "Very important for me"
After Colin's gone Jonny asks suddenly "Can I take a bath with Thom?"
Janeen looks surprised by his question "Jonny uh we're probably going to have to hand wash Thom for he's rather disagreeable"
And then she adds "You don't want us seeing you nakey do you?"
Jonny blushes “I....."
And then unfortunately changes his mind "I want to help clean Thom"
Hildur and janeen both smile
"Okay let's go get Thom from the basement"
Janeen hits the lights before they go down the stairs to get Thom
Thom yells "AAAAAH IT BURNS MY EYES"
"Sweet, sweet light!"
Hildur unhinges his chains "Shut up, Thom"
Thom sings as the girls unchain him
Jonny stands at the top of the stairs, afraid to come down
Jonny calls down the stairs " are you comiiing? I... I don't want to be alone"
Janeen yells back "We'll be right there, Jonny. Just wait outside. You wouldn't like it down here"
Weakly Jonny calls "Can I have a cookie?"
Hildur yells "There are no left. We're not letting you have any cookies until Saturday"
"We're going to a restaurant tonight"
"Then you'll be getting nice things to eat"
Hildur and Janeen drag Thom up the stairs
Janeen looks at Thom "Come on, Thomas. Bath time"
Thom’s eyes widen and he yells frantically " WHAT WHY?!"
Janeen laughs "You've been in the dungeon for days and the toilets been dripping on you"
Thom stares at the floor " oh, bugger"
He looks back up at us with his hands clasped like a beggar "Can't I just bathe myself?"
Hildur stares at Thom unmoved "No, you'd just end up listening to Linkin Park and cutting yourself with shattered glass. I saw you the other day, you know"
Thom looks away " ... I just like Linkin Park, that's all"
They all move into the bathroom
Janeen looks at Thom "and Jonny’s going to help"
Jonny walks in "Hi, Thom!"
Jonny goes over and immediately starts undressing Thom
Jonny unbuckles Thom's belt
Thom's sweat leaks down his forehead
Hildur sits in the bathtub to watch. Janeen sits up on the sink edge
Jonny pulls Thoms belt out of the loops and places it on the sink counter
Jonny stares at him "Thom you smell weird"
Thom adds a distracted "yeah"
Thom starts to whistle
Without removing her eyes janeen says like a zombie "Hildur, run the water"
Hildur turns the knob for the water not looking away from Thom and Jonny or stepping out of the tub
Hildur says quietly " Jonny, take Thom's underwear off"
Thom interrupts "WAIT let me take my shirt and socks off first"
He does this
Then Jonny gets down on his knees slowly
Jonny looks at janeen like he's asking her what he should really do
She looks back " go ahead"
Hildur drools into the bathtub
Jonny puts his index fingers inside Thom's underwear
Thom gulps
He slowly pulls it down
Hildur leans closer, now completely soaked.
Janeen sits mouth agape
Hildur stares "Now lean forward and..." she stops abruptly
"Eh... "
Hildur steps out of the bathtub
There are a few moments of silence
Thom looks around annoyed "Bloody hell! What’s wrong with you? Never seen a penis before?
Then he jumps in the tub
Janeen looks to Jonny "Haha! Jonny go get the washcloths"
Jonny says proudly " I've seen Thom's penis lots of times"
Thom looks at us nervously "Haha that Jonny… He doesn't know what he’s talking about…"
Jonny interjects "No, Thom. Remember that time! At the hotel! On the first tour in France! You and Colin had bathrobes and I couldn't find mine"
Hildur looks interested "What happened next?"
Thom scowls at Jonny "Just get the bloody washcloths"
Jonny continues "Thom gave me his and he..."
He looks at Thom quickly, hesitates, and then leaves to get the washcloths
Thom gives a sigh of relief
Thom looks around "So... upstairs is nice"
"Can I stay here?" Then he quickly looks away.
Hildur remarks "But Fraulein Helga loves you"
Thom lightens up "Does she?"
Jonny comes back with an arm full of washcloths.
Jonny looks to Thom questioningly "Thom do you want us to use the yellow ones or the pink ones?"
Thom says roughly "Just give me one"
Hildur looks to Jonny "Oh, and hand one to me and janeen, please"
Thom grabs a washcloth from Jonny's hand "I can do this myself..."
Hildur places a wash cloth on Thom's head "Just do what we say and you might get a dessert tonight"
Janeen adds "Thom go under to get your hair wet so we can shampoo it"
Thom takes a deep breath and goes underwater
He stays there for an awfully long time
He stays
Everything’s silent
And he stays...
Jonny breaks the silence “He’s not going to drown is he?”
He stares at Janeen, Hildur and then the bathtub “OH NO!”
Hildur mumbles “I think it's just his yoga lungs”
She pokes him with a hairbrush handle
Thom sits up
Jonny gives out a relieved “phew”
Hildur picks up a strawberry scented shampoo bottle
“Can I have the coconut one?” Thom casually asks and points towards a coconut shampoo bottle that’s lying up on a shelf.
“Sure...”
Hildur reaches to pick up the coconut shampoo bottle and then squirts some shampoo in her hand.
“That looks just like the stains on your pants in the Australian tour” Jonny says
“HAHAHA, JONNY!” Janeen bursts
Thom just shakes his head “Jonny… enough talk about touring”
Jonny apologises, squirts some shampoo in his hand and works it through Thom’s hair.
“Thom you've got a lot of knots”
“It's all the shit that's been leaking on me”
Hildur slaps Thom’s shoulder “Don't swear in front of Jonathan”
“I can say SHIT because there was SHIT fucking leaking on my FUCKING HAIR”
Jonny panics and puts soap in Thom's eyes before he says more curse words.
Thom squirms in the tub “Jonny! What the hell man?”
He dunks his head underwater
Jonny pouts “I'm sorry, Thom”
Hildur picks up the showerhead “Okay Thom it's time to hose you”
A jingling can be heard in the background
Hildur get confused whether to go watch Colin play or keep starting at Thom's naked body.
Jonny looks at her “I like it too when Cozzie plays tambourine”
Jonny and Hildur’s gazes meet and they feel like they understand each other completely at this one little moment.
Janeen runs to the doorway “Hey, Colin come here for a second”
Colin walks in with a tambourine on his head and 2 in his hands
“yes?”
Colin nods to Thom
“Thom”
Thom nods back
“Hey…Coz”
“I see you're naked...again”
Thom giggles ”JONNY undressed ME this time. Think about that”
Colin looks at the two girls as if to see their reactions.
Then he looks back at Thom
“Ha, uh, so Thom I made this new beat on tambourine. I was wondering if we could use it in a song”
Hildur takes a washcloth off Thom and puts it on her chin to dry the drool.
“I'm so glad you listened to my advice, Coz, and started playing tambourines.”
“I had been planning this for year now” Colin replies
“I really liked that movie Hunchback in Notre Dame... that Esmeralda girl could really work her tambourine”
Hildur stares confused at the tambourine man
“Colin have you been drinking the red in the fridge?”
“What can I say, I like red...”
“You mean green?” Jonny interrupts, smiling proudly
Colin ignores Jonny’s words
“Anyway, Thom, check this out. I have some lyrics too”
Colin starts shaking his tambourine and doing a very elaborate dance
“One nighttttttt I was all alone “
He shake, shake, shakes the tambourines.
“…and there was a tambourine in the corner”
He bends down and shakes the tambourines some more
“…and I shook the tambourine!
He starts shaking rapidly and dancing in circles.
“SHAKE, SHAKE, SHAKE”
He gets down on his knees
“TAMBOURINE QUEEN!!”
He stops and gets up, dusting his trousers “Eh? Eh? You like?
Jonny claps and laughs
“I like it but don't you think it's too similar to what beck is doing?” Thom suggests
Then he continues “Let me sing my song for you all… it's a new sonnet about the environment and dolphins”
“Thom, we're in a rush”
Hildur reaches to help Thom out of the tub.
“BUT COZ GOT TO SING HIS SONG!!”
Thom starts fighting and twitching.
“It's his birthday dinner!”
Hildur pulls harder and Thom falls out of the tub, ass first on the bathmat.
After a lot of thinking Jonny shouts “COZ TOOK ME TO SEA WORLD WE GOT TO SEE DOLPHINS”
“That's nice Jonny” Hildur mumbles
Colin explains “He was scared of all the other animals but he really liked those dolphins”
“I want to make a song out of a dolphin loop” Jonny says starry eyed
“MY GOD HE’S GENIUS” Thom shouts still struggling on the bathmat.
“Jonny those aren't sounds. Those are plastic rings that the dolphins jump through”
Collin giggles
Thom stops squirming “Fuck...“
Hildur rolls her eyes
“Jonny will you find clothes for Thom?”
“I've got some nice ones, Thom!”
Jonny runs out of the bathroom after sliding on the wet floor.
Thom is sitting, naked on the bathmat, tapping his fingers
“Thank god you brought my clothes here... clean clothes”
Hildur mumbles awkwardly “About that... we didn't bother getting your clothes. We were so focused on making Jonny feel comfortable”
Thom puts his head into the tub in an attempt to drown himself.
The girls pull him out of the water
“Jeez, you’re such an emo bastard, Thom”
Jonny returns
“Thom I got you some clothes!”
“Ah, not the pink pants” Thom shrieks
Jonny’s face looks like a question mark “pink…?”
he looks to his brother
“Wh... I don't have anything pink”
“Come on, Thom. We need to dry your hair”
Hildur picks up a huge yellow towel.
Jonny keeps looking puzzled
“But Coz got rid of all my pink clothes after what happened at that bar”
Coz points at the pants “These are salmon”
Hildur hands Thom the towel and he dries himself up
“What about underwear? I’m getting cold”
“You can have these”
Colin hands Thom bright red tighties
Thom giddily snatches them off him
“Haha, Coz I thought you threw these out”
“Nah... Too many memories”
“From touring?” Hildur casually asks
“Yeah” Thom and Colin both say
Thom gets dressed
He starts putting on Jonny’s pants. They’re about 6 inches too long.
“You need platforms”
Colin turns around to go to his room and get platforms
“Please don't make me look like more of an idiot than I do now”
Thom puts on an ‘I love the ondes martenot’ shirt
Jonny gets a comb and starts combing Thom’s hair
“My mom just used to roll my pants up, Thom. We can do that with yours”
“Sure...”
Thom rolls up the pants. Colin tries to help but Thom slaps him away
“I can do this myself”
“Are you all ready?” Hildur asks
“No, wait”
Colin picks up a clip on bow-tie from his pocket and puts it on Jonny
“My mum once let me have her clip on earrings for a whole day” Jonny says to Colin
“No, she didn't” Colin says, not fond of Jonny lying
“She would never”
Jonny looks embarrassed
to be continued...
part two
Hildur hastily hands Thom a t shirt to put on and says "Come on hurry up lets get to the car"
Jonny smiles at Thom
"Thom, that’s my favourite shirt. I hope you like it a lot"
Colin holds up a suit jacket and Jonny puts it on
Hildur looks at them
"You look dashing, Jonny"
Jonny giggles "Hehe,that was funny"
Colin looks at Hildur in a way that tells her to ignore Jonny
He straightens Jonny’s bow tie.
Thom pulls his pants up
"Can we go? I want to get this over with"
Hildur shushes Thom and then heads out the door
"Okay let's go"
"Jonny, you sit in front with Janeen"
Janeen stares blankly "God I'm like the chauffer now"
Hildur looks at her "Haha that’s what you get for being the only one who can drive"
Janeen takes Jonny by the hand
"Well come on, Jon, we better get you buckled in"
Colin and Hildur sit in the back and Thom stubbornly climbs in the trunk
Colin looks around
"So where are you taking me"
Jonny turns around to look at Coz "We're going to get ice cream”
Hildur responds "No, we're going to a fancy restaurant
Jonny fusses with his seatbelt
Colin unbuckles his seatbelt so he can help Jonny with his
Thom moans in the back seat
We pull into the parking lot. It wasn't that far away
Jonny and Colin walk through the door together
Janeen walks in and looks back. Hildur seems to be trying to pull Thom through the door
Janeen skips towards them "Come on, Thom, stop being so fussy"
Thom whines "No, I don't want to go in. I look like a fucking idiot"
Hildur looks at him
"You don't think Jonny is an idiot"
"You're wearing his clothes"
thom snaps "Well his clothes fit him"
"and he gets to wear a suit now!"
The girls finally manage him into the restaurant waiting area.
One of the waiters scans Thom noticing he's wearing pink pants and an i <3 ondes martenot tshirt
The waiter tries to hide a smile
Colin walks up to a pretty lady who's standing at the reception table
Very politely he says "I believe we have a reservation for five"
The lady looks at the bunch of them and when she sees Thom she can't help releasing a little chuckle.
The reception lady says to them "I'm sorry but he has to wear a tie at least. This is a four star restaurant"
Colin looks at the lady "Oh... wait a minute"
Colin walks up to the rest of them
He looks at janeen "I have to run to the car for a second, can I have the keys, Janeen?"
Janeen nods and hands him the keys
Colin runs out and in 30 seconds he returns with a bright red and neon green polka dotted tie with Christmas pictures on it
Colin says slightly winded "I noticed that when you… errr… abducted us"
Jonny looks up" I'm adopted?"
"No, abducted"
"Oh..."
"Can we sit down now? I want to sit"
Colin holds the tie out to Thom
Thom snatches it and emotionlessly puts it on
Then he mumbles "The food better be fucking good"
Janeen turns to him "Thom, try to keep the swearing under control"
Jonny adds "This is a four star restaurant. "
Janeen and Hildur laugh
The waiter shows up and takes the bunch to a table in the far back (Probably to hide Thom from the well paying customers).
We all sit down and pick up our menu but Jonny who's squirming in his seat
He turns to the waiter
Do you have a kids menu?
The waiter looks down at Jonny
"Eh... I think there might be a section for children at the back of the menu"
Jonny smiles "I hope you have ice cream"
His eyes widen "and cookies"
Colin turns the waiter "We're going to decide what to order now. You can leave for a while, thank you"
…and he leaves
Thom is annoyingly turning the pages of the menu muttering "Wine, wine, wine... I need wine"
Jonny starts digging through Colin’s pockets.
Colin just keeps looking at the menu and takes a small box of crayons form his suit jacket and hands them to Jon.
Jonny starts colouring the other side of his placemat
Hildur watches Jonny" I don't think you're supposed to do that, Jon"
Jonny looks up
"Its ok they're just paper"
He puts down a brown crayon and picks up a green one
He looks back up
"I do this at happy fun kid restaurant all the time"
Jonny starts squirming again
Jonny looks at us pleadingly
"I have to go to the bathroom"
Hildur doesn't look up from her menu
"Thom, take Jonny to the toilets"
Thom sighs
"But I want to orderrrrrrr"
Hildur takes down her menu
"We'll just order something for you. Colin knows what you like...now go"
Thom takes Jonny's hand, roughly
A waiter intersects them 10 feet from the table
The waiter whispers to Thom
"Uh, I can take him to the bathroom sir”
“You can sit back down”
“In the corner over there"
Jonny smiles at the waiter (He's dangerously friendly with strangers).
Thom uses the opportunity to run outside for a smoke
Inside the restaurant Janeen is staring blankly at the plastic plant nearby.
"You think they have Dr.Pepper here? Or root beer?"
Hildur also stares at the plant
"Nah... probably just fancy stuff"
Colin looks at them
"Girls, I'm grateful for this but we really should have taken Jonny to some other place"
Hildur takes her eyes off the plant
"But this night's for you"
Janeen tears her eyes away from the plant
"Like happy fun kid restaurant?"
Colin smirks
"I could have also just cooked something nice"
The waiter comes back holding Jonny’s hand.
Jonny sits back down
Colin looks around
"Where's Thom?"
Thom stumbles by the window outside
Janeen smiles
"He must be on his way in"
Thom walks in. There’s a leaf in his hair.
He sits back down at the table
A second later the light above their table dims.
The waiter seems to have dimmed the light to hide the visibility of their table.
Hildur looks to Thom
"We ordered while you were gone. The food should be here any minute"
Thom adjusts his shirt which is falling off partly
"What'd you get me?"
Janeen looks at him
"Uh, we got you some wine"
"Oh, ok"
He settles down
Jonny's got his face very close to the placemat. It looks like he’s trying to hide something with his hands.
Coz notices
"Jonny... What are you doing?"
Jonny freezes up
"nufin, coth"
Jonny looks up. He seems to be eating a crayon.
Coz gasps
"Jonny!"
Jonny looks at coz with huge eyeballs
"I'm phowwy, cothie"
Colin puts his hand in front of Jonny's mouth
"Spit!"
Jonny pouts
Then he spits some nasty chewed green crayon into Coz's hand.
Coz wipes it in his napkin
"Good. You want to have an appetite when you get your food, don't you?"
A waiter walks to the table bearing bottles of wine and one glass of milk
Thom looks up at the waiter
"Ah, finally.”
“Leave the bottle"
Thom snatches the bottle from the waiter's plate
He precedes to drink it straight from the bottle
Coz glares at him
"THOM! What's wrong with you tonight? You know better!
Then he adds quietly so only Thom can hear
“You're not jonny”
Jonny sips his milk and looks up. He has a milk mustache and proclaims
"Yeah, Thom this is a 4 star restaurant"
The waiter stands idly
"Err... the food is on its way"
The waiter walks out of sight and soon the lights above them are dimmed even more
Jonny smiles at coz
"Coz, can I try some of your juice?"
Coz picks up his wine glass
"Eh, ok Jonny just a sip though"
Jonny sips Coz's glass and then makes a sour face
He motions like he wants to spit it out
Colin picks up the glass that was meant for Thom and hands it to Jonny
"Here. Spit it there"
Jonny spits
He hands Cozzie back the glass
Pieces of crayon are in it
Colin drinks what Jonny spat
Janeen gives Coz a weird look
Coz notices Janeen’s stare
"What? This stuff is expensive."
A good sized amount of wine spills on Thom’s shirt
jonny shrieks in protest
"COZ! THOM GOT WINE ON MY FAVORITE SHIRT!!"
Jonny starts to whimper
Coz puts a hand on Jonny shoulder
"Don't worry, Jon. We can get the stain out later"
The waiter comes back with everyone’s food
He sets down some very fancy looking plates in front of everyone and then lastly sets down Jonny's which has a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on it with a piece of parsley as garnish.
Jonny picks up the parsley
He holds it in front of his nose examining it very closely
"What's this, Cozzie?"
Coz looks at it
"Oh, it’s just a decoration"
Jonny smiles
"It’s pretty"
He puts it in his pocket
He looks back at coz
"Am I getting a dessert, coz? I haven't eaten more colours"
"Yes, Jonny"
"Will there be cookies? And ice cream?"
“Cookie ice cream?”
Jonny sits up straight
"Can I have a cookie ice cream???"
Coz is no longer paying attention
"Eat your sandwich and we'll see"
Thom pours some wine over his chicken
Jonny stares
"That's not the way to eat chicken"
Colin pats Jonny on the head
Jonny looks at Coz
"Cozzie, can you cut off my crusts?"
Coz smiles and picks up a knife
He cuts of Jonny’s crusts
Jonny rolls the crust up into a ball and shoves it in his mouth
Thom starts a drunken speech
His eye floats
"I remember when I used to be the famous one, you know. I didn't have to sit in the dimly lit corner to hide me from society"
Colin sticks a fork filled with salad in his mouth
Then he picks up a napkin and wipes Jonny's mouth
"We're still famous, Thom."
Thom drinks a bit more from his bottle
"Yeah, but all the girls… they just want you and Jonny now. No more poor Thom
He hicks before continuing
“The girls they don't like me anymore"
Hildur interjects
"They do. It's just because you've been in that darn dungeon for so long that you think that. We've got lots of fan mail to you."
Thom scoffs
"I don't get any fan mail"
Hildur blinks
"Yes, you do.... we just use it to wipe Jonny’s nose"
Jonny sniffs a dripping booger back up his nose and then blows it into a piece of folded paper from his pocket.
Thom tips in his chair
"Haha yeah, the groupies"
Jonny looks confused and then says "Thom but you never wanted groupies you just wanted…"
Thom snaps to attention
"Yeah, I only had eyes for Rachel, I remember, Jon. I remember very well"
He kicks Jonny under the table
Jonny whimpers
Colin giggles
Hildur looks at Jonny
"Jonny, did you get many groupies?"
Jonny stuffs some sandwich into his mouth
"Huh?"
Colin pokes Jonny in the ribs
"Tell her about the naked lady"
Jonny blushes
"I once found a naked lady in my bed"
"She wanted to take off my clothes but I told her that Cozzie had just put them on me so I didn’t need to change"
"I don't know why she was there but I remember that soon Ed and Phil took her away"
Jonny stares blankly out the window
"Maybe she was a thief"
He says quieter "I was wearing my Astro boy pyjamas…"
Then he stares back at everyone else
"Stealing isn't nice."
Hildur makes a confused face
"Riiiight..."
She quicly turns to Colin
"How about you?"
Coz looks up while slurping some spaghetti
"Nah... I was too busy trying to get the groupies to stay away from Jonny"
Coz looks slightly saddened
"Don't know why. They just wanted him… or Thom… or Ed"
"Phil and I would just hang with the roadies, playing cards"
Jonny seems to have gotten confused
"Yeah, the cookies liked me"
"Can I have ice cream now?"
Coz looks around
"I'll just have to call the waiter"
Thom almost falls over getting up
"No, wait let me do that "
Thom calls out over the restaurant
"WAITER WE NEED SOME COOKIES AND WINE!"
The waiter rushes over
"Quiet down sir."
Then he adds
“Please…”
He puts his hands on Thoms shoulders and tries to force him into his seat
"Try not to draw so much attention to yourself, sir"
Thom yells
"I'M A CELEBRITY"
"THE CELEBRITY WOULD LIKE SOME COOKIES"
The waiter says quietly "We don't have cookies, sir"
Jonny starts crying
"Why… why are there no cookies, nice waiter man?"
Hildur and Janeen stare
The waiter looks torch red
"I'm sorry... it's just not the style of the restaurant.“
“We do have flans..."
Jonny cries out
"WHATS A FLAN?”
He sobs
“I HATE FLANS!!"
The waiter nervously stares around the restaurant
"A flan is almost like cake.”
“I'm very sorry, sir"
Thom looks up
"Do you have cheesecake?"
Thom bursts out laughing
He rolls on the floor and then underneath the table
Cozzie holds Jonny as he cries into his shirt.
Muffled sobs can be heard
"Cozzie you said if I was a good boy and ate the sandwich I'd get a cookie!"
Thom shouts from underneath the table
"I like this place. We should come here more often!"
The waiter looks petrified
Hildur stands up and places her napkin on the table
"Maybe we should go"
Colin attempts to stand up but Jonny is hugging him around the waist
"BUT I WANT COOKIES!!!"
Colin tries to unhinge Jonny's arms
"Jonny, don't shout"
Janeen tries to help
"Jon we can go to the bakery"
Jonny turns his face out of Coz's jacket
"And get cookies?”
He sniffs
“With sprinkles?"
Thom seems to have found his way out from underneath the table
"Who makes cocks with sprinkles?"
He balances himself on the table
"Heh I mean... you know"
Colin turns to the waiter who's frozen stuck
He smiles at the waiter tiredly
"Check, please"
The waiter runs away
Thom drunkly looks himself over
"I do fancy myself in these pink pants"
Jonny seems to have settled down a bit
"I knew you'd like them"
"…And they're not pink"
Colin pats Jonny on the head
Colin and Jon then simultaneously say
"They're salmon"
The waiter hurries back with the check
Thom stumbles up to waiter and hugs him
"Thanks for the lovely evening man"
The waiter awkwardly pats Thom on the back
"Erm… thank you"
Colin turns to the girls
"We're off"
The waiter sort of rushes them out the door
Everyone exits and the waiter gives a sigh of relief
Thom stumbles back in
He looks at the waiter
"Sorry man, I forgot my umbrella"
He walks over and takes a random umbrella out of the umbrella holder and then leaves
the end!!
Young Radiohead pt 2
Mrs. Greenwood is standing in the kitchen with her hands on her hips while Jonathan is sitting at the kitchen table, staring at his dangling feet.
“Why can't your brother be more like you, Jonny? You're always so nice"
Jonny looks up at her "But Colin is nice"
“You know what I mean, dear."
“I just wish I could get him away from that Thomas. That boy is all trouble!"
She turns around and takes the dinner dishes off the table
"…and he’s so odd looking"
" He just decides to move in our neighbourhood from Scotland one day and make noise with my son"
jonny looks confused " odd looking?"
"well, his eyes are all misplaced"
" he doesn't comb his hair"
jonny stares wide eyed at his mum
" it looks like his clothes have been taken from someone's dumpster"
" I don't want him hanging around my Cozzie"
a few seconds of silence pass and then she adds " all wrinkled"
" Coz has too much time on his hands. I can't just tell him to go study anymore. He needs some healthy hobbies"
jonny starts to tie his shoe " like what?"
" he needs to join a club"
" too bad he's never been good at sports. I don't know what it is about my children and sports.."
jonny remembers the incident from earlier that day and winces
" at least your sister has some healthy hobbies. She's always been such a lovely artist"
" don't you remember that painting she made you?"
jonny fiddles with his shoe lace " huh?"
" oh, you remember... the one with all the grass and the red roses in between"
"uhh…?"
mrs greenwood stares concerned at jonny "Jonathan, dear. We should see a doctor about this"
" what clubs are there in your school?"
jonny smirks " hmmm... there's a school band"
" uhm art club but a bunch of weirdos are in that uhm drama club"
mrs. greenwood starts looking at jonny angrily when she hears the words 'school band' but her face softens by the mention of the drama club " that's it! your brother can join that one"
" i used to be in that when i was in school"
" It was nice. Then he can make some new friends"
" Go to his room and tell him he's in the drama club now. I'll call your school"
jonny runs as fast as he can upstairs. He hardly ever got a chance to go to Colin's room
jonny knocks hard on Colin's door again and again
the music in colins room turns down
Colin shouts from behind his door " Go away, Jonny!"
" mum told me I could come to your room!"
Colin’s face comes out from behind the door "no, she didn't. What do you want?"
Jonny stares at his shoes
Coz bends down and takes Jonny's shoes off "You shouldn't wear those inside. They're muddy"
coz looks up" now go play with your Lego’s"
" but mum really told me to go to your room"
Coz looks at jonny, puzzled
" she wanted me to tell you she is signing you up for a club"
coz stands up quickly " WHAT?"
" what for?!"
Coz walks further into his room and sits on his tiny, unmade bed.
Jonny follows
His room is dark and there’s a bunch of band posters on the wall
Jonny stares around
Colin’s bass is sitting in the corner
Colin looks at Jonny and turns on his lamp "You like the light better, don't you?"
Jonny nods, very relieved.
"Did she say what club?"
"drama" Jonny whispers
Colin tosses a pillow to the other end of his bed "Ew!"
Colin lets himself slide down to the floor "I know she's just doing this because she doesn't want me in a band and she doesn't like Thom"
" the drama clubs are so lame. They're all these posh attention seekers"
Jonny looks at Colin “I like Thom"
Coz looks back "you like everyone"
Colin rubs Jonny's back." is your nose ok?"
Jonny whimpers and nods
coz: did you really fall?
Jonny stares at Colin's bass for a while and then nods
" you like my bass?"
Jonny looks distracted “Huh? Yeah"
"You can go touch it if you want"
Jonny walks slowly over to his older brother's bass. An instrument he had never seen after the day Mr. Greenwood had had bough it for Colin’s birthday, to Mrs. Greenwood’s annoyance.
He studies it and then reaches a hand out to touch the volume knob.
Jonny looks smiling at Colin who smiles back.
"Can I go with you to the drama club?" Jonny slips
“I want to see…"
"You're too young. They don't accept ten year olds"
Jonny looks a bit let down "But... can I still go with you? I want to be with you, Cozzie"
Colin sighs "Yeah I guess, Jonny, you haven't got anything else to do"
Jonny smiles really wide and strokes the hair from his eyes.
"Come here, Jonny"
Jonny obeys and sits next to Colin on the floor who looks him deeply in the eye.
"I know I can be mean to you sometimes but that's just what big brothers do and sometimes I just need my space but I love you, Jonny. You know that, don't you?"
A ridiculous smile spreads across Jonny's face
Jonny almost jumps at his brother and he hugs him around his neck so tightly that his Colin's face goes all red
Colin mumbles something into Jonny's shirt
"I love you too, Cozzie" Jonny lets him go "Coz we can be friends forever"
Colin laughs " I hope so. Jon, sit down"
Jonny sits again
Colin turns his stereo back up
"What's this music?" Jonny asks, only having heard classical music being played at his house.
"It's Joy Division. Thom's making me listen to it"
"What do you think?"
Jonny giggles "I like his voice. Its funny"
"Me too…"
(end of scene yayay)
The next morning Jonny is sitting at the table eating cereal and kicking his feet.
Mrs. Greenwood spins around the kitchen with an apron on and screams upstairs "COLIN CHARLES GREENWOOD, HURRY UP!"
"Jonny, go get your brother, will you?"
Jonny runs up to Colin's room and bursts through the door.
A little bit too loudly Jonny happily says "Wake up, Cozzie!! Mum's been calling you! It's time for schooooooool!!!"
Colin turns over in his bed "Mph…"
Jonny moves closer
"C'mon Cozzie" he whispers before poking Colin
jonny jumps on top of Colin’s bed "WAKE UP!!"
"Aaaaargh!"
" fine!!"
" Just... remember to knock next time, ok?"
Colin rolls out of bed and then slowly stands up.
Jonny keeps jumping on the bed
Colin gets dressed
Mr’s Greenwood’s voice can be heard from downstairs "Booooys! Hurry up!"
Jonny runs downstairs
Colin looks at himself in the mirror and pouts. Then he slowly walks down to the kitchen
"Colin, I signed you up for the drama club. It’s after school today" Mrs. Greenwood says to Colin and shoves a cereal box into his hands.
"Jonny told me" He sits down at the table and pours the cereal into a bowl.
“Why did you have to do that? I don't want to be in the drama class"
Mrs Greenwood hands Colin the milk "now you listen to your mother for this one time. I was in the drama class when I was your age and I loved it"
"Made me popular too. You want to be popular, don't you, Colin?"
Colin shoves some cereal into his mouth and mutters " Not particularly"
Mrs Greenwood turns back around "That’s not healthy"
jonny stares at his mum, smiling "The popular kids at school have lots of friends"
Colin starts playing with his cereal and staring out the window
"You're going to go to that drama class today, Colin"
"…and I'll know if you don't go"
"…and i don't want you talking to Thomas"
A high pitched yelp comes from Colin "WHAT?!"
"You can't ban me from talking to Thom!"
Mrs. Greenwood pats him on the head "You can make some nicer friends in the drama club"
Colin tries to flinch away "Mum, I'll go to the drama club but I can't stop seeing Thom"
Mrs. Greenwood puts Colin's lunch into his backpack "We'll talk about this later. It's time for school. Now hurry up and finish your cereal, Colin"
Jonny stares up at his mum "Cozzie said I could go to the drama club with him"
Mrs. Greenwood looks away "That's wonderful, dear"
"Now put on your coat"
"I don't want to"
"Why not, Jon?"
"It's a lovely coat and I spent a lot of time making it"
Jonny thinks better of it "Uhh ... Alright mum I'll wear it"
Jonny runs out the door with his backpack
Colin follows
As soon as Jonny's out the door he rips the coat off and stuffs it in his backpack
Colin looks at him like he’s seen a ghost "Jonny, what's up?"
"I don't like brown"
Colin rolls his eyes "yes, you do, you love… brown"
Jonny’s voice shakes “Not anymore"
He starts crying
Colin holds hiss hand "You can talk to me about anything, Jonny"
Jonny sobs “I know."
Colin holds Jonny closer
“Okay"
Colin looks at his watch "Sorry, Jonny but we've got to hurry up. I told Thom I'd meet him on the way to school"
"But mum said..." Jonny sniffs
Colin looks angered "Bullocks"
"Shh… it will be our secret, ok?"
Jonny smiles "Ok"
They stop outside Thom’s house.
Jonny wipes the tears off his face and straightens himself up.
The door opens and a wrinkly clothed Thom steps out. “Bye mum!”
Thom runs towards Colin and Jonny
When he comes close his face starts glowing
"Hey, Colin" he says
"Hey, Thom"
Thom pulls his backpack strap up "Hi, Jonny"
Jonny blushes "Hi"
Jonny moves to the other side of Colin
Thom looks to Colin "Alright let’s go. If I'm late again the headmaster’s going to call home"
"Ok... Hey, you'll never guess what my mum made me do…" Colin slips
"What? Did she do anything bad? "
Thom looks jokingly at Colin" I think your mum could be capable of ruining everything… Watch out for her"
Colin looks away" Well..."
Thom looks concerned "What?"
Colin blurts "She signed me up for the drama class"
Thom stops walking "What?"
Colin stares at the pavement underneath his feet, unable to look Thom in the eye "Yeah"
Thom just stares "That sucks, Coz"
"But you know what... I can't wait to see you on stage with those fuckers" he smiles
"You've got to admit that it is pretty funny"
"Shut up!"
"You won't be glad about the next thing she wants me to do"
"Does she want you to go to another school or something?"
Colin looks up from the pavement "No, of course not" Then he adds "She…she doesn't want me to see you anymore"
"FUCK HER!" Thom screams
Jonny gasps and holds his ears
"You're not going to stop seeing me, are you?" Thom’s voice breaks
Colin’s surprised at Thom’s reaction "Of course not"
"How are we going to play in a band if I can't see you?"
"We'll figure something out, Thom"
"We'll just be like Romeo and Juliet without the kissing stuff"
Thom looks a little confused but smiles "Oh..."
Jonny tugs on Colin’s sleeve "Romeo and Juliet died"
"I don't want you to die, Cozzie"
Thom smiles at Jonny "It's ok, Jonny, your brother's not going to die. I'm taking care of him"
He turns back to Colin "Don't they have a rehearsal room at the school? What if we played there? Your mum would never know"
Colin cheers up"Yeah, let's do that"
"Awesome"
"I'll just tell her that there are some extra drama class rehearsals"
Thom says triumphantly "No mum's going to break us up, Coz, we're going to be big some day, haha"
Colin looks at him "That would be great!"
Jonny intervenes "I can play instruments"
Colin looks down at Jonny "Shush, Jonny"
Thom seems interested "Oh, really?"
Jonny blushes
" Mhmm"
Thom turns to Colin "Can he really play?"
"He plays the viola. We don't need a viola in our band"
"Yeah… Viola's not very punkish" Thom turns back to Jonny" Sorry, Jonny"
Jonny stutters "I... I…"
They walk up into the huge school yard. A lot of boys are standing around.
It's rather noisy
Colin straightens Jonny's hair "Alright, Jonny, we'll see you later"
Jonny wants to hug his brother but he refrains because Thom is there "Bye, Cozzie. See you after school at drama club"
(end scene)
The last bell rings and all the boys stream out of their classes.
Colin and Thom walk out together.
Colin stops Thom as he starts walking to where the drama club meets "We've got to get Jonny from the middle school"
Thom casually turns around "So, Colin did I ever tell you about that song I wrote called Cold Dip?"
"Yes, Thom"
"Really? Let me sing it for you"
Thom starts humming.
Thom doesn’t get to sing for long before Colin shoots in "Yeah, it's a good song"
Thom smiles "You think you can add something to it?"
"Yeah, I'll think about it later." Colin shoves his hands in his pockets" I'm sorry for dragging my brother around like this"
"Nah, I understand. I've got a little brother too. He doesn't like me as much as Jonny likes you, though… heh"
"I just look after Jonny. He doesn't have many friends so he clings to me and mine from time to time" Colin says and then apologizes.
Thom looks away "I could never do that. I just punch my brothers in the face if they go near me"
Colin laughs sort of awkwardly.
Thom stares off into space" Jonny's ok"
"Weird kid..."
"…but there's something about him"
They're now at the middle school yard and Jonny runs across the playground towards them
He grabs Colin’s hand but then he thinks otherwise and drops it.
Jonny stands up straight and brushes the hair out of his eyes
Very formally Jonny says "Hello, Thom" Then turns to Colin "Hello Coz… Colin"
Colin smiles "Hey, Jonny"
Colin grabs Jonny’s shoulder and then turns to Thom" Bye, Thom. See you tomorrow"
Thom says in a high mocking voice "Have fun at drama club Coooolin" He then prances around a bit.
Jonny looks sadly at his brother "Thom's not going with us to class?" but then seems sort of surprised at his own openness.
Jonny feels awkward and starts walking to class by himself.
Coz says in a low voice, sort of pretend scowling "Bye, Thom"
He catches up with Jonny.
No one notices it but Thom stares at Colin and Jonny walk away for a long time
Colin and Jonny walk into the building where the class is being held.
"Here, Jonny. Go sit in the audience chairs. You're in charge of my backpack"
"Okay" Jonny starts going through Colin’s backpack "Do you want your juice now or later?"
"I'll just ask if I want anything, ok. You can sit here and watch"
"…but you have to be quiet"
Jonny zips the backpack up, grateful to get to spend time at school with his brother "Ok, Coz"
He runs off into the audience seats and sits down right in the middle
A female teacher walks up to Colin "Hello! You're Colin, right?"
"Yes..."
"Your mother called me and told me you were interested in drama."
The teacher points at some people on stage "This is the Tuesday, Thursday and Friday group"
The teacher puts her hand on Colin’s back and pushes him a bit too firmly towards the stage. “Do you want to introduce yourself to them?”
“Eh... well... sure” Colin walks up on stage.
There’s a group of about 15 kids standing around talking.
The teacher shouts over the group “We've got a new member. He’s going to introduce himself.
Colin stands up straight “Hi, I'm Colin…”
“uh...the end?”
A taller kid in the back laughs a bit.
“Tell us more, Colin” The teacher nudges him “what do you like?”
“I like music” Colin starts “and I like…”
There's a knock on the door.
“Come in!” the teacher looks over the crowd of kids and seems puzzled
She walks up to the door and opens it.
teacher: Can I help you?
In walk Thom and a very tall, skinny kid with red hair.
Thom mumbles, apparently unprepared “Yeah, we were thinking if the drama club didn't need some music and stuff for their play”
The redheaded kid adds “Music score”
Thom continues “Yeah! Music score... for the play”
“Oh “ the teacher says in admiration “What do you play?
Thom looks at the kids on stage who are staring at him “What are you looking at?”
The kids keep staring
Thom turns back to the teacher “I play guitar”
“And my friend here plays drums”
“And I have another one who plays keyboard...”
That's great! You're exactly what we need” The teacher claps “Do you want to watch the rehearsal?”
“Uh yeah sure” Thom’s says, surprised at how well his spontaneous plan had worked
“For a bit, I guess” He then adds, cooling up his voice and posture.
“Then you can get the feeling of the play and try to write the score from the vibe of the play” The teacher explains
“Yeah…yeah sounds...good” he then turns to the red haired kid “Come on, Martin, lets go sit in the audience”
Thom sits next to Jonny and winks at Colin
Colin giggles
Jonny stares straight ahead mortified
Thom pokes him in the arm “Hey, Jon”
Jonny looks at him, frightened “…Hi”
“Uh who’s your friend?”
“I'm Martin” He puts his hand out for Jonny to shake
Jonny stares at the boy's dirty fingernails
Jonny pretends to sneeze in his hands “Sorry... I don't think I should shake your hand”
“…Having just sneezed”
“Haha, whatever” Martin shoves his hand back in his sweatshirt pocket.
On the stage the teacher is trying to get Colin to say more things about himself. “Colin, have you ever read the story that the play is based on?”
“No”
“Do you know anyone here?”
Colin looks around “Not really”
“So... you've been in this school for long?”
“Yes”
The teacher waits for Colin to add something but then gives up “So... let's just start the rehearsal”
The teacher hands Colin a script “We haven't decided who plays who so we'll be switching roles a lot today”
“I want to try to go through the whole thing at least twice”
The teacher looks to the group of kids “So... Ed! Why don't you play the lead role now?”
A tall, gangly, somewhat handsome kid from the back steps forward.
Thom nudges Jonny in the audience.
Jonny almost whimpers
Thom whispers in his ear “That guy looks just like Morrissey”
“Who's Morrissey?” Jonny says, puzzled
Thom rolls his eyes “Sheesh”
“He's the best lyricist in England”
“One day I hope to be in a successful band like him”
“Is morrisey tall?” Jonny innocently asks
“I don't know!” Thom says loudly
“Okay...” Jonny realizes he might have struck a nerve
(end scene)
Now drama class is over and Colin and Jonny have just walked in the door of their home. Mrs. Greenwood shouts at them to come into the kitchen.
“Did they give you the lead?” she asks Colin
Colin puts his backpack on the floor “No, it was given to a tall, handsome guy”
“You're handsome, Coz. Don't talk like that” Mrs. Greenwood slices a kiwi in half and puts it on a plate
Colin rolls his eyes
Jonny walks past them and runs up the stairs.
Mrs. Greenwood yells up the stairs “How was school, dear?”
No reply can be heard.
Colin sits down at the kitchen table.
He then tells his mother “I don't know if drama's for me”
“Sure it is!” She puts the plate with the kiwi on the table in front of Colin and hands him a teaspoon “It suited me perfectly”
“I'm not you” Colin shoves a spoonful of kiwi in his mouth
“Just go through this one play” Mrs. Greenwood takes a rubber band from Colin’s hair and starts playing with it “I'm sure you'll love it. Just give it a chance”
“And if you don't like it then I'll just switch you to the art club”
Colin’s voice breaks at the sound of ‘art club’ “Not the art club, mum!”
“Can't I just play music with my friend?”
“NO COZ ! you're not going to make any friends that way” She grabs a apple and sits down opposite Colin, looking at him angrily “You’re so difficult.”
Colin remembers Thom arriving at rehearsal before and decides not to complain as much...
Mrs. Greenwood continues while slicing her apple to little neat pieces and handing one of them to Colin “Besides… Why do you like music? It’s not a smart choice”
“You can't have a career in music. That’s ridiculous”
“There are lots of successful musicians” Colin mumbles, having had this conversation before.
“They're all faggots and drug addicts!”
“I don't want you to be like that coz!” She puts her arm on Colin’s shoulder and looks at him with motherly love
“I want you go to college and get a good job so I don't have to worry about you”
“But mum...” Colin looks away “I'm doing good in school”
“Keep it up!” she stubbornly says
“There's no arguing about this. Go study now!”
Mrs. Greenwood turns on the radio news to show that the conversation’s over.
Colin stands up and walks up towards his room.
Mrs. Greenwood adds, by shouting upstairs to Colin “And no seeing the Yorke boy!”
Tears start forming in Colin’s eyes and he immediately wipes them off.
As Colin approaches the door to his room he hears faint music.
“What the fuck?” Colin opens the door to his room and sees Jonny sitting on the floor swinging his head in beat with Marr's guitar and mumbling along with Morrissey's Falsetto.
Colin couldn’t be more surprised if he saw a fully grown elephant in his bed “Jonny..?”
Jonny doesn't hear him
Colin goes over and turns the record player off.
Jonny gasps and looks up at his brother.
He scrambles to his feet “why did you turn it off?”
“What are you doing in here?” angrily whispers “Touching my stuff?”
“You could have broke my record player”
“I didn't break it...” Jonny puts his hands in his pockets, looks down and starts swinging his hair as usual.
“Then what's this button doing under the bed?” Colin bends down and picks up a small plastic knob.
Jonny starts crying “I'm sorry, Cozzie”
Jonny becomes frantic trying to explain “It’s just that... Thom was talking about Morrissey… and I didn't know what he was talking about… and I wanted to hear his stuff and I didn't want you to know and it broke…”
Coz stares at Jonny
“I'm sorry...?” Jonny apologizes
Colin keeps staring
“Can I be in your band?” Jonny asks, innocent as always
Colin stops staring “But you can only play the violin”
“I can learn how to play other things” Jonny gets excited “There’s a kid at school selling his guitar and I have enough money to get it.
“No, Jon you can't do that. If mum finds out she'll kill us”
“How are you going to learn how to play the guitar anyway?”
Jonny smiles “Mum says I can do anything I want to. I know she wouldn't lie to me”
“Don't be so naive, Jonny”
Jonny frowns “Stop saying that”
“I can to do it coz!”
“It’s not so hard. I saw someone on TV do it”
“Jonny, you know how much mum hates music”
“I don't care” Jonny throws himself on Colin’s bed
But but... maybe we don't need another member in our band”
“But... but I really want to play with you and Thom” Jonny rolls around in the bed “Please, Coz? Just let me play once. I promise I'll be good”
“I won't annoy you and I won't cry”
“It's just not possible”
Jonny starts crying “Why not?”
Colin’s getting annoyed of Jonny’s constant crying “It… it just doesn't work that way, ok”
“Now you're going to have to leave me alone. Mum told me to study so I have to concentrate”
“…and by the looks of it you haven't finished your homework either”
Jonny just stares at Colin with tear-filled eyes
“I mean it!” Colin opens the door for Jonny to exit
Colin stares at Jonny and is moved by his dedication to music and his willingness to get in trouble with their mom to play guitar. “Eh, come here, Jon”
Jonny stands up and hugs Colin tightly “I love you, Cozzie”
Colin wipes off Jonny’s tears with his thumbs “Love you too”
“Its cool you like The Smiths”
“Now go study”
Jonny runs off
To be continued…
“Why can't your brother be more like you, Jonny? You're always so nice"
Jonny looks up at her "But Colin is nice"
“You know what I mean, dear."
“I just wish I could get him away from that Thomas. That boy is all trouble!"
She turns around and takes the dinner dishes off the table
"…and he’s so odd looking"
" He just decides to move in our neighbourhood from Scotland one day and make noise with my son"
jonny looks confused " odd looking?"
"well, his eyes are all misplaced"
" he doesn't comb his hair"
jonny stares wide eyed at his mum
" it looks like his clothes have been taken from someone's dumpster"
" I don't want him hanging around my Cozzie"
a few seconds of silence pass and then she adds " all wrinkled"
" Coz has too much time on his hands. I can't just tell him to go study anymore. He needs some healthy hobbies"
jonny starts to tie his shoe " like what?"
" he needs to join a club"
" too bad he's never been good at sports. I don't know what it is about my children and sports.."
jonny remembers the incident from earlier that day and winces
" at least your sister has some healthy hobbies. She's always been such a lovely artist"
" don't you remember that painting she made you?"
jonny fiddles with his shoe lace " huh?"
" oh, you remember... the one with all the grass and the red roses in between"
"uhh…?"
mrs greenwood stares concerned at jonny "Jonathan, dear. We should see a doctor about this"
" what clubs are there in your school?"
jonny smirks " hmmm... there's a school band"
" uhm art club but a bunch of weirdos are in that uhm drama club"
mrs. greenwood starts looking at jonny angrily when she hears the words 'school band' but her face softens by the mention of the drama club " that's it! your brother can join that one"
" i used to be in that when i was in school"
" It was nice. Then he can make some new friends"
" Go to his room and tell him he's in the drama club now. I'll call your school"
jonny runs as fast as he can upstairs. He hardly ever got a chance to go to Colin's room
jonny knocks hard on Colin's door again and again
the music in colins room turns down
Colin shouts from behind his door " Go away, Jonny!"
" mum told me I could come to your room!"
Colin’s face comes out from behind the door "no, she didn't. What do you want?"
Jonny stares at his shoes
Coz bends down and takes Jonny's shoes off "You shouldn't wear those inside. They're muddy"
coz looks up" now go play with your Lego’s"
" but mum really told me to go to your room"
Coz looks at jonny, puzzled
" she wanted me to tell you she is signing you up for a club"
coz stands up quickly " WHAT?"
" what for?!"
Coz walks further into his room and sits on his tiny, unmade bed.
Jonny follows
His room is dark and there’s a bunch of band posters on the wall
Jonny stares around
Colin’s bass is sitting in the corner
Colin looks at Jonny and turns on his lamp "You like the light better, don't you?"
Jonny nods, very relieved.
"Did she say what club?"
"drama" Jonny whispers
Colin tosses a pillow to the other end of his bed "Ew!"
Colin lets himself slide down to the floor "I know she's just doing this because she doesn't want me in a band and she doesn't like Thom"
" the drama clubs are so lame. They're all these posh attention seekers"
Jonny looks at Colin “I like Thom"
Coz looks back "you like everyone"
Colin rubs Jonny's back." is your nose ok?"
Jonny whimpers and nods
coz: did you really fall?
Jonny stares at Colin's bass for a while and then nods
" you like my bass?"
Jonny looks distracted “Huh? Yeah"
"You can go touch it if you want"
Jonny walks slowly over to his older brother's bass. An instrument he had never seen after the day Mr. Greenwood had had bough it for Colin’s birthday, to Mrs. Greenwood’s annoyance.
He studies it and then reaches a hand out to touch the volume knob.
Jonny looks smiling at Colin who smiles back.
"Can I go with you to the drama club?" Jonny slips
“I want to see…"
"You're too young. They don't accept ten year olds"
Jonny looks a bit let down "But... can I still go with you? I want to be with you, Cozzie"
Colin sighs "Yeah I guess, Jonny, you haven't got anything else to do"
Jonny smiles really wide and strokes the hair from his eyes.
"Come here, Jonny"
Jonny obeys and sits next to Colin on the floor who looks him deeply in the eye.
"I know I can be mean to you sometimes but that's just what big brothers do and sometimes I just need my space but I love you, Jonny. You know that, don't you?"
A ridiculous smile spreads across Jonny's face
Jonny almost jumps at his brother and he hugs him around his neck so tightly that his Colin's face goes all red
Colin mumbles something into Jonny's shirt
"I love you too, Cozzie" Jonny lets him go "Coz we can be friends forever"
Colin laughs " I hope so. Jon, sit down"
Jonny sits again
Colin turns his stereo back up
"What's this music?" Jonny asks, only having heard classical music being played at his house.
"It's Joy Division. Thom's making me listen to it"
"What do you think?"
Jonny giggles "I like his voice. Its funny"
"Me too…"
(end of scene yayay)
The next morning Jonny is sitting at the table eating cereal and kicking his feet.
Mrs. Greenwood spins around the kitchen with an apron on and screams upstairs "COLIN CHARLES GREENWOOD, HURRY UP!"
"Jonny, go get your brother, will you?"
Jonny runs up to Colin's room and bursts through the door.
A little bit too loudly Jonny happily says "Wake up, Cozzie!! Mum's been calling you! It's time for schooooooool!!!"
Colin turns over in his bed "Mph…"
Jonny moves closer
"C'mon Cozzie" he whispers before poking Colin
jonny jumps on top of Colin’s bed "WAKE UP!!"
"Aaaaargh!"
" fine!!"
" Just... remember to knock next time, ok?"
Colin rolls out of bed and then slowly stands up.
Jonny keeps jumping on the bed
Colin gets dressed
Mr’s Greenwood’s voice can be heard from downstairs "Booooys! Hurry up!"
Jonny runs downstairs
Colin looks at himself in the mirror and pouts. Then he slowly walks down to the kitchen
"Colin, I signed you up for the drama club. It’s after school today" Mrs. Greenwood says to Colin and shoves a cereal box into his hands.
"Jonny told me" He sits down at the table and pours the cereal into a bowl.
“Why did you have to do that? I don't want to be in the drama class"
Mrs Greenwood hands Colin the milk "now you listen to your mother for this one time. I was in the drama class when I was your age and I loved it"
"Made me popular too. You want to be popular, don't you, Colin?"
Colin shoves some cereal into his mouth and mutters " Not particularly"
Mrs Greenwood turns back around "That’s not healthy"
jonny stares at his mum, smiling "The popular kids at school have lots of friends"
Colin starts playing with his cereal and staring out the window
"You're going to go to that drama class today, Colin"
"…and I'll know if you don't go"
"…and i don't want you talking to Thomas"
A high pitched yelp comes from Colin "WHAT?!"
"You can't ban me from talking to Thom!"
Mrs. Greenwood pats him on the head "You can make some nicer friends in the drama club"
Colin tries to flinch away "Mum, I'll go to the drama club but I can't stop seeing Thom"
Mrs. Greenwood puts Colin's lunch into his backpack "We'll talk about this later. It's time for school. Now hurry up and finish your cereal, Colin"
Jonny stares up at his mum "Cozzie said I could go to the drama club with him"
Mrs. Greenwood looks away "That's wonderful, dear"
"Now put on your coat"
"I don't want to"
"Why not, Jon?"
"It's a lovely coat and I spent a lot of time making it"
Jonny thinks better of it "Uhh ... Alright mum I'll wear it"
Jonny runs out the door with his backpack
Colin follows
As soon as Jonny's out the door he rips the coat off and stuffs it in his backpack
Colin looks at him like he’s seen a ghost "Jonny, what's up?"
"I don't like brown"
Colin rolls his eyes "yes, you do, you love… brown"
Jonny’s voice shakes “Not anymore"
He starts crying
Colin holds hiss hand "You can talk to me about anything, Jonny"
Jonny sobs “I know."
Colin holds Jonny closer
“Okay"
Colin looks at his watch "Sorry, Jonny but we've got to hurry up. I told Thom I'd meet him on the way to school"
"But mum said..." Jonny sniffs
Colin looks angered "Bullocks"
"Shh… it will be our secret, ok?"
Jonny smiles "Ok"
They stop outside Thom’s house.
Jonny wipes the tears off his face and straightens himself up.
The door opens and a wrinkly clothed Thom steps out. “Bye mum!”
Thom runs towards Colin and Jonny
When he comes close his face starts glowing
"Hey, Colin" he says
"Hey, Thom"
Thom pulls his backpack strap up "Hi, Jonny"
Jonny blushes "Hi"
Jonny moves to the other side of Colin
Thom looks to Colin "Alright let’s go. If I'm late again the headmaster’s going to call home"
"Ok... Hey, you'll never guess what my mum made me do…" Colin slips
"What? Did she do anything bad? "
Thom looks jokingly at Colin" I think your mum could be capable of ruining everything… Watch out for her"
Colin looks away" Well..."
Thom looks concerned "What?"
Colin blurts "She signed me up for the drama class"
Thom stops walking "What?"
Colin stares at the pavement underneath his feet, unable to look Thom in the eye "Yeah"
Thom just stares "That sucks, Coz"
"But you know what... I can't wait to see you on stage with those fuckers" he smiles
"You've got to admit that it is pretty funny"
"Shut up!"
"You won't be glad about the next thing she wants me to do"
"Does she want you to go to another school or something?"
Colin looks up from the pavement "No, of course not" Then he adds "She…she doesn't want me to see you anymore"
"FUCK HER!" Thom screams
Jonny gasps and holds his ears
"You're not going to stop seeing me, are you?" Thom’s voice breaks
Colin’s surprised at Thom’s reaction "Of course not"
"How are we going to play in a band if I can't see you?"
"We'll figure something out, Thom"
"We'll just be like Romeo and Juliet without the kissing stuff"
Thom looks a little confused but smiles "Oh..."
Jonny tugs on Colin’s sleeve "Romeo and Juliet died"
"I don't want you to die, Cozzie"
Thom smiles at Jonny "It's ok, Jonny, your brother's not going to die. I'm taking care of him"
He turns back to Colin "Don't they have a rehearsal room at the school? What if we played there? Your mum would never know"
Colin cheers up"Yeah, let's do that"
"Awesome"
"I'll just tell her that there are some extra drama class rehearsals"
Thom says triumphantly "No mum's going to break us up, Coz, we're going to be big some day, haha"
Colin looks at him "That would be great!"
Jonny intervenes "I can play instruments"
Colin looks down at Jonny "Shush, Jonny"
Thom seems interested "Oh, really?"
Jonny blushes
" Mhmm"
Thom turns to Colin "Can he really play?"
"He plays the viola. We don't need a viola in our band"
"Yeah… Viola's not very punkish" Thom turns back to Jonny" Sorry, Jonny"
Jonny stutters "I... I…"
They walk up into the huge school yard. A lot of boys are standing around.
It's rather noisy
Colin straightens Jonny's hair "Alright, Jonny, we'll see you later"
Jonny wants to hug his brother but he refrains because Thom is there "Bye, Cozzie. See you after school at drama club"
(end scene)
The last bell rings and all the boys stream out of their classes.
Colin and Thom walk out together.
Colin stops Thom as he starts walking to where the drama club meets "We've got to get Jonny from the middle school"
Thom casually turns around "So, Colin did I ever tell you about that song I wrote called Cold Dip?"
"Yes, Thom"
"Really? Let me sing it for you"
Thom starts humming.
Thom doesn’t get to sing for long before Colin shoots in "Yeah, it's a good song"
Thom smiles "You think you can add something to it?"
"Yeah, I'll think about it later." Colin shoves his hands in his pockets" I'm sorry for dragging my brother around like this"
"Nah, I understand. I've got a little brother too. He doesn't like me as much as Jonny likes you, though… heh"
"I just look after Jonny. He doesn't have many friends so he clings to me and mine from time to time" Colin says and then apologizes.
Thom looks away "I could never do that. I just punch my brothers in the face if they go near me"
Colin laughs sort of awkwardly.
Thom stares off into space" Jonny's ok"
"Weird kid..."
"…but there's something about him"
They're now at the middle school yard and Jonny runs across the playground towards them
He grabs Colin’s hand but then he thinks otherwise and drops it.
Jonny stands up straight and brushes the hair out of his eyes
Very formally Jonny says "Hello, Thom" Then turns to Colin "Hello Coz… Colin"
Colin smiles "Hey, Jonny"
Colin grabs Jonny’s shoulder and then turns to Thom" Bye, Thom. See you tomorrow"
Thom says in a high mocking voice "Have fun at drama club Coooolin" He then prances around a bit.
Jonny looks sadly at his brother "Thom's not going with us to class?" but then seems sort of surprised at his own openness.
Jonny feels awkward and starts walking to class by himself.
Coz says in a low voice, sort of pretend scowling "Bye, Thom"
He catches up with Jonny.
No one notices it but Thom stares at Colin and Jonny walk away for a long time
Colin and Jonny walk into the building where the class is being held.
"Here, Jonny. Go sit in the audience chairs. You're in charge of my backpack"
"Okay" Jonny starts going through Colin’s backpack "Do you want your juice now or later?"
"I'll just ask if I want anything, ok. You can sit here and watch"
"…but you have to be quiet"
Jonny zips the backpack up, grateful to get to spend time at school with his brother "Ok, Coz"
He runs off into the audience seats and sits down right in the middle
A female teacher walks up to Colin "Hello! You're Colin, right?"
"Yes..."
"Your mother called me and told me you were interested in drama."
The teacher points at some people on stage "This is the Tuesday, Thursday and Friday group"
The teacher puts her hand on Colin’s back and pushes him a bit too firmly towards the stage. “Do you want to introduce yourself to them?”
“Eh... well... sure” Colin walks up on stage.
There’s a group of about 15 kids standing around talking.
The teacher shouts over the group “We've got a new member. He’s going to introduce himself.
Colin stands up straight “Hi, I'm Colin…”
“uh...the end?”
A taller kid in the back laughs a bit.
“Tell us more, Colin” The teacher nudges him “what do you like?”
“I like music” Colin starts “and I like…”
There's a knock on the door.
“Come in!” the teacher looks over the crowd of kids and seems puzzled
She walks up to the door and opens it.
teacher: Can I help you?
In walk Thom and a very tall, skinny kid with red hair.
Thom mumbles, apparently unprepared “Yeah, we were thinking if the drama club didn't need some music and stuff for their play”
The redheaded kid adds “Music score”
Thom continues “Yeah! Music score... for the play”
“Oh “ the teacher says in admiration “What do you play?
Thom looks at the kids on stage who are staring at him “What are you looking at?”
The kids keep staring
Thom turns back to the teacher “I play guitar”
“And my friend here plays drums”
“And I have another one who plays keyboard...”
That's great! You're exactly what we need” The teacher claps “Do you want to watch the rehearsal?”
“Uh yeah sure” Thom’s says, surprised at how well his spontaneous plan had worked
“For a bit, I guess” He then adds, cooling up his voice and posture.
“Then you can get the feeling of the play and try to write the score from the vibe of the play” The teacher explains
“Yeah…yeah sounds...good” he then turns to the red haired kid “Come on, Martin, lets go sit in the audience”
Thom sits next to Jonny and winks at Colin
Colin giggles
Jonny stares straight ahead mortified
Thom pokes him in the arm “Hey, Jon”
Jonny looks at him, frightened “…Hi”
“Uh who’s your friend?”
“I'm Martin” He puts his hand out for Jonny to shake
Jonny stares at the boy's dirty fingernails
Jonny pretends to sneeze in his hands “Sorry... I don't think I should shake your hand”
“…Having just sneezed”
“Haha, whatever” Martin shoves his hand back in his sweatshirt pocket.
On the stage the teacher is trying to get Colin to say more things about himself. “Colin, have you ever read the story that the play is based on?”
“No”
“Do you know anyone here?”
Colin looks around “Not really”
“So... you've been in this school for long?”
“Yes”
The teacher waits for Colin to add something but then gives up “So... let's just start the rehearsal”
The teacher hands Colin a script “We haven't decided who plays who so we'll be switching roles a lot today”
“I want to try to go through the whole thing at least twice”
The teacher looks to the group of kids “So... Ed! Why don't you play the lead role now?”
A tall, gangly, somewhat handsome kid from the back steps forward.
Thom nudges Jonny in the audience.
Jonny almost whimpers
Thom whispers in his ear “That guy looks just like Morrissey”
“Who's Morrissey?” Jonny says, puzzled
Thom rolls his eyes “Sheesh”
“He's the best lyricist in England”
“One day I hope to be in a successful band like him”
“Is morrisey tall?” Jonny innocently asks
“I don't know!” Thom says loudly
“Okay...” Jonny realizes he might have struck a nerve
(end scene)
Now drama class is over and Colin and Jonny have just walked in the door of their home. Mrs. Greenwood shouts at them to come into the kitchen.
“Did they give you the lead?” she asks Colin
Colin puts his backpack on the floor “No, it was given to a tall, handsome guy”
“You're handsome, Coz. Don't talk like that” Mrs. Greenwood slices a kiwi in half and puts it on a plate
Colin rolls his eyes
Jonny walks past them and runs up the stairs.
Mrs. Greenwood yells up the stairs “How was school, dear?”
No reply can be heard.
Colin sits down at the kitchen table.
He then tells his mother “I don't know if drama's for me”
“Sure it is!” She puts the plate with the kiwi on the table in front of Colin and hands him a teaspoon “It suited me perfectly”
“I'm not you” Colin shoves a spoonful of kiwi in his mouth
“Just go through this one play” Mrs. Greenwood takes a rubber band from Colin’s hair and starts playing with it “I'm sure you'll love it. Just give it a chance”
“And if you don't like it then I'll just switch you to the art club”
Colin’s voice breaks at the sound of ‘art club’ “Not the art club, mum!”
“Can't I just play music with my friend?”
“NO COZ ! you're not going to make any friends that way” She grabs a apple and sits down opposite Colin, looking at him angrily “You’re so difficult.”
Colin remembers Thom arriving at rehearsal before and decides not to complain as much...
Mrs. Greenwood continues while slicing her apple to little neat pieces and handing one of them to Colin “Besides… Why do you like music? It’s not a smart choice”
“You can't have a career in music. That’s ridiculous”
“There are lots of successful musicians” Colin mumbles, having had this conversation before.
“They're all faggots and drug addicts!”
“I don't want you to be like that coz!” She puts her arm on Colin’s shoulder and looks at him with motherly love
“I want you go to college and get a good job so I don't have to worry about you”
“But mum...” Colin looks away “I'm doing good in school”
“Keep it up!” she stubbornly says
“There's no arguing about this. Go study now!”
Mrs. Greenwood turns on the radio news to show that the conversation’s over.
Colin stands up and walks up towards his room.
Mrs. Greenwood adds, by shouting upstairs to Colin “And no seeing the Yorke boy!”
Tears start forming in Colin’s eyes and he immediately wipes them off.
As Colin approaches the door to his room he hears faint music.
“What the fuck?” Colin opens the door to his room and sees Jonny sitting on the floor swinging his head in beat with Marr's guitar and mumbling along with Morrissey's Falsetto.
Colin couldn’t be more surprised if he saw a fully grown elephant in his bed “Jonny..?”
Jonny doesn't hear him
Colin goes over and turns the record player off.
Jonny gasps and looks up at his brother.
He scrambles to his feet “why did you turn it off?”
“What are you doing in here?” angrily whispers “Touching my stuff?”
“You could have broke my record player”
“I didn't break it...” Jonny puts his hands in his pockets, looks down and starts swinging his hair as usual.
“Then what's this button doing under the bed?” Colin bends down and picks up a small plastic knob.
Jonny starts crying “I'm sorry, Cozzie”
Jonny becomes frantic trying to explain “It’s just that... Thom was talking about Morrissey… and I didn't know what he was talking about… and I wanted to hear his stuff and I didn't want you to know and it broke…”
Coz stares at Jonny
“I'm sorry...?” Jonny apologizes
Colin keeps staring
“Can I be in your band?” Jonny asks, innocent as always
Colin stops staring “But you can only play the violin”
“I can learn how to play other things” Jonny gets excited “There’s a kid at school selling his guitar and I have enough money to get it.
“No, Jon you can't do that. If mum finds out she'll kill us”
“How are you going to learn how to play the guitar anyway?”
Jonny smiles “Mum says I can do anything I want to. I know she wouldn't lie to me”
“Don't be so naive, Jonny”
Jonny frowns “Stop saying that”
“I can to do it coz!”
“It’s not so hard. I saw someone on TV do it”
“Jonny, you know how much mum hates music”
“I don't care” Jonny throws himself on Colin’s bed
But but... maybe we don't need another member in our band”
“But... but I really want to play with you and Thom” Jonny rolls around in the bed “Please, Coz? Just let me play once. I promise I'll be good”
“I won't annoy you and I won't cry”
“It's just not possible”
Jonny starts crying “Why not?”
Colin’s getting annoyed of Jonny’s constant crying “It… it just doesn't work that way, ok”
“Now you're going to have to leave me alone. Mum told me to study so I have to concentrate”
“…and by the looks of it you haven't finished your homework either”
Jonny just stares at Colin with tear-filled eyes
“I mean it!” Colin opens the door for Jonny to exit
Colin stares at Jonny and is moved by his dedication to music and his willingness to get in trouble with their mom to play guitar. “Eh, come here, Jon”
Jonny stands up and hugs Colin tightly “I love you, Cozzie”
Colin wipes off Jonny’s tears with his thumbs “Love you too”
“Its cool you like The Smiths”
“Now go study”
Jonny runs off
To be continued…
Young Radiohead pt 1
It’s a regular afternoon in Oxfordshire and a ten year old Jonathan Greenwood is sitting in his room, colouring. He’s waiting for his brother Colin to get home from school.
When he finishes up his picture he runs out of the room calling his mum “Mum! Mum! You’ve got to see this picture I just drew!”
Mrs. Greenwood takes the picture from Jonny’s hands and sighs because the colours are all mixed up. The sky is red and the grass is blue.
“Mum, when does Colin get home? I’m bored”
“He should be home soon, Jon, but he said he was bringing over a new friend today so I want you to be a good boy and leave them alone to play by themselves.
Jonny looks down and frowns with his eyes closed
“Jonny, why don’t you just find some friends of your own? Such a pretty boy like you” She strokes her hand through his shiny, bowl-cut, black hair and Jonny giggles.
“Ok, mummy. I’ll go find some friends then”
Jonny grabs his green coat (that he isn’t aware of that is green because of his colour blindness) and runs out the door.
A few moments later he arrives at the playground, which is only a few blocks from the Greenwood house. He notices some kids his age playing soccer. He plans to talk to them but gets afraid and decides to stand on the side and watch instead.
Jonny doesn’t have to wait long until he suddenly is hit in the face by the ball and is knocked out.
The kids gather around him and a few seconds later he wakes up with a bloody nose and terrified to notice six kids staring straight at him. He starts to cry.
“Are you alright?” A little girl just stepped a bit closer to comfort him but starts crying as soon as she notices the blood running down Jonny’s nose.
“Leave me alone!” Jonny whimpers.
One of the boys offers him his hankie. “Do you want us to go get your mum?”
Jonny’s heart aches when he starts thinking of his mum and how far he suddenly seems to be away from her now.
He scrambles to his feet.
A boy stands up in the back. “I’m really sorry the ball hit you in the face”
“I’m fine”
Jonny suddenly remembers that his mum had once told him how friends didn’t like it when you cried in front of them so he decides to try to keep his cool.
“Can I play too?”
A rather large kid walks straight up to Jonny’s face, now covered in blood
“Why is your hair so long?”
“Are you good at soccer? What’s your name?” another kid adds
“I…I’m Jonathan Greenwood” Jonny sniffs
“How old are you, Jon?”
“Ten. I live right over there” Jonny vaguely points in the direction of his small brick house.
“I know who he is” a girl says “I’ve never seen you outside your yard before. Your brother’s weird. He’s got long hair and a ponytail.”
The large kid starts talking again
“Weird!! Yeah, why don’t you just go home, Jon? I’m sure your weird brother wants to do some experiments on you”
The other kids giggle.
Jonny smiles and mumbles Cozzie’s name. He misses him.
“Why are you saying that? Cozzie doesn’t do that.” He then says, puzzled
The kids keep making fun of him.
“Hey look at his coat! It’s really weird”
“It’s just brown. My mum made it for me and I like it.” Jonny stares proudly at the nice work his mother did
All the kids laugh.
Jonny starts laughing awkwardly with tears forming in his eyes.
“Heh, he doesn’t even know his colours!”
“I know the alphabet really well and mummy says that means I don’t have to know all the colours” Jonny says but immediately regrets it after the kids start laughing again. One of them laughs so hard that he falls to the ground.
One of the kids then throws a football in Jonny’s face so his nose starts bleeding again.
Jonny runs away towards his home, trying not to cry so badly.
When he’s a good block away he starts walking slower. Blood is dripping on his shoes and shirt, from his nose. He just can’t stop crying so he stops on his way to the front door and sits down on a rock.
He stuffs grass up his nose to stop the bleeding.
It’s starting to rain and Jonny shivers from the cold and the sight of blood on his body.
Soon he hears Coz’s voice coming from their garage so he pulls the grass quickly out of his nose and walks towards the sound of his brother’s voice. He can hear that he’s with somebody.
“NO WAY! I can’t believe you did that when you were seven.” Coz’s says in admiration
Jonny walks closer to the open garage door
“Yeah I did”
Jonny had never heard this voice before. It was another boy.
“She was cool. I kind of miss her” the boy speaks again
Jonny peeks through the door to see what’s going on. Cozzie’s standing there with a new friend and they’re surrounded by strange instruments. The friend looks really weird, Jonny thinks.
“Want to practise ‘Bell’?” The new boy asks and picks up his guitar
“That song you wrote last week?”
“Yep”
Colin is going to pick up his bass when he notices Jonny hiding behind the garage door.
“Jon, is that you?” he says more worried than angry
Jonny comes out from behind the door, sniffing
“Yes?”
Colin looks shocked by the sight of Jonny. His friend just stares with his mouth open.
“Man, what happened to you? You’ve got blood all over your face and you’re soaked!”
Jonny stares at the floor.
“I tripped and fell” Jonny can’t look his brother in the eyes while lying to him.
“It doesn’t look like you tripped. Your nose is pretty swollen” the friend says a bit harshly.
Jonny stares furiously at Cozzie’s friend who looks at him and hands him a tissue as an apology for what he said.
Jonny stares at him and then smiles weakly, not grabbing the tissue.
“Don’t you want it, Jon?” The friend seems less scary than before
Jonny looks at Colin.
Colin nods.
Jonny slowly takes the tissue from the boy’s hand and runs off back into the house.
“Weird kid…” the friend mumbles
“Yeah, that’s just my little brother. He goes to our school.”
“His name’s…Jonny?”
“Yeah, want to play some music?”
“Huh…?”
“Thom! Wake up!”
“Oh, uh, yeah” Thom keeps mumbling
“Now let’s play some music, okay?”
“But… how old is he?”
“He’s 10”
“I see…” it looks like Thom’s disappearing into his own world
“Come on, let’s just start playing something” Colin tries to change the subject again
“Is he a bit special..?”
“Haha! You could say that. He’s just colour-blind and maybe a bit slow. He’s really smart, though.”
“Weird guy…”
“Are you okay, Thom?”
“Yeah”Thom starts playing his guitar and Colin picks up his bass to join him.
Thom starts screaming in a microphone that’s attached to a broomstick and turns his guitar up more. “THE GOVERNMENT SUCKS! DOWN WITH ENGLAND!”
“Could you turn that forsaken noise DOWN?!!!” Mrs. Greenwood just walked in the garage, not looking very happy.
“Colin, I’ve told you that I don’t like you doing this music thing.” She keeps yelling.
“But I’ve done my homework and Thom and I were just having a little bit of fun”
“I don’t want you doing any concerts. Concerts are for drug addicts and stupid people.”
“But mum…” Colin blushes
“You’ll start doing drugs and getting girls pregnant.”
“That’s not going to…” Colin tries to defend himself only to be interrupted by some more of his mum’s ranting.
“No son of mine is going to be a 14 year old father. What would poor Jonny start thinking?”
“Mum, stop it!” Colin feels like crying of shame
Thom suddenly interferes. “What about Jonny, Mrs. Greenwood?”
“Mum, you’re embarrassing me in front of Thom. Can’t you just leave us alone for a minute?” Colin pleads
Mrs. Greenwood ignores them and continues ranting. “I don’t want no faggot son!”
“Say good bye to Thommy and go to your room to study!” she points to the garage door
“I’ve already done my studying” Colin makes his last attempt for defence.
“Do more! Don’t get me angrier than I am, Colin” her voice is noticeably louder than before
Then she adds in a lower but as harsh tone “Thom, your mother’s probably waiting for you. Did you tell her you were here?”
“Yes, I did” Thom seems terrified
“And Colin! You need a haircut appointment” Mrs. Greenwood snaps, making it clear that the conversation’s over.
“Your mum’s right, you do” Thom jests
Coz laughs “Shut up, Thom! I guess we’ll just see each other later then?”
“Ok…” Thom picks up his guitar and shoves it back into its case.
“See you later, Coz!”
Mrs. Greenwood kisses Colin on the cheek “Good boy. Now go to your room.”
Colin makes a face of disgust. “Bye, Thom!”
Thom leaves and Colin runs inside where he locks himself in his bedroom. Music comes very loud from his bedroom.
Jonny is sitting at the kitchen table now dry and less bloody.
Mrs. Greenwood sits opposite him and puts herself into the “Jonny, this is what’s wrong with your brother. I wish he was more like you.” positions.
“I just don’t understand Colin. I wish your father was here, Jon, to straighten him out.”
to be continued...
When he finishes up his picture he runs out of the room calling his mum “Mum! Mum! You’ve got to see this picture I just drew!”
Mrs. Greenwood takes the picture from Jonny’s hands and sighs because the colours are all mixed up. The sky is red and the grass is blue.
“Mum, when does Colin get home? I’m bored”
“He should be home soon, Jon, but he said he was bringing over a new friend today so I want you to be a good boy and leave them alone to play by themselves.
Jonny looks down and frowns with his eyes closed
“Jonny, why don’t you just find some friends of your own? Such a pretty boy like you” She strokes her hand through his shiny, bowl-cut, black hair and Jonny giggles.
“Ok, mummy. I’ll go find some friends then”
Jonny grabs his green coat (that he isn’t aware of that is green because of his colour blindness) and runs out the door.
A few moments later he arrives at the playground, which is only a few blocks from the Greenwood house. He notices some kids his age playing soccer. He plans to talk to them but gets afraid and decides to stand on the side and watch instead.
Jonny doesn’t have to wait long until he suddenly is hit in the face by the ball and is knocked out.
The kids gather around him and a few seconds later he wakes up with a bloody nose and terrified to notice six kids staring straight at him. He starts to cry.
“Are you alright?” A little girl just stepped a bit closer to comfort him but starts crying as soon as she notices the blood running down Jonny’s nose.
“Leave me alone!” Jonny whimpers.
One of the boys offers him his hankie. “Do you want us to go get your mum?”
Jonny’s heart aches when he starts thinking of his mum and how far he suddenly seems to be away from her now.
He scrambles to his feet.
A boy stands up in the back. “I’m really sorry the ball hit you in the face”
“I’m fine”
Jonny suddenly remembers that his mum had once told him how friends didn’t like it when you cried in front of them so he decides to try to keep his cool.
“Can I play too?”
A rather large kid walks straight up to Jonny’s face, now covered in blood
“Why is your hair so long?”
“Are you good at soccer? What’s your name?” another kid adds
“I…I’m Jonathan Greenwood” Jonny sniffs
“How old are you, Jon?”
“Ten. I live right over there” Jonny vaguely points in the direction of his small brick house.
“I know who he is” a girl says “I’ve never seen you outside your yard before. Your brother’s weird. He’s got long hair and a ponytail.”
The large kid starts talking again
“Weird!! Yeah, why don’t you just go home, Jon? I’m sure your weird brother wants to do some experiments on you”
The other kids giggle.
Jonny smiles and mumbles Cozzie’s name. He misses him.
“Why are you saying that? Cozzie doesn’t do that.” He then says, puzzled
The kids keep making fun of him.
“Hey look at his coat! It’s really weird”
“It’s just brown. My mum made it for me and I like it.” Jonny stares proudly at the nice work his mother did
All the kids laugh.
Jonny starts laughing awkwardly with tears forming in his eyes.
“Heh, he doesn’t even know his colours!”
“I know the alphabet really well and mummy says that means I don’t have to know all the colours” Jonny says but immediately regrets it after the kids start laughing again. One of them laughs so hard that he falls to the ground.
One of the kids then throws a football in Jonny’s face so his nose starts bleeding again.
Jonny runs away towards his home, trying not to cry so badly.
When he’s a good block away he starts walking slower. Blood is dripping on his shoes and shirt, from his nose. He just can’t stop crying so he stops on his way to the front door and sits down on a rock.
He stuffs grass up his nose to stop the bleeding.
It’s starting to rain and Jonny shivers from the cold and the sight of blood on his body.
Soon he hears Coz’s voice coming from their garage so he pulls the grass quickly out of his nose and walks towards the sound of his brother’s voice. He can hear that he’s with somebody.
“NO WAY! I can’t believe you did that when you were seven.” Coz’s says in admiration
Jonny walks closer to the open garage door
“Yeah I did”
Jonny had never heard this voice before. It was another boy.
“She was cool. I kind of miss her” the boy speaks again
Jonny peeks through the door to see what’s going on. Cozzie’s standing there with a new friend and they’re surrounded by strange instruments. The friend looks really weird, Jonny thinks.
“Want to practise ‘Bell’?” The new boy asks and picks up his guitar
“That song you wrote last week?”
“Yep”
Colin is going to pick up his bass when he notices Jonny hiding behind the garage door.
“Jon, is that you?” he says more worried than angry
Jonny comes out from behind the door, sniffing
“Yes?”
Colin looks shocked by the sight of Jonny. His friend just stares with his mouth open.
“Man, what happened to you? You’ve got blood all over your face and you’re soaked!”
Jonny stares at the floor.
“I tripped and fell” Jonny can’t look his brother in the eyes while lying to him.
“It doesn’t look like you tripped. Your nose is pretty swollen” the friend says a bit harshly.
Jonny stares furiously at Cozzie’s friend who looks at him and hands him a tissue as an apology for what he said.
Jonny stares at him and then smiles weakly, not grabbing the tissue.
“Don’t you want it, Jon?” The friend seems less scary than before
Jonny looks at Colin.
Colin nods.
Jonny slowly takes the tissue from the boy’s hand and runs off back into the house.
“Weird kid…” the friend mumbles
“Yeah, that’s just my little brother. He goes to our school.”
“His name’s…Jonny?”
“Yeah, want to play some music?”
“Huh…?”
“Thom! Wake up!”
“Oh, uh, yeah” Thom keeps mumbling
“Now let’s play some music, okay?”
“But… how old is he?”
“He’s 10”
“I see…” it looks like Thom’s disappearing into his own world
“Come on, let’s just start playing something” Colin tries to change the subject again
“Is he a bit special..?”
“Haha! You could say that. He’s just colour-blind and maybe a bit slow. He’s really smart, though.”
“Weird guy…”
“Are you okay, Thom?”
“Yeah”Thom starts playing his guitar and Colin picks up his bass to join him.
Thom starts screaming in a microphone that’s attached to a broomstick and turns his guitar up more. “THE GOVERNMENT SUCKS! DOWN WITH ENGLAND!”
“Could you turn that forsaken noise DOWN?!!!” Mrs. Greenwood just walked in the garage, not looking very happy.
“Colin, I’ve told you that I don’t like you doing this music thing.” She keeps yelling.
“But I’ve done my homework and Thom and I were just having a little bit of fun”
“I don’t want you doing any concerts. Concerts are for drug addicts and stupid people.”
“But mum…” Colin blushes
“You’ll start doing drugs and getting girls pregnant.”
“That’s not going to…” Colin tries to defend himself only to be interrupted by some more of his mum’s ranting.
“No son of mine is going to be a 14 year old father. What would poor Jonny start thinking?”
“Mum, stop it!” Colin feels like crying of shame
Thom suddenly interferes. “What about Jonny, Mrs. Greenwood?”
“Mum, you’re embarrassing me in front of Thom. Can’t you just leave us alone for a minute?” Colin pleads
Mrs. Greenwood ignores them and continues ranting. “I don’t want no faggot son!”
“Say good bye to Thommy and go to your room to study!” she points to the garage door
“I’ve already done my studying” Colin makes his last attempt for defence.
“Do more! Don’t get me angrier than I am, Colin” her voice is noticeably louder than before
Then she adds in a lower but as harsh tone “Thom, your mother’s probably waiting for you. Did you tell her you were here?”
“Yes, I did” Thom seems terrified
“And Colin! You need a haircut appointment” Mrs. Greenwood snaps, making it clear that the conversation’s over.
“Your mum’s right, you do” Thom jests
Coz laughs “Shut up, Thom! I guess we’ll just see each other later then?”
“Ok…” Thom picks up his guitar and shoves it back into its case.
“See you later, Coz!”
Mrs. Greenwood kisses Colin on the cheek “Good boy. Now go to your room.”
Colin makes a face of disgust. “Bye, Thom!”
Thom leaves and Colin runs inside where he locks himself in his bedroom. Music comes very loud from his bedroom.
Jonny is sitting at the kitchen table now dry and less bloody.
Mrs. Greenwood sits opposite him and puts herself into the “Jonny, this is what’s wrong with your brother. I wish he was more like you.” positions.
“I just don’t understand Colin. I wish your father was here, Jon, to straighten him out.”
to be continued...
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