Thom’s POV
I guess August was the shortest month. I remember thinking that it was only the end of July and the next thing that hit me was the fact that it was August 19th.
I was sitting on the bed, my hands shaking, flipping through the piles of records just after I got home from buying a ticket for the train that would leave in three days time. There was something bitter on my tongue and my throat was parched, and I clearly needed music to distract me. But not Joy Division – because, well, Joy Division is his favorite band, and definitely not REM, because we usually listen to them together. My fingers were cold for some reason as I skimmed through the familiar pile rapidly – there was nothing that wouldn’t remind me of this summer and the fact that it was going to end soon. I dropped on my knees and looked under my bed, remembering that I’ve stashed some old records there – some of my parents’ even. Taking the dusty box out, I took the first thing that was under my hand and put it on quickly, closing my eyes and holding my head in my hands, waiting for the first sounds to appear. It’s the most complete silence, isn’t it? - When you put on the unknown record and wait for it to start.
‘Twas Frank Sinatra. I scowled and scooted over to replace the record, but then I realized that I would rather listen to it – there was a consolation in the way it crackled and the way the warm voice filled the air. I sat back on the floor, leaning against the bed and went through the long-forgotten vinyl: Ella Fitzgerald, Billie Holiday, Ray Charles, Louis Armstrong, and the Rat Pack. I thought of my mom and dad listening to those while they were dating – the way they would steal quick kisses and dance together, the way my mom’s heels would clink while they would take walks, hand in hand.
Suddenly I was overcome with happiness. Pure, red, and foolish happiness. Yes, I was going away for a long time, and yes there were loads of rubbish in the near future, loads of jaw-clenching bollocks, but hell – I was in love. Nevermind the details, really – forget the fact he is just a yawning puppy, forget the muck of the public opinion and…well, there’s nothing around when you are in love, correct? No Oxford, London, no bloody Exeter and surely there’s no Britain, Europe, America and Asia – the whole universe goes to hell, burns in the yellow light of the sun and fire – because Jonny bloody Greenwood has gorgeous cheek bones and because Jonny bloody Greenwood blushes every time I brush them with my lips in the dim shining of the street lamps.
Five Minutes More started playing and I was suddenly pulled back on earth with the complications piling up in my head – our insecurities; my insecurities. Telling everybody to sod off had been a hobby of mine for quite a while by that time, but there was a major fight with my head now…or there should’ve been one. I heard stories about men who had to force themselves to be with women just because they could not stand the fact that they were attracted to the same sex; I guess, I imagined I would surely be such person, only to be completely shocked by my own tranquility in the whole situation – it wasn’t even a bit awkward for me to fancy Jonny.
Then I understood – I was prepared long before that. I remembered all the small thoughts that were going through my head during puberty and even before; the way I was attracted to a young male teacher – to the point when his fingers brushing mine accidentally would send electrical currents through me. Not love, of course, just pure desire with a pinch of curiosity. Then – my inability to be interested in one girl for more than a couple of months. Then – finding myself studying the men and boys who surrounded me. To be honest, I was very enticed by the strong wrists and long fingers, narrow shoulders and lithe shapes.
I guess my long-ordered desire came in one lanky package that turned out to be my best mate’s brother.
I knew what I wanted then. It’s just that I would be going away from it in about 70 hours.
Monday, December 31, 2007
Mile high
Ed hates planes.
It wouldn't be so bad if they could hire a private jet where he could have as many seats to himself as he wanted, but even the mere suggestion sets Thom off on a rant about how air travel is destroying the planet, and right now Ed is too tired and irritable to piss Thom off. It's all right for Thom, he thinks resentfully, staring across the aisle to where Thom and Colin are sitting side-by-side and exchanging snide comments about the food; Thom's small, he doesn't have to worry about cramped seats and deep vein thrombosis and whatever else someone of Ed's stature could get from being squished into a space about half the size he could comfortably occupy. It doesn't help that he's drawn the short straw of taking the chair next to Jonny. Back in the day this was never a problem: Ed sat with Colin or Phil and Thom sat with Jonny because Jonny was the only person who could keep Thom calm for an entire flight and besides, back in the day ThomandJonny were fucking like rabbits at every opportunity they got, so pairing off like that was a given. It's not like that any more, Ed thinks ruefully, watching Thom and Colin's heads, light and dark, leaning together as they flick peas at the headrest in front of them. Somewhere along the line something has happened to ThomandJonny and they aren't ThomandJonny now, they're Thom_________and_________Jonny and they're never that close any more.
Ed has never known why only someone who was fucking Jonny would want to sit next to him for eight hours on a plane, and now he's learning the hard way. Jonny is a terrible fidget. He is the kind of fidget that puts even Thom to shame. He sits there looking out of the window and shutting himself away from the rest of the world with a pair of headphones and his iPod, and every few moments he'll cross or uncross his legs or lift his arm to run a hand through his air or let out a barely audible sigh or wriggle in his seat and jab Ed sharply in the ribs with a bony elbow, and it's maddening. No wonder he stays so goddamn skinny with that much nervous energy - he's wound as tightly as a spring and Ed can practically feel the tension crackling between them. Eventually - about three hours into the flight, by his estimation - he's had enough. He taps Jonny on the shoulder. The younger man jumps, turns to face him and, frowning slightly, removes his headphones.
"What?"
There's a bite in his voice which is bitter and cold and very much unlike Jonny. Ed wonders suddenly whether he misses Thom. He's noticed it this tour; the pair of them rarely talk now unless there's someone else in the conversation and it makes speaking to either of them awkward and uncomfortable.
"Can't you sit still?" Ed says, his brain still catching up with his mouth.
Jonny regards him curiously, his expression softening little by little until he's not frowning at all. "Thom never told me I fidgeted," he says quietly, his gaze drifting to the childish, sniggering figure a few rows away from them. "I'm... sorry. I'm just tense. I hate planes."
"You and me both." Ed glances over at Thom and Colin, who seem to have abandoned pea warfare for making eyes at the stewardesses instead, and has an idea. It's a stupid, crazy, wild idea and Jonny will never in a million years go for it, but it's worth a try because they're both as bored as can be and there's hardly anyone in the seats around them except for a guy in a suit and tie two rows behind who looks like he's been stuffed. "I... we... could relieve a bit of that tension, couldn't we?"
He hopes Jonny catches his drift, and that what Thom told him once in a hotel room in New York is actually true, and when Jonny's eyes flick up to meet his he knows that Jonny understands exactly what he means. He's startled by the force of that gaze; it feels like being stripped to the bone, and the shiver that courses through him goes straight to his groin. Jonny notices, and smiles darkly, and a moment later there are slender fingers unzipping his fly and releasing his hard cock from the hot confines of his pants.
"Here?" Ed murmurs faintly, looking around. It's as good a place as any, if truth be told; the plane is very empty and there isn't a steward within twenty feet of them, except the pretty bottle-blonde talking to Thom and Colin. Any worries he might have had are pushed firmly out of his mind when Jonny ducks down and envelopes the tip of Ed's erection in the tight, slick confines of his warm mouth.
It takes all of Ed's self-control and a hasty fist pressed against his own mouth not to groan out loud. Jonny starts bobbing his head immediately in a swift, steady rhythm that will have him coming in seconds if he doesn't think about something other than what Jonny is doing to him right now... he thinks about the stuffed guy in the seat two rows behind them, about that guy and his suit and his tie, and that guy taking off his suit and his tie and... there's a flicker of dextrous tongue along the underside of his shaft and he gives an involuntary yelp which turns into a muffled whine as he tries to stop it. Thom and Colin have stopped talking to the blonde stewardess and are looking around, and Ed pretends not to notice. He's still thinking about that suit and that tie on the floor... their owner has conveniently disappeared and now it's just him and Jonny and a suit and tie on the floor... he threads fingers through silken dark hair at the same time as his cock hits the back of Jonny's throat and Jonny gasps a little, a faint huff of air that tickles his stomach.
"Are you OK?" he murmurs. Jonny says nothing, doesn't break pace or take time to draw breath, and in Ed's mind Ed has picked up the tie and is no longer thinking about its former owner, just about all the possibilities with Jonny under his control and the tie in his hand and oh shit.
He comes quickly, violently and without warning, and a cry slips out that even his hand can't disguise. It's enough to catch the attention of the bottle-blonde stewardess, and as she comes over Ed finds that he's now neatly zipped up and Jonny is sitting demurely beside him, reading the in-flight magazine.
"Is everything all right, gentlemen?" she asks, her cheeks flushing a shade darker than her blusher, and Ed realises with a thrill of horror that it must have been obvious to their three onlookers what was going on.
"Absolutely," Jonny says with a straight face, glancing up from his magazine and smiling with damp, bruised lips.
They're left well alone for the rest of the flight. Jonny doesn't fidget any more. Ed stretches out with his legs on the chair beside him and his head in Jonny's lap and entertains himself with thoughts of what they'll be able to get up to with a hotel room to themselves that evening, and whether the suit and the tie will be allowed to join in.
It wouldn't be so bad if they could hire a private jet where he could have as many seats to himself as he wanted, but even the mere suggestion sets Thom off on a rant about how air travel is destroying the planet, and right now Ed is too tired and irritable to piss Thom off. It's all right for Thom, he thinks resentfully, staring across the aisle to where Thom and Colin are sitting side-by-side and exchanging snide comments about the food; Thom's small, he doesn't have to worry about cramped seats and deep vein thrombosis and whatever else someone of Ed's stature could get from being squished into a space about half the size he could comfortably occupy. It doesn't help that he's drawn the short straw of taking the chair next to Jonny. Back in the day this was never a problem: Ed sat with Colin or Phil and Thom sat with Jonny because Jonny was the only person who could keep Thom calm for an entire flight and besides, back in the day ThomandJonny were fucking like rabbits at every opportunity they got, so pairing off like that was a given. It's not like that any more, Ed thinks ruefully, watching Thom and Colin's heads, light and dark, leaning together as they flick peas at the headrest in front of them. Somewhere along the line something has happened to ThomandJonny and they aren't ThomandJonny now, they're Thom_________and_________Jonny and they're never that close any more.
Ed has never known why only someone who was fucking Jonny would want to sit next to him for eight hours on a plane, and now he's learning the hard way. Jonny is a terrible fidget. He is the kind of fidget that puts even Thom to shame. He sits there looking out of the window and shutting himself away from the rest of the world with a pair of headphones and his iPod, and every few moments he'll cross or uncross his legs or lift his arm to run a hand through his air or let out a barely audible sigh or wriggle in his seat and jab Ed sharply in the ribs with a bony elbow, and it's maddening. No wonder he stays so goddamn skinny with that much nervous energy - he's wound as tightly as a spring and Ed can practically feel the tension crackling between them. Eventually - about three hours into the flight, by his estimation - he's had enough. He taps Jonny on the shoulder. The younger man jumps, turns to face him and, frowning slightly, removes his headphones.
"What?"
There's a bite in his voice which is bitter and cold and very much unlike Jonny. Ed wonders suddenly whether he misses Thom. He's noticed it this tour; the pair of them rarely talk now unless there's someone else in the conversation and it makes speaking to either of them awkward and uncomfortable.
"Can't you sit still?" Ed says, his brain still catching up with his mouth.
Jonny regards him curiously, his expression softening little by little until he's not frowning at all. "Thom never told me I fidgeted," he says quietly, his gaze drifting to the childish, sniggering figure a few rows away from them. "I'm... sorry. I'm just tense. I hate planes."
"You and me both." Ed glances over at Thom and Colin, who seem to have abandoned pea warfare for making eyes at the stewardesses instead, and has an idea. It's a stupid, crazy, wild idea and Jonny will never in a million years go for it, but it's worth a try because they're both as bored as can be and there's hardly anyone in the seats around them except for a guy in a suit and tie two rows behind who looks like he's been stuffed. "I... we... could relieve a bit of that tension, couldn't we?"
He hopes Jonny catches his drift, and that what Thom told him once in a hotel room in New York is actually true, and when Jonny's eyes flick up to meet his he knows that Jonny understands exactly what he means. He's startled by the force of that gaze; it feels like being stripped to the bone, and the shiver that courses through him goes straight to his groin. Jonny notices, and smiles darkly, and a moment later there are slender fingers unzipping his fly and releasing his hard cock from the hot confines of his pants.
"Here?" Ed murmurs faintly, looking around. It's as good a place as any, if truth be told; the plane is very empty and there isn't a steward within twenty feet of them, except the pretty bottle-blonde talking to Thom and Colin. Any worries he might have had are pushed firmly out of his mind when Jonny ducks down and envelopes the tip of Ed's erection in the tight, slick confines of his warm mouth.
It takes all of Ed's self-control and a hasty fist pressed against his own mouth not to groan out loud. Jonny starts bobbing his head immediately in a swift, steady rhythm that will have him coming in seconds if he doesn't think about something other than what Jonny is doing to him right now... he thinks about the stuffed guy in the seat two rows behind them, about that guy and his suit and his tie, and that guy taking off his suit and his tie and... there's a flicker of dextrous tongue along the underside of his shaft and he gives an involuntary yelp which turns into a muffled whine as he tries to stop it. Thom and Colin have stopped talking to the blonde stewardess and are looking around, and Ed pretends not to notice. He's still thinking about that suit and that tie on the floor... their owner has conveniently disappeared and now it's just him and Jonny and a suit and tie on the floor... he threads fingers through silken dark hair at the same time as his cock hits the back of Jonny's throat and Jonny gasps a little, a faint huff of air that tickles his stomach.
"Are you OK?" he murmurs. Jonny says nothing, doesn't break pace or take time to draw breath, and in Ed's mind Ed has picked up the tie and is no longer thinking about its former owner, just about all the possibilities with Jonny under his control and the tie in his hand and oh shit.
He comes quickly, violently and without warning, and a cry slips out that even his hand can't disguise. It's enough to catch the attention of the bottle-blonde stewardess, and as she comes over Ed finds that he's now neatly zipped up and Jonny is sitting demurely beside him, reading the in-flight magazine.
"Is everything all right, gentlemen?" she asks, her cheeks flushing a shade darker than her blusher, and Ed realises with a thrill of horror that it must have been obvious to their three onlookers what was going on.
"Absolutely," Jonny says with a straight face, glancing up from his magazine and smiling with damp, bruised lips.
They're left well alone for the rest of the flight. Jonny doesn't fidget any more. Ed stretches out with his legs on the chair beside him and his head in Jonny's lap and entertains himself with thoughts of what they'll be able to get up to with a hotel room to themselves that evening, and whether the suit and the tie will be allowed to join in.
Breaking Down
After searching for more than two hours, getting more and more anxious each minute, he found him. Hunched in the corner of the dark store room.
“I’m sorry.” The words barely came out.
“Don’t be. I was just a little worried.”
“No, I’m sorry. I heard you running up and down the stairs and I knew you were searching for me. I wanted to call you, but... I just didn’t have the energy.” The last part was more of a sigh.
Jonny felt like he was towering above him, so he kneeled down, more or less face to face with him.
“It’s ok.”
All was silent for a few moments. Then Jonny got up and closed the door, leaving the two of them in pitch dark.
“Thank you.”
Jonny didn’t know if it was for shutting the door or for just being here. So he went over and positioned himself crossed-legs in front of Thom and remained silent.
After a long pause, Thom spoke again.
“They aren’t working anymore.”
“Your pills?”
“He promised they would work. I knew I shouldn’t have trusted him. Fucking American doctors. I want Jennings back.”
“Just a few more weeks, Thom, you can do it.”
At these words, Thom took a shaky breath. With a raw voice, but the same even expressionless tone, he continued.
“You see, Jonny, that’s the point. I can’t. I really can’t. My mind poisoned my body and now it gave up. There’s nothing I can do anymore. It’s over. If I wanted to get up now, I couldn’t. Not that I’d want to. I can’t even cry anymore, Jon.”
At times like these, Jonny wished that he had finished his psychology degree. Chapter six, paragraph two. How to cheer up a person that has given up on all levels. What he hated the most, was the feeling of complete helplessness. The one person he loved the most was breaking down and he just couldn’t do anything right. He was useless.
“I’ve been pushing you away, haven’t I,” Thom said.
Great, Jonny thought, on top of all misery I’ve made him feel guilty.
“Thom, please don’t worry about me, you haven’t done anything wrong. Don’t concentrate on what you’re doing or not doing, just try to give your mind some rest. I think that’s what it needs the most right now. Just try not to think at all.”
He moved to sit next to Thom against the wall and threw an arm around his neck, and Thom put his head on his shoulder.
“Not to think at all,” Thom repeated faintly.
They stared into the darkness for the next few minutes, before Thom broke the silence again, this time a little more determined.
“I’m going to tell you something I normally wouldn’t, but I feel like it’s the only way now. I can’t possibly do what you tell me to, put my mind to rest, unless it’s out. I don’t care if it changes everything, I don’t even care what your reaction is anymore, I just want some rest. I’m so tired.”
Jonny didn’t say anything, afraid to say something that would put Thom’s mind off of telling him. The thing he really wanted to do was take him away, away from it all, shield him from whatever was making him suffer. But he just repositioned his arm around him and took Thom’s slack hand in his, playing with his pinky.
Thom took a deep breath, and Jonny just had time to think that maybe this was more serious than he expected before it was out.
Had he really said it? The sounds were still echoing in the room. He had to be sure.
“Can you... say that again?” He tried to make his voice sound as apologising as he could.
“I’m in love with you.”
Jonny’s heart stopped. As much joy this should have given him, the only thought that was racing through his mind was: ‘It was me, I was the one that made him like this, it was me he was thinking about all along. It’s my fault. It’s my fault.’
“Oh Thom,” he managed to squeeze out of his throat before wrapping both arms around Thom, holding him tightly against his chest. Thom took his arm from under Jonny’s grip and circled his waist. They sat like that for a moment.
“It’s quite disturbing, really. In love with a boy, my best friend, my bandmate... I’m sorry, I still think of you as a boy.”
Jonny let out a choked laugh, which gave away that he was crying.
“I’m sorry, I’m such a wuss,” he apologised, wiping away his tears.
“Why are you crying?” Thom asked.
“It’s nothing.”
“No, tell me.”
“It’s just that I’m so sorry for doing this to you. I really am,” he answered.
Thom was silent for a moment. Apparently he hadn’t expected this reaction.
“Do you really not care at all about my reaction?” Jonny asked.
“Of course I care, it’s just that you can’t disappoint me anymore. I’m too far gone for that. So just tell me how it is.” Thom sighed and sat back up again, hugging his knees.
“Ok, I’ll tell you how it is. I know how you feel. Better than you think. In love with a boy. Best friend, bandmate. I know. I know because I love you, Thomas. I’m in love with you. So please don’t be miserable over me. Just love me back, that’s all I’m asking.”
Thom fell silent again. He didn’t speak for at least a minute. Jonny barely heard him breathing.
With a soft, uncertain voice, he finally turned to Jonny again.
“I don’t know what to do, Jonny. I don’t know what I should do. This is not good. Nobody can ever find out. It would’ve been better if you didn’t have feelings for me at all.”
Jonny was taken aback by this.
“What...” he sputtered, “you can’t... how... you’re not just going to ignore this, are you?”
“Jonny, please don’t be mad,” Thom said. He sounded exhausted.
“I’m not mad, I just...” Jonny changed his mind. “Look, let’s not talk about this right now. You’re tired, you need sleep. Just don’t think about anything right now and sleep.”
He pulled Thom’s limp form in his lap and cradled him in his arms. Thom didn’t even respond anymore and just rested his head on Jonny’s chest, the warmth of breath going through Jonny’s T-shirt.
Just when Jonny thought he had fallen asleep, a faint voice filled his ears.
“Jonny?” Thom sounded at his most fragile.
“Yes, Thom?”
“Can I kiss you?”
Jonny considered this.
“Do you have the energy for it?”
“I’m willing to try,” Thom added, smiling.
He put his hand behind Jonny’s neck and pulled him down slowly. His hand travelled along his stubbly jaw until it rested right next to his mouth.
Jonny could feel the faintest of sensation of lips touching his and shivered. He pressed down more and felt Thom reciprocating. The latter pulled back and murmured “Have I told you how much I love your lips? Especially this one.” He pushed himself up and captured Jonny’s lower lip between his. Whilst sucking he slowly ran his tongue over it and Jonny couldn’t hold back anymore. Their kiss was a deep kiss, slow and long, both savouring this moment of honesty after a long time of denial and hidden want. When it ended, they both felt it was enough for now. Thom put his arms around Jonny’s waist and fell asleep within minutes, this time with a soft smile on his lips.
“I’m sorry.” The words barely came out.
“Don’t be. I was just a little worried.”
“No, I’m sorry. I heard you running up and down the stairs and I knew you were searching for me. I wanted to call you, but... I just didn’t have the energy.” The last part was more of a sigh.
Jonny felt like he was towering above him, so he kneeled down, more or less face to face with him.
“It’s ok.”
All was silent for a few moments. Then Jonny got up and closed the door, leaving the two of them in pitch dark.
“Thank you.”
Jonny didn’t know if it was for shutting the door or for just being here. So he went over and positioned himself crossed-legs in front of Thom and remained silent.
After a long pause, Thom spoke again.
“They aren’t working anymore.”
“Your pills?”
“He promised they would work. I knew I shouldn’t have trusted him. Fucking American doctors. I want Jennings back.”
“Just a few more weeks, Thom, you can do it.”
At these words, Thom took a shaky breath. With a raw voice, but the same even expressionless tone, he continued.
“You see, Jonny, that’s the point. I can’t. I really can’t. My mind poisoned my body and now it gave up. There’s nothing I can do anymore. It’s over. If I wanted to get up now, I couldn’t. Not that I’d want to. I can’t even cry anymore, Jon.”
At times like these, Jonny wished that he had finished his psychology degree. Chapter six, paragraph two. How to cheer up a person that has given up on all levels. What he hated the most, was the feeling of complete helplessness. The one person he loved the most was breaking down and he just couldn’t do anything right. He was useless.
“I’ve been pushing you away, haven’t I,” Thom said.
Great, Jonny thought, on top of all misery I’ve made him feel guilty.
“Thom, please don’t worry about me, you haven’t done anything wrong. Don’t concentrate on what you’re doing or not doing, just try to give your mind some rest. I think that’s what it needs the most right now. Just try not to think at all.”
He moved to sit next to Thom against the wall and threw an arm around his neck, and Thom put his head on his shoulder.
“Not to think at all,” Thom repeated faintly.
They stared into the darkness for the next few minutes, before Thom broke the silence again, this time a little more determined.
“I’m going to tell you something I normally wouldn’t, but I feel like it’s the only way now. I can’t possibly do what you tell me to, put my mind to rest, unless it’s out. I don’t care if it changes everything, I don’t even care what your reaction is anymore, I just want some rest. I’m so tired.”
Jonny didn’t say anything, afraid to say something that would put Thom’s mind off of telling him. The thing he really wanted to do was take him away, away from it all, shield him from whatever was making him suffer. But he just repositioned his arm around him and took Thom’s slack hand in his, playing with his pinky.
Thom took a deep breath, and Jonny just had time to think that maybe this was more serious than he expected before it was out.
Had he really said it? The sounds were still echoing in the room. He had to be sure.
“Can you... say that again?” He tried to make his voice sound as apologising as he could.
“I’m in love with you.”
Jonny’s heart stopped. As much joy this should have given him, the only thought that was racing through his mind was: ‘It was me, I was the one that made him like this, it was me he was thinking about all along. It’s my fault. It’s my fault.’
“Oh Thom,” he managed to squeeze out of his throat before wrapping both arms around Thom, holding him tightly against his chest. Thom took his arm from under Jonny’s grip and circled his waist. They sat like that for a moment.
“It’s quite disturbing, really. In love with a boy, my best friend, my bandmate... I’m sorry, I still think of you as a boy.”
Jonny let out a choked laugh, which gave away that he was crying.
“I’m sorry, I’m such a wuss,” he apologised, wiping away his tears.
“Why are you crying?” Thom asked.
“It’s nothing.”
“No, tell me.”
“It’s just that I’m so sorry for doing this to you. I really am,” he answered.
Thom was silent for a moment. Apparently he hadn’t expected this reaction.
“Do you really not care at all about my reaction?” Jonny asked.
“Of course I care, it’s just that you can’t disappoint me anymore. I’m too far gone for that. So just tell me how it is.” Thom sighed and sat back up again, hugging his knees.
“Ok, I’ll tell you how it is. I know how you feel. Better than you think. In love with a boy. Best friend, bandmate. I know. I know because I love you, Thomas. I’m in love with you. So please don’t be miserable over me. Just love me back, that’s all I’m asking.”
Thom fell silent again. He didn’t speak for at least a minute. Jonny barely heard him breathing.
With a soft, uncertain voice, he finally turned to Jonny again.
“I don’t know what to do, Jonny. I don’t know what I should do. This is not good. Nobody can ever find out. It would’ve been better if you didn’t have feelings for me at all.”
Jonny was taken aback by this.
“What...” he sputtered, “you can’t... how... you’re not just going to ignore this, are you?”
“Jonny, please don’t be mad,” Thom said. He sounded exhausted.
“I’m not mad, I just...” Jonny changed his mind. “Look, let’s not talk about this right now. You’re tired, you need sleep. Just don’t think about anything right now and sleep.”
He pulled Thom’s limp form in his lap and cradled him in his arms. Thom didn’t even respond anymore and just rested his head on Jonny’s chest, the warmth of breath going through Jonny’s T-shirt.
Just when Jonny thought he had fallen asleep, a faint voice filled his ears.
“Jonny?” Thom sounded at his most fragile.
“Yes, Thom?”
“Can I kiss you?”
Jonny considered this.
“Do you have the energy for it?”
“I’m willing to try,” Thom added, smiling.
He put his hand behind Jonny’s neck and pulled him down slowly. His hand travelled along his stubbly jaw until it rested right next to his mouth.
Jonny could feel the faintest of sensation of lips touching his and shivered. He pressed down more and felt Thom reciprocating. The latter pulled back and murmured “Have I told you how much I love your lips? Especially this one.” He pushed himself up and captured Jonny’s lower lip between his. Whilst sucking he slowly ran his tongue over it and Jonny couldn’t hold back anymore. Their kiss was a deep kiss, slow and long, both savouring this moment of honesty after a long time of denial and hidden want. When it ended, they both felt it was enough for now. Thom put his arms around Jonny’s waist and fell asleep within minutes, this time with a soft smile on his lips.
Subway, pt 1-5
Part One
“What is it?”
“You’ll see...” Thom grinned from ear to ear.
“Oh don’t be ridiculous, Thom, just give it already.”
“A-ah, not yet.” He was moving the package before Jonny’s eyes, before holding it behind his back again.
“Fine, then don’t. I’m not gonna crawl, if that’s what you’re waiting for.” He turned around and made an attempt to cross the street. A yellow taxi appeared out of nowhere, nearly bumping into him. Thom hastily grabbed Jon’s shirt and pulled him back onto the pavement.
“Jesus, Jonny, it’s just a stupid present, it’s not worth risking your fucking life for!” he breathed, clearly relieved.
“Well, if you don’t give it to me now, I think I might jump under the next truck crossing my view,” came the reply.
“Fine, fine. Close your eyes.”
“Oh come on, Thom, I’m not a kid an...”
“Close the fucking eyes, Jon.”
Jonny complied, a little annoyed but smiling anyway.
There was a rustle of plastic and a soft “oh noo!” shortly after.
Jonny lifted an eyebrow but decided to keep his eyes closed. A hand grabbed his wrist and pulled his arm out. He stretched his hand and a few moments later something warm and light and round landed on his palm.
“Wait, I’ve got a better idea,” came Thom’s voice.
The thing was removed from his hand and he felt something running past his lips instead.
“Open up, Jon-Jon,” Thom teased.
Jonny parted his lips and a sweet, familiar taste entered his mouth. He took a bite and moaned.
“You can open your eyes now.”
Jonny did and blinked a few times against the bright sunshine. Before him stood Thom, chewing happily, chocolate smeared all over his lips. He couldn’t help but giggle at the sight. “They’re a little messed up ‘cause the chocolate melted. Bloody hot weather,” Thom mumbled. “Well, do you like ‘em?”
“Seriously, I haven’t eaten those in six months, if not more! That’s so sweet of you.” Jonny smiled and hugged Thom tightly, taking the pack of Jaffa cakes from his hands as he withdrew and immediately stuffing the next one in his mouth.
“A hug. That’s all I get, a hug?”
“The things I’m thinking of to reward you are not quite appropriate, considering we’re on the street in the middle of New York,” Jonny whispered, quickly tracing Thom’s waistband with a finger, “...and I’m already having a hard time restraining myself from licking aaall that chocolate from your lips,” he added.
A self-conscious Thom quickly ran his tongue past his lips.
“Well, make sure you remember what you just said when I’m all alone in that big hotel room next to yours tonight,” he whispered back seductively.
“I’ll consider it... but right now we really need to get going, or the hotel room will turn into an emergency room after being beaten up by Ed. If we’re late again, he might just lose it.”
Together they made their way through the hustle and bustle of New York, trying to find the nearest subway station. The Radio City Music Hall was a half an hour ride, which was very long, considering it was an unbelievably hot summer’s day and the subway tunnels were once again suffering from an abundance of people and a lack of oxygen.
Their subway was already crowded. Jonny got in first and instinctively worked his way to the back. Thom had a little difficulty making his way through because of his thin frame. Just when he thought he’d never make it in before the doors closed, a strong arm appeared out of nowhere and pulled him through. They reached a spot, just big enough for both of them, and Thom exhaled in relief.
Unfortunately, there were already more people getting in, so they were more or less pressed against each other’s sweaty bodies.
Part Two
Jonny spotted a boy with large sunglasses a few feet away, also pressed against the back of the subway. Though he couldn’t see his eyes, Jonny had felt them upon him from the moment they got in. Brown curls were clinging wet against his cheeks and his muscular arms were holding the pole before him. His red lips were slightly parted in a pout, as if he had difficulty breathing. Jonny couldn’t help but feel entranced by the boy’s presence and grew a little self-conscious with the subtle attention he was getting.
Thom noticed this too, and he felt a sting of jealousy piercing through his chest. Jonny and him had gotten so close the last few weeks, their bond was stronger than ever. Always travelling together, just the two of them. If only they had known earlier touring could be as nice as it was like this. There had been nights, both drunk in their hotel room, watching silly things on tv, talking and laughing, both knowing they were moving closer and closer on Jonny’s bed.
Last night had been one of those nights. Somehow, Thom had ended up sitting in between Jonny’s legs, feeding him peanuts and making him drink from Thom’s bottle of beer, which Jonny obviously got spilled all over his stomach. Thom had boldly lifted Jon’s T-shirt and had licked all of the spilt liquid from his belly. Jonny, surprised but immediately turned on, had only gasped in obvious approval. Thom had proceeded to take off Jonny’s tee and, kissing and licking, had worked his way up to his neck and, at last, his lips.
The boy quickly averted his eyes when he spotted Thom looking in his direction. Feeling a sense of power over the situation, the latter turned his head towards Jonny and lay a meaningful hand on his hip. Jonny, who had been following the eyeing, understood the messages that had come across. He smiled inwardly and ran a hand through his raven hair, knowing all too well what he was provoking with the two men.
The subway stopped and the already crowded hallway was now being flooded with new passengers. Jonny sighed and pointed at the door. “God, there are like 40 people wanting to get in. As if they don’t realise there is one every five minutes.” Thom turned around and at that moment, about fifteen Italian teenagers pushed their way in, engrossed in their heated discussion, pressing into the now protesting crowd. There was a bit of a row, with the Italian tourists yelling and pushing more. A few people nearly lost their balance, including Thom. He fell back against Jonny and was blocked by the people before him. Jonny gasped as Thom’s body made contact with his, Thom’s full length pressed against him. He closed his eyes and murmured: “As if we weren’t sweating enough...” He took a deep breath that tightened his T-shirt around his chest, showing a protruding ribcage, pushing Thom forward a little. Thom emitted a soft sound, which Jonny couldn’t quite define. An annoyed grumbling? A sigh? A moan?
Jonny glanced in the direction of the brown haired boy. His glasses weren’t fully turned in their direction, but Jonny could see his dark eyes through the shades. He was definitely watching them. Jonny had to admit he was more than a little turned on by the situation.
Seeing Jonny looking back at him, the boy shifted a little. Thom’s head snapped towards the movement. This was clear evidence that he’d been watching him closely and Jonny didn’t hesitate anymore. He lowered his head towards Thom’s ear, brushing his cheek against the spiky hair.
“What’s the matter, Thom?” he whispered.
“Getting a little jealous, are we?”
Thom snorted.
“Jealous? Me? How old is he, 26? He’s at least three years younger than you,” he hissed. “Well, Thom, for the record, I'm three years younger than you. But that doesn’t seem to be stopping you, is it?” he breathed, brushing his lips past Thom’s ear. “You have to admit he’s a cutie.”
Thom felt Jonny’s arousal pressing into his back through both their jeans. He himself was glad the man before him was wearing a large backpack.
Part Three
Suddenly everyone around them grew quiet. The lights had gone out and the metro was slowing down. One last shriek of the breaks and it stopped completely. In the middle of a tunnel. Apparently even the emergency lights didn’t work, because it was pitch dark.
There was a moment of dead silence, before one of the Italian girls started screaming like mad. Within a few seconds the small space was filled with noise. People were shouting and whining and pushing and arguing and words like ‘power cut’, ‘terrorists’ and ‘we’re all gonna die’ were heard more than once. The Italian girl had started hyperventilating and her friends had the hardest time making her breathe into the plastic bag, lighting the scene with their cell phones.
Thom and Jonny were still in the corner, Thom pressed against Jonny, Jonny pressed against the wall.
“You alright, Thom?”
“Yeah, fine. Just bloody hot, that’s all.”
“Well, you most definitely are,” Jonny whispered and slid his hands under Thom’s T-shirt.
He scratched Thom’s belly with his fingernails, which made the latter moan softly.
Thom threw his head back so that it rested in the crook of Jon’s neck.
“I feel like a blind man, with those sunglasses still on.”
“I can just feel my other senses working overtime,” Jonny replied.
“My hearing,” he breathed in Thom’s ear, “my smell,” tracing his nose along his cheek, inhaling deeply, “my touch,” his fingers playing with the waistband, “my... taste...” and at last, Jonny placed his full hot lips against Thom’s throat, silently and delicately kissing and licking his way upwards, until their lips met.
The sensation was indescribable. The noise around them seemed to fade into the background as Thom flicked his tongue past Jonny’s lips, after which Jon welcomed it with his. It was a long, very slow, almost sloppy kiss. The kind of kiss during which you’re already memorising every tiny detail like mad, for fear of eventually forgetting. And they both were enjoying it until the last bit.
When Thom eventually pulled back, a soft protesting moan escaped from Jonny’s lips. Thom started shifting in Jonny’s arms, clearly annoyed with the situation.
“What’s wrong, Thom?” Jonny asked.
“It’s – just – argh...” he mumbled, while trying to turn around.
He reluctantly gave up after a few seconds.
“Well, then we’ll just have to try it this way,”he said, and put his arm behind his back. In one swift motion, he let his hand slip into Jonny’s pants and started stroking him.
“Wait, what are you... jesus, Thom!” he managed to utter breathlessly.
Thom’s other hand joined in and together they opened the fly for better acces.
“Thom, no... what are you – God... Thom, we’re in the fucking subway – ungh... stop it!” Jonny hissed.
“Do you really want me to?” Thom teased and brushed his cheek against Jonny’s chest.
“Yes! I mean... no, but...”
“Well, that’s settled then,” came the reply as Thom increased his pace.
Jonny started panting and choking. Thom could tell he was trying to stay as quiet as possible, though the heated discussions and whining voices of the people surrounding them drowned every sound. Jonny’s hands were in Thoms hair, then his neck, then they were on his back, under his T-shirt. Thom felt him losing control.
Suddenly he remembered the brown haired boy again. He looked in his direction but couldn’t see a thing due to the darkness surrounding them.
“Oh Jonny, remember cutieboy?”
Jonny was breathing hard in his ear, almost there. He could only utter a soft moan, but Thom felt his head turning to the left. At that very moment, they both saw the light of a cell phone reflecting twice from what had to be sunglasses. They were turned straight towards them both.
The thought of the boy looking at them, knowing exactly what they were desperately trying to hide, together with Thom’s hand, guiding him towards release in a fucking subway – it was all Jonny needed to put him over the edge.
Part Four
Rumours were going around the metro that they would be stuck for at least half an hour. It was getting hotter and hotter and everyone was sticky and sweaty and gasping for breath, fanning themselves with whatever they could find. There was some commotion at the right and a few moments later they heard a loud bang and the sound of glass breaking.
“Sounds like someone broke a window,” Thom said casually. Jonny, who was only just managing to get his heartbeat to a normal rate, hummed in agreement. And indeed, a moment later a sweep of more or less fresh air moved through the crammed space and sighs of relief were heard everywhere. Suddenly, all cell phones were pointing at one guy trying to climb out of the hole in the window.
“It’s crazy what people do when they’re panicking,” Thom commented.
“Still ok yourself?” Jonny asked.
“Hm,” Thom considered, “maybe. But I could be a lot better.” He put his arm around Jonny’s neck behind him and pulled his head down to whisper in his ear.
“I’m still horny as fuck, Jonjon,” he hissed. Jonny grinned.
“Is that so, Thom?” he whispered back whilst moving his hands from Thom’s belly down to his groin, slowly exploring the tight trousers and then gently massaging the straining erection that was about to burst through the zipper.
“Oh, you are,” he concluded. Thom, who was breathing hard and whimpering, captured Jonny’s earlobe between his teeth and sucked hard.
“So –ungh- what are you going to do about that?” he hummed in Jonny’s ear.
“Gee, I don’t know, Thomas, what do you want me to do?” Thom reached around and found Jonny already aroused again. He squeezed hard, hissed “fuck me, Jonathan” and quickly flicked his tongue in his ear.
Jonny, a little taken aback though hard beyond belief, hesitated.
“What? Right here?”
“Right here.”
“We can’t- you just got me off in the subway, don’t you think that’s...”
“I think we can do a lot more in the subway,” came Thom’s final reply.
He unzipped his jeans and reached around to open Jonny’s again.
“Thom, are you sure?” Jonny was still hesitating.
“Don’t be a chicken, Jonny, I can feel you wanting it.”
“I’m not a chicken,” Jonny said, pouting.
“Then do me. Now.”
Part Five
Thom pulled Jonny’s cock out and started stroking again. It wasn’t long before Jonny slapped his hand away and shoved Thom’s jeans and boxers down over his hips in one movement. Never in his life had Thom been more aroused by anticipation alone. And the feeling was mutual, because before long Jonny had his cock slick with saliva and teasing Thom’s opening.
“How bad do you want it, Thom?” he whispered. “Do you even care about people finding out what we’re doing at this very moment?”
Thom could barely answer. “The thought alone makes me come, Jonny. Fucking do it already.”
Jonny obeyed and slowly pushed himself in, pulling Thom’s hips towards him. Thom let out a deep sigh and arched his back. Once inside, he put his lips to Thom’s neck, sucking hard. “How’s that feel, Thommy?”
“Fucking amazing,” Thom breathed. So Jonny eased himself out and started a slow, agonizing rhythm, each time pushing and pulling at Thom’s hips so as not to shove him into the backpack in front of him. The moment seemed so unbelievably surreal to Jonny. Stuck with Thom in a pitch dark subway, fucking him while no one around them even knows... Thom, meanwhile, had opened his legs as far as they could go with his trousers still on and people surrounding them. He was trying his utmost not to whimper and his lower lip was already bleeding from biting it.
Suddenly the train car shuddered. Women shrieked and people tried to grab a pole to keep from falling. It didn’t take long before another bump was felt throughout the metro. The movements were driving Jonny further into Thom, practically impaling the latter on his cock. They both moaned aloud at the same time, but luckily the sounds were drowned in the noise of everyone else’s surprised shouts.
Slowly, the subway started to continue his way forward and panic rushed through Jonny. Soon the lights would go on and everyone would know what they were doing. Before he could properly think it over, Thom urged him to go faster. He started pushing himself back to Jonny, murmuring “come on, come on, faster, faster, not much time left” and stroking himself. Jonny was increasing his pace, biting and licking Thom’s neck and trying as hard as he could not to move too much. He felt the climax building and Thom was obviously getting there as well. He had started to shudder and Jonny felt his muscles clenching around his cock. Thom threw his head back against Jonny’s chest and the latter immediately covered his mouth with his own just in time. Thom came hard in his own hand and his moan was muffled by Jonny’s lips. With a few more thrusts Jonny was there as well. He pushed a last time into Thom, hard, and – the lights went on.
Jonny saw the change in light through his squeezed shut eyelids and opened them with a jolt. Thom had managed to zip up in a hurry, but it was too late for him to even pull out before Thom’s cell phone rang.
Before that, nobody had been paying attention to their corner, blinded by the sudden light, but now a few heads were turning in the direction of the cell phone tune. Jonny immediately composed himself, pulling his T-shirt down and leaning back so he wasn’t glued against Thom’s back, but he was still inside Thom, hips pressed together, and had no idea how to pull out and zip up without people noticing.
Thom, meanwhile, had picked up the phone. “Ed? We’re on our... yes, I know... Ed, let me – yes I know... it’s not our fault! The subway – no! Ed, don’t make me bloody yell at you in a subway, dammit!” he hissed. As if that was the worst thing one could do in a subway, Jonny thought, his cock still inside. Thom just continued talking to Ed as if it were the most normal thing in the world. The subway was slowing down now and they were nearing the next stop. Everyone’s attention was drawn to the opposite doors, so Jonny figured it was safe to compose himself properly.
Everyone’s attention – except for one boy with brown curls and sunglasses. Jonny had forgotten about him completely in the course of events (who wouldn’t have?) but apparently he hadn’t forgotten about them. Upon seeing Jonny looking at him he quickly turned his head to some point a bit farther away. He totally knew what they had been doing. Strangely enough, Jonny didn’t mind at all. He found it rather amusing and wondered what the boy would be thinking right now. He slowly pulled out of Thom, who turned his whimper into a cough. When he was about to pull up his boxers, Thom reached around with his free hand and gave the sensitive skin a quick stroke. Jonny couldn’t help but shudder at the sensation and returned the favour by putting his right hand under Thom’s T-shirt and pinching his nipple. He zipped up just in time before the metro stopped completely and Thom, who had apparently ended his conversation, took his hand and led him towards the exit.
When they were almost outside, Jonny felt a hand circling his wrist and looked around, stopping in his tracks. Thom, who hadn’t seen it, kept walking a few more steps before turning around. He saw Jonny talking to the brown-haired beauty and before jealousy could manifest entirely, he noticed just how good they would look together. And he meant together.
“What is it?”
“You’ll see...” Thom grinned from ear to ear.
“Oh don’t be ridiculous, Thom, just give it already.”
“A-ah, not yet.” He was moving the package before Jonny’s eyes, before holding it behind his back again.
“Fine, then don’t. I’m not gonna crawl, if that’s what you’re waiting for.” He turned around and made an attempt to cross the street. A yellow taxi appeared out of nowhere, nearly bumping into him. Thom hastily grabbed Jon’s shirt and pulled him back onto the pavement.
“Jesus, Jonny, it’s just a stupid present, it’s not worth risking your fucking life for!” he breathed, clearly relieved.
“Well, if you don’t give it to me now, I think I might jump under the next truck crossing my view,” came the reply.
“Fine, fine. Close your eyes.”
“Oh come on, Thom, I’m not a kid an...”
“Close the fucking eyes, Jon.”
Jonny complied, a little annoyed but smiling anyway.
There was a rustle of plastic and a soft “oh noo!” shortly after.
Jonny lifted an eyebrow but decided to keep his eyes closed. A hand grabbed his wrist and pulled his arm out. He stretched his hand and a few moments later something warm and light and round landed on his palm.
“Wait, I’ve got a better idea,” came Thom’s voice.
The thing was removed from his hand and he felt something running past his lips instead.
“Open up, Jon-Jon,” Thom teased.
Jonny parted his lips and a sweet, familiar taste entered his mouth. He took a bite and moaned.
“You can open your eyes now.”
Jonny did and blinked a few times against the bright sunshine. Before him stood Thom, chewing happily, chocolate smeared all over his lips. He couldn’t help but giggle at the sight. “They’re a little messed up ‘cause the chocolate melted. Bloody hot weather,” Thom mumbled. “Well, do you like ‘em?”
“Seriously, I haven’t eaten those in six months, if not more! That’s so sweet of you.” Jonny smiled and hugged Thom tightly, taking the pack of Jaffa cakes from his hands as he withdrew and immediately stuffing the next one in his mouth.
“A hug. That’s all I get, a hug?”
“The things I’m thinking of to reward you are not quite appropriate, considering we’re on the street in the middle of New York,” Jonny whispered, quickly tracing Thom’s waistband with a finger, “...and I’m already having a hard time restraining myself from licking aaall that chocolate from your lips,” he added.
A self-conscious Thom quickly ran his tongue past his lips.
“Well, make sure you remember what you just said when I’m all alone in that big hotel room next to yours tonight,” he whispered back seductively.
“I’ll consider it... but right now we really need to get going, or the hotel room will turn into an emergency room after being beaten up by Ed. If we’re late again, he might just lose it.”
Together they made their way through the hustle and bustle of New York, trying to find the nearest subway station. The Radio City Music Hall was a half an hour ride, which was very long, considering it was an unbelievably hot summer’s day and the subway tunnels were once again suffering from an abundance of people and a lack of oxygen.
Their subway was already crowded. Jonny got in first and instinctively worked his way to the back. Thom had a little difficulty making his way through because of his thin frame. Just when he thought he’d never make it in before the doors closed, a strong arm appeared out of nowhere and pulled him through. They reached a spot, just big enough for both of them, and Thom exhaled in relief.
Unfortunately, there were already more people getting in, so they were more or less pressed against each other’s sweaty bodies.
Part Two
Jonny spotted a boy with large sunglasses a few feet away, also pressed against the back of the subway. Though he couldn’t see his eyes, Jonny had felt them upon him from the moment they got in. Brown curls were clinging wet against his cheeks and his muscular arms were holding the pole before him. His red lips were slightly parted in a pout, as if he had difficulty breathing. Jonny couldn’t help but feel entranced by the boy’s presence and grew a little self-conscious with the subtle attention he was getting.
Thom noticed this too, and he felt a sting of jealousy piercing through his chest. Jonny and him had gotten so close the last few weeks, their bond was stronger than ever. Always travelling together, just the two of them. If only they had known earlier touring could be as nice as it was like this. There had been nights, both drunk in their hotel room, watching silly things on tv, talking and laughing, both knowing they were moving closer and closer on Jonny’s bed.
Last night had been one of those nights. Somehow, Thom had ended up sitting in between Jonny’s legs, feeding him peanuts and making him drink from Thom’s bottle of beer, which Jonny obviously got spilled all over his stomach. Thom had boldly lifted Jon’s T-shirt and had licked all of the spilt liquid from his belly. Jonny, surprised but immediately turned on, had only gasped in obvious approval. Thom had proceeded to take off Jonny’s tee and, kissing and licking, had worked his way up to his neck and, at last, his lips.
The boy quickly averted his eyes when he spotted Thom looking in his direction. Feeling a sense of power over the situation, the latter turned his head towards Jonny and lay a meaningful hand on his hip. Jonny, who had been following the eyeing, understood the messages that had come across. He smiled inwardly and ran a hand through his raven hair, knowing all too well what he was provoking with the two men.
The subway stopped and the already crowded hallway was now being flooded with new passengers. Jonny sighed and pointed at the door. “God, there are like 40 people wanting to get in. As if they don’t realise there is one every five minutes.” Thom turned around and at that moment, about fifteen Italian teenagers pushed their way in, engrossed in their heated discussion, pressing into the now protesting crowd. There was a bit of a row, with the Italian tourists yelling and pushing more. A few people nearly lost their balance, including Thom. He fell back against Jonny and was blocked by the people before him. Jonny gasped as Thom’s body made contact with his, Thom’s full length pressed against him. He closed his eyes and murmured: “As if we weren’t sweating enough...” He took a deep breath that tightened his T-shirt around his chest, showing a protruding ribcage, pushing Thom forward a little. Thom emitted a soft sound, which Jonny couldn’t quite define. An annoyed grumbling? A sigh? A moan?
Jonny glanced in the direction of the brown haired boy. His glasses weren’t fully turned in their direction, but Jonny could see his dark eyes through the shades. He was definitely watching them. Jonny had to admit he was more than a little turned on by the situation.
Seeing Jonny looking back at him, the boy shifted a little. Thom’s head snapped towards the movement. This was clear evidence that he’d been watching him closely and Jonny didn’t hesitate anymore. He lowered his head towards Thom’s ear, brushing his cheek against the spiky hair.
“What’s the matter, Thom?” he whispered.
“Getting a little jealous, are we?”
Thom snorted.
“Jealous? Me? How old is he, 26? He’s at least three years younger than you,” he hissed. “Well, Thom, for the record, I'm three years younger than you. But that doesn’t seem to be stopping you, is it?” he breathed, brushing his lips past Thom’s ear. “You have to admit he’s a cutie.”
Thom felt Jonny’s arousal pressing into his back through both their jeans. He himself was glad the man before him was wearing a large backpack.
Part Three
Suddenly everyone around them grew quiet. The lights had gone out and the metro was slowing down. One last shriek of the breaks and it stopped completely. In the middle of a tunnel. Apparently even the emergency lights didn’t work, because it was pitch dark.
There was a moment of dead silence, before one of the Italian girls started screaming like mad. Within a few seconds the small space was filled with noise. People were shouting and whining and pushing and arguing and words like ‘power cut’, ‘terrorists’ and ‘we’re all gonna die’ were heard more than once. The Italian girl had started hyperventilating and her friends had the hardest time making her breathe into the plastic bag, lighting the scene with their cell phones.
Thom and Jonny were still in the corner, Thom pressed against Jonny, Jonny pressed against the wall.
“You alright, Thom?”
“Yeah, fine. Just bloody hot, that’s all.”
“Well, you most definitely are,” Jonny whispered and slid his hands under Thom’s T-shirt.
He scratched Thom’s belly with his fingernails, which made the latter moan softly.
Thom threw his head back so that it rested in the crook of Jon’s neck.
“I feel like a blind man, with those sunglasses still on.”
“I can just feel my other senses working overtime,” Jonny replied.
“My hearing,” he breathed in Thom’s ear, “my smell,” tracing his nose along his cheek, inhaling deeply, “my touch,” his fingers playing with the waistband, “my... taste...” and at last, Jonny placed his full hot lips against Thom’s throat, silently and delicately kissing and licking his way upwards, until their lips met.
The sensation was indescribable. The noise around them seemed to fade into the background as Thom flicked his tongue past Jonny’s lips, after which Jon welcomed it with his. It was a long, very slow, almost sloppy kiss. The kind of kiss during which you’re already memorising every tiny detail like mad, for fear of eventually forgetting. And they both were enjoying it until the last bit.
When Thom eventually pulled back, a soft protesting moan escaped from Jonny’s lips. Thom started shifting in Jonny’s arms, clearly annoyed with the situation.
“What’s wrong, Thom?” Jonny asked.
“It’s – just – argh...” he mumbled, while trying to turn around.
He reluctantly gave up after a few seconds.
“Well, then we’ll just have to try it this way,”he said, and put his arm behind his back. In one swift motion, he let his hand slip into Jonny’s pants and started stroking him.
“Wait, what are you... jesus, Thom!” he managed to utter breathlessly.
Thom’s other hand joined in and together they opened the fly for better acces.
“Thom, no... what are you – God... Thom, we’re in the fucking subway – ungh... stop it!” Jonny hissed.
“Do you really want me to?” Thom teased and brushed his cheek against Jonny’s chest.
“Yes! I mean... no, but...”
“Well, that’s settled then,” came the reply as Thom increased his pace.
Jonny started panting and choking. Thom could tell he was trying to stay as quiet as possible, though the heated discussions and whining voices of the people surrounding them drowned every sound. Jonny’s hands were in Thoms hair, then his neck, then they were on his back, under his T-shirt. Thom felt him losing control.
Suddenly he remembered the brown haired boy again. He looked in his direction but couldn’t see a thing due to the darkness surrounding them.
“Oh Jonny, remember cutieboy?”
Jonny was breathing hard in his ear, almost there. He could only utter a soft moan, but Thom felt his head turning to the left. At that very moment, they both saw the light of a cell phone reflecting twice from what had to be sunglasses. They were turned straight towards them both.
The thought of the boy looking at them, knowing exactly what they were desperately trying to hide, together with Thom’s hand, guiding him towards release in a fucking subway – it was all Jonny needed to put him over the edge.
Part Four
Rumours were going around the metro that they would be stuck for at least half an hour. It was getting hotter and hotter and everyone was sticky and sweaty and gasping for breath, fanning themselves with whatever they could find. There was some commotion at the right and a few moments later they heard a loud bang and the sound of glass breaking.
“Sounds like someone broke a window,” Thom said casually. Jonny, who was only just managing to get his heartbeat to a normal rate, hummed in agreement. And indeed, a moment later a sweep of more or less fresh air moved through the crammed space and sighs of relief were heard everywhere. Suddenly, all cell phones were pointing at one guy trying to climb out of the hole in the window.
“It’s crazy what people do when they’re panicking,” Thom commented.
“Still ok yourself?” Jonny asked.
“Hm,” Thom considered, “maybe. But I could be a lot better.” He put his arm around Jonny’s neck behind him and pulled his head down to whisper in his ear.
“I’m still horny as fuck, Jonjon,” he hissed. Jonny grinned.
“Is that so, Thom?” he whispered back whilst moving his hands from Thom’s belly down to his groin, slowly exploring the tight trousers and then gently massaging the straining erection that was about to burst through the zipper.
“Oh, you are,” he concluded. Thom, who was breathing hard and whimpering, captured Jonny’s earlobe between his teeth and sucked hard.
“So –ungh- what are you going to do about that?” he hummed in Jonny’s ear.
“Gee, I don’t know, Thomas, what do you want me to do?” Thom reached around and found Jonny already aroused again. He squeezed hard, hissed “fuck me, Jonathan” and quickly flicked his tongue in his ear.
Jonny, a little taken aback though hard beyond belief, hesitated.
“What? Right here?”
“Right here.”
“We can’t- you just got me off in the subway, don’t you think that’s...”
“I think we can do a lot more in the subway,” came Thom’s final reply.
He unzipped his jeans and reached around to open Jonny’s again.
“Thom, are you sure?” Jonny was still hesitating.
“Don’t be a chicken, Jonny, I can feel you wanting it.”
“I’m not a chicken,” Jonny said, pouting.
“Then do me. Now.”
Part Five
Thom pulled Jonny’s cock out and started stroking again. It wasn’t long before Jonny slapped his hand away and shoved Thom’s jeans and boxers down over his hips in one movement. Never in his life had Thom been more aroused by anticipation alone. And the feeling was mutual, because before long Jonny had his cock slick with saliva and teasing Thom’s opening.
“How bad do you want it, Thom?” he whispered. “Do you even care about people finding out what we’re doing at this very moment?”
Thom could barely answer. “The thought alone makes me come, Jonny. Fucking do it already.”
Jonny obeyed and slowly pushed himself in, pulling Thom’s hips towards him. Thom let out a deep sigh and arched his back. Once inside, he put his lips to Thom’s neck, sucking hard. “How’s that feel, Thommy?”
“Fucking amazing,” Thom breathed. So Jonny eased himself out and started a slow, agonizing rhythm, each time pushing and pulling at Thom’s hips so as not to shove him into the backpack in front of him. The moment seemed so unbelievably surreal to Jonny. Stuck with Thom in a pitch dark subway, fucking him while no one around them even knows... Thom, meanwhile, had opened his legs as far as they could go with his trousers still on and people surrounding them. He was trying his utmost not to whimper and his lower lip was already bleeding from biting it.
Suddenly the train car shuddered. Women shrieked and people tried to grab a pole to keep from falling. It didn’t take long before another bump was felt throughout the metro. The movements were driving Jonny further into Thom, practically impaling the latter on his cock. They both moaned aloud at the same time, but luckily the sounds were drowned in the noise of everyone else’s surprised shouts.
Slowly, the subway started to continue his way forward and panic rushed through Jonny. Soon the lights would go on and everyone would know what they were doing. Before he could properly think it over, Thom urged him to go faster. He started pushing himself back to Jonny, murmuring “come on, come on, faster, faster, not much time left” and stroking himself. Jonny was increasing his pace, biting and licking Thom’s neck and trying as hard as he could not to move too much. He felt the climax building and Thom was obviously getting there as well. He had started to shudder and Jonny felt his muscles clenching around his cock. Thom threw his head back against Jonny’s chest and the latter immediately covered his mouth with his own just in time. Thom came hard in his own hand and his moan was muffled by Jonny’s lips. With a few more thrusts Jonny was there as well. He pushed a last time into Thom, hard, and – the lights went on.
Jonny saw the change in light through his squeezed shut eyelids and opened them with a jolt. Thom had managed to zip up in a hurry, but it was too late for him to even pull out before Thom’s cell phone rang.
Before that, nobody had been paying attention to their corner, blinded by the sudden light, but now a few heads were turning in the direction of the cell phone tune. Jonny immediately composed himself, pulling his T-shirt down and leaning back so he wasn’t glued against Thom’s back, but he was still inside Thom, hips pressed together, and had no idea how to pull out and zip up without people noticing.
Thom, meanwhile, had picked up the phone. “Ed? We’re on our... yes, I know... Ed, let me – yes I know... it’s not our fault! The subway – no! Ed, don’t make me bloody yell at you in a subway, dammit!” he hissed. As if that was the worst thing one could do in a subway, Jonny thought, his cock still inside. Thom just continued talking to Ed as if it were the most normal thing in the world. The subway was slowing down now and they were nearing the next stop. Everyone’s attention was drawn to the opposite doors, so Jonny figured it was safe to compose himself properly.
Everyone’s attention – except for one boy with brown curls and sunglasses. Jonny had forgotten about him completely in the course of events (who wouldn’t have?) but apparently he hadn’t forgotten about them. Upon seeing Jonny looking at him he quickly turned his head to some point a bit farther away. He totally knew what they had been doing. Strangely enough, Jonny didn’t mind at all. He found it rather amusing and wondered what the boy would be thinking right now. He slowly pulled out of Thom, who turned his whimper into a cough. When he was about to pull up his boxers, Thom reached around with his free hand and gave the sensitive skin a quick stroke. Jonny couldn’t help but shudder at the sensation and returned the favour by putting his right hand under Thom’s T-shirt and pinching his nipple. He zipped up just in time before the metro stopped completely and Thom, who had apparently ended his conversation, took his hand and led him towards the exit.
When they were almost outside, Jonny felt a hand circling his wrist and looked around, stopping in his tracks. Thom, who hadn’t seen it, kept walking a few more steps before turning around. He saw Jonny talking to the brown-haired beauty and before jealousy could manifest entirely, he noticed just how good they would look together. And he meant together.
Bewitched, Bothered and Bemused, pt 1-2
Part One
*Setting – A sunny summers day in LA*
It was, as I have just said in the setting, a bright sunny day in LA. The kind of day that should make you want to sing or dance, or go rollerblading in ridiculously small hotpants or something. But Thom, sitting in the back of a slightly strange smelling cab on the way to his hotel, was feeling decidedly grumpy. The sun was glaring in through the windows, hitting his left eye in a very annoying fashion, and he was cramped in between Colin and Jonny with virtually no room to stretch his legs. But at least he was off that blasted airplane. Anything was better than spending hours on that airless tin can. God he wished he hadn’t left his sunglasses on the plane. All he wanted to do was go to his hotel room, have a drink, and not wake up until it was time to play the show.
As the cab pulled up outside their hotel, Thom was very annoyed to spot a very peppy looking blonde woman waiting to greet them. “Hi, I’m Mindy she trilled, sticking a hand out to greet them which Thom, in his rather moody jetlagged state decided to ignore. Mindy decided to plough on regardless. “I’ve just moved to ATO from Sony-BMG, and I must say I’m really looking forward to working with you guys”. “A step down from working with Justin Timberlake I’m sure”, mumbled Thom, which to his surprise earned him a giggle from Mindy. “Gee, I sure do love you British guys and your dry sense of humour” she simpered, flashing him a dazzling white smile. Jonny pushed past both of them and headed into the hotel without a word. Wow, thought Thom, he must be more jet lagged than I thought. I’d better make my excuses and follow him. “Well I’d love to stay and chat, but I should really be checking in”, he said to Mindy who was still grinning manically. “Sure thing, and if you need anything be sure and call me!” She replied, “Hope you like your room”. “As long as it has a minibar and a bed it’ll do fine”, said Thom, earning himself another giggle, this time accompanied by a hair flip. God, American women are strange.
*setting – a darkened room*
A cauldron is bubbling over an open fire. A candle flutters in the breeze next to it. A hooded figure approaches, clutching something which is not visible in the dim light. The mysterious figure begins to chant.
“Diana... goddess of love and the hunt... I pray to thee. Let my cries bind the heart of all. May they neither rest nor sleep until they submit to his will only.”
Now the figure drops the object into the cauldron. As it sinks into the brew, the light of the fire reveals it to be a cd of “The Eraser”.
“Diana, bring about this love and bless it”
And with these words they blow out the candle.
Part Two
*Thom’s Hotel Room. Around 1am*
Thom was in the middle of a rather strange dream involving dancing with wombats dressed in longjohns (long distance flights always had a funny effect on him) when he was jerked awake by a loud crash. He groggily opened his eyes only to start awake when he saw a dark figure looming over him. It took a few seconds for his to adjust to the dark and realize that it was Jonny, and that the crash was probably to do with the smashed remains of the lamp that had been standing on the bedside table. “What the bloody hell are you doing here” Thom said. Well actually the speech centre of his brain hadn’t quite woken up yet, so it came out more like “whadablurryherrerrudoinere”. Luckily Jonny had had long experience at waking Thom up early in the morning (he was the designated wake-Thom-up-for-early-morning-journeys-when-we’re-on-tour-er, none of the others would have dared come between Thom and his sleep) and so was able to understand him perfectly well. “Sorry” he stammered, “I umm just wanted to umm talk to you about the umm setlist”. Thom rolled his eyes. It was so easy to tell when Jonny was lying. “Come on, I think we both know the real reason you snuck in here”. Even in the darkened room, Thom could tell that Jonny was blushing. “You mean that you know that I… ““Had a nightmare” finished Thom. “Had a wha…I mean, yes I did”, said Jonny, a strange look of disappointment passing briefly over his face. “You don’t have to be embarrassed mate, I mean how long have we known each other”, Thom said in his most reassuring tone, “come on, hop in”. He pulled the duvet aside and made room as Jonny snuggled down into bed beside him. Jonny and his nightmares, thought Thom as he drifted off to sleep. When they were younger he used to have them regularly (or at least he did whenever Thom slept over at the Greenwoods, Colin said they didn’t seem to happen quite that often usually). He hadn’t had any for quite a few years, but Thom knew the best way to help Jonny would still be to let him sleep in with him. For some reason it seemed to calm him.
Thom woke up to early morning sunlight streaming in through the gap where the curtains didn’t quite meet. It fell on the cracked remains of what had once been a lamp. God I hope the NME don’t hear about that thought Thom. Just think of the headlines, “Radiohead stars in room trashing scandal!” Jonny’s arms were wrapped around his chest, his face snuggled into the back of his neck. He was always such a cuddly sleeper. No matter what position they fell asleep, Thom would always wake the next morning to find Jonny wrapped around him. If anyone was to walk in, they’d think there was some funny business going on. Chuckling at how ludicrous that was, Thom disentangled himself and went to the bathroom. Checking his reflection in the mirror, he noticed how long his beard had gotten. Maybe Jonny was right, it did make him look a bit like a hobo. Sifting through his overnight bag he found a razor that had long been unused and began to shave.
*Setting – A sunny summers day in LA*
It was, as I have just said in the setting, a bright sunny day in LA. The kind of day that should make you want to sing or dance, or go rollerblading in ridiculously small hotpants or something. But Thom, sitting in the back of a slightly strange smelling cab on the way to his hotel, was feeling decidedly grumpy. The sun was glaring in through the windows, hitting his left eye in a very annoying fashion, and he was cramped in between Colin and Jonny with virtually no room to stretch his legs. But at least he was off that blasted airplane. Anything was better than spending hours on that airless tin can. God he wished he hadn’t left his sunglasses on the plane. All he wanted to do was go to his hotel room, have a drink, and not wake up until it was time to play the show.
As the cab pulled up outside their hotel, Thom was very annoyed to spot a very peppy looking blonde woman waiting to greet them. “Hi, I’m Mindy she trilled, sticking a hand out to greet them which Thom, in his rather moody jetlagged state decided to ignore. Mindy decided to plough on regardless. “I’ve just moved to ATO from Sony-BMG, and I must say I’m really looking forward to working with you guys”. “A step down from working with Justin Timberlake I’m sure”, mumbled Thom, which to his surprise earned him a giggle from Mindy. “Gee, I sure do love you British guys and your dry sense of humour” she simpered, flashing him a dazzling white smile. Jonny pushed past both of them and headed into the hotel without a word. Wow, thought Thom, he must be more jet lagged than I thought. I’d better make my excuses and follow him. “Well I’d love to stay and chat, but I should really be checking in”, he said to Mindy who was still grinning manically. “Sure thing, and if you need anything be sure and call me!” She replied, “Hope you like your room”. “As long as it has a minibar and a bed it’ll do fine”, said Thom, earning himself another giggle, this time accompanied by a hair flip. God, American women are strange.
*setting – a darkened room*
A cauldron is bubbling over an open fire. A candle flutters in the breeze next to it. A hooded figure approaches, clutching something which is not visible in the dim light. The mysterious figure begins to chant.
“Diana... goddess of love and the hunt... I pray to thee. Let my cries bind the heart of all. May they neither rest nor sleep until they submit to his will only.”
Now the figure drops the object into the cauldron. As it sinks into the brew, the light of the fire reveals it to be a cd of “The Eraser”.
“Diana, bring about this love and bless it”
And with these words they blow out the candle.
Part Two
*Thom’s Hotel Room. Around 1am*
Thom was in the middle of a rather strange dream involving dancing with wombats dressed in longjohns (long distance flights always had a funny effect on him) when he was jerked awake by a loud crash. He groggily opened his eyes only to start awake when he saw a dark figure looming over him. It took a few seconds for his to adjust to the dark and realize that it was Jonny, and that the crash was probably to do with the smashed remains of the lamp that had been standing on the bedside table. “What the bloody hell are you doing here” Thom said. Well actually the speech centre of his brain hadn’t quite woken up yet, so it came out more like “whadablurryherrerrudoinere”. Luckily Jonny had had long experience at waking Thom up early in the morning (he was the designated wake-Thom-up-for-early-morning-journeys-when-we’re-on-tour-er, none of the others would have dared come between Thom and his sleep) and so was able to understand him perfectly well. “Sorry” he stammered, “I umm just wanted to umm talk to you about the umm setlist”. Thom rolled his eyes. It was so easy to tell when Jonny was lying. “Come on, I think we both know the real reason you snuck in here”. Even in the darkened room, Thom could tell that Jonny was blushing. “You mean that you know that I… ““Had a nightmare” finished Thom. “Had a wha…I mean, yes I did”, said Jonny, a strange look of disappointment passing briefly over his face. “You don’t have to be embarrassed mate, I mean how long have we known each other”, Thom said in his most reassuring tone, “come on, hop in”. He pulled the duvet aside and made room as Jonny snuggled down into bed beside him. Jonny and his nightmares, thought Thom as he drifted off to sleep. When they were younger he used to have them regularly (or at least he did whenever Thom slept over at the Greenwoods, Colin said they didn’t seem to happen quite that often usually). He hadn’t had any for quite a few years, but Thom knew the best way to help Jonny would still be to let him sleep in with him. For some reason it seemed to calm him.
Thom woke up to early morning sunlight streaming in through the gap where the curtains didn’t quite meet. It fell on the cracked remains of what had once been a lamp. God I hope the NME don’t hear about that thought Thom. Just think of the headlines, “Radiohead stars in room trashing scandal!” Jonny’s arms were wrapped around his chest, his face snuggled into the back of his neck. He was always such a cuddly sleeper. No matter what position they fell asleep, Thom would always wake the next morning to find Jonny wrapped around him. If anyone was to walk in, they’d think there was some funny business going on. Chuckling at how ludicrous that was, Thom disentangled himself and went to the bathroom. Checking his reflection in the mirror, he noticed how long his beard had gotten. Maybe Jonny was right, it did make him look a bit like a hobo. Sifting through his overnight bag he found a razor that had long been unused and began to shave.
When Thom slept over
Jonny was a sound sleeper. He never fell asleep easily, but once he was gone, he was gone for the whole night. Waking up therefore usually took him about fifteen minutes. So when Jonny woke up with a jolt early that morning, he needed some time to rub his eyes open and figure out where he was. And, more importantly, who he was with.
Thom’s naked form was lying sprawled out on his bedroom floor, already asleep again after having tumbled out of the small single bed. Jonny heard his mother’s bedroom door opening and footsteps in the hallway. Realisation finally dawned on him and he jumped out of bed, almost falling over Thom’s right leg. Not bothering to wake him up first, he shoved Thom with one movement under his bed. He was just able to put on his boxers and pull the covers to the ground when his mother opened the door in her robe.
“What’s going on here? What was that crash I heard? Are you ok?” she asked, worried.
“Yeah Mum, fine, I just fell out of bed, must’ve been dreaming.”
At this, Mrs. Greenwood let out a loud, high pitched laugh.
“Oh, honey I’m sorry, but that’s just too funny. You sure you’re not hurt?” she laughed, ruffling his hair, which she could barely reach anymore.
Before he could assure her, they heard Colin shouting from his room across the hall.
“Has anyone seen Thom?”
Dammit, Mum’s laughter must’ve woken him up. He jumped quickly past his mother and into the hall.
“He’s not in his bed.”
“I don’t know, Colin, maybe he went for a glass of water downstairs?” he answered whilst pushing his mum back to her room. “Just go back to sleep, Mum, you must still be tired.”
“Oh yeah,” Colin answered, entirely not convinced but going downstairs anyway.
Once he was out of sight, Jonny rushed back into the room and pulled Thom out from under the bed by his foot.
“Wake up, you sod, Colin’s looking for you!” Thom pried one eye open, all innocence and sleepiness. Jonny picked up his boxers from under the bed and threw them at him.
“Put that on, we’ve got no time left! God, we shouldn’t have-” He was already out the door, standing guard for when Colin would return. When Thom finally came up to him, Jonny quickly shoved him into the bathroom with a final “and come up with some bloody brilliant excuse!” when Colin came back up the stairs.
“He’s not downstairs!” he said, puzzled.
“I think he’s in the bathroom,” Jonny answered, trying a fake yawn and not at all succeeding.
“I’m going back to bed.”
When Colin opened the bathroom door, Thom was standing an inch away from the mirror, his index finger poking a spot by his ear.
“It’s weird, you can’t see anything at all, but when I push here it hurts,” he said, fascinated.
Colin rolled his eyes and went back to bed.
When Thom came over, Jonny had to think thrice as fast as other times. Just now, he made another mistake. He had to learn to go and sit at the breakfast table before Thom.
Now he was the last one and the only spot available was right in front of him. From the way Thom was looking at him he knew he had to watch out.
Thom loved teasing Jonny. Especially now, during breakfast. He had made sure that Jonny would be sitting in front of him and the look on Jonny’s face told him to watch out. Or else. He lifted an eyebrow as if to say ‘or else what?’. But Jonny ignored him and turned his chair slightly towards the others. Watching Jonny have breakfast was a feast on its own. The melted cheese on his toast was very promising. And oh yes, he was taking a bite now. The cheese was stretching and stretching and finally all strands broke, one of them deliciously sticking to Jonny’s chin.
Chewing slowly, Jonny knew all too well that Thom was watching him. When he finally flicked out his tongue to capture the cheese strand into his mouth, his eyes locked with Thom’s for a split second. Pure lust was dripping from his face. He quickly looked away, checking Colin and his mother’s faces to see if anyone would suspect something. But no, they were engrossed in conversation. Out of nowhere, Thom dropped in. “Yes, of course, but don’t forget that he’s got a lot more experience. So I’m not so sure about that.” Thom was very good at that. Jonny didn’t have the faintest clue as to what they were talking about. He was too busy checking if Thom was keeping his hands to his own, and his legs, for that matter.
Just when he was about to get up, he felt a bare foot riding up against his leg, over his knee and towards his crotch. He jumped violently and his knee hit the table. Tea splashed everywhere.
“Jonny? Everything alright?” asked Colin, frowning.
“Yeah, sure,” he mumbled, blushing crimson and leaving the kitchen in a hurry.
Thom knew exactly where Jonny had gone, and after excusing himself, he went straight to the upstairs toilet and swung the door open. Before Jonny, who was only sitting on top of the toilet, like Thom suspected, had time to snarl a ‘don’t you know how to knock?’, Thom had locked the door and thrown himself on Jonny’s lap. Jonny, though trying his very best not to forget that he was supposed to be cross with him, couldn’t help but give in when Thom grinded his hips into Jonny’s and made him moan into Thom’s mouth. After a passionate makeout session, Thom managed to pant “So, did you leave the door unlocked for me? That’s so romantic, Jonny.” Jonny wiped at his mouth before answering: “No, actually not. Really Thom, when are you going to stop teasing me like that? You know they can’t possibly find out!” Thom cocked his eyebrow. “Ooh, are we in a bad mood? Your anatomy is telling me other things...” he answered slyly, running his fingertips lightly over the bulge in Jonny’s jeans, at which he squirmed. “Thom! Are you listening? If we fall asleep again like that someone’s going to find out and I’ll be dead! You’ll be dead!” At this, Thom grew serious. “You’re right, Jon. It is a problem. A problem that I’m going to fix. Right now.” Thom crawled off Jonny’s lap and unlocked the door. Jonny grew wary. “Thom, what are you-“ But a quick peck on his lips stopped him from finishing his sentence and Thom was already out the door.
Ten minutes later Jonny passed Thom and Colin coming from Colin’s room. They were going out, apparently.
“Where are you going?” Jonny asked.
“To the record shop, and some furniture sale or something. I can’t believe you want to buy that New Order compilation, Thom. You already have three out of four albums.
Colin was already descending the stairs, still babbling to himself, and Thom took the opportunity to push a bewildered Jonny quickly against the wall and kiss him sweetly. “Don’t worry, I’ll solve everything,” he whispered quickly and with one last lick he was gone.
Thom’s naked form was lying sprawled out on his bedroom floor, already asleep again after having tumbled out of the small single bed. Jonny heard his mother’s bedroom door opening and footsteps in the hallway. Realisation finally dawned on him and he jumped out of bed, almost falling over Thom’s right leg. Not bothering to wake him up first, he shoved Thom with one movement under his bed. He was just able to put on his boxers and pull the covers to the ground when his mother opened the door in her robe.
“What’s going on here? What was that crash I heard? Are you ok?” she asked, worried.
“Yeah Mum, fine, I just fell out of bed, must’ve been dreaming.”
At this, Mrs. Greenwood let out a loud, high pitched laugh.
“Oh, honey I’m sorry, but that’s just too funny. You sure you’re not hurt?” she laughed, ruffling his hair, which she could barely reach anymore.
Before he could assure her, they heard Colin shouting from his room across the hall.
“Has anyone seen Thom?”
Dammit, Mum’s laughter must’ve woken him up. He jumped quickly past his mother and into the hall.
“He’s not in his bed.”
“I don’t know, Colin, maybe he went for a glass of water downstairs?” he answered whilst pushing his mum back to her room. “Just go back to sleep, Mum, you must still be tired.”
“Oh yeah,” Colin answered, entirely not convinced but going downstairs anyway.
Once he was out of sight, Jonny rushed back into the room and pulled Thom out from under the bed by his foot.
“Wake up, you sod, Colin’s looking for you!” Thom pried one eye open, all innocence and sleepiness. Jonny picked up his boxers from under the bed and threw them at him.
“Put that on, we’ve got no time left! God, we shouldn’t have-” He was already out the door, standing guard for when Colin would return. When Thom finally came up to him, Jonny quickly shoved him into the bathroom with a final “and come up with some bloody brilliant excuse!” when Colin came back up the stairs.
“He’s not downstairs!” he said, puzzled.
“I think he’s in the bathroom,” Jonny answered, trying a fake yawn and not at all succeeding.
“I’m going back to bed.”
When Colin opened the bathroom door, Thom was standing an inch away from the mirror, his index finger poking a spot by his ear.
“It’s weird, you can’t see anything at all, but when I push here it hurts,” he said, fascinated.
Colin rolled his eyes and went back to bed.
When Thom came over, Jonny had to think thrice as fast as other times. Just now, he made another mistake. He had to learn to go and sit at the breakfast table before Thom.
Now he was the last one and the only spot available was right in front of him. From the way Thom was looking at him he knew he had to watch out.
Thom loved teasing Jonny. Especially now, during breakfast. He had made sure that Jonny would be sitting in front of him and the look on Jonny’s face told him to watch out. Or else. He lifted an eyebrow as if to say ‘or else what?’. But Jonny ignored him and turned his chair slightly towards the others. Watching Jonny have breakfast was a feast on its own. The melted cheese on his toast was very promising. And oh yes, he was taking a bite now. The cheese was stretching and stretching and finally all strands broke, one of them deliciously sticking to Jonny’s chin.
Chewing slowly, Jonny knew all too well that Thom was watching him. When he finally flicked out his tongue to capture the cheese strand into his mouth, his eyes locked with Thom’s for a split second. Pure lust was dripping from his face. He quickly looked away, checking Colin and his mother’s faces to see if anyone would suspect something. But no, they were engrossed in conversation. Out of nowhere, Thom dropped in. “Yes, of course, but don’t forget that he’s got a lot more experience. So I’m not so sure about that.” Thom was very good at that. Jonny didn’t have the faintest clue as to what they were talking about. He was too busy checking if Thom was keeping his hands to his own, and his legs, for that matter.
Just when he was about to get up, he felt a bare foot riding up against his leg, over his knee and towards his crotch. He jumped violently and his knee hit the table. Tea splashed everywhere.
“Jonny? Everything alright?” asked Colin, frowning.
“Yeah, sure,” he mumbled, blushing crimson and leaving the kitchen in a hurry.
Thom knew exactly where Jonny had gone, and after excusing himself, he went straight to the upstairs toilet and swung the door open. Before Jonny, who was only sitting on top of the toilet, like Thom suspected, had time to snarl a ‘don’t you know how to knock?’, Thom had locked the door and thrown himself on Jonny’s lap. Jonny, though trying his very best not to forget that he was supposed to be cross with him, couldn’t help but give in when Thom grinded his hips into Jonny’s and made him moan into Thom’s mouth. After a passionate makeout session, Thom managed to pant “So, did you leave the door unlocked for me? That’s so romantic, Jonny.” Jonny wiped at his mouth before answering: “No, actually not. Really Thom, when are you going to stop teasing me like that? You know they can’t possibly find out!” Thom cocked his eyebrow. “Ooh, are we in a bad mood? Your anatomy is telling me other things...” he answered slyly, running his fingertips lightly over the bulge in Jonny’s jeans, at which he squirmed. “Thom! Are you listening? If we fall asleep again like that someone’s going to find out and I’ll be dead! You’ll be dead!” At this, Thom grew serious. “You’re right, Jon. It is a problem. A problem that I’m going to fix. Right now.” Thom crawled off Jonny’s lap and unlocked the door. Jonny grew wary. “Thom, what are you-“ But a quick peck on his lips stopped him from finishing his sentence and Thom was already out the door.
Ten minutes later Jonny passed Thom and Colin coming from Colin’s room. They were going out, apparently.
“Where are you going?” Jonny asked.
“To the record shop, and some furniture sale or something. I can’t believe you want to buy that New Order compilation, Thom. You already have three out of four albums.
Colin was already descending the stairs, still babbling to himself, and Thom took the opportunity to push a bewildered Jonny quickly against the wall and kiss him sweetly. “Don’t worry, I’ll solve everything,” he whispered quickly and with one last lick he was gone.
Monday, December 24, 2007
In the shadows of the closed doors
Jonny’s POV
When I was small I used to take afternoon naps quite often. And honestly, sleeping for two hours was like watching an independent flick somewhere at the underground theatre – but surely I didn’t know anything about the films and especially the alternative genre at that time, for I was…well, maybe about five or six.
My childhood was the only time when I saw nightmares frequently. Surely I would get one or two in year in my adult life, but those would be considered nightmares only after I would wake up and realize that the dream would be probably tagged as “Horror” or at least a “Thriller” by the heavy guys in the movie associations. One time when I was about five I imagined that we were trapped in the house that was sealed hermetically and every 5 o’clock or so water would fill it gradually. The trick was, we didn’t know how much water there would be each day; sometimes it barely reached our knees, while on the less fortunate nights we would be gulping oxygen and touching the ceiling with our noses and lips.
Another interesting thing about my dreams – they had general trends. For example, one would be narrated by a very pleasant voice that would echo in my head. The one I described earlier, for example, started with the voice saying “Jason Marzena, a very nice young men of a Hispanic origin, had been decaying in the water for about 2 days. Of course he didn’t mind for his was not alive…” And so on. Another thing – I couldn’t run, and a lot of my dreams were chasing dreams. I would literally remember in my dream that I couldn’t run and I would only go so fast, understanding that I was going to be caught any minute.
Sometimes I would open my eyes and feel that the reality was not ready for me – my room would seem liquid to me and the monsters would still be there, although hiding clumsily. Sometimes my imagination plaid tricks on me and I would rush downstairs to inform my mom that the things in my room moved by themselves and she would smile and tuck a lose strand of hair behind my ear. That was probably the scariest point for – the merging of the dream and reality, and I would lie in my bed without moving, breathing deeply and feeling my heart flutter against my chest.
The truth is, kissing Thom was like pulling the demons out of my dreams and into the reality. Not that it was scary and disgusting – very much on the contrary, however the composition of booze, giddiness and hormones really made every encounter smudged and unreal. I remember that time just as I remember my childhood – the two worlds intertwined tightly, to the point there I didn’t know if it happened or it was just another surge of my imagination. I can’t recall our first kiss. Well, I can easily remember that we were somewhere outside because his lips felt cold and numb and we were both beyond tipsy because it felt like I was inhaling pure alcohol fumes; I still shiver at the memory of his cold hand touching my warm neck and calloused fingertips tracing down the skin to dive behind my collar and stroke the flat spot just below my neck.
I think that both Thom and I wanted to kick those encounters back into the dream world, because that was there they belonged, it’s just that they were so vivid that they spilled into the reality. I’m still amazed by the amount of delicacy we applied to keep that glass world around ourselves going, for no questions were asked and even though my lips would be raw in the next day, it would be easily for me to think that I’ve taken a habit of biting them again than face the unarguable act of Thom’s mouth on mine in the shadows of the closed doors.
Sometimes I used to dream in the real world; I would be sitting in the basement that served as our temporary studio, watching him giving directions to the guys, and the certain contraction of muscles under the skin of his arms, exposed by the rolled up sleeves of the brilliantly white shirt would spill the feeling of warmth inside my chest; I would watch the way his fingers glide in the air and be amazed by the fact that there were no angles in their movement, just smooth curves. There was a breath-taking drama in the way his precise hand would cut through the air to signal for us to begin playing – or maybe it was just another illusion of mine. And then I thought about those arms around my shoulders in the end of the day – his fingers twisting a lock of my hair casually while he runs his lips along my jaw line, his soft lips gliding down the skin of my neck. Later, much later, he would tell me that sometimes he thinks that my skin is clean canvas and the enormous excitement takes him over – the same excitement when you have an instrument in your hands and a lot of ideas buzzing in your head.
Looking back on it, I guess that summer was our dream – the one that you want to hold on to when you feel that you are waking up gradually, the one that haunts you with flashbacks and makes you suffocate in the need of returning to it.
When I was small I used to take afternoon naps quite often. And honestly, sleeping for two hours was like watching an independent flick somewhere at the underground theatre – but surely I didn’t know anything about the films and especially the alternative genre at that time, for I was…well, maybe about five or six.
My childhood was the only time when I saw nightmares frequently. Surely I would get one or two in year in my adult life, but those would be considered nightmares only after I would wake up and realize that the dream would be probably tagged as “Horror” or at least a “Thriller” by the heavy guys in the movie associations. One time when I was about five I imagined that we were trapped in the house that was sealed hermetically and every 5 o’clock or so water would fill it gradually. The trick was, we didn’t know how much water there would be each day; sometimes it barely reached our knees, while on the less fortunate nights we would be gulping oxygen and touching the ceiling with our noses and lips.
Another interesting thing about my dreams – they had general trends. For example, one would be narrated by a very pleasant voice that would echo in my head. The one I described earlier, for example, started with the voice saying “Jason Marzena, a very nice young men of a Hispanic origin, had been decaying in the water for about 2 days. Of course he didn’t mind for his was not alive…” And so on. Another thing – I couldn’t run, and a lot of my dreams were chasing dreams. I would literally remember in my dream that I couldn’t run and I would only go so fast, understanding that I was going to be caught any minute.
Sometimes I would open my eyes and feel that the reality was not ready for me – my room would seem liquid to me and the monsters would still be there, although hiding clumsily. Sometimes my imagination plaid tricks on me and I would rush downstairs to inform my mom that the things in my room moved by themselves and she would smile and tuck a lose strand of hair behind my ear. That was probably the scariest point for – the merging of the dream and reality, and I would lie in my bed without moving, breathing deeply and feeling my heart flutter against my chest.
The truth is, kissing Thom was like pulling the demons out of my dreams and into the reality. Not that it was scary and disgusting – very much on the contrary, however the composition of booze, giddiness and hormones really made every encounter smudged and unreal. I remember that time just as I remember my childhood – the two worlds intertwined tightly, to the point there I didn’t know if it happened or it was just another surge of my imagination. I can’t recall our first kiss. Well, I can easily remember that we were somewhere outside because his lips felt cold and numb and we were both beyond tipsy because it felt like I was inhaling pure alcohol fumes; I still shiver at the memory of his cold hand touching my warm neck and calloused fingertips tracing down the skin to dive behind my collar and stroke the flat spot just below my neck.
I think that both Thom and I wanted to kick those encounters back into the dream world, because that was there they belonged, it’s just that they were so vivid that they spilled into the reality. I’m still amazed by the amount of delicacy we applied to keep that glass world around ourselves going, for no questions were asked and even though my lips would be raw in the next day, it would be easily for me to think that I’ve taken a habit of biting them again than face the unarguable act of Thom’s mouth on mine in the shadows of the closed doors.
Sometimes I used to dream in the real world; I would be sitting in the basement that served as our temporary studio, watching him giving directions to the guys, and the certain contraction of muscles under the skin of his arms, exposed by the rolled up sleeves of the brilliantly white shirt would spill the feeling of warmth inside my chest; I would watch the way his fingers glide in the air and be amazed by the fact that there were no angles in their movement, just smooth curves. There was a breath-taking drama in the way his precise hand would cut through the air to signal for us to begin playing – or maybe it was just another illusion of mine. And then I thought about those arms around my shoulders in the end of the day – his fingers twisting a lock of my hair casually while he runs his lips along my jaw line, his soft lips gliding down the skin of my neck. Later, much later, he would tell me that sometimes he thinks that my skin is clean canvas and the enormous excitement takes him over – the same excitement when you have an instrument in your hands and a lot of ideas buzzing in your head.
Looking back on it, I guess that summer was our dream – the one that you want to hold on to when you feel that you are waking up gradually, the one that haunts you with flashbacks and makes you suffocate in the need of returning to it.
Friday, December 21, 2007
Christmas Collaboration
"How was the press this time?" Thom asked, unpacking the suitcase in front of him, separating the lights and darks into the piles of growing laundry behind him.
Jonny was sprawled out on the bed. "Exhausting," he said. "I've grown somewhat accustomed to the banality of journalists from weekly music magazines, but I think these journalists that write about classical music make even the worst of the others look like gold. If I didn't know any better, I would think that classical music was only listened to by a bunch of snobby people. And they asked the same questions over and over again. I sometimes wonder if these people actually listen to music or if they just talk about it all the time."
Jonny continued chattering on, happy to be back home.
Thom interrupted. "What are these?" he said coldly. With two fingers only, he was holding out a pair of Christmas boxers with cartoon reindeer. "These aren't yours and where did they come from?" Thom was glaring.
Jonny froze, his eyes locked on the garish green and red colors.
"They were a gift. From Sharona." Jonny said quickly without looking at Thom, "I like the graphic print."
"Uh-huh" Thom said skeptically, "your Israeli wife gave you a pair of Christmas boxers?"
Jonny sat up and took them from Thom, tossing them quickly into the dirty laundry pile. "Yes, well, she knows I like Christmas."
"Jonny, that was not smooth at all. Why don't you tell me who really gave you the boxers?" Thom replied.
Jonny started fidgeting with the edge of the pillowcase. "They're mine."
"I know they're yours now, I was wondering who gave them to you."
Fidget, fidget. "No one."
"If you're going to be like that, I'm leaving."
"Be like what?"
"Like a cheating whore."
"Takes one to know one."
"I knew it! What's her name?"
"I thought you were leaving."
"I am." And Thom stormed out of the room. He slammed the bedroom door shut, stamped his feet to the front door, wished Jonny hadn't decided to randomly only use 3 out of the 5 deadbolts on the door, finally wrenched the door open and slammed it shut behind him. He got into his car and fumed for a few minutes. He saw Jonny's front door open and the rational part of his brain - the part that wasn't absolutely furious with Jonny for whatever he had or hadn't done - was hoping that Jonny was coming out to apologise or say something to make it all better. It was their pattern. Thom angrily hit the window down button. "What" he growled.
Jonny was standing on the porch, arms crossed. "It wasn't a her," he said and with a swish of his hair he walked back into his house.
At this, Thom struggled to detach himself from his car, not bothering to turn off the ignition before slamming the door shut and darting back into the house, finding Jonny just as he was about to climb the stairs to his room. Turning him around roughly, he pulled him back down onto the floor and pinned him against the wall. He knew Jonny could throw him off without even trying, but the fear in his eyes gave him confidence that he would remain standing on solid ground.
"What do you mean it's not a her?" he growled through clenched teeth and Jonny, shaking off the momentary fear he felt, glared back.
"If it's not a her then it's obviously a he." he snapped. "You know the difference between men and woman, don't you?"
Thom shook his head furiously. "Okay, so that was a dumb question. Who is he, then? What's his name so I can look him up and kick the shit out of him!"
Jonny rolled his eyes. "Thom, he's 6'5", I highly doubt - "
"FUCKING ED?!" Thom roared, releasing his grip on the other man and pushing himself away. Slowly, Jonny peeled away from the wall, running a hand up his arm self-consciously, eyes locked on the floor.
"I-I was going to tell you, I swear. It was an honest mistake, Ed...h-he thought it meant something and...the boxers...drinking and...I don't know. Please, can we just sit down and talk about this?"
"Talk about what exactly - the fact that you can't keep your cock in your pants or the fact that you can't keep it out of a man's ass. There are two issues there."
"I know. I fucked up. What am I going to tell Sharona?"
"How about 'I am a lying cheating whore?' That seems like a good place to start."
"I didn't mean for this to happen."
"Of course not. You're little perfect Mr. Jonny Greenwood," Thom said sarcastically.
Jonny didn't say anything. After a pause, Thom continued:
"And when the fuck did you decide that you liked fucking men?"
"Why does it matter to you?" Jonny asked.
"It doesn't."
"Seems like it matters."
"I told you it doesn't."
"Fine, it doesn't matter to you. But what am I going to do?" Jonny walked over and sat on the couch. "She's going to hate me." He buried his head into his hands.
"Maybe you shouldn't tell her."
"How can I not?"
"Well, who knows? You, Ed, me ... anyone else?"
"Not unless Ed told anyone."
"He probably didn't, but we'll need to find out for sure. So unless one of us tells her, she'll never find out. Now the question is, what are you going to do for me so I don't tell?"
Jonny looked at Thom. "What?" He was bewildered. "You're my friend, we've known each other for years ... my best friend ... I shouldn't have to do anything for you to not tell."
Thom shrugged. "Maybe. But that was before you started whoring yourself out to Ed." Thom unzipped his trousers. "And I know what I want."
Jonny shook his head. "I don't ... you don't ..."
"I think you do. And you will."
"Let's go upstairs at least."
"Here and now."
"But Sharona could be home any minute!"
"Then you'd better hurry up."
"Or the bathroom - we can lock the bathroom!"
"Now. And if you're worried about an incriminating mess, I suggest you swallow."
***
Thom left the house a short while later. He jumped in his car and drove through some side streets and parked on the street in front of an older house. Grabbing the Christmas boxers where he had thrown them on the passenger seat, he walked up to the front door and knocked loudly. The door was opened a few short moments later.
"Edward John O'Brien," Thom said icily. "This was not part of the fucking plan." Thom threw the boxers at Ed and walked inside like he owned the place. "Did you think I wouldn't find out?"
Ed closed the door behind him and followed Thom to the living room.
"Yeah, I was going to tell you about that. Sorry ... can I offer you a drink or something?"
"Yes," Thom replied and they both walked to the kitchen.
If Ed had hoped to change the subject, it wasn't working.
Thom continued in the same icy tone, "Do you want to explain when exactly you decided to sleep with Jonny?"
Ed continued to make their drinks and didn't look up at Thom. "Well, we started as we had planned. Just me and Jonny, having a couple of drinks together. We were originally supposed to meet at the pub, but I was running late and Jonny just came straight here and then it was raining so we decided to have a couple of drinks here - "
Thom cut him off. "Do you think this is helping your case?"
"I'm getting there, damn it! Well, we started talking about relationships and stuff. And I brought up the time that we caught him with that other boy before rehearsal - just like you had suggested - and then I asked him if he might still fancy boys and one thing lead to another and we were drinking - I mentioned we were drinking, right? - and then he was kissing me and then, well, I guess you know the rest." Ed handed Thom his drink. "I swear I didn't mean for it to happen."
"What would you do if you were me? You trust one of your best friends to talk to one of your other best friends and you betrayed everything our friendship meant for a shag. How would you feel if I shagged Colin?"
"But you have shagged Colin."
"That's not my fucking point and you know it. I haven't fucking shagged Colin in a long fucking time and definitely not since we came up with this plan. The plan - which was just as much your idea as mine - I talk to Colin and see if might be interested in you and you talk to Jonny and see if he's at all interested in me. It's the world's easiest plan and yet you found a way to fuck it up."
Thom sat down at the table. "Fuck!" he said to his drink. "Fuck, fuck, fuck."
***
Colin was busy re-arranging his books when the phone rang. Which a sigh he stepped over the piles he had laid out according to size, thickness, colour, subject and anything else he could think of. This is how he spent his afternoons when he wasn't playing with the band or shovelling the laneway. He snatched the shrieking contraption off its cradle and put on his best "I'm so glad to hear from you" voice before answering with an overly excited "Hello?"
"Cozzie, I'm so confused!" Jonny cried out from the other end. Colin rubbed his eyes.
"Jonny, we've been through this. You wash the lights and the darks seperately."
"It's not that! I made a horrible mistake and now Thom is mad at me becauseIsleptwithEdafterwehadafewdrinks and and ThomthinksI'macheatingwhoreandhegotallupsetandthenhe he he - "
"Woah, slow down. You slept with Ed?"
Jonny swallowed thickly. "After a few drinks, yeah. I didn't mean to, honestly."
"Jonny!" Colin said, pained. "This was not how we were going to do things!"
"I know, Colin. I'm sorry."
"You were supposed to talk to him - "
"I know."
"and you were supposed to bring me up -"
"I know."
"and see what he got me for Christmas!"
"I know!"
"You weren't supposed to sleep with him!"
"I fucking know, Colin!" Jonny whimpered. "Please, just tell me what to do, because I have no idea, and you always know what to do."
"Well, first things first. Did you find out what Ed is getting me?"
"Oh, yeah ... he's getting you a bong." Jonny paused. "Sorry, typical Ed."
"Oh." Colin sounded disappointed. "Well, that's probably what Ed would consider a really nice gift, right?"
"Yeah, yeah. Of course. That's like the Ed equivalent of a dozen red roses."
Colin sighed.
Jonny continued, trying to make Colin feel better. "But he talked about how it took him forever to find a 'rainbow bong.'"
"EEEEEEEECH" Colin screamed his typical girly scream. "A RAINBOW BONG!!?"
"Er, yes," Jonny agreed. He hated when people talked about rainbows. He didn't see what was so great about them.
"nononono!" Colin explained. "My first bong - back when I was 16 - was a rainbow bong. We loved that thing. Ed accidentally broke and promised to get me a new one. I can't believe he remembered after all these years."
"You smoked marijuana when you were 16? I'm so telling mum."
"Jonny, you were smoking with us."
"Oh, yeah."
"So that must mean that Ed, you know, cares about me. A lot."
"Yes. Of course. Sounds like he found you the perfect gift."
"So do you think the signed copy of the rare Kings of Leon's album, a new blazer and edible underwear is enough for me to give to him? I should probably find some more stuff, right?"
"I think that's more than enough. Why don't you just ask him to stick the bong up your ass?"
"That's a very interesting idea."
"Ew! You're so perverted. I'm hanging up on you now."
"No, wait! Stop!" Colin hollared and he heard Jonny let out a huff of breath. "Don't you want to know what Thom got you for Christmas?"
"I don't really care at this point." Jonny mumbled but Colin ignored him.
"I think he got you a banjo."
Jonny's breath hitched. "A banjo? But why, Thom hates banjos!"
Colin shrugged, then remembered he was on the phone. "Erm, I guess all those years you've been bugging him about it he's finally willing to give in. That's a big feat you know, Thom Yorke never gives in."
On the other end of the phone, the younger Greenwood was attempting to keep himself composed, which was hard now that excitement was boiling up in his stomach. Thom finally gave in! It took more than a decade but finally Jonny would have his banjo and he could sit on the front porch in a rocking chair and pluck out as many obscure country songs if his heart so desired. (Thankfully, it didn't).
Colin rolled his eyes and decided they had more important matters to discuss, such as Jonny. Sleeping with Ed. And what exactly they were going to do about it.
"Anyway, that's not the point. I want to know what happened" Colin continued.
"What," Jonny snapped, "I already told you everything. We were wasted and what happened happened. End of the story. I don't think you want to know all the details, now, do you?"
"Was it good?" Colin said bitterly, even though he didn't want that question answered.
Jonny was getting annoyed.
"Well, for your information, Ed is the best shag ever. That's probably because he's SO big and he does things with his tongue, you would never imagine" he replied. "And he's never tired. I stopped counting how many times we did it after the sixth..."
Colin grimaced. "You filthy little slut!"
"You asked me." said Jonny flatly.
"Who initiated it?"
Jonny remained silent.
"I knew it. I fucking knew it! I bet you did that... that look! That one fucking look you do with your fucking eyes! Your fucking fuck-me-hard look!"
"Colin..."
"Shut it. You know you start thinking with your cock as soon as you drink, why did you even take the risk?"
"Look, I'm sorry, ok? Sorry. And remember I never said anything about you shagging Thom!"
"We were in our teens, Jonny. Back then you didn't even know what 'blowjob' meant. Though looking at your front teeth, it seems it's no longer the case..."
"Indeed. And I performed a few of them no later than yesterday on your precious Edward..."
Colin cursed loudly, and Jonny decided it was time to stop teasing him. Teasing was a euphemism, he thought to himself.
"Ok, listen to me. I tell you, it didn't mean anything; I guess we were just horny and a bit bored. And besides, you might like to know that at some point he said something like 'I wonder if your brother kisses like you' but I was pissed so I didn't really notice."
Colin held his breath, full of hope. "He did?"
"He did. Are you still mad at me?"
"Only a little."
"Want a blowjob too so I can make you forgive me?"
"You're disgusting, Jonny."
"You don't know what you're missing out, I've become really good at this"
"Whore. You'd rather help me find a way to talk to Ed..."
"You don't need to talk; just keep your mouth open and everything will work out."
"Oh, that's really refined, Jonny. Thanks for your help" Colin sighed.
"No prob."
***
A few days later, everyone had gathered back at the studio to start preparations for a webcast. Setting up equipment along the presence of Phil, Stanley and Nigel was enough to keep the drama to a minimum, for a short while.
At the first opportunity, Colin cornered Jonny away from everyone else. Jonny was still annoyed from their previous conversation.
"Finally decided that you want to see what you've been missing out on?" Jonny asked Colin, eying Colin's crotch. "I think Thom and Ed would tell you that I come (snicker) highly recommended."
"You fucking whore. Wait - when did you give Thom a blowjob?"
"Well, I ... ummm ... it's not like I wanted to," Jonny said, avoiding the question.
"What do you mean you didn't want to?" Colin said, his mood shifting from annoyed to overprotective in an instant.
Jonny realized he had said the wrong thing. "No, you misunderstood me?"
"Yes, you wanted to; no, you didn't."
"I didn't right then, but it's not like didn't want to, really."
At that point, Thom chose the worst moment in the history of worst moments to walk by.
"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO MY BROTHER?!!" Colin yelled at Thom, gathering the attention of the rest of the group. Colin gathered up all of his strength and lightly punched Thom on the shoulder.
"OW!" Thom yelped. "THAT WHORE WAS ASKING FOR IT." He gave Colin a small shove. "AND NOW YOU ARE. BITCH."
"What the fuck is that about?" Nigel asked from the other side of the room. "Who did what to who?"
Stanley looked around asked if they were all on Candid Camera.
Phil, who had been paying more attention, explained that "I think Colin's mad at Thom for something about a blowjob?"
"Yeah, Jonny's great at blowjobs," Ed said nodding enthusiastically and without thinking.
"I just threw up a little in my mouth," Phil said.
"I KNOW YOU'RE FILMING" Stanely said, staring off a corner. "YOU CAN'T FOOL ME."
"I think they're really going to fight!" Nigel said, his attention drawn back to Colin and Thom.
"20 quid says that Thom wins," Phil said, pulling out his wallet.
Nigel pulled a couple of bills from his wallet and threw them on the table. "Well, I've got 20 quid says Colin wins."
Ed was studying the scene. "I've got 50 pounds that says that Thom's going to resort to hair pulling first."
"Double or nothing, Colin pulls hair first," Phil said, pulling out more money.
Nigel pulled the rest of the money out of his wallet. "I think Colin's going to use fingernails."
Jonny, who had been pacing near the fighters, came running ("he prances" Ed thought to himself).
"Someone do something," he pleaded. "They're going to kill each other."
"Fuck that," Nigel said. "I've got money on this fight. Let 'em go at each other."
"Please," Jonny whined.
"Fine," Ed said, getting up. "I'll break this up."
"I WILL NOT ALLOW MY LIKENESS ON ANY SYNDICATED PROGRAM" Stanley yelled towards a bookshelf.
Colin and Thom were glaring at each other, breathing heavily and ready to strike at any second when Ed sauntered up to them, reaching Thom first who let out a bark much like a rabid dog, causing Ed to jump backwards away from the pair.
"I'm not going in there, they're going bite my hands off!"
Jonny was watching, scared, throwing glances from Thom to Colin to Ed. "Ed, please!"
"You're a filthy brat, Yorke!" Colin spat suddenly.
"None of this would have happened if it weren't for your whore of a brother!" Thom snarled back, and Colin, belting out his best Xena Battle Cry, attacked in a blur of flailing arms. The two hit the floor with a crash, blocked out by the cheers of the others in the corner, waving their money in the air and shouting suggestions.
"Knee him in the balls, Thom!" Phil called out.
"The head, Colin! Hit him in the head! That's it!" said Nigel.
The scuffling continued in a ball of dust and random limbs, random feral noises managing to leak through the random thumps of heads or knees hitting the floor.
"If your brother just learnt to keep it in his pants -"
"My brother? What about you? If it were up to you, you wouldn't even wear pants!"
"COME OUT, YOU CAN'T HIDE!" Stanley, oblivious to the fight that had broken out on the floor, pushed books aside on the shelf, searching vigorously for the camera crew he was sure existed. "YOU'RE IN THE WALLS, AREN'T YOU?!"
"NO, Thom! Don't pull his hair! Damnit." Phil threw his money to the ground and stamped on it in frustration. "I always bloody lose!"
Ed turned to Nigel, grinning. "Bet you didn't see this when you worked for McCartney."
Nigel stared at him and sighed. "That's cause John Lennon wasn't there."
Meanwhile, Jonny was pacing around his two bandmates tearing at each other, pulling at his own hair.
"Stop it! Stop it!" he shouted in a high-pitched voice "If you don't stop I'm leaving you to join Muse and I swear Matt Bellamy will get a blowjob every single day!"
Thom and Colin froze, just as Thom was going to start biting.
"Blowjobs again!" Phil said, wrinkling his nose. "You're disgusting, Jonny!"
"You wouldn't say that if you'd had one in the past" stated Ed wisely.
"Cut it out, you two" interrupted Jonny. "And before anybody asks, I'm not sucking anybody off today. Stan! There's no bloody camera in the walls! Put that hammer away! Thom, could you please get off my brother now? I don't like seeing you straddling him like that."
"Afraid of getting a boner in front of everybody?" asked Thom, pouting.
"Don't be a jerk to me; I was only joking about Matt."
"Ha!" Colin exclaimed "And what about that time last September?"
Thom's eyes widened. "What?!"
Jonny shot a murderous glance at his brother.
"Oh, bloody hell, I'm fed up with you all" Nigel declared, exasperated. "You're a bunch of whores, that's what you are! I think I'm going to go and ask Coldplay if they need a producer for their next record!"
"Don't be ridiculous Nigel," Ed said calmly, "You'd rather help us and find another ondes martenot player because I'm pretty sure Thom is going to kill Jonny now..."
"I bet thirty pounds that Thom will strangle Jonny" said Phil hopefully, seeing his chance to get his money back.
"Pffft. Forty pounds that Jonny gets stabbed" retorted Stan from the other corner of the room, knocking on the wall to hear if it sounded hollow.
"Shut up; of course I won't kill him, but I'm not kissing him before he does tests certifying he didn't get a horrible disease from Matt. When I think I made him blow me, the mere thought is... urgh"
"For heaven's sake, it was four months ago, and Matt must have a better hygiene than you, Thom" Colin said, rolling his eyes. "And since when do you intend to touch my brother again? Cause that's what you were implying, right?"
Thom grew suddenly serious.
"Cause I like him" he whispered, and he ran out of the room without another word.
"Damnit," Colin groaned, getting up off the floor and brushing the dust from his legs. "Now he's run away."
Nigel piped up from the corner. "Uhm, you guys - "
"Not now, Nigel!"
"But this is really important and I think you should know - "
"Nigel!" Colin barked and the other man's mouth closed, but not for long as soon he was muttering under his breath that he couldn't work in these conditions, and how he couldn't even remember the last time they fed him and why was he always the one who had to comfort Ed when they wouldn't let him play guitar?
Jonny was absolutely furious. "Did he call me fat? Is that what he said?"
"No one called you fat, Jonny," his brother sighed, rubbing his eyes in frustration when he heard a stiffled laugh come from the corner and looked up to find Ed trying to hide a smile. Unfortunately, Jonny heard it as well and let out a pained yelp.
"I am not fat!" he pouted. "Eddie!"
"Oh, God." Phil was looking horrified.
"You didn't think I was fat when I was riding your - "
"Ohhhkaaayyyyy!" Phil waved his hands around and everyone turned to look at him. "Does anybody have any idea what we're going to do about Thom?"
Stanley chose this time to appear from out behind a pile of cardboard boxes. "We could pull out all his beard-hairs one by one, rip off all his clothes and throw paint at him."
"We're not turning Thom into your next arts and crafts project, Stan." Colin said. Stan huffed and Nigel raised his hand.
"What, Nigel? What is it? What is so important that you have to interrupt our discussion?"
"Uhm, we've been on air for the past half hour." he gulped. The others paled.
"What do you mean, we've been on air?" Colin asked, afraid.
Nigel pointed to the cameras they had set up. "I turned it on earlier thinking you guys were going to start playing and forgot to turn it off. The webcast has been running this whole time."
Silence fell upon the room. They remained still for a full minute before Jonny started screaming.
"What the hell are you waiting for, Nigel?" he squealed "Cut the bloody thing off!"
Colin shook his head and started muttering "NME... next week... we're fucked..."
"Calm down; it was streaming yeah, but maybe nobody actually saw it. We didn't warn the fans of the webcast after all" reasoned Phil.
"But they suspected it was coming! What are we gonna do?" Jonny asked with a shaking voice.
"First of all, try not to panick. Jonny, I think you should check the various fansites' message boards. If we're lucky, nobody will have tried to get onto radiohead.tv"
Tripping on the wires scattered across the floor, Jonny headed towards his laptop with the look of someone mounting the scaffold.
Ed ran a hand through his hair and sat down on the nearest amp, awaiting Jonny's verdict.
"So?" Colin asked impatiently.
"A minute," replied Jonny "Atease is so fucking slow! And I don't like this at all. It usually means something huge is going on..."
"May they be excited about the new Oasis DVD"
"Yeah, right. Santa doesn't exist, Ed, did you know that?" Jonny spat.
"Of course he does," interrupted Colin "and he's punishing us because you two," he pointed at Ed and Jonny "have been really bad recently..."
"This is what you get when you mess with him" said Stanley in a sententious tone. Everybody shot him their middle finger.
At this moment, Jonny's cellphone rang. Worried, he fished it from his pocket and hit the answer key.
"Yeah? Oh, it's you..."
The rest of the band watched as Jonny grew pale.
"What the fuck...? Of course no, I'm not joining your band! What were you thinking, you twat! I said that to make Thom and Colin stop fighting!" shouted Jonny.
The others exchanged tense looks.
"No!" Jonny shouted again, making everyone jump "I'm not doing "just the blowjobs then"! No, I won't change my mind! What...? Matt, putting melted chocolate on your cock won't change anything, I'm not doing it! No. Goodbye!"
He hung up and wiped the sweat on his forehead.
"You're lucky that Thom didn't hear this. He would have thrown the mother of all tantrums" Ed said.
"I don't think so; he would rather have been pleased to see Jonny telling Matt to sod off..." objected Colin
"Let's tell him when he comes back," Phil suggested. "Twenty pounds that he chases Jonny around the room!"
"I think that's enough with the bets, Phil!"
"Let's focus on our problem, shall we?" interrupted Jonny. "What are we going to do?"
"Hide for another three years?"
"I wish we could," Colin sighed "But the tour is all planned, we can't cancel it like that, can we? Imagine that; thousands of pissed off fans. They're going to come to Oxford and crowd around the studio. It'll look like Romero's Day of the Dead or something equally horrible..."
"Maybe they won't care at all about this? I mean, maybe we're getting worked up for nothing?"
Nigel sighed. "Ed, it's obvious you've never been onto atease..."
Jonny started reading atease main thread titles:
OMG webcast!!!!!!
thom really needs to shave the beard, like now
WTF is going on with the webcst??
Hoax!!!! I have indispuitble proofs
Petition For Thom To Never Shave Again
Webcast!! OMG!!!!
Webcast!! OMG!!!!
Webcast!! OMG!!!!
Merry Christmas Radiohead
SOMEONE RECORD THE WEBCAST BECAUSE I'M GOING TO THE MOVIES
Rainbows and Radiohead are GAY
WEBCAST!!!
"That's it!" Nigel exclaimed. "We'll just claim this was all a hoax."
Phil understood the plan immediately: "We'll say this was all to prove how much the media will buy anything and how there is no journalistic integrity anymore."
Nigel pointed at Stanley: "Use the worm buffet code to spell out 'of course hoax' or something. Let's get it up on DAS soon."
"Hey - what's Classics?" Jonny asked.
A few hours later, the group was hoping that they had done everything in their power to diffuse the situation.
"Pitchfork already gave us a 10/10," Nigel reported. "They said that it was a spontaneous and highly original way to use the internet and that we've changed every facet of webcasting forever. They're naming 2008 'The Year That Radiohead Changed The World Forever' and it's not even 2008 yet."
"And the NME said they had an 'inside scoop' but they just reused one of Thom's old quotes from a 1997 interview." Colin rolled his eyes.
"This blog has a poll that says that 18% of the responders think that Thom would win a fight, 7% think that Colin would win and the rest think that Jonny's hair is 'really awesome.'"
"I'm going to take a leak" Thom announced, pushing his chair out and walked to the bathroom.
As soon as he was out of earshot, Colin hissed to the group: "What are we going to do about the Thom situation - he practically raped my little brother. He needs to be punished."
"Like exposing all of his deepest darkest personal secrets on a webcast?" Nigel sarcastically offered.
Jonny used his hand to half-hide his face. "Colin, it's fine," he said.
"No it's not," Colin said. "He needs to be humiliated."
"Like, presenting a lifetime achievement award to Green Day?" Jonny suggested.
"I was thinking that he should be forced to be our slave for a day and crawl around on his hands and knees, completely naked, ordered to do our every command. I have plenty of whips and handcuffs that I could supply as well," Colin said.
"You are a dark and twisted person," Stanley said. "I like that."
"I'm giving the lot of you puppy and kitty calendars for Christmas," Phil said.
"Colin, you just need to drop it," Jonny said. "This does not concern you."
The group seemed to be siding with Jonny.
"Fine," Colin said nastily. "I'll drop it." "He left the table and went to look for Thom.
***
Colin found Thom as Thom was leaving the bathroom.
"We're not done," Colin announced to Thom. He grabbed him roughly by the arm and half-dragged him to a large storage room. On one side of the room, piles of discboxes waiting to be dispatched were stacked against the wall.
Colin closed the door and locked it. He stood close to Thom's face.
"You're an insult to the human race," he said, louder than necessary.
"I've apologized to Jonny; I've apologized to you even though it's none of your fucking business. I don't know what else I can do," Thom spat back.
"You think saying 'sorry' will get you out of everything?"
"Fuck you."
Colin lunged at Thom; his attack knocked them both to the floor. They wrestled around for a few minutes. Thom almost had Colin in a headlock when Colin bit Thom in the arm, drawing blood.
"Did you just fucking bite me?" Thom said. His rage gave him a temporary advantage and he pinned Colin below him. He struck Colin's face with his hand and blood started pouring out of Colin's nose.
Colin looked stunned. He wiggled an arm free and winced as he felt his nose. He pulled his hand back and saw the blood, red and wet, covering his fingers.
"You fucker," Colin said. "Let me up."
"So you can bite me again? I think not."
"Let me go!"
"As soon as you can relax and assure me that you're going to chill the fuck out, I'll let you go."
"Fuck you."
"Be that way."
Colin kept trying to squirm his way free, but Thom kept his advantage.
"Did you think of me when you were forcing yourself onto my brother?" Colin asked.
"Like the time I gave you this scar from when we did it in the neighbor's gardening shed?" Thom slid Colin's shirt halfway up and ran his thumb across a faint scar.
"You've always been an opportunistic bastard," Colin said, struggling less.
"If you promise not to hit me, I'll let you up and we can get some ice for your nose."
"Fine." Colin said. He laid perfectly still.
Thom slowly lessened his hold on Colin. As soon as Colin's arms were free, he dragged Thom's face to his and kissed him hard.
Thom hesitated for a moment before struggling to sit up, glaring down at Colin.
"What the hell was that for?"
Colin sneered. "You liked it."
"No, I did not!"
"Well, you're taking my belt off as we speak."
Thom looked down and notice that his hands were, in fact, pulling impatiently at Colin's belt. He didn't remember telling them to do that, why were they doing that? He continued to glare down at Colin as if it was all his fault. "I'll have you know, there is no way you're getting away with that." The buckle came undone with a clink "I'm probably going to get some sort of infection."
"Serves you right." The belt was pulled from it's loops.
"And I'll let Ed write songs before I fuck you again." Colin's fly was undone, jeans pushed off hips and tossed away carelessly.
"You'd better get him a pen and a pad of paper, then." Colin said confidently as his boxers joined the growing pile of clothing and Thom pounced.
***
Back in the studio, the others had grouped around a large table and were sipping at mixed drinks. (Jonny at a glass of chocolate milk) and Ed was standing a little ways off to the side, thrashing about wildly as if he were drowning.
"Jaws!" Phil called out and Ed shook his head.
"It's two words, Phil," Nigel reminded him. "and I think it's Open Water."
"I hate charades." Stanley moped, only to receive a thwack to the back of the head as Ed sat down.
"You're next, freak."
"I refuse to play this game." he crossed his arms and looked away. Ed rolled his eyes.
"You guys," Jonny spoke up, putting his cup down. "I think we should go try and find Cozzie and Thom, before they kill each other."
Nigel had pulled out a deck of cards and began shuffling. "Let them sort it out, one of them is bound to lose their voice sooner or later, after all that shouting."
"Or lose a limb." Phil contributed. "That Thom bites."
"So does Colin." said Ed.
"Yes," Phil nodded. "But Thom has rabies. He's part wolf, you know."
"I must admit that being bitten by Thom is not funny at all" Ed said sternly
"How d'you know that?" Jonny said, frowning.
"I had an argument with him about a setlist once. He didn't want to play Paranoid Android"
Phil nodded. "I was there; when I said Ed was right, he just bit him, out of nowhere. I bet his mother used to let him bite customers at the grocery store when he was a child, he's never lost the habit..."
"Holy hell, we'd better make sure my brother is okay..."
"Fine, but I'm taking thick leather gloves first, in case I have to touch him..."
"Maybe you could use a stick," Phil suggested "like they do for snakes, you know."
"But Thom doesn't have venom in his teeth"
"Or so you think, Jonny. Let's go."
***
Meanwhile, in the bathroom, Thom was lying on the floor, leaning back against the wall. Colin had placed his hands on either side of his head, on the cold tiles, and was riding him shamelessly. Holding him firmly by the hips, Thom was matching his movements and pounding hard into him.
"So..." Colin panted, "What do you think... ooh, yes, Thom, just like that... wha' d'you think... Ed's first song... will be about?"
Thom tried to catch his breath. "About... oh, god... about screwing up sexy bassists, I hope" he replied with difficulty, as Colin quickened his rhythm, knocking the air out of him. "He likes you, by the way" he added, his right hand now trailing from Colin's hip to his cock. Colin cried out as Thom started stroking him, and Thom pulled him into a deep kiss to muffle the noise.
"I knew it," Colin said hoarsely when they pulled away. "but right now... please Thom, harder!... I don't... really care...'fter all... fucked my brother..."
He threw his head back and clenched his teeth. He was feeling himself nearing climax when he heard footsteps in the corridor.
Having heard it too, Thom managed to whisper, "Did you hear that?" his head turning towards the door and Colin moaned in response. "Damnit, Colin! Listen!"
On the other side of the door, Jonny turned to Ed, who shrugged. "Just open it. They might be unconscious."
"I hope they're not bleeding, I can't stand the sight of blood." Jonny shivered and Ed sighed, pushing him away.
"Here, I'll fucking do it." he grabbed the door handle and turned it. The door didn't open. "I think it's locked."
"Shit! Shit, shit, shit!" Thom struggled to get out from under Colin, who wasn't helping in the least bit. Instead he had started riding even harder. "Stop...fucking...squirming!" he said through clenched teeth.
"Get off me, then!"
Jonny shook his head. "The lock is broken on that one, you just have to give it a shove." Ed turned back to the door and did as Jonny said, the door opening with a thump. Ed's arm fell down against his side and the two stood gapping at the scene infront of him. Thom was mid-struggle, attempting to pull up his jeans and Colin was still ontop of him, slumped lazily against the wall.
"Just what the hell is going on here?" Ed bellowed and Jonny whimpered out that it would have been better if they had been bleeding before he ran off with a sob.
"Now look what you did!" Ed turned back to the pair. Thom had managed to push Colin onto the floor, yank up his trousers and was now scrambling to his feet. "You two are the most unbelievable pair of people I have ever met. One minute you're about to tear each other throats out and the next you're shagging on a bathroom floor!"
"Thom's very confused." Colin nodded in agreement and received a death-glare from him.
"You're the one who came onto me!"
Stanley, after hearing the commotion, had wandered into the hallway and was now standing next to Ed with a blank look on his face. "Colin, I believe your trousers have fallen off."
"Look, I don't care who started it, just...God," Ed shook his head in disgust. "This is the worst Christmas ever."
"Listen, Ed, he undressed me and-"
"Wanker! I undressed you because you fucking kissed me!" Thom snarled.
"Because you started talking about the time we were shagging"
Ed covered his ears with his hands. "Enough! Enough! You two are impossible! What am I still doing here with you?"
"Yeah, I was wondering, too" Thom retorted "What band on earth needs three guitarists anyway?"
Ed wasn't expecting Thom's nasty remark. Even Colin seemed suddenly struck by lightning. They had had more than a few serious arguments about this issue and none of them could believe Thom had dared to bring up the subject again.
Ed felt like punching Thom square in the face and maybe make his eyes finally match, but he knew this wouldn't lead anywhere.
"You want me to quit? Fine. I quit." he said icily, turning on his heels.
Thom and Colin watched him leave, speechless. Then Colin turned to Thom, his face black with anger.
"Very well done Thom! Why d'you have to fuck things up constantly?"
"This would never have happened if you had not kissed me in the first place!"
"YOU started talking... oh, fuck that. Let's go and try and fetch Ed. Maybe he hasn't left yet..."
Colin walked out the bathroom, and Thom followed in silence.
***
"Where's Ed?" Colin asked as he came back into the main room. Nigel and Phil looked at him glumly. Colin looked away and his eyes fell on his brother, sitting on a wooden chair and sobbing openly. Thom approached Jonny and put a hand on his shoulder, but Jonny shrugged it off violently.
"Don't touch me! It's your fault! He left and it's your fault!"
"I'm sorry! I- I didn't want that, I just wanted him to stop talking and-"
Jonny let out a bitter laugh "Ha! If someone needs to shut the fuck up here it's YOU!"
"See, Thom? I told you you had a gift for spoiling things"
"Shut your fucking face, Coz. You're as responsible for this mess as he is!" he spat, tears still running down his cheeks. He took his head in his hands and muttered. "I hate you."
Colin whimpered, "You don't mean that." Jonny merely sniffed.
"Okay," Thom let out a defeated sigh. "I'm going to go look for Ed and try and talk to him."
Colin turned to him "What makes you think he's going to listen to you?"
"He might not listen to me, but he'll probably listen to you."
"But - "
"Colin."
"Fine." he mumbled. "But I hope you have some devious plan up your sleeve, because I doubt he's going to come willingly."
***
Ed hadn't left yet. Instead, he wandered angrily into the forest, muttering under his breath the whole time. He felt unappreciated and disgusted and - and confused. And he didn't like feeling so many things at once when he was so used to having one emotion - high. Spitting angrily, he sat down on a fallen log, pulling out a joint and lighting it. He wasn't far into the woods, had he turned around he would have still been able to see the house through the trees, and he would have seen the two figures step out from the back door. After a moment or two of staring off at nothing, inhaling and exhaling smoke, he got up and absentmindedly wandered deeper into the trees.
Barely two steps away from the back door and Thom and Colin had started bickering again about which direction to look in; neither of them had noticed the tracks leading into the woods. Colin called Thom a "whiney prat" and was given a face-full of cold snow.
"You think this is fun and games, Colin?" he asked. "What if we don't find him, then what?"
Colin brushed the remaining snow off his face and sighed. "We'll find him. For once in your life, Thom, try to be optimistic."
"Hey," Thom interrupted, pointing at the forest "there he is."
"Fine. Let's go and talk to him. I hope you have your apologies ready, smartarse."
"Gimme a fucking break, Coz."
They walked to the spot where Ed was sitting in silence, approaching him from behind. Ed heard them coming closer, but didn't turn around. Thom cleared his throat.
"Hey..."
Ed remained silent. Thom planted himself in front of him, but Ed refused stubbornly to look up.
"Listen, I know I fucked up. I should never have done that. It was stupid, and childish and... and not even true. I mean, of course we need you! We're five in the band, that makes our sound richer than other bands, and if you weren't there, who would do the backup vocals? Phil's voice is not as great as yours, Jonny lisps too much, and Colin sings SO out of tune he would just destroy the songs-"
"Hey!" Colin protested "Don't go too far!"
"-and all the effects and stuff, you know..." Thom continued, ignoring Colin's intervention "I'm really really really sorry..."
Silence.
"Ed... say something" Thom pleaded. Ed glared at him and spoke up.
"I don't know what's the worst here. The fact that you hurt me -again- or the way you used to get back at Jonny and me for having slept together... And you," Ed said, turning his gaze to Colin "you're no better than him. You're just the same kind of depraved pervert; you wanted to beat the shit out of him, how the fuck did you end up with his cock up your arse?"
"Let's say it's just hard to resist him; at least as hard as resisting Jonny. It doesn't show, but they're just a pair of sluts - do I need to remind you Jonny sucked off half the people in rock that are about our age?"
"What? I thought he was closer to 75%" Thom said in a mock surprised tone. Colin let out a short laugh, glad to see that Thom was doing his best to lighten things up.
"I'm really sorry. Thom is a great fuck, but I've always liked you, I promise..."
Thom chuckled and sat on Ed's lap, throwing his arms around Ed's neck.
"Now I can be your slut too if you want to get back at Coz" he said playfully, obscenely licking his upper lip with the tip of his tongue. Ed couldn't help but smile at this.
"That won't be necessary, but thanks anyway. Keep that kiss for Jonny, yeah?"
"Yeah, Jonny... or anyone else the slut Colin says I am will feel like doing."
"Good," Colin beamed. "Now that we've got that settled. Erm, Thom...mind if I have a word with Edward?"
Thom stared blankly at the two of them and Colin's eyebrows raised. "Alone?"
"Huh?" Thom blinked. "Oh, yeah. Sure Coz, I'll erm, just go back inside I guess." and he waved to them both, turning on his heels and heading back towards the house, unable to avoid hearing a dangerous growl escape a throat and the sound of bodies tumbling over a fallen log.
***
Nigel had just managed to calm everyone down when the back door flew open and in stepped Thom. He let out a sigh, glancing at Jonny, who's eyes were still red from crying. "Well, there goes all that, then."
"I'm fine, Nigel. Thank you." Jonny sniffed, pulling his knees up under his chin. "Where's Cozzie?"
"Erm," Thom looked around a the group of them. "He and Ed are...talking...in the woods."
Phil arched an eyebrow. "Talking..."
"Yeah."
"In the woods..."
"Yep. Having a chit-chat in the old woods." Thom nodded. "Anyway, do you guys mind? I have to speak with Jonny."
From his angle on the chair, Jonny couldn't see that Thom was holding something behind his back. Stanley, however, noticed and left the room immediately. With a shrug, the others followed and the two were left alone. Cautiously, Thom moved away from the door, attempting to keep the object concealed until he was standing infront of his friend, who looked away angrily.
"Jon, please. I bought you something. It's your Christmas present."
"I don't want it."
"Yes, you do."
His brow furrowed, though he still wasn't looking at Thom. "How dare you think that you can just buy my forgiveness. I don't want it."
Thom plucked one of it's strings from behind his back and could almost see Jonny perk up at the noise, so he did it again. "Are you suuuure, Jonny?"
"Yes." he said, though Thom was unconvinced.
"Are you positive?"
"Uhm..."
Grinning, Thom held the instrument out infront of him and Jonny finally turned his attention towards him.
The banjo he was holding looked expensive, and of the best quality. It was hard to resist when Thom had such an argument. He was grinning at Jonny, highly amused to see him struggling not to reach out and seize the instrument. Jonny finally folded his arms and tucked his hands under his armpits.
"Take it back where you found it. I said I didn't want it" Jonny snapped impatiently.
"Listen, Jonny, don't do that, I'm sorry. Please. I wish nothing had happened."
"You're always sorry..." he hissed. He got up, ready to leave.
"I mean it; and to prove you how sorry I am, I'm ready to..." he breathed in deeply before carrying on "to let you play it on our next record."
Jonny knew how much it cost to Thom to give in, and he softened immediately. He gave the offer the thought it needed.
"The permission to play the banjo in exchange for my forgiveness?"
"Well, yeah, basically that's it..."
"Agreed." Jonny smiled, taking the instrument from Thom's hands and putting it down on the chair he had just vacated. He extended his hand but instead of a handshake, Thom pulled Jonny towards him. He leaned in and, standing on tiptoe, placed his lips gently against Jonny's full ones, savouring their softness and the warmness of Jonny's breath.
***
Meanwhile, in the woods, Ed and Colin weren't talking anymore. For the first time they had managed to speak to each other directly. Awkwardly at first, but it had not lasted long. Colin was now sitting on Ed's lap with his back pressed against his chest. Ed's arms were wound around Colin's waist and he was nibbling at the delicate skin of his neck. Colin's eyes were closed, and his head was tilted to allow Ed a better access; he could have stayed like this forever. However, he couldn't help but worry about his brother.
"Hey"
"Mmm? What is it, Cozzie? You want me to stop?" Ed whispered against Colin's neck.
"Jesus no," Colin sighed "But I think we should go back inside and check on Thom and Jonny... before Jonny threatens to leave the band, too."
Ed gently bit Colin's neck one last time and pulled away.
"I guess you're right. Let's go." he agreed, getting up.
He put his arm around Colin's shoulders and they started walking back to the house slowly.
"You know, Ed..."
"Yeah...?"
"I haven't visited the first floor of this house yet. So if Thom and Jonny are fine - or at least, not killing each other - how about taking a look at the bedrooms upstairs?" Colin said, glancing mischievously at Ed.
"Sounds like the best plan ever to me." Ed replied, grinning. "Thom and Jonny should better not be fighting..."
They heard a loud shriek as they approached the back door of the house and Colin sighed. "Damnit, why can't everyone just get along?" When they stepped inside, Jonny had pinned a giggling Thom to the floor and was tickling him everywhere he could reach. He looked up when his brother and Ed entered, cheeks blushing.
"Er, hi." he said and Colin blinked, surprised.
"Oh, so...you guys aren't fighting, then?"
"Yes!" Thom gasped, out of breath. "Get him off me! Jonny, your knees are boneyOW!"
"Say it!" Jonny leaned over, growling.
"Never!"
Gently, Ed nudged Colin away from the scene and the two of them vacated the room, hearing Thom wheeze out "The banjo is the great - Jonny, I caaantOUCH, stop pinching me!" They climbed the stairs up to the first level and Colin tugged Ed into the first bedroom he saw, pinning him against the door to shut it and reached up, pressing his lips against his neck.
"Cozzie, this room is full of boxes."
"We'll make a fort later, Ed. Right now I don't care so kiss me, damnit!" he pulled backwards, past the piles of boxes and stumbled onto the bed against the far wall, Ed toppling down ontop of him and planting kisses over his face.
"It even smells like boxes," he muttered around Colin's lips and felt teeth bite down gently.
"If you don't shut up about boxes I'm going to blindfold you."
Ed grinned mischievously at this. "This one time, I found a box in an alley-way..."
***
"Okay, now saaaaay, 'I am Thom Yorke and IIIII...uhm...smell like cheese'."
"Jonny - "
"Thom, you don't want me to leave the band, do you?" Jonny asked, pulling off his best wounded-puppy-dog look. Thom sighed.
"I am Thom Yorke, and I smell...like cheese."
Jonny broke into a fit of giggles and Thom sat up off the floor, glaring at him. "This could be considered abuse, you know."
"I'll make it up to you." Jonny smiled, leaning in to kiss him when Nigel stomped into the room shouting "You're all a bunch of whores!" He picked up his glass from off the table, holding it out. "I forgot this." and with that he stamped back out of the room muttering under his breath.
"He's just jealous." Jonny whispered.
Thom nodded. "Yeah, and he's going bald."
"Oh, that reminds me." Jonny sat up again, looking down at him. "If you want me to stay in the band, the beard has to go."
Thom ran his hand over the hair on his chin, eyes on the verge of watering. "M-my beard?"
"Yes." Jonny nodded. "All of it. You look like a hobo, Thom."
"I thought it was sexy!"
Jonny visibly shuddered. "Stubble is sexy, we can all deal with stubble. But...not the hobo-beard."
Thom sighed, wiggling his way out from under Jonny, who still had him pinned to the floor, and made his way into the bathroom, the other following him. Once inside, he pulled open a drawer and fished out a package labeled "emergency razor".
"Can I be alone, Jon? Please?" he asked, glancing over to his friend who nodded, stepping back into the hallway and shutting the door behind him.
"Well, it's been fun." Thom said to his reflection. "Guess it's good-bye, then."
***
They lay on their backs, eyes glancing up towards the ceiling and contended sighs escaping their lips. After a few moments of allowing themselves to calm down, Colin came up with an idea and lazily smacked Ed's thigh.
"What was that for?" he asked, pulling the t-shirt that had acted as a blindfold away from his eyes.
"You should roll us a joint." Colin said, stretching. Ed got off the bed and pulled on his jeans. "Where are you going?"
"I have a better idea." he said with a grin. "Wait here."
Darting down the stairs, he almost hit the wall on the opposite side, right where Jonny was sitting, staring at the bathroom door. Ed blinked and Jonny smiled, whispering. "Thom's shaving."
"Really?"
Jonny nodded, grinning. "What should I have him do next?"
"I don't know, I'm sure you can come up with something good." Ed shrugged, moving his way towards the back door to put on his boots. He couldn't wait to see the look on Colin's face when he handed him the rainbow bong.
When he came back from fetching Colin's present from his car, Jonny was still leaning against the wall, staring at the bathroom door as if it were going to explode open at any second. Rolling his eyes, Ed climbed up the stairs and burst into the bedroom. Colin was still lying on the bed, humming loudly and moving his feet to the beat of the song in his head.
"Oh Coozzzieee!" Ed called and Colin looked up.
"What is it, Edddieeee?"
Ed thrust the rainbow bong forward and Colin's eyes lit up.
"Oh, Ed! You really did get me a rainbow bong!" he took it gently from his hands and stroked the sides of it affectionately. Ed blinked.
"What do you mean, 'I really did get you a rainbow bong'?"
Colin hesitated. "Erm, well...me and Jonny had this plan, see. I was going to talk to Thom and find out what he got for Jonny, and...Jonny was going to talk to you, to find out what you were getting for me."
Ed was silent, so Colin continued. "And, well...he told me that you got me this."
"Oh," Ed said, clueing in. "Well, do you like it, Cozzie?"
"I love it!" he grinned, leaning in to kiss Ed on the lips. "Now, get your weed and lets smoke a bowl!"
Downstairs, Jonny was just about fed up with waiting when the bathroom door creaked open and his heart leapt into his throat.
"Thommy?" he asked. "Are you done?"
"It looks weird, Jonny." said a voice behind the door. "It feels weird."
"Oh come on, Thom. I'm sure it looks fine, now come out from there."
The door opened further and out stepped a clean-shaven Thom, eyes averted to the floor. He heard a loud squeal of delight and Jonny flung himself at him, wrapping his arms around his neck and dropping kisses on his face. "You look ten years younger!"
"Ehhgh." he groaned.
"You're face is so smooth and soft now!"
"Ehhgh."
"Oh shut up, Thom." Jonny laughed, holding him close. "Now, uhm. You have to come upstairs and...wait out in the hallway while I get your present ready."
"You don't have to give it to me now," Thom said. He kept running his hand over his throat and chin.
"Don't you want to know what it is?" Jonny asked, slightly hurt.
Thom turned back to the bathroom and stood in front of the mirror. "I think I need a few minutes."
***
"Nachos"
"With lots of cheese"
"And bacon"
"Jalapeños"
"Salsa"
"Sour cream"
"I think it's your turn to go get food," Ed said. "I got the sundaes last time."
Colin lifted his head off Ed's chest and looked at up at him. "Your eyes are all bloodshot."
Ed laughed. He lifted his hand and slowly traced Colin's eyebrow. "So are yours." They both giggled. Colin kissed Ed's chest and pushed himself up. "I'll go make us some nachos."
Colin was busy in the kitchen. He had just decided that peanut butter would probably not be a good addition to the large plate of nachos he was working on when Thom walked in and stood next to Colin. Colin didn't look up and gave Thom a slight nod. It was a moment before Thom spoke.
"Cozzie, I think I've made a huge mistake."
"It's cool; we can just bleach all of your pink stuff back to white. You've just got to remember to double check your whites so that nothing red gets in, though."
"It's not my laundry."
Colin looked up Thom and focused on his chin. "It'll grow back," Colin told him. "Looks great though. Just give yourself some time to get used to it."
Thom self-consciously rubbed in chin. "It's not that."
Colin was confused.
Thom stepped into Colin and Colin could feel Thom hard against his leg. Thom whispered into Colin's ear: "I think I choose the wrong Greenwood. I don't want Jonny; I want you."
Colin was astonished. "Beg your pardon?" he said, taking a step back.
"You heard me. I'm making a mistake."
"Obviously; so now get rid of this hardon and go back to my brother so he can lick your shaven cheeks as much as he wants."
"Coz, it's exactly what I'm talking about! How can I be in love with someone who makes me shave when I don't want to?"
"Try to understand, he doesn't like hair too much."
"Who is he to talk? He has more hair than I have on his chest! The whole world could see that during thumbs_down!" Thom replied, rolling his eyes.
"Ask him to wax, then. What do I care? It's none of my business. Now, if you'll excuse me, Ed's waiting..."
Colin picked up the tray of food.
"No, wait," said Thom, snatching it from Colin's hands and setting it back on the table. "I'm not taking no for an answer. I've chosen, and it's you, full stop."
Colin frowned. "You should have said that when we were fucking in the bathroom; it was a rather appropriate moment, don't you think? But no, once again you decide to be selfish. Oh, yeah, let's get back together, woohoo! What do you think will happen? You just convinced Jonny to forgive you, and he is happy as fuck that you sorted things out. And so is Ed. Do you want to break their hearts again?"
Thom pouted. "I'm not going to ignore my feelings, now, am I?"
"I'm afraid we- you'll have to."
"You said 'we'."
"No I didn't."
"You want me back too."
"Look, Thom," Colin sighed. "Yes, you're sexy. Yes, I want to fuck you. Yes, I'll always have a thing for you considering all the... history we have. But I care about Ed, too. I care about my brother. And I care about the band. So I'm telling you no. We can't. It's not right, get it?"
"They don't need to know." Thom stated coldly. With that he pushed Colin against the nearest wall, pinning Colin's wrists above his head. He crashed his lips onto his and forced his tongue inside Colin's mouth. Thom started grinding into Colin, and to his satisfaction he felt Colin getting hard against him, in spite of his determination to reject Thom.
Thom let one of Colin's wrists go so he could work at getting Colin's trousers off for the second time that day. Colin used his newfound freedom to push Thom back a few steps.
"Thom, no!" Colin said forcefully. "After years and years, we're both about to finally going to be with the people of our dreams. We should try to not fuck it up for once."
"But I want to be with you."
Colin sighed. "No, you don't. We worked when we were young because we were just fooling around and it didn't mean anything. But you've got to face that we're adults now."
"Things were much simpler back then."
"You've fought a long time for Jonny, don't give up now just as everything's about to be great."
"I know. I do love him."
"Then let's not fuck this up."
They heard Ed's voice from the corner of the kitchen: "Are you two quite done?"
Colin and Thom sprang apart and turned towards the voices. Ed was leaning against the door frame and Jonny was standing next to him, a wrapped gift in hand.
"Here's your present, Thom," Jonny said, holding the gift out. "If you still want it."
Thom walked towards Jonny and wrapped him in a huge hug. "I'm a screw up. But I do love you and want to be with you."
"You are a screw up and that's why I want to be with you," Jonny laughed into Thom's hair. They pulled back from each other and Thom took the gift from Jonny's hands.
"What did you get me?" he asked.
"Open it!" Jonny said.
Thom opened the gift and lifted the lid off the box. Inside were a week's worth of boxers, with Thom's initials embroidered on each pair.
Jonny was grinning. "This way, there won't be any other underwear mix ups."
Thom laughed. "I don't know, it's a strange path, but sometimes finding someone else's boxes when doing the laundry can lead to someplace very good."
"That might be true in this case, but I never want to go through this again," Jonny said, leaning over to kiss Thom's cheek.
Jonny was sprawled out on the bed. "Exhausting," he said. "I've grown somewhat accustomed to the banality of journalists from weekly music magazines, but I think these journalists that write about classical music make even the worst of the others look like gold. If I didn't know any better, I would think that classical music was only listened to by a bunch of snobby people. And they asked the same questions over and over again. I sometimes wonder if these people actually listen to music or if they just talk about it all the time."
Jonny continued chattering on, happy to be back home.
Thom interrupted. "What are these?" he said coldly. With two fingers only, he was holding out a pair of Christmas boxers with cartoon reindeer. "These aren't yours and where did they come from?" Thom was glaring.
Jonny froze, his eyes locked on the garish green and red colors.
"They were a gift. From Sharona." Jonny said quickly without looking at Thom, "I like the graphic print."
"Uh-huh" Thom said skeptically, "your Israeli wife gave you a pair of Christmas boxers?"
Jonny sat up and took them from Thom, tossing them quickly into the dirty laundry pile. "Yes, well, she knows I like Christmas."
"Jonny, that was not smooth at all. Why don't you tell me who really gave you the boxers?" Thom replied.
Jonny started fidgeting with the edge of the pillowcase. "They're mine."
"I know they're yours now, I was wondering who gave them to you."
Fidget, fidget. "No one."
"If you're going to be like that, I'm leaving."
"Be like what?"
"Like a cheating whore."
"Takes one to know one."
"I knew it! What's her name?"
"I thought you were leaving."
"I am." And Thom stormed out of the room. He slammed the bedroom door shut, stamped his feet to the front door, wished Jonny hadn't decided to randomly only use 3 out of the 5 deadbolts on the door, finally wrenched the door open and slammed it shut behind him. He got into his car and fumed for a few minutes. He saw Jonny's front door open and the rational part of his brain - the part that wasn't absolutely furious with Jonny for whatever he had or hadn't done - was hoping that Jonny was coming out to apologise or say something to make it all better. It was their pattern. Thom angrily hit the window down button. "What" he growled.
Jonny was standing on the porch, arms crossed. "It wasn't a her," he said and with a swish of his hair he walked back into his house.
At this, Thom struggled to detach himself from his car, not bothering to turn off the ignition before slamming the door shut and darting back into the house, finding Jonny just as he was about to climb the stairs to his room. Turning him around roughly, he pulled him back down onto the floor and pinned him against the wall. He knew Jonny could throw him off without even trying, but the fear in his eyes gave him confidence that he would remain standing on solid ground.
"What do you mean it's not a her?" he growled through clenched teeth and Jonny, shaking off the momentary fear he felt, glared back.
"If it's not a her then it's obviously a he." he snapped. "You know the difference between men and woman, don't you?"
Thom shook his head furiously. "Okay, so that was a dumb question. Who is he, then? What's his name so I can look him up and kick the shit out of him!"
Jonny rolled his eyes. "Thom, he's 6'5", I highly doubt - "
"FUCKING ED?!" Thom roared, releasing his grip on the other man and pushing himself away. Slowly, Jonny peeled away from the wall, running a hand up his arm self-consciously, eyes locked on the floor.
"I-I was going to tell you, I swear. It was an honest mistake, Ed...h-he thought it meant something and...the boxers...drinking and...I don't know. Please, can we just sit down and talk about this?"
"Talk about what exactly - the fact that you can't keep your cock in your pants or the fact that you can't keep it out of a man's ass. There are two issues there."
"I know. I fucked up. What am I going to tell Sharona?"
"How about 'I am a lying cheating whore?' That seems like a good place to start."
"I didn't mean for this to happen."
"Of course not. You're little perfect Mr. Jonny Greenwood," Thom said sarcastically.
Jonny didn't say anything. After a pause, Thom continued:
"And when the fuck did you decide that you liked fucking men?"
"Why does it matter to you?" Jonny asked.
"It doesn't."
"Seems like it matters."
"I told you it doesn't."
"Fine, it doesn't matter to you. But what am I going to do?" Jonny walked over and sat on the couch. "She's going to hate me." He buried his head into his hands.
"Maybe you shouldn't tell her."
"How can I not?"
"Well, who knows? You, Ed, me ... anyone else?"
"Not unless Ed told anyone."
"He probably didn't, but we'll need to find out for sure. So unless one of us tells her, she'll never find out. Now the question is, what are you going to do for me so I don't tell?"
Jonny looked at Thom. "What?" He was bewildered. "You're my friend, we've known each other for years ... my best friend ... I shouldn't have to do anything for you to not tell."
Thom shrugged. "Maybe. But that was before you started whoring yourself out to Ed." Thom unzipped his trousers. "And I know what I want."
Jonny shook his head. "I don't ... you don't ..."
"I think you do. And you will."
"Let's go upstairs at least."
"Here and now."
"But Sharona could be home any minute!"
"Then you'd better hurry up."
"Or the bathroom - we can lock the bathroom!"
"Now. And if you're worried about an incriminating mess, I suggest you swallow."
***
Thom left the house a short while later. He jumped in his car and drove through some side streets and parked on the street in front of an older house. Grabbing the Christmas boxers where he had thrown them on the passenger seat, he walked up to the front door and knocked loudly. The door was opened a few short moments later.
"Edward John O'Brien," Thom said icily. "This was not part of the fucking plan." Thom threw the boxers at Ed and walked inside like he owned the place. "Did you think I wouldn't find out?"
Ed closed the door behind him and followed Thom to the living room.
"Yeah, I was going to tell you about that. Sorry ... can I offer you a drink or something?"
"Yes," Thom replied and they both walked to the kitchen.
If Ed had hoped to change the subject, it wasn't working.
Thom continued in the same icy tone, "Do you want to explain when exactly you decided to sleep with Jonny?"
Ed continued to make their drinks and didn't look up at Thom. "Well, we started as we had planned. Just me and Jonny, having a couple of drinks together. We were originally supposed to meet at the pub, but I was running late and Jonny just came straight here and then it was raining so we decided to have a couple of drinks here - "
Thom cut him off. "Do you think this is helping your case?"
"I'm getting there, damn it! Well, we started talking about relationships and stuff. And I brought up the time that we caught him with that other boy before rehearsal - just like you had suggested - and then I asked him if he might still fancy boys and one thing lead to another and we were drinking - I mentioned we were drinking, right? - and then he was kissing me and then, well, I guess you know the rest." Ed handed Thom his drink. "I swear I didn't mean for it to happen."
"What would you do if you were me? You trust one of your best friends to talk to one of your other best friends and you betrayed everything our friendship meant for a shag. How would you feel if I shagged Colin?"
"But you have shagged Colin."
"That's not my fucking point and you know it. I haven't fucking shagged Colin in a long fucking time and definitely not since we came up with this plan. The plan - which was just as much your idea as mine - I talk to Colin and see if might be interested in you and you talk to Jonny and see if he's at all interested in me. It's the world's easiest plan and yet you found a way to fuck it up."
Thom sat down at the table. "Fuck!" he said to his drink. "Fuck, fuck, fuck."
***
Colin was busy re-arranging his books when the phone rang. Which a sigh he stepped over the piles he had laid out according to size, thickness, colour, subject and anything else he could think of. This is how he spent his afternoons when he wasn't playing with the band or shovelling the laneway. He snatched the shrieking contraption off its cradle and put on his best "I'm so glad to hear from you" voice before answering with an overly excited "Hello?"
"Cozzie, I'm so confused!" Jonny cried out from the other end. Colin rubbed his eyes.
"Jonny, we've been through this. You wash the lights and the darks seperately."
"It's not that! I made a horrible mistake and now Thom is mad at me becauseIsleptwithEdafterwehadafewdrinks and and ThomthinksI'macheatingwhoreandhegotallupsetandthenhe he he - "
"Woah, slow down. You slept with Ed?"
Jonny swallowed thickly. "After a few drinks, yeah. I didn't mean to, honestly."
"Jonny!" Colin said, pained. "This was not how we were going to do things!"
"I know, Colin. I'm sorry."
"You were supposed to talk to him - "
"I know."
"and you were supposed to bring me up -"
"I know."
"and see what he got me for Christmas!"
"I know!"
"You weren't supposed to sleep with him!"
"I fucking know, Colin!" Jonny whimpered. "Please, just tell me what to do, because I have no idea, and you always know what to do."
"Well, first things first. Did you find out what Ed is getting me?"
"Oh, yeah ... he's getting you a bong." Jonny paused. "Sorry, typical Ed."
"Oh." Colin sounded disappointed. "Well, that's probably what Ed would consider a really nice gift, right?"
"Yeah, yeah. Of course. That's like the Ed equivalent of a dozen red roses."
Colin sighed.
Jonny continued, trying to make Colin feel better. "But he talked about how it took him forever to find a 'rainbow bong.'"
"EEEEEEEECH" Colin screamed his typical girly scream. "A RAINBOW BONG!!?"
"Er, yes," Jonny agreed. He hated when people talked about rainbows. He didn't see what was so great about them.
"nononono!" Colin explained. "My first bong - back when I was 16 - was a rainbow bong. We loved that thing. Ed accidentally broke and promised to get me a new one. I can't believe he remembered after all these years."
"You smoked marijuana when you were 16? I'm so telling mum."
"Jonny, you were smoking with us."
"Oh, yeah."
"So that must mean that Ed, you know, cares about me. A lot."
"Yes. Of course. Sounds like he found you the perfect gift."
"So do you think the signed copy of the rare Kings of Leon's album, a new blazer and edible underwear is enough for me to give to him? I should probably find some more stuff, right?"
"I think that's more than enough. Why don't you just ask him to stick the bong up your ass?"
"That's a very interesting idea."
"Ew! You're so perverted. I'm hanging up on you now."
"No, wait! Stop!" Colin hollared and he heard Jonny let out a huff of breath. "Don't you want to know what Thom got you for Christmas?"
"I don't really care at this point." Jonny mumbled but Colin ignored him.
"I think he got you a banjo."
Jonny's breath hitched. "A banjo? But why, Thom hates banjos!"
Colin shrugged, then remembered he was on the phone. "Erm, I guess all those years you've been bugging him about it he's finally willing to give in. That's a big feat you know, Thom Yorke never gives in."
On the other end of the phone, the younger Greenwood was attempting to keep himself composed, which was hard now that excitement was boiling up in his stomach. Thom finally gave in! It took more than a decade but finally Jonny would have his banjo and he could sit on the front porch in a rocking chair and pluck out as many obscure country songs if his heart so desired. (Thankfully, it didn't).
Colin rolled his eyes and decided they had more important matters to discuss, such as Jonny. Sleeping with Ed. And what exactly they were going to do about it.
"Anyway, that's not the point. I want to know what happened" Colin continued.
"What," Jonny snapped, "I already told you everything. We were wasted and what happened happened. End of the story. I don't think you want to know all the details, now, do you?"
"Was it good?" Colin said bitterly, even though he didn't want that question answered.
Jonny was getting annoyed.
"Well, for your information, Ed is the best shag ever. That's probably because he's SO big and he does things with his tongue, you would never imagine" he replied. "And he's never tired. I stopped counting how many times we did it after the sixth..."
Colin grimaced. "You filthy little slut!"
"You asked me." said Jonny flatly.
"Who initiated it?"
Jonny remained silent.
"I knew it. I fucking knew it! I bet you did that... that look! That one fucking look you do with your fucking eyes! Your fucking fuck-me-hard look!"
"Colin..."
"Shut it. You know you start thinking with your cock as soon as you drink, why did you even take the risk?"
"Look, I'm sorry, ok? Sorry. And remember I never said anything about you shagging Thom!"
"We were in our teens, Jonny. Back then you didn't even know what 'blowjob' meant. Though looking at your front teeth, it seems it's no longer the case..."
"Indeed. And I performed a few of them no later than yesterday on your precious Edward..."
Colin cursed loudly, and Jonny decided it was time to stop teasing him. Teasing was a euphemism, he thought to himself.
"Ok, listen to me. I tell you, it didn't mean anything; I guess we were just horny and a bit bored. And besides, you might like to know that at some point he said something like 'I wonder if your brother kisses like you' but I was pissed so I didn't really notice."
Colin held his breath, full of hope. "He did?"
"He did. Are you still mad at me?"
"Only a little."
"Want a blowjob too so I can make you forgive me?"
"You're disgusting, Jonny."
"You don't know what you're missing out, I've become really good at this"
"Whore. You'd rather help me find a way to talk to Ed..."
"You don't need to talk; just keep your mouth open and everything will work out."
"Oh, that's really refined, Jonny. Thanks for your help" Colin sighed.
"No prob."
***
A few days later, everyone had gathered back at the studio to start preparations for a webcast. Setting up equipment along the presence of Phil, Stanley and Nigel was enough to keep the drama to a minimum, for a short while.
At the first opportunity, Colin cornered Jonny away from everyone else. Jonny was still annoyed from their previous conversation.
"Finally decided that you want to see what you've been missing out on?" Jonny asked Colin, eying Colin's crotch. "I think Thom and Ed would tell you that I come (snicker) highly recommended."
"You fucking whore. Wait - when did you give Thom a blowjob?"
"Well, I ... ummm ... it's not like I wanted to," Jonny said, avoiding the question.
"What do you mean you didn't want to?" Colin said, his mood shifting from annoyed to overprotective in an instant.
Jonny realized he had said the wrong thing. "No, you misunderstood me?"
"Yes, you wanted to; no, you didn't."
"I didn't right then, but it's not like didn't want to, really."
At that point, Thom chose the worst moment in the history of worst moments to walk by.
"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO MY BROTHER?!!" Colin yelled at Thom, gathering the attention of the rest of the group. Colin gathered up all of his strength and lightly punched Thom on the shoulder.
"OW!" Thom yelped. "THAT WHORE WAS ASKING FOR IT." He gave Colin a small shove. "AND NOW YOU ARE. BITCH."
"What the fuck is that about?" Nigel asked from the other side of the room. "Who did what to who?"
Stanley looked around asked if they were all on Candid Camera.
Phil, who had been paying more attention, explained that "I think Colin's mad at Thom for something about a blowjob?"
"Yeah, Jonny's great at blowjobs," Ed said nodding enthusiastically and without thinking.
"I just threw up a little in my mouth," Phil said.
"I KNOW YOU'RE FILMING" Stanely said, staring off a corner. "YOU CAN'T FOOL ME."
"I think they're really going to fight!" Nigel said, his attention drawn back to Colin and Thom.
"20 quid says that Thom wins," Phil said, pulling out his wallet.
Nigel pulled a couple of bills from his wallet and threw them on the table. "Well, I've got 20 quid says Colin wins."
Ed was studying the scene. "I've got 50 pounds that says that Thom's going to resort to hair pulling first."
"Double or nothing, Colin pulls hair first," Phil said, pulling out more money.
Nigel pulled the rest of the money out of his wallet. "I think Colin's going to use fingernails."
Jonny, who had been pacing near the fighters, came running ("he prances" Ed thought to himself).
"Someone do something," he pleaded. "They're going to kill each other."
"Fuck that," Nigel said. "I've got money on this fight. Let 'em go at each other."
"Please," Jonny whined.
"Fine," Ed said, getting up. "I'll break this up."
"I WILL NOT ALLOW MY LIKENESS ON ANY SYNDICATED PROGRAM" Stanley yelled towards a bookshelf.
Colin and Thom were glaring at each other, breathing heavily and ready to strike at any second when Ed sauntered up to them, reaching Thom first who let out a bark much like a rabid dog, causing Ed to jump backwards away from the pair.
"I'm not going in there, they're going bite my hands off!"
Jonny was watching, scared, throwing glances from Thom to Colin to Ed. "Ed, please!"
"You're a filthy brat, Yorke!" Colin spat suddenly.
"None of this would have happened if it weren't for your whore of a brother!" Thom snarled back, and Colin, belting out his best Xena Battle Cry, attacked in a blur of flailing arms. The two hit the floor with a crash, blocked out by the cheers of the others in the corner, waving their money in the air and shouting suggestions.
"Knee him in the balls, Thom!" Phil called out.
"The head, Colin! Hit him in the head! That's it!" said Nigel.
The scuffling continued in a ball of dust and random limbs, random feral noises managing to leak through the random thumps of heads or knees hitting the floor.
"If your brother just learnt to keep it in his pants -"
"My brother? What about you? If it were up to you, you wouldn't even wear pants!"
"COME OUT, YOU CAN'T HIDE!" Stanley, oblivious to the fight that had broken out on the floor, pushed books aside on the shelf, searching vigorously for the camera crew he was sure existed. "YOU'RE IN THE WALLS, AREN'T YOU?!"
"NO, Thom! Don't pull his hair! Damnit." Phil threw his money to the ground and stamped on it in frustration. "I always bloody lose!"
Ed turned to Nigel, grinning. "Bet you didn't see this when you worked for McCartney."
Nigel stared at him and sighed. "That's cause John Lennon wasn't there."
Meanwhile, Jonny was pacing around his two bandmates tearing at each other, pulling at his own hair.
"Stop it! Stop it!" he shouted in a high-pitched voice "If you don't stop I'm leaving you to join Muse and I swear Matt Bellamy will get a blowjob every single day!"
Thom and Colin froze, just as Thom was going to start biting.
"Blowjobs again!" Phil said, wrinkling his nose. "You're disgusting, Jonny!"
"You wouldn't say that if you'd had one in the past" stated Ed wisely.
"Cut it out, you two" interrupted Jonny. "And before anybody asks, I'm not sucking anybody off today. Stan! There's no bloody camera in the walls! Put that hammer away! Thom, could you please get off my brother now? I don't like seeing you straddling him like that."
"Afraid of getting a boner in front of everybody?" asked Thom, pouting.
"Don't be a jerk to me; I was only joking about Matt."
"Ha!" Colin exclaimed "And what about that time last September?"
Thom's eyes widened. "What?!"
Jonny shot a murderous glance at his brother.
"Oh, bloody hell, I'm fed up with you all" Nigel declared, exasperated. "You're a bunch of whores, that's what you are! I think I'm going to go and ask Coldplay if they need a producer for their next record!"
"Don't be ridiculous Nigel," Ed said calmly, "You'd rather help us and find another ondes martenot player because I'm pretty sure Thom is going to kill Jonny now..."
"I bet thirty pounds that Thom will strangle Jonny" said Phil hopefully, seeing his chance to get his money back.
"Pffft. Forty pounds that Jonny gets stabbed" retorted Stan from the other corner of the room, knocking on the wall to hear if it sounded hollow.
"Shut up; of course I won't kill him, but I'm not kissing him before he does tests certifying he didn't get a horrible disease from Matt. When I think I made him blow me, the mere thought is... urgh"
"For heaven's sake, it was four months ago, and Matt must have a better hygiene than you, Thom" Colin said, rolling his eyes. "And since when do you intend to touch my brother again? Cause that's what you were implying, right?"
Thom grew suddenly serious.
"Cause I like him" he whispered, and he ran out of the room without another word.
"Damnit," Colin groaned, getting up off the floor and brushing the dust from his legs. "Now he's run away."
Nigel piped up from the corner. "Uhm, you guys - "
"Not now, Nigel!"
"But this is really important and I think you should know - "
"Nigel!" Colin barked and the other man's mouth closed, but not for long as soon he was muttering under his breath that he couldn't work in these conditions, and how he couldn't even remember the last time they fed him and why was he always the one who had to comfort Ed when they wouldn't let him play guitar?
Jonny was absolutely furious. "Did he call me fat? Is that what he said?"
"No one called you fat, Jonny," his brother sighed, rubbing his eyes in frustration when he heard a stiffled laugh come from the corner and looked up to find Ed trying to hide a smile. Unfortunately, Jonny heard it as well and let out a pained yelp.
"I am not fat!" he pouted. "Eddie!"
"Oh, God." Phil was looking horrified.
"You didn't think I was fat when I was riding your - "
"Ohhhkaaayyyyy!" Phil waved his hands around and everyone turned to look at him. "Does anybody have any idea what we're going to do about Thom?"
Stanley chose this time to appear from out behind a pile of cardboard boxes. "We could pull out all his beard-hairs one by one, rip off all his clothes and throw paint at him."
"We're not turning Thom into your next arts and crafts project, Stan." Colin said. Stan huffed and Nigel raised his hand.
"What, Nigel? What is it? What is so important that you have to interrupt our discussion?"
"Uhm, we've been on air for the past half hour." he gulped. The others paled.
"What do you mean, we've been on air?" Colin asked, afraid.
Nigel pointed to the cameras they had set up. "I turned it on earlier thinking you guys were going to start playing and forgot to turn it off. The webcast has been running this whole time."
Silence fell upon the room. They remained still for a full minute before Jonny started screaming.
"What the hell are you waiting for, Nigel?" he squealed "Cut the bloody thing off!"
Colin shook his head and started muttering "NME... next week... we're fucked..."
"Calm down; it was streaming yeah, but maybe nobody actually saw it. We didn't warn the fans of the webcast after all" reasoned Phil.
"But they suspected it was coming! What are we gonna do?" Jonny asked with a shaking voice.
"First of all, try not to panick. Jonny, I think you should check the various fansites' message boards. If we're lucky, nobody will have tried to get onto radiohead.tv"
Tripping on the wires scattered across the floor, Jonny headed towards his laptop with the look of someone mounting the scaffold.
Ed ran a hand through his hair and sat down on the nearest amp, awaiting Jonny's verdict.
"So?" Colin asked impatiently.
"A minute," replied Jonny "Atease is so fucking slow! And I don't like this at all. It usually means something huge is going on..."
"May they be excited about the new Oasis DVD"
"Yeah, right. Santa doesn't exist, Ed, did you know that?" Jonny spat.
"Of course he does," interrupted Colin "and he's punishing us because you two," he pointed at Ed and Jonny "have been really bad recently..."
"This is what you get when you mess with him" said Stanley in a sententious tone. Everybody shot him their middle finger.
At this moment, Jonny's cellphone rang. Worried, he fished it from his pocket and hit the answer key.
"Yeah? Oh, it's you..."
The rest of the band watched as Jonny grew pale.
"What the fuck...? Of course no, I'm not joining your band! What were you thinking, you twat! I said that to make Thom and Colin stop fighting!" shouted Jonny.
The others exchanged tense looks.
"No!" Jonny shouted again, making everyone jump "I'm not doing "just the blowjobs then"! No, I won't change my mind! What...? Matt, putting melted chocolate on your cock won't change anything, I'm not doing it! No. Goodbye!"
He hung up and wiped the sweat on his forehead.
"You're lucky that Thom didn't hear this. He would have thrown the mother of all tantrums" Ed said.
"I don't think so; he would rather have been pleased to see Jonny telling Matt to sod off..." objected Colin
"Let's tell him when he comes back," Phil suggested. "Twenty pounds that he chases Jonny around the room!"
"I think that's enough with the bets, Phil!"
"Let's focus on our problem, shall we?" interrupted Jonny. "What are we going to do?"
"Hide for another three years?"
"I wish we could," Colin sighed "But the tour is all planned, we can't cancel it like that, can we? Imagine that; thousands of pissed off fans. They're going to come to Oxford and crowd around the studio. It'll look like Romero's Day of the Dead or something equally horrible..."
"Maybe they won't care at all about this? I mean, maybe we're getting worked up for nothing?"
Nigel sighed. "Ed, it's obvious you've never been onto atease..."
Jonny started reading atease main thread titles:
OMG webcast!!!!!!
thom really needs to shave the beard, like now
WTF is going on with the webcst??
Hoax!!!! I have indispuitble proofs
Petition For Thom To Never Shave Again
Webcast!! OMG!!!!
Webcast!! OMG!!!!
Webcast!! OMG!!!!
Merry Christmas Radiohead
SOMEONE RECORD THE WEBCAST BECAUSE I'M GOING TO THE MOVIES
Rainbows and Radiohead are GAY
WEBCAST!!!
"That's it!" Nigel exclaimed. "We'll just claim this was all a hoax."
Phil understood the plan immediately: "We'll say this was all to prove how much the media will buy anything and how there is no journalistic integrity anymore."
Nigel pointed at Stanley: "Use the worm buffet code to spell out 'of course hoax' or something. Let's get it up on DAS soon."
"Hey - what's Classics?" Jonny asked.
A few hours later, the group was hoping that they had done everything in their power to diffuse the situation.
"Pitchfork already gave us a 10/10," Nigel reported. "They said that it was a spontaneous and highly original way to use the internet and that we've changed every facet of webcasting forever. They're naming 2008 'The Year That Radiohead Changed The World Forever' and it's not even 2008 yet."
"And the NME said they had an 'inside scoop' but they just reused one of Thom's old quotes from a 1997 interview." Colin rolled his eyes.
"This blog has a poll that says that 18% of the responders think that Thom would win a fight, 7% think that Colin would win and the rest think that Jonny's hair is 'really awesome.'"
"I'm going to take a leak" Thom announced, pushing his chair out and walked to the bathroom.
As soon as he was out of earshot, Colin hissed to the group: "What are we going to do about the Thom situation - he practically raped my little brother. He needs to be punished."
"Like exposing all of his deepest darkest personal secrets on a webcast?" Nigel sarcastically offered.
Jonny used his hand to half-hide his face. "Colin, it's fine," he said.
"No it's not," Colin said. "He needs to be humiliated."
"Like, presenting a lifetime achievement award to Green Day?" Jonny suggested.
"I was thinking that he should be forced to be our slave for a day and crawl around on his hands and knees, completely naked, ordered to do our every command. I have plenty of whips and handcuffs that I could supply as well," Colin said.
"You are a dark and twisted person," Stanley said. "I like that."
"I'm giving the lot of you puppy and kitty calendars for Christmas," Phil said.
"Colin, you just need to drop it," Jonny said. "This does not concern you."
The group seemed to be siding with Jonny.
"Fine," Colin said nastily. "I'll drop it." "He left the table and went to look for Thom.
***
Colin found Thom as Thom was leaving the bathroom.
"We're not done," Colin announced to Thom. He grabbed him roughly by the arm and half-dragged him to a large storage room. On one side of the room, piles of discboxes waiting to be dispatched were stacked against the wall.
Colin closed the door and locked it. He stood close to Thom's face.
"You're an insult to the human race," he said, louder than necessary.
"I've apologized to Jonny; I've apologized to you even though it's none of your fucking business. I don't know what else I can do," Thom spat back.
"You think saying 'sorry' will get you out of everything?"
"Fuck you."
Colin lunged at Thom; his attack knocked them both to the floor. They wrestled around for a few minutes. Thom almost had Colin in a headlock when Colin bit Thom in the arm, drawing blood.
"Did you just fucking bite me?" Thom said. His rage gave him a temporary advantage and he pinned Colin below him. He struck Colin's face with his hand and blood started pouring out of Colin's nose.
Colin looked stunned. He wiggled an arm free and winced as he felt his nose. He pulled his hand back and saw the blood, red and wet, covering his fingers.
"You fucker," Colin said. "Let me up."
"So you can bite me again? I think not."
"Let me go!"
"As soon as you can relax and assure me that you're going to chill the fuck out, I'll let you go."
"Fuck you."
"Be that way."
Colin kept trying to squirm his way free, but Thom kept his advantage.
"Did you think of me when you were forcing yourself onto my brother?" Colin asked.
"Like the time I gave you this scar from when we did it in the neighbor's gardening shed?" Thom slid Colin's shirt halfway up and ran his thumb across a faint scar.
"You've always been an opportunistic bastard," Colin said, struggling less.
"If you promise not to hit me, I'll let you up and we can get some ice for your nose."
"Fine." Colin said. He laid perfectly still.
Thom slowly lessened his hold on Colin. As soon as Colin's arms were free, he dragged Thom's face to his and kissed him hard.
Thom hesitated for a moment before struggling to sit up, glaring down at Colin.
"What the hell was that for?"
Colin sneered. "You liked it."
"No, I did not!"
"Well, you're taking my belt off as we speak."
Thom looked down and notice that his hands were, in fact, pulling impatiently at Colin's belt. He didn't remember telling them to do that, why were they doing that? He continued to glare down at Colin as if it was all his fault. "I'll have you know, there is no way you're getting away with that." The buckle came undone with a clink "I'm probably going to get some sort of infection."
"Serves you right." The belt was pulled from it's loops.
"And I'll let Ed write songs before I fuck you again." Colin's fly was undone, jeans pushed off hips and tossed away carelessly.
"You'd better get him a pen and a pad of paper, then." Colin said confidently as his boxers joined the growing pile of clothing and Thom pounced.
***
Back in the studio, the others had grouped around a large table and were sipping at mixed drinks. (Jonny at a glass of chocolate milk) and Ed was standing a little ways off to the side, thrashing about wildly as if he were drowning.
"Jaws!" Phil called out and Ed shook his head.
"It's two words, Phil," Nigel reminded him. "and I think it's Open Water."
"I hate charades." Stanley moped, only to receive a thwack to the back of the head as Ed sat down.
"You're next, freak."
"I refuse to play this game." he crossed his arms and looked away. Ed rolled his eyes.
"You guys," Jonny spoke up, putting his cup down. "I think we should go try and find Cozzie and Thom, before they kill each other."
Nigel had pulled out a deck of cards and began shuffling. "Let them sort it out, one of them is bound to lose their voice sooner or later, after all that shouting."
"Or lose a limb." Phil contributed. "That Thom bites."
"So does Colin." said Ed.
"Yes," Phil nodded. "But Thom has rabies. He's part wolf, you know."
"I must admit that being bitten by Thom is not funny at all" Ed said sternly
"How d'you know that?" Jonny said, frowning.
"I had an argument with him about a setlist once. He didn't want to play Paranoid Android"
Phil nodded. "I was there; when I said Ed was right, he just bit him, out of nowhere. I bet his mother used to let him bite customers at the grocery store when he was a child, he's never lost the habit..."
"Holy hell, we'd better make sure my brother is okay..."
"Fine, but I'm taking thick leather gloves first, in case I have to touch him..."
"Maybe you could use a stick," Phil suggested "like they do for snakes, you know."
"But Thom doesn't have venom in his teeth"
"Or so you think, Jonny. Let's go."
***
Meanwhile, in the bathroom, Thom was lying on the floor, leaning back against the wall. Colin had placed his hands on either side of his head, on the cold tiles, and was riding him shamelessly. Holding him firmly by the hips, Thom was matching his movements and pounding hard into him.
"So..." Colin panted, "What do you think... ooh, yes, Thom, just like that... wha' d'you think... Ed's first song... will be about?"
Thom tried to catch his breath. "About... oh, god... about screwing up sexy bassists, I hope" he replied with difficulty, as Colin quickened his rhythm, knocking the air out of him. "He likes you, by the way" he added, his right hand now trailing from Colin's hip to his cock. Colin cried out as Thom started stroking him, and Thom pulled him into a deep kiss to muffle the noise.
"I knew it," Colin said hoarsely when they pulled away. "but right now... please Thom, harder!... I don't... really care...'fter all... fucked my brother..."
He threw his head back and clenched his teeth. He was feeling himself nearing climax when he heard footsteps in the corridor.
Having heard it too, Thom managed to whisper, "Did you hear that?" his head turning towards the door and Colin moaned in response. "Damnit, Colin! Listen!"
On the other side of the door, Jonny turned to Ed, who shrugged. "Just open it. They might be unconscious."
"I hope they're not bleeding, I can't stand the sight of blood." Jonny shivered and Ed sighed, pushing him away.
"Here, I'll fucking do it." he grabbed the door handle and turned it. The door didn't open. "I think it's locked."
"Shit! Shit, shit, shit!" Thom struggled to get out from under Colin, who wasn't helping in the least bit. Instead he had started riding even harder. "Stop...fucking...squirming!" he said through clenched teeth.
"Get off me, then!"
Jonny shook his head. "The lock is broken on that one, you just have to give it a shove." Ed turned back to the door and did as Jonny said, the door opening with a thump. Ed's arm fell down against his side and the two stood gapping at the scene infront of him. Thom was mid-struggle, attempting to pull up his jeans and Colin was still ontop of him, slumped lazily against the wall.
"Just what the hell is going on here?" Ed bellowed and Jonny whimpered out that it would have been better if they had been bleeding before he ran off with a sob.
"Now look what you did!" Ed turned back to the pair. Thom had managed to push Colin onto the floor, yank up his trousers and was now scrambling to his feet. "You two are the most unbelievable pair of people I have ever met. One minute you're about to tear each other throats out and the next you're shagging on a bathroom floor!"
"Thom's very confused." Colin nodded in agreement and received a death-glare from him.
"You're the one who came onto me!"
Stanley, after hearing the commotion, had wandered into the hallway and was now standing next to Ed with a blank look on his face. "Colin, I believe your trousers have fallen off."
"Look, I don't care who started it, just...God," Ed shook his head in disgust. "This is the worst Christmas ever."
"Listen, Ed, he undressed me and-"
"Wanker! I undressed you because you fucking kissed me!" Thom snarled.
"Because you started talking about the time we were shagging"
Ed covered his ears with his hands. "Enough! Enough! You two are impossible! What am I still doing here with you?"
"Yeah, I was wondering, too" Thom retorted "What band on earth needs three guitarists anyway?"
Ed wasn't expecting Thom's nasty remark. Even Colin seemed suddenly struck by lightning. They had had more than a few serious arguments about this issue and none of them could believe Thom had dared to bring up the subject again.
Ed felt like punching Thom square in the face and maybe make his eyes finally match, but he knew this wouldn't lead anywhere.
"You want me to quit? Fine. I quit." he said icily, turning on his heels.
Thom and Colin watched him leave, speechless. Then Colin turned to Thom, his face black with anger.
"Very well done Thom! Why d'you have to fuck things up constantly?"
"This would never have happened if you had not kissed me in the first place!"
"YOU started talking... oh, fuck that. Let's go and try and fetch Ed. Maybe he hasn't left yet..."
Colin walked out the bathroom, and Thom followed in silence.
***
"Where's Ed?" Colin asked as he came back into the main room. Nigel and Phil looked at him glumly. Colin looked away and his eyes fell on his brother, sitting on a wooden chair and sobbing openly. Thom approached Jonny and put a hand on his shoulder, but Jonny shrugged it off violently.
"Don't touch me! It's your fault! He left and it's your fault!"
"I'm sorry! I- I didn't want that, I just wanted him to stop talking and-"
Jonny let out a bitter laugh "Ha! If someone needs to shut the fuck up here it's YOU!"
"See, Thom? I told you you had a gift for spoiling things"
"Shut your fucking face, Coz. You're as responsible for this mess as he is!" he spat, tears still running down his cheeks. He took his head in his hands and muttered. "I hate you."
Colin whimpered, "You don't mean that." Jonny merely sniffed.
"Okay," Thom let out a defeated sigh. "I'm going to go look for Ed and try and talk to him."
Colin turned to him "What makes you think he's going to listen to you?"
"He might not listen to me, but he'll probably listen to you."
"But - "
"Colin."
"Fine." he mumbled. "But I hope you have some devious plan up your sleeve, because I doubt he's going to come willingly."
***
Ed hadn't left yet. Instead, he wandered angrily into the forest, muttering under his breath the whole time. He felt unappreciated and disgusted and - and confused. And he didn't like feeling so many things at once when he was so used to having one emotion - high. Spitting angrily, he sat down on a fallen log, pulling out a joint and lighting it. He wasn't far into the woods, had he turned around he would have still been able to see the house through the trees, and he would have seen the two figures step out from the back door. After a moment or two of staring off at nothing, inhaling and exhaling smoke, he got up and absentmindedly wandered deeper into the trees.
Barely two steps away from the back door and Thom and Colin had started bickering again about which direction to look in; neither of them had noticed the tracks leading into the woods. Colin called Thom a "whiney prat" and was given a face-full of cold snow.
"You think this is fun and games, Colin?" he asked. "What if we don't find him, then what?"
Colin brushed the remaining snow off his face and sighed. "We'll find him. For once in your life, Thom, try to be optimistic."
"Hey," Thom interrupted, pointing at the forest "there he is."
"Fine. Let's go and talk to him. I hope you have your apologies ready, smartarse."
"Gimme a fucking break, Coz."
They walked to the spot where Ed was sitting in silence, approaching him from behind. Ed heard them coming closer, but didn't turn around. Thom cleared his throat.
"Hey..."
Ed remained silent. Thom planted himself in front of him, but Ed refused stubbornly to look up.
"Listen, I know I fucked up. I should never have done that. It was stupid, and childish and... and not even true. I mean, of course we need you! We're five in the band, that makes our sound richer than other bands, and if you weren't there, who would do the backup vocals? Phil's voice is not as great as yours, Jonny lisps too much, and Colin sings SO out of tune he would just destroy the songs-"
"Hey!" Colin protested "Don't go too far!"
"-and all the effects and stuff, you know..." Thom continued, ignoring Colin's intervention "I'm really really really sorry..."
Silence.
"Ed... say something" Thom pleaded. Ed glared at him and spoke up.
"I don't know what's the worst here. The fact that you hurt me -again- or the way you used to get back at Jonny and me for having slept together... And you," Ed said, turning his gaze to Colin "you're no better than him. You're just the same kind of depraved pervert; you wanted to beat the shit out of him, how the fuck did you end up with his cock up your arse?"
"Let's say it's just hard to resist him; at least as hard as resisting Jonny. It doesn't show, but they're just a pair of sluts - do I need to remind you Jonny sucked off half the people in rock that are about our age?"
"What? I thought he was closer to 75%" Thom said in a mock surprised tone. Colin let out a short laugh, glad to see that Thom was doing his best to lighten things up.
"I'm really sorry. Thom is a great fuck, but I've always liked you, I promise..."
Thom chuckled and sat on Ed's lap, throwing his arms around Ed's neck.
"Now I can be your slut too if you want to get back at Coz" he said playfully, obscenely licking his upper lip with the tip of his tongue. Ed couldn't help but smile at this.
"That won't be necessary, but thanks anyway. Keep that kiss for Jonny, yeah?"
"Yeah, Jonny... or anyone else the slut Colin says I am will feel like doing."
"Good," Colin beamed. "Now that we've got that settled. Erm, Thom...mind if I have a word with Edward?"
Thom stared blankly at the two of them and Colin's eyebrows raised. "Alone?"
"Huh?" Thom blinked. "Oh, yeah. Sure Coz, I'll erm, just go back inside I guess." and he waved to them both, turning on his heels and heading back towards the house, unable to avoid hearing a dangerous growl escape a throat and the sound of bodies tumbling over a fallen log.
***
Nigel had just managed to calm everyone down when the back door flew open and in stepped Thom. He let out a sigh, glancing at Jonny, who's eyes were still red from crying. "Well, there goes all that, then."
"I'm fine, Nigel. Thank you." Jonny sniffed, pulling his knees up under his chin. "Where's Cozzie?"
"Erm," Thom looked around a the group of them. "He and Ed are...talking...in the woods."
Phil arched an eyebrow. "Talking..."
"Yeah."
"In the woods..."
"Yep. Having a chit-chat in the old woods." Thom nodded. "Anyway, do you guys mind? I have to speak with Jonny."
From his angle on the chair, Jonny couldn't see that Thom was holding something behind his back. Stanley, however, noticed and left the room immediately. With a shrug, the others followed and the two were left alone. Cautiously, Thom moved away from the door, attempting to keep the object concealed until he was standing infront of his friend, who looked away angrily.
"Jon, please. I bought you something. It's your Christmas present."
"I don't want it."
"Yes, you do."
His brow furrowed, though he still wasn't looking at Thom. "How dare you think that you can just buy my forgiveness. I don't want it."
Thom plucked one of it's strings from behind his back and could almost see Jonny perk up at the noise, so he did it again. "Are you suuuure, Jonny?"
"Yes." he said, though Thom was unconvinced.
"Are you positive?"
"Uhm..."
Grinning, Thom held the instrument out infront of him and Jonny finally turned his attention towards him.
The banjo he was holding looked expensive, and of the best quality. It was hard to resist when Thom had such an argument. He was grinning at Jonny, highly amused to see him struggling not to reach out and seize the instrument. Jonny finally folded his arms and tucked his hands under his armpits.
"Take it back where you found it. I said I didn't want it" Jonny snapped impatiently.
"Listen, Jonny, don't do that, I'm sorry. Please. I wish nothing had happened."
"You're always sorry..." he hissed. He got up, ready to leave.
"I mean it; and to prove you how sorry I am, I'm ready to..." he breathed in deeply before carrying on "to let you play it on our next record."
Jonny knew how much it cost to Thom to give in, and he softened immediately. He gave the offer the thought it needed.
"The permission to play the banjo in exchange for my forgiveness?"
"Well, yeah, basically that's it..."
"Agreed." Jonny smiled, taking the instrument from Thom's hands and putting it down on the chair he had just vacated. He extended his hand but instead of a handshake, Thom pulled Jonny towards him. He leaned in and, standing on tiptoe, placed his lips gently against Jonny's full ones, savouring their softness and the warmness of Jonny's breath.
***
Meanwhile, in the woods, Ed and Colin weren't talking anymore. For the first time they had managed to speak to each other directly. Awkwardly at first, but it had not lasted long. Colin was now sitting on Ed's lap with his back pressed against his chest. Ed's arms were wound around Colin's waist and he was nibbling at the delicate skin of his neck. Colin's eyes were closed, and his head was tilted to allow Ed a better access; he could have stayed like this forever. However, he couldn't help but worry about his brother.
"Hey"
"Mmm? What is it, Cozzie? You want me to stop?" Ed whispered against Colin's neck.
"Jesus no," Colin sighed "But I think we should go back inside and check on Thom and Jonny... before Jonny threatens to leave the band, too."
Ed gently bit Colin's neck one last time and pulled away.
"I guess you're right. Let's go." he agreed, getting up.
He put his arm around Colin's shoulders and they started walking back to the house slowly.
"You know, Ed..."
"Yeah...?"
"I haven't visited the first floor of this house yet. So if Thom and Jonny are fine - or at least, not killing each other - how about taking a look at the bedrooms upstairs?" Colin said, glancing mischievously at Ed.
"Sounds like the best plan ever to me." Ed replied, grinning. "Thom and Jonny should better not be fighting..."
They heard a loud shriek as they approached the back door of the house and Colin sighed. "Damnit, why can't everyone just get along?" When they stepped inside, Jonny had pinned a giggling Thom to the floor and was tickling him everywhere he could reach. He looked up when his brother and Ed entered, cheeks blushing.
"Er, hi." he said and Colin blinked, surprised.
"Oh, so...you guys aren't fighting, then?"
"Yes!" Thom gasped, out of breath. "Get him off me! Jonny, your knees are boneyOW!"
"Say it!" Jonny leaned over, growling.
"Never!"
Gently, Ed nudged Colin away from the scene and the two of them vacated the room, hearing Thom wheeze out "The banjo is the great - Jonny, I caaantOUCH, stop pinching me!" They climbed the stairs up to the first level and Colin tugged Ed into the first bedroom he saw, pinning him against the door to shut it and reached up, pressing his lips against his neck.
"Cozzie, this room is full of boxes."
"We'll make a fort later, Ed. Right now I don't care so kiss me, damnit!" he pulled backwards, past the piles of boxes and stumbled onto the bed against the far wall, Ed toppling down ontop of him and planting kisses over his face.
"It even smells like boxes," he muttered around Colin's lips and felt teeth bite down gently.
"If you don't shut up about boxes I'm going to blindfold you."
Ed grinned mischievously at this. "This one time, I found a box in an alley-way..."
***
"Okay, now saaaaay, 'I am Thom Yorke and IIIII...uhm...smell like cheese'."
"Jonny - "
"Thom, you don't want me to leave the band, do you?" Jonny asked, pulling off his best wounded-puppy-dog look. Thom sighed.
"I am Thom Yorke, and I smell...like cheese."
Jonny broke into a fit of giggles and Thom sat up off the floor, glaring at him. "This could be considered abuse, you know."
"I'll make it up to you." Jonny smiled, leaning in to kiss him when Nigel stomped into the room shouting "You're all a bunch of whores!" He picked up his glass from off the table, holding it out. "I forgot this." and with that he stamped back out of the room muttering under his breath.
"He's just jealous." Jonny whispered.
Thom nodded. "Yeah, and he's going bald."
"Oh, that reminds me." Jonny sat up again, looking down at him. "If you want me to stay in the band, the beard has to go."
Thom ran his hand over the hair on his chin, eyes on the verge of watering. "M-my beard?"
"Yes." Jonny nodded. "All of it. You look like a hobo, Thom."
"I thought it was sexy!"
Jonny visibly shuddered. "Stubble is sexy, we can all deal with stubble. But...not the hobo-beard."
Thom sighed, wiggling his way out from under Jonny, who still had him pinned to the floor, and made his way into the bathroom, the other following him. Once inside, he pulled open a drawer and fished out a package labeled "emergency razor".
"Can I be alone, Jon? Please?" he asked, glancing over to his friend who nodded, stepping back into the hallway and shutting the door behind him.
"Well, it's been fun." Thom said to his reflection. "Guess it's good-bye, then."
***
They lay on their backs, eyes glancing up towards the ceiling and contended sighs escaping their lips. After a few moments of allowing themselves to calm down, Colin came up with an idea and lazily smacked Ed's thigh.
"What was that for?" he asked, pulling the t-shirt that had acted as a blindfold away from his eyes.
"You should roll us a joint." Colin said, stretching. Ed got off the bed and pulled on his jeans. "Where are you going?"
"I have a better idea." he said with a grin. "Wait here."
Darting down the stairs, he almost hit the wall on the opposite side, right where Jonny was sitting, staring at the bathroom door. Ed blinked and Jonny smiled, whispering. "Thom's shaving."
"Really?"
Jonny nodded, grinning. "What should I have him do next?"
"I don't know, I'm sure you can come up with something good." Ed shrugged, moving his way towards the back door to put on his boots. He couldn't wait to see the look on Colin's face when he handed him the rainbow bong.
When he came back from fetching Colin's present from his car, Jonny was still leaning against the wall, staring at the bathroom door as if it were going to explode open at any second. Rolling his eyes, Ed climbed up the stairs and burst into the bedroom. Colin was still lying on the bed, humming loudly and moving his feet to the beat of the song in his head.
"Oh Coozzzieee!" Ed called and Colin looked up.
"What is it, Edddieeee?"
Ed thrust the rainbow bong forward and Colin's eyes lit up.
"Oh, Ed! You really did get me a rainbow bong!" he took it gently from his hands and stroked the sides of it affectionately. Ed blinked.
"What do you mean, 'I really did get you a rainbow bong'?"
Colin hesitated. "Erm, well...me and Jonny had this plan, see. I was going to talk to Thom and find out what he got for Jonny, and...Jonny was going to talk to you, to find out what you were getting for me."
Ed was silent, so Colin continued. "And, well...he told me that you got me this."
"Oh," Ed said, clueing in. "Well, do you like it, Cozzie?"
"I love it!" he grinned, leaning in to kiss Ed on the lips. "Now, get your weed and lets smoke a bowl!"
Downstairs, Jonny was just about fed up with waiting when the bathroom door creaked open and his heart leapt into his throat.
"Thommy?" he asked. "Are you done?"
"It looks weird, Jonny." said a voice behind the door. "It feels weird."
"Oh come on, Thom. I'm sure it looks fine, now come out from there."
The door opened further and out stepped a clean-shaven Thom, eyes averted to the floor. He heard a loud squeal of delight and Jonny flung himself at him, wrapping his arms around his neck and dropping kisses on his face. "You look ten years younger!"
"Ehhgh." he groaned.
"You're face is so smooth and soft now!"
"Ehhgh."
"Oh shut up, Thom." Jonny laughed, holding him close. "Now, uhm. You have to come upstairs and...wait out in the hallway while I get your present ready."
"You don't have to give it to me now," Thom said. He kept running his hand over his throat and chin.
"Don't you want to know what it is?" Jonny asked, slightly hurt.
Thom turned back to the bathroom and stood in front of the mirror. "I think I need a few minutes."
***
"Nachos"
"With lots of cheese"
"And bacon"
"Jalapeños"
"Salsa"
"Sour cream"
"I think it's your turn to go get food," Ed said. "I got the sundaes last time."
Colin lifted his head off Ed's chest and looked at up at him. "Your eyes are all bloodshot."
Ed laughed. He lifted his hand and slowly traced Colin's eyebrow. "So are yours." They both giggled. Colin kissed Ed's chest and pushed himself up. "I'll go make us some nachos."
Colin was busy in the kitchen. He had just decided that peanut butter would probably not be a good addition to the large plate of nachos he was working on when Thom walked in and stood next to Colin. Colin didn't look up and gave Thom a slight nod. It was a moment before Thom spoke.
"Cozzie, I think I've made a huge mistake."
"It's cool; we can just bleach all of your pink stuff back to white. You've just got to remember to double check your whites so that nothing red gets in, though."
"It's not my laundry."
Colin looked up Thom and focused on his chin. "It'll grow back," Colin told him. "Looks great though. Just give yourself some time to get used to it."
Thom self-consciously rubbed in chin. "It's not that."
Colin was confused.
Thom stepped into Colin and Colin could feel Thom hard against his leg. Thom whispered into Colin's ear: "I think I choose the wrong Greenwood. I don't want Jonny; I want you."
Colin was astonished. "Beg your pardon?" he said, taking a step back.
"You heard me. I'm making a mistake."
"Obviously; so now get rid of this hardon and go back to my brother so he can lick your shaven cheeks as much as he wants."
"Coz, it's exactly what I'm talking about! How can I be in love with someone who makes me shave when I don't want to?"
"Try to understand, he doesn't like hair too much."
"Who is he to talk? He has more hair than I have on his chest! The whole world could see that during thumbs_down!" Thom replied, rolling his eyes.
"Ask him to wax, then. What do I care? It's none of my business. Now, if you'll excuse me, Ed's waiting..."
Colin picked up the tray of food.
"No, wait," said Thom, snatching it from Colin's hands and setting it back on the table. "I'm not taking no for an answer. I've chosen, and it's you, full stop."
Colin frowned. "You should have said that when we were fucking in the bathroom; it was a rather appropriate moment, don't you think? But no, once again you decide to be selfish. Oh, yeah, let's get back together, woohoo! What do you think will happen? You just convinced Jonny to forgive you, and he is happy as fuck that you sorted things out. And so is Ed. Do you want to break their hearts again?"
Thom pouted. "I'm not going to ignore my feelings, now, am I?"
"I'm afraid we- you'll have to."
"You said 'we'."
"No I didn't."
"You want me back too."
"Look, Thom," Colin sighed. "Yes, you're sexy. Yes, I want to fuck you. Yes, I'll always have a thing for you considering all the... history we have. But I care about Ed, too. I care about my brother. And I care about the band. So I'm telling you no. We can't. It's not right, get it?"
"They don't need to know." Thom stated coldly. With that he pushed Colin against the nearest wall, pinning Colin's wrists above his head. He crashed his lips onto his and forced his tongue inside Colin's mouth. Thom started grinding into Colin, and to his satisfaction he felt Colin getting hard against him, in spite of his determination to reject Thom.
Thom let one of Colin's wrists go so he could work at getting Colin's trousers off for the second time that day. Colin used his newfound freedom to push Thom back a few steps.
"Thom, no!" Colin said forcefully. "After years and years, we're both about to finally going to be with the people of our dreams. We should try to not fuck it up for once."
"But I want to be with you."
Colin sighed. "No, you don't. We worked when we were young because we were just fooling around and it didn't mean anything. But you've got to face that we're adults now."
"Things were much simpler back then."
"You've fought a long time for Jonny, don't give up now just as everything's about to be great."
"I know. I do love him."
"Then let's not fuck this up."
They heard Ed's voice from the corner of the kitchen: "Are you two quite done?"
Colin and Thom sprang apart and turned towards the voices. Ed was leaning against the door frame and Jonny was standing next to him, a wrapped gift in hand.
"Here's your present, Thom," Jonny said, holding the gift out. "If you still want it."
Thom walked towards Jonny and wrapped him in a huge hug. "I'm a screw up. But I do love you and want to be with you."
"You are a screw up and that's why I want to be with you," Jonny laughed into Thom's hair. They pulled back from each other and Thom took the gift from Jonny's hands.
"What did you get me?" he asked.
"Open it!" Jonny said.
Thom opened the gift and lifted the lid off the box. Inside were a week's worth of boxers, with Thom's initials embroidered on each pair.
Jonny was grinning. "This way, there won't be any other underwear mix ups."
Thom laughed. "I don't know, it's a strange path, but sometimes finding someone else's boxes when doing the laundry can lead to someplace very good."
"That might be true in this case, but I never want to go through this again," Jonny said, leaning over to kiss Thom's cheek.
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